工作狂（2011）
Workaholics S06E07
Part 2
June 29, 2021, 9:01 a.m.
你要请我们离开
You're gonna have to ask us to leave?
你谁啊 这里的国王吗
What are you, the king of this place?
我很怀疑
Doubt it.
我是这个博物馆的助理馆长
I am the Assistant Director of the museum,
馆长正在度蜜月
and the Director is on his honeymoon,
所以 没有错 这样看来
so, yes, for all intents and purposes,
我是国王
I am the king.
再让我抓住 就得走
Now, if I catch you causing trouble again, you're gone.
明白了 - 明白 明白
Understand? - Understood. Understood.
好的 - 好的好的
Okay. - Right. Right.
祝贺你老板
Congratulations to your boss.
天呐 不相信我们在这儿
God, I can't believe we're here.
迫不及待想看那个头盔
I can't wait to see the helmets
还有 不过 计划是
and the... but, anyway, so, the plan...
嗯哼 - 就是我去偷头盔
Mm-hmm. - Is that I'm gonna steal the helmet,
你们在这儿盯梢
and you guys are gonna be lookouts.
怎么样 好的好的 - 好
Cool? All right. All right. - OK
嘿Ders 如果可以的话
Hey, Ders, uh, if you could just kind of
尽量快点儿
make it quick, you know?
这地方真有点"午夜博物馆"之灾的可能
This place has some serious "Night at the Museum" disaster potential.
是啊 我敢说 这些古代石碑
Yeah, I bet there's, like, hell of ancient tablets
在等待集体大爆发
just waiting to explode all around this place.
不 应该不会
No, probably not,
但这是我的自♥拍♥杆 你们可以拿着玩儿
but here's my selfie stick, and you guys can play with that.
用来盯梢
Use it to peer around corners as lookouts.
对吗 - 哦 没错
Right? - Oh, okay.
我还奇怪你怎么用这个
I was wondering why you were using it.
我感觉就像 "哇 Ders"
I was like, "Wow, Ders",
"难道你是游船上的
"What are you, a widowed dentist
寡妇牙医不成"
on a cruise ship or something?"
但实际上 这是个打劫利器
But really, it's a heist tool
伪装成一个只有屌♥丝才用的傻♥逼♥道具
disguised as a lame thing only losers have.
非常酷 - 屌♥爆了
Very cool. - Yeah, that's sick.
没有错
Yeah, exactly.
擦亮双眼 盯梢
So, um, eyes peeled. Lookouts.
我擦
Dang, man,
简直不敢相信Ders带我们来博物馆
I can't believe Ders took us to the museum.
简直不敢相信Ders以为我们会待在这里
I can't believe Ders thinks we're gonna sit around
给他盯梢 而他就能去打劫
and be lookouts while he gets to heist.
我们才是江洋大盗 伙计
We're the frickin' heisters, dude.
让我们一起去打劫吧
Let's go freaking heist some stuff!
好的 - 打劫去了
All right. - Let's heist!
好的 什么 我们偷什么
Okay, what? What are we stealing?
不知道 一会儿就知道了
I have no idea. We'll figure it out.
先逛一逛 - 好的
Let's just go look. - All right.
这个只要13.99块 对吗
So it's only $13.99? Is that right?
没错
That's right.
说到底还是在抢
So it's a steal after all.
哇快看这个
Wow, look at this.
博物馆想耍酷想疯了
Museum's so desperate to seem cool
还编出诅咒这种梗
they made up, like, a spooky curse.
伙计 诅咒是真的
Okay, dude, curses are very real.
你知道的 我被诅咒 - 嗯
As you know, I've been cursed... - Mmhmm.
拥有一个又大又长的鸡♥巴♥
With like a very huge, long wiener.
我知道你在说谎 你看过你的
I know that's a lie. I've seen your dick.
非常小
It's very small.
那是我还没硬
Not hard.
哦我的天 - 什么
Oh, my God. - What?
我刚刚发现了我们要偷的东西
Well, I just figured out what we're about to heist.
你想要抽一口
You want a shmoke a bowl?
哈哈哈哈 伙计
Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho, dude.
我知道你在想什么
Yes, I like where your head's at.
但是 我不知道
But... I don't know, man.
我有一种不好的预感
I've got a bad feeling about this.
我们只需要找到这箱子的弱点
We just need to find the weakness in the cage.
什么
What?
你干什么 停下
What are you do... stop.
