半独立屋（2020）

他们要你移车会通知你的
They let you know if they need you to move it.
好吧 我一直以为
Right. I was always under the
要有残疾人牌照和辅助文件
assumption that you can only park in a disabled bay
才能停到残疾人车位
if you have a blue badge and the supporting documentation.
完全不是这样 但谢谢你 凯特
Totally not the case, but thank you, Kate.
好吧
Right.
斯图尔特 在你去戳针之前
Stuart, before you nip off for your jab...
-别说戳... -我想和你说两句话
- Don't say jab. - I'd just like a quick word.
我要在这等...
I need to stay for the...
只要一小会儿
It'll only take a minute.
没事 他们回复了我跟你说
It's fine. I'll let you know if they answer.
好吧
Right.
葡萄
Grapes!
滚蛋
Sod off!
我只是想说谢谢你
I just wanted to say thank you.
谢什么
What for?
那篇文章
The article.
从泰德的破事上转移了焦点
Deflecting Ted's shit.
让我看着还算体面
Making me look halfway respectable.
嗯...
Well...
很抱歉拖了你下水
I'm sorry you got dragged through the mud.
对
Yeah.
被国家报纸叫做
Wasn't great being called a
偷自己女儿钱的人♥渣♥
thieving lowlife who steals off his own daughter
不是什么好事
in the national newspaper.
确实
No.
这是没料到的
No, that was uncalled for.
我只是不想让你被媒体说坏话
I just didn't want to see you being badmouthed in the press.
为了玛丹娜
For Madonna's sake.
对 对
Yeah. Yeah.
听着 我知道现在说出来很糟糕
Look, I realise this is awful timing,
但我觉得你应该知道
but I thought you should know.
我们要离开这里了
We're moving out of the close.
我们失去了房♥子
We lost the house.
天啊
Oh, shit.
该死的泰德
Fucking Ted.
你一直都可以住我家
You could always stay at mine.
谢谢
Thanks.
但我们在找到定居的地方之前会住酒店
But we'll find a hotel until we get somewhere more permanent.
我们还在本地
We'll still be local.
玛丹娜怎么样
How's Madonna taking it?
不太好
Not great.
抗♥议♥越来越激烈
Protests are getting worse.
今天早上她把自己拷在了一匹马上
This morning she handcuffed herself to a horse.
-为什么 -我不知道
- Why? - I don't know.
液压采油 装海豚
Fracking? Dolphins?
-我应该回去了 -对对 当然
- I should probably get back. - Yeah. Yeah, of course.
你担心吗
You worried?
很害怕 就像是小匕♥首♥一样
Terrified. They're like tiny little daggers.
我是说亲子鉴定
The paternity test.
不 当然不
Oh. No, course not.
艾普尔说她95%确定波莎是我的
April said she's 95% sure Bertha's mine,
我觉得足够了
and that's good enough for me.
好吧
Ok.
-受害者来了 -什么
- Here's the victim. - What?
-奥佩尔先生 -对
- Mr. Hooper? - Yeah.
我是德古拉护士
I'm Nurse Dracula.
开个玩笑 我是帕特里克护士
Er, just kidding. It's Nurse Patrick.
跟我来我们去吸点血
Follow me and we'll get that blood sucked.
不会吸光的
Not all of it.
好吧
Yeah...
别担心 斯图 我跟你一起去
Don't worry, Stu. I'm coming with you.
我也去
Me too.
-什么 我不想让你去 -活该
- What? No. I don't want you there. - Tough.
她去哪...
Everywhere she goes...
这是不允许的
It's not allowed.
绝对没事儿
Oh, no, that's absolutely fine.
听见了吧
See?
来吧 你会没事的
Come on, you're going to be fine.
-很快就结束了 斯图 -别说话了
- It'll be over in a flash, Stu. - Stop talking.
-就在这左边 -不要跟我讲话
- Just in here on the left. - Nobody talk to me.
好 你坐下来吧
Right, if you'd like to take a seat.
