巴克叔叔（2016）

Why is everyone looking at the floor?
我不是怪你啊 老爸 你确实很会玩
No offense, dad, but you're really great at fun things.
但让我们活着这种事还是妈妈比较擅长
But mom's good at keeping-us-alive things.
你并没有那种天分
You're not a natural at that.
你总是努力过头了
You try too hard.
很好 我接受那个挑战
Okay, I accept that challenge.
没人挑战你 亲爱的
Nobody challenged you, honey.
孩子们 我要向你们证明
I'm gonna prove to you, kids
我能做的和你妈妈一样好
That I'm as good at this as your mother.
我们会很欢乐的 伙计
We're gonna have fun, buddy.
真希望我有第二部相机 该死
I wish I had a second camera. Dang!
我在哪
Where am I?
我怎么换好衣服了
How did I get dressed?
你有点发烧啊
You're a little warm.
因为你像包粽子一样把我裹了起来
Cause you wrapped me up in like five billion blankets.
我的胳膊都不能动了
Can't even move my arms.
我们要检查下你有没有发烧
Well, we need to check you for a fever.
所以你想放在哪里
So what's your jam here?
嘴里 腋下 还是耳朵里
Orally, under the armpit, in the ear?
应该不是直肠的 是吧
Not rectally, right?
- 老爸 - 你说得对 我上网查查
- Dad! - You're right! I'll bing it!
橡树学院
我去 这是个学校吗
Damn, this is a school?!
这排场看起来像碧昂斯的婚礼
This look like beyonce's wedding,
就是没那么多黑人
With less black people.
队伍那么长是因为我们迟到了
Well, the line is long because we're late.
但是没关系 可以利用这段时间教教孩子
But that's okay because this is a teachable moment.
麦琪 下车
Maizy, get out.
好好上课 别嗑药
Be good. Don't do drugs.
不行
No.
- 谁都不能下车 - 你神经太紧绷了
- Nobody get out. - You wound a little tight.
你该来点大♥麻♥
You need to try a little weed.
你吸大♥麻♥吗
Do you smoke weed?
不 当然不
Uh, oh, hell no!
- 你听说什么了 - 听我说
- What did you hear? - Now, listen to me.
学校是有规定的
There are rules at this school.
家长们应该排队逐一让孩子下车
Parents are supposed to drop their kids off one at a time.
桑迪就喜欢这样
That is the way that Sandy likes it.
妈妈害怕桑迪
Mommy's scared of Sandy.
我才不怕桑迪呢
I am not scared of Sandy!
我现在怕桑迪了
I'm scared of Sandy now.
桑迪到底是谁啊
Who the hell is Sandy?
就是她 她是学校的校长
That's her. She's head of school.
她就像个穿着开衫的怪物一样镇守着学校
She guards the door like a gargoyle in a cardigan.
你好
Hi!
她会问你早饭吃了什么
She asks you what you had for breakfast,
你要是没有吃健康食物的话 她会羞辱你
And if you didn't eat something healthy, she shames you.
这就是规定 孩子们
Well, listen, those are the rules, girls.
这可不是Buck的规定
Those ain't Buck's rules.
我来带大家重新回到正轨上
I'm gonna get us back on track.
不 不要
No, no!
慢点
Slow down!
小心
Watch out!
那是辛迪·派图雷斯
Cindy Patrellus!
我的天呐
Oh, god!
你发什么神经
What is wrong with you?
坏了
Ohh.
她从哪里冒出来的
Damn, where she come from?
她会魔法吗
She magic.
今天早上很赶时间啊 是吗 罗素一家
We're in a hurry this morning, huh, Russells?
这张生面孔是哪位
Who's this fresh face?
额 是我不好
Oh, uh, my bad.
我... 我的油门踏板出问题了
M-m-my gas pedal's inconsistent.
他是我老公的哥哥 巴克
This is actually my brother-in-law, Buck,
我阻止他了 但他没理我
And I told him not to do it, but he ignored me,
孩子们都看到了 对吧 孩子们
But the kids saw, right, kids?
你们看到他无视我的 对吧
You saw him ignore me, right?
这样吧
Hmm. You know what?
