半独立屋（2020）

Let me tell you! This guy!
他在上大学的时候
There wasn't an hour went by at uni
每分每秒都找机会露出他的老二
when he didn't find an opportunity to flop his wang out.
好了 别说了 老屁
All right, pack it in, Botty!
这是说你总露着屁♥股♥吗
That mean you were always getting your bum out?
你说什么
Sorry, what?
老二 老屁
You know -- Todger, Botty.
读音相似
不 我名叫麦克·博特福德
No. The name's Mike Bottford.
老二 这人是怎么回事
Todge, what's this guy's deal?
说实话 老兄 你确实经常露屁♥股♥
To be honest, mate, you did get your arse out a lot.
你知道的 老二
And you know it, Todge!
没错 我知道
Yes, I knows it!
你找到泻立停了吗
Did you find the Imodium?
真棒 要拉屎吗
Oh, brilliant! Got the shits?
没有
No.
艾普尔 这位是麦克·博特福德
April, this is Mike Bottford.
你好 麦克
Oh. Hi, Mike.
布朗宁著名诗句
艾普尔和四月是一个词
"四月已降临 梦回英格兰"
"Oh, to be in England Now that April's here."
这是什么意思
What's that supposed to mean?
-是布朗宁[棕色]的诗 -和你的裤子一样 斯图尔特
- It's Browning. - Like your pants, Stuart.
老二这话太毒了
Ooh! Sick burn from the T-Man!
等等 我们之前见过吗
Hang on, have we met before?
你几年前在塞尔舍瓦利埃吗
Were you in Serre Chevalier a couple of years ago?
我的天啊 你是汉弗莱的艾普尔
Oh, my G! You're Humphrey's April!
-是的 -不 她不是
- Yeah. - No, she's not.
-你想让我去羞羞滑滑 -那是什么
- You tried to get me skinny-boarding. - What's that?
裸体滑雪 老恶魔怎么样了
Naked snowboarding. How is the old devil?
汉比 我们分手了
Oh, Humpy... we broke up.
没错 她现在和我在一起
Yeah. She's with me now.
我以为你是她爸
I thought you were her dad.
不是
No.
-我们在一起很开心 -是的
- We're really happy. - Yeah.
布拉克有没有跟你讲在泰国发生的事情
Did Blake tell you about what happened in Thailand?
跟我讲讲 是我把他保释出来的
Tell me about it? I'm the one who bailed him out.
当时的场面真是血腥
Total carnage.
-我要去 -达利斯去了马德望
- I'm just going to... - Darius ended up in Battambang.
-天哪 -摔断了他的胫骨
- Oh, my God. - Broke his tibia.
-不会吧 -真的 见了鬼了
- He didn't! - Yeah, totally fucked.
老爸 和你说点事儿
Dad, can I have a word?
-你知道查理的事吗 -他怎么了
- Did you know about Charlie? - What about him?
-他正躲在我车子的后备箱里 -这很好啊
- He's hiding in the boot of my car. - Oh, great.
不 这不好 他非法登船
No, not great. He's on board illegally.
汽车舱里到处都是警♥察♥
And there are police swarming all over the car deck.
天哪
Oh, dear.
我该怎么办
What am I going to do?
他们有警犬之类的
They've got sniffer dogs and everything.
-糟糕 -怎么了
- Shit. - What?
糟糕了 糟糕
Shitty shit, shit, shit, shit.
你哥哥没什么好担心的
Your brother is the least of your worries.
你在说什么
What are you talking about?
你后备箱里不只一个麻烦
There's more than one Charlie in the boot.
你干什么了
Oh, what have you done?
我在备胎下面藏了半磅可♥卡♥因♥
I've stashed half a pound of cocaine under the spare wheel.
完全忘记了
Totally forgot about it.
我的天哪
Oh, God! Oh, Christ!
你让我别把毒品放在家里
You told me not to keep drugs in the house.
这下可好了
Oh, yeah, this is much better!
你得去拿回来
You've got to go and get it.
-为什么是我 那是你的可♥卡♥因♥ -那是你的车
- Why me? It's your coke. - It's your car.
不
Oh, no.
别站在这里 我们得把它冲到下水道里
Don't just stand there. We've got to flush it.
去拿过来 我在残疾人厕所等你
Go and get it. I'll meet you in the disabled bog.