哦 锁在这里
Oh, here's the lock.
你只要扭扭你那迷你意面手指
You just need to wiggle your tiny little spaghetti fingers in there,
把这里扭开
and wiggle it free.
我才没有迷你意面手指好吗
Okay, I don't have tiny spaghetti fingers, all right?
你有 - 我没有
Yes, you do. - No, I don't.
我也没有迷你意面鸡鸡
I don't got a tiny spaghetti dick either.
你有 我们才讨论过
You do. Yeah, we just covered this.
你的鸡鸡非常小巧
You have a very tiny penis.
没有 - 你从没见过它硬的样子
I don't. - You've never seen it hard.
我见过很多次了 - 没看过硬的状态
I've seen it dozens of times. - Not hard.
我拿一个你的发卡
I'll just take one of your bobby pins.
我没有发卡 - 你有
I don't have bobby pins. - Yes, you do.
你有根小鸡鸡 你还有发卡
You have a small dick, and you carry bobby pins.
你就是这样的一个人
That's who you are as a person.
不是啦 这是烟斗清洁通条 - 好吧 你用吧
No, it's a pipe cleaner. - Okay, just use it.
其实我见过你勃起的样子 好吧
I actually have seen your dick hard. Okay...
你见过 - 对
Oh, you have? - Yeah.
注意把风 - 对哈
Keep a lookout. - Oh, yeah.
还要教吗 - 好 好
Obviously. - Yeah. Yeah.
好了 根据我以前看过的电影
All right. Based on the movies I've seen,
戳进去
you just snap it in,
看向远方
you look off in the distance,
再轻轻转一转
and you just wiggle it...
我搞定了 我搞定了
I got it, I got it, I got it, I got it.
你没开玩笑吧 你成功了 老兄
Are you kidding me? You got it? Dude.
我本来觉得你这个方法不行呢
Dude, I didn't think you'd be able to do it this way.
这个嘛 我相信自己 有时候这就是成为赢家
You know, I believe in myself, and that's what it takes
所需要的一切
sometimes to be a champion.
在下佩服
I'm impressed.
呃 - 好了 她已经走了
Uh... - Okay, she's gone. She's gone.
我们现在 等等
How do we... wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
那个是重量感应器
That is a weight sensor.
让我来施展我的魔法 - 我先后退一步
Let me do my magic. - I'm gonna step back,
因为你很可能要被电死啥的
'cause you're probably gonna get killed by lasers or something.
好吧
Okay.
看来不是重量感应器
Guess it wasn't a weight sensor.
嗯 我的错 - 好吧
Yeah, my bad. - All right.
抱歉 - 没事
Sorry about that. - All right.
我们去爽一发吧 - 好
Let's go shmoke a bowl. - All right.
对了兄弟 你什么时候看见我勃起的
Hey, dude, when did you see my dick hard?
好像两个圣诞节之前吧 你说
Like, two Christmases ago, you said
是因为蛋奶酒里的什么东西
it was something about the eggnog.
谢谢 - 不客气
Thank you. - You're welcome.
快看看 很酷吧
Hey, check it out. Pretty cool, huh?
你在说笑吗
Are you kidding?
这就是一堆人体模特身上土掉渣的垃圾
It's a bunch of old crap put on mannequins.
不是不是 你要
No, no, you've got to...
你要运用你的想象力
you've got to use your imagination, right?
想象你和你的朋友在海上
Imagine you and your friends on a Viking long-ship,
参加北欧海盗船战 然后
battling the high seas, and then...
你发现了美洲大♥陆♥
you discover America!
不过那是提前到了11世纪
But in the 11th century.
哥伦布可以去吃屎了 对吧
Eat that, Christopher Columbus, right?
我来这只是因为我妈非拽我来
I'm only here 'cause my mom dragged me here.
我宁愿去其他任何地方
I'd rather be anywhere else.
你不喜欢博物馆吗 - 没人喜欢博物馆
You don't like museums? - No one likes museums!
妈 这个巨型肯把我烦死了
Mom, this giant Ken doll is annoying me.
我没有啊
No, I'm not.
你就是长了芭比脸的大便嘴
You're a Barbie-face poopy mouth.
抽吧 大佬
Smoke 'em, big chief.
你干了什么
What did you do?
不是我们搞出来的吧 - 天哪
That's not us, right? - Dude.
不好意思 各位
Excuse me. Excuse me, everyone.
工作狂（2011）
Workaholics
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