不如你靠边停下 来我办公室
Why don't you pull over, come in my office,
我们坐下好好谈谈关于送孩子的规定
We'll have a sit and talk about drop-off policies
还有其他要注意的事情
And other things to be mindful of.
我们今天做出点正确的决定 好吗
Hey, let's make some good choices today, okay?
刚刚那个就不是
That wasn't one. Okay!
她人不坏啊 她还笑呢
She wasn't that bad. She smiled.
不不 那不是微笑 巴克
Mnh-mnh, that's not a good smile, Buck.
你知道蝙蝠侠里小丑的奸笑吗
You know in "Batman" where the Joker smiles?
就跟那个一样 她会让我们付出代价的
It's like that. She's gonna make us pay.
我的妈妈呀
Holy crap!
老爸 你在这里站了多久了
Dad! How long have you been there?
十五分钟
15 minutes.
你就像"鬼影实录"里的一样
It's like something out of "Paranormal activity."
2007年上映的恐怖电影
我们告诉过你不能看那部电影
We told you you couldn't see that movie.
别转移话题
Don't change the subject.
那是什么
What is that?
你说你恶心 所以我从一个写着
Well, you say you're nauseous, so I got these three bottles
治恶心呕吐的医药箱里拿了三瓶药水
out of the medicine cabinet that say the treat nausea.
你认识是哪一瓶吗
You recognize any of them?
你要是老妈的话
Well, if you were mom,
就知道药的味道让我想吐
You would know the taste of medicine grosses me out.
你直接打电♥话♥给她吧
Please just call her.
用不着 我能搞定
No! I can figure this out.
我可不想被你做实验
I don't want you experimenting on me.
管好你自己 打电♥话♥给妈妈
Stay in your lane and call her.
那不用海绵擦身了是吗
So no sponge bath, then?
恶心死了 老爸
That's gross, dad.
快打电♥话♥给妈
Just call mom.
他会害你们退学的
He's in there getting us expelled,
然后我得在家里教你们读书
And then I'm gonna have to homeschool you kids,
迈尔斯会变得更怪的
And that's gonna make Miles even weirder.
老妈 我一般不会问你这个
Mom, I'm gonna ask you something I normally wouldn't.
- 我能去上课了吗 - 宝贝 我也希望啊
- Can I please go to class? - Baby, I wish,
但我们得推迟你预约看牙的时间了
But we had to push back your dentist appointment.
你要是错过了预约
And if you miss your appointment,
就会像你阿姨琳达一样 有一口像海盗一般的牙齿
You're gonna end up with pirate teeth like your auntie Linda.
他在里面说什么呢
What is he saying in there?
妈 没事的
Mom, it's fine.
接着那医生说
and then the doctor said,
"你是怎么把玩具士兵立起来的"
"How did you get that toy soldier up there?"
然后肥婆玛格丽特就说 "干♥你♥屁事"
And fat Margaret say, "None of your damn business,"
然后就把它弄翻了
And then just yanked it out.
是吗
Oh!
真是个有趣的故事
That is a hilarious story.
- 谢谢 - 在学校说这个非常不恰当
- Well, thank you. - It's very inappropriate for a school setting.
什么
Huh?
巴克 我们橡树学员的学习生活
So, buck, life here at oak tree academy
由许多神圣的时刻组成
Is made up of sacred moments.
- 我知道 - 送孩子也是其中一个
- I understand.- Drop-off is one of them.
- 是吗 - 这就是为什么我们有严格的规定
- It is? - And that is why we have strict rules here.
我的第一反应就是 一个月不允许你送孩子
So my instinct is to ban you from drop-off for a month.
你吓到我了 桑迪
You scare me, sandy.
但我理解
But I get it.
你要禁我 没关系
You want to ban me, that's fine.
你有闻到什么味道吗
You smell something?
就像
It's like a...
可可油和曲奇饼干
A cocoa butter and a cookie.
我喷了精油
I am wearing an essential oil.
是我自己调配的
I infused it myself.
简直让人陶醉
It is so intoxicating.
谢谢
Oh!
你也喜欢爵士乐吗
You a jazz fan?
我论文写的就是这个