半独立屋（2020）

饿死了 查理吃了我的早餐
Starving. Charlie ate my breakfast.
吃午餐吗
Lunch?
天啊
Oh, God...
威廉的
滚蛋 别动
你滚蛋吧
You piss off.
鹰嘴豆泥和小香肠
Hummus and baby sausages.
你不是说吃牛肉吗
I thought we were having beef.
牛肉有点...
Beef's a bit...
黑了
black.
这就是午餐吗
So this is lunch?
是的
Yeah.
睡了
Out like a light.
我喜欢
I like that.
你不吃吗
You not having any?
只是看起来有点...
It just looks a bit...
恶心
yucky.
没错
Right.
我知道
I know.
我们吃薯片吧
Why don't we have chips?
-薯片 -是啊
- Chips? - Yeah, fuck it!
我来收拾
Leave it with me.
马上回来
Back in a minute.
没什么
Nothing.
爸爸 出去抽
Dad, shed!
我不是动物
I'm not an animal!
-我忙着呢 斯图 -你得去趟小吃店
- I'm busy, Stu. - I need you to go to the chippy.
-我照顾孩子呢 -我来看着她
- I'm baby-sitting. - Well, I'll listen out for her.
查哥有什么好处吗
What's in it for the C-man?
别这么称呼你自己
Don't call yourself that.
-20块 -不值这个价
- 20 quid. - It won't cost that much.
我就是这么收费
That's just my fee.
再加20块薯片钱
Plus 20 quid for the chips.
快点 斯图
Come on, Stu!
好吧
All right, fine.
两份鳕鱼和薯片
Two cod and chips.
酒店的早餐没太吃饱
That hotel breakfast never really touched the sides.
-天啊 你想买♥♥什么买♥♥什么吧 -非常感谢
- Oh, Jesus! And whatever you're having. - Ta very much.
大包薯片加一对干腊肠
Big chips and a pair of saveloy.
-密♥码♥是... -我知道是什么
- The PIN number's... - Yeah, I know what it is.
薯片马上到
Chips are on the way.
听着 斯图尔特
Look, Stuart...
我觉得...
I'm not sure that...
这样
this...
也无法挽回事实
is going to fix things.
也许我们应该分开一段时间
Maybe we need some proper time apart.
不
No.
我真的想和你好好相处
I really want this to work.
我知道事情不太顺利 我很抱歉...
I know things haven't been great, and I'm sorry...
你毁了我的周末 女士
You ruined my weekend, woman!
-长大点吧 -我想让你开心
- Oh, grow up! - I just want you to be happy.
我想要的是一杯鸡尾酒和露天♥浴♥缸
I was looking forward to a cocktail and an alfresco soak.
去洗个澡吧
Have a bath!
我想和你一起努力
I want us to be a team.
我需要你
I need you.
这不一样
It's not the same.
我想吹吹小风
I want to feel the breeze!
我不想再失去家人了
I don't want to lose another family.
那你为什么不给自己口♥交♥
Then why don't you blow yourself?
你嘴里的话都和性有关
It's always about sex with you!
你满脑子都是性
You've got sex on the brain!
我保证我会安排更多时间与你一起规划未来
I promise I will try and find more time for us to meditate together.
去你的吧
Kiss my ass!
-天啊 他们没完了 -我来解决
- Oh, God, they never stop! - I'll deal with it.
你说过在你扭伤屁♥股♥后就不喝酒了
You said you weren't going to drink after you popped your hip.
我没喝醉 我只是糖尿病发作
I wasn't drunk, I was having a diabetic episode.
那就是因为你喝醉了
Because you were drunk.
我的胰腺不好
I've got a gippy pancreas.
你现在又喝醉了
And you're drunk now!
那又怎样
So what?
你们能小点声吗
Can you keep it down, please?
跟他说去
Talk to him!
-怎么了 -我来告诉你怎么了
- What's going on? - I'll tell you what's going on,
我下午本来打算坐在泡泡浴缸里 喝着金百利
I was planning an afternoon of bubbles and Campari in the hot tub,
她非要出来插一脚
and she threw a great big spanner in the works.
这也是我的浴缸
It's my hot tub too!
是我租的浴缸
I'm bloody leasing it!
我不该与泰德的龙虾共享浴缸
I shouldn't have to share it with Ted's lobsters.
一个鱼贩不应该有地方储存自己的鱼吗
You'd think a fish salesman would have somewhere to keep his fish!
泰德为什么要把龙虾放在你的...
Why is Ted keeping lobsters in your...?
别管了
Look, forget it.
请小点声
Please keep the noise down.
我正在挽回自己的恋情
I'm trying to save my relationship, here.
我来给你点建议 斯图
Let me give you some advice, Stu.
你要听从她的身体
Make sure you listen to her body.
又扯到这个了 女人
Oh, dial it back, woman.
跪舔我吧
Suck my dick!
-捕梦网不错 -谢谢
- Snazzy dream catcher. - Thanks.
如果你还要大喊大叫 能在家里喊吗
If you have to do any more shouting, could you do it inside?
收到
Roger that.
-泰德放了好多龙虾... -我不在乎
- Ted's put a load of lobsters... - I don't care.
我怎么做才能挽回一切
Look, what can I do to make things better?
我不知道
I don't know.
你不再幽默了
You stopped being fun.
很自然地就变成这样了
Spontaneous.
你之前一直会做些傻傻的事情
You were always doing silly stuff.
就像你之前经常做的那件事
Like that thing that you used to do.
-哪件事 -那件事
-What thing? - That thing.
你在干什么
What are you doing?
斯图尔特 借用一点时间
Stuart, a wee word.
-能等一下吗 -不行
- Can it wait? - No, it cannot.
-你想干什么 -我的鹰嘴豆泥呢
- What do you want? - Where's my hummus?
-这是我的鹰嘴豆泥吗 -对 我已经吃了
- Was that my hummus? - Yes. I've eaten it.
你没看到上面的纸条吗
Can you not read simple instructions?
那是为我晚上出去准备的
That was for my night out.
爸 我在试着挽回自己的恋情
Dad, I am trying to save my relationship.
我不在乎什么鹰嘴豆泥 你再去买♥♥点啊
I don't give a shit about hummus. Just buy some more.
我没法再买♥♥点
I can't buy some more.
那是我特殊的鹰嘴豆泥
That was my special hummus.
-你在说什么 -你觉得呢
- What are you talking about? - What do you think?
天啊 不是吧
Oh, God, no.
是的
Oh, yes.
里面的药量足够杀死一头河马
Enough magic mushrooms in there to kill a hippo.
但我全都吃了
But I've just eaten it all.
-全部吗 -对
- The lot? - Yeah.
真有趣
Oh, that's funny!
你为什么把毒品放在鹰嘴豆泥里
Why the fuck did you put drugs in the hummus?
不然我怎么能在萨尔萨舞上活跃氛围呢
How else would you suggest I spice up a salsa class?
天啊
Oh... Oh, God...
我会怎么样
What's going to happen to me?
你会没事的
You'll be fine.
-会吗 -会的
- Will I? - Aye.
你会感到自己的思想折叠
You'll feel the insides of your mind folding in on themselves until
直到你最终意识到自己的灵魂并不存在
you have the existential realisation that your very soul doesn't even exist.
我建议你垫个尿布
I'd advise nappies.
天啊
Oh, God!
那我和艾普尔怎么办
What about me and April?
你最好快点
Better work fast.
你怎么能这么不负责任
How could you be so irresponsible?!
你欠我100英镑
You owe me 100 quid.
还有 这东西让你看起来像个蠢货
And that thing makes you look like a tosspot.