悲伤的一天 对吧
Upsetting day, eh?
给你讲个好笑的事 我和罗恩有一天在科茨沃尔德散步
Funny story for you. Ron and I were rambling in the Cotswolds...
抱歉 巴里 我得走了
Sorry, Barry, I've got to go.
我的帕尼尼呢
Where's my panini?
去你的帕尼尼 你身下有半磅可♥卡♥因♥
Sod your panini. You're sitting on half a pound of cocaine.
是啊 我知道
Oh, yeah, I know.
现在可能没那么多了
Probably a bit less now.
你有什么毛病
What's the matter with you?
我很无聊
I'm bored.
别告诉老爸 我猜这是他的
Don't tell Dad. I presume it is Dad's?
对 是他的 而且现在到处都是警♥察♥
Yes, it's Dad's. And there are police everywhere.
我必须拿处理了
I've got to get rid of it.
我觉得这是个好主意
I think that's probably a good idea.
你有什么计划
So, what's the plan?
我要冲进马桶里
I'm going to flush it down the toilet.
不不不 这个方式太糟糕了
No, no, no, no. That's a terrible idea.
他们会监控这些地方的污水处理系统
They monitor the waste systems on these things.
-你怎么知道的 -在《追寻黑帮》上看见的
- How do you know? - Saw it on Ross Kemp.
该死 那我就扔进海里
Oh, fuck. Look, I'll just lob it into the sea.
不 这样也不行
No, no, you can't do that either.
每个舱里都装了监控 防止有人落水
They've got CCTV on every deck in case somebody falls overboard.
-该死 那我该怎么办 -不知道
- Oh, shit! What am I going to do? - No idea.
但你现在是个国际毒贩以及人贩子
But you are currently an international drugs and people smuggler.
最少判25年
That's 25 years, minimum.
-天哪 -还有一件事
- Oh, God. - And there's one other thing.
什么
What?
-你能给我拿些蛋糕吗 -滚蛋
- Can you get me some cake as well? - Fuck off!
我跟你说过了
Er! I've already told you!
抱歉
Sorry.
我得回车里...
I had to... pop back to my car...
拿条
to get...
裤子
some pants.
拿出来看看
Let's see 'em, then.
什么
What?
你说你到车里去拿条裤子
You said you went to the car to get some pants.
在哪儿呢
Where are they?
我穿着呢
I'm wearing 'em.
好吧 赶紧走
All right, on your way.
别再让我看到你下来了
Don't let me see you down here again.
抱歉 真的很抱歉
Sorry. Really sorry.
-请进 -你不问问是谁吗
- Enter. - Don't you want to know who it is?
抱歉 习惯了 进来吧
Sorry. Old habits. Get in.
拿到了吗
Got it?
-赶紧扔进去 -不行
- Get it down here sharpish. - I can't.
-查理说他们会监控这个系统 -他怎么知道的
- Charlie said they monitor the system. - How does he know?
《追寻黑帮》
Ross Kemp.
该死 那就扔进海里
Shit. Bung it in the sea, then.
-到处都是摄像头 -天哪 快想想别的办法
- There's cameras everywhere. - Christ! Think of something.
又不是我偷偷带上来的
I'm not the one who smuggled it on board.
却在你的裤子里
It's down your trousers.
天啊
Oh, God.
等一下 罗恩
Hang on a minute. Ron...
-不 -简直完美
- Oh, no. - It's perfect.
拿到骨灰盒 与他的骨灰混合
Get hold of the urn, mix it up with his ashes,
鲍勃是你叔叔
and Bob's your uncle.
我想要这样
It's how I'd like to go.
-不能这样 -你有更好的主意吗
- Oh, this isn't happening! - Have you got a better idea?
我该怎么对凯特说
What am I supposed to say to Kate?
我能把我的可♥卡♥因♥和你死去的爸爸混在一起吗
"Please may I cut my coke with your dead dad?"
天啊
Oh, Christ!
要么这样 要么就死在监狱里
It's that or die in the slammer.
他是我爸
He's my dad.
他在帮我...
He was helping me with my...
-斯图尔特 我要跟你说句话 -现在不是个好时候
- Stuart! I need a word. - Now's not a good time.
我要在警♥察♥介入之前
No. I need to discuss a matter of some urgency
跟你说点很紧急的事
before the police become involved.
什么
What?