我♥操♥
Oh, fuck off!
斯图尔特
Stuart!
老天啊
Whoops-a-donkey!
-把他扶到椅子上 -来吧
- Let's help him into the chair. - Come on.
就是这样
There you go.
结束了吗
Oh, is it over?
就快了
Almost.
我还从没来过国民医疗体系里的医院呢
Do you know, I've never been in an NHS hospital.
好了 你只会感觉到被抓一下
OK. You'll just feel a tiny scratch.
不 别打
No, don't do it!
只要几秒钟就好了
It'll be over in seconds.
天啊
Oh, my God.
-天啊 真恶心 -没事没事
- Jesus Christ! Pooey! - Absolutely fine.
我一会儿再收拾
I'll deal with it in a minute.
好了好了 我准备好了 准备好了
OK, OK, I'm ready, I'm ready.
扎吧扎吧 别扎
Do it, do it, do it... Don't do it!
集中你的气 斯图
Centre your chi, Stu.
我能感觉到它从我的身体里出来
I can feel it coming out of my body!
你身上有一整只蘑菇
There's an entire mushroom there.
搞定
All done.
按住
Just hold that there.
应该很快就能出结果
Should have an answer for you very quickly.
-我做到了 -确实 搞了我一身
- I did it! - You did. All over my lap.
-我做到了 艾普尔 -你太勇敢了
- I did it, April! - You're so brave.
对 太勇敢了
Yeah, that's so brave.
-很抱歉... -没关系
- Sorry about... - It's fine.
我早上吃的剩的奶油蘑菇汤
I had leftover stroganoff for my breakfast.
原来是这样吗
Is that what it is?
来吧 汉比 把他扶起来
Come on, Humpy. Let's get him up.
来吧
Here we go.
我很开心终于结束了 过来
I'm glad that's over. Come here.
斯图 不要 你口气真的难闻
Stu, no, your breath really pongs.
我有一哥们也捐过肾
Buddy of mine donated a kidney once.
-他一周没到就死了 -什么
- He was dead within a week. - What?!
汉比
Humpy...
-拜托 我只是逗逗他 -你个混♥蛋♥
- Oh, come on, I'm just yanking his tits. - You prick!
你♥他♥妈♥失了智吗
Are you out of your bloody mind?!
你要是接我的电♥话♥ 我都不用这样了
If you'd only answer my calls, I wouldn't have to do this!
好 那就是我的错了吗
Right. So this is my fault?
你把我们搞破产了 偷了玛丹娜的钱
You bankrupt us, steal Madonna's money,
怎么就成了我的错了
and this is somehow on me?!
请让我回家
Please take me back!
-发生了什么 -这个娘娘腔
- What's going on? - This twat.
你别管 这是夫妻之间的事
Stay out of it, Hoopers. This is man and wife stuff!
-你喝酒了吗 -是的
- Are you drunk? - Yeah,
但是好的 而不是"这有什么意义"
but in a good way, not in a "what's the point?" way.
但他觉得这是个很合适的方式来把我追回去
He thinks this is an appropriate way to win me back.
怎么了 玛丹娜总是把自己绑在垃圾上
What? Madonna's always chaining herself to crap.
-你管谁叫垃圾呢 -你个傻♥逼♥
- Who are you calling crap? - You're a wanker.
凯特 玛丹娜 听我说 我有好消息
Kate, Madonna, just hear me out, OK? I've got some great news.
老屁买♥♥了渔产公♥司♥
Botty has bought FishNosh.
老屁
Botty!
然后呢
And?
他想出了一个补救方案
He's put together a cracking rescue package.
意味着我们可以留下房♥子 甚至还清玛丹娜的钱
It means we can keep the house. I can even pay Madonna back.
给我12-18个月来保护资本
I mean, just give me 12, 18 months to ring-fence some capital.
-别想了 我们不想要你的钱 -我想要
- Forget it. We don't want your money. - I do!
凯特 你不明白 我马上要重返辉煌了
Kate, you don't understand. I'm almost back on top.