半独立屋（2020）

-一点也不美妙了 -马上来找你
- This is no longer beautiful. - With you in a minute.
他不在这里 我好几周没看到他了
He's not here. I haven't seen him in weeks.
就算我看到他了 当然我没看到
And even if I had seen him, which I haven't,
-我会马上联♥系♥你们 -他就在那里
- I'd have been straight on the phone to you guys. - He's there.
什么
What?
抱歉 吸毒吸得睡着了
Sorry, all. Nodded off on the bog.
-威廉·霍普 我因刑事损害而逮捕你 -天啊
- William Hope, I'm arresting you for criminal damage. - Oh, God.
我们有监控录像证明 你从本地农场释放了
We have CCTV footage that clearly shows you releasing several
十多只奶牛 引起了重大交通瘫痪
dozen cows from a local farm, causing major traffic disruption.
我得再看一遍
Well, I'd have to watch it back.
不过听起来像是我♥干♥的
Though it does sound like me.
发生了什么 老兄
What's happening, dude?
爸爸磕嗨了 闯入了一家农场
Dad got pissed and broke into a farm.
不感兴趣
Yep, not interested.
玛丹娜的车出了点问题
There is a problem with Madonna's car.
不幸的是 我丈夫在用电锯的时候
Unfortunately, my husband's had a rather nasty accident
出了起很严重的事故
with a power saw.
你们还有地方送他去医院吗
Do you have room to take him to hospital?
拇指在这里面 两块华夫饼中间
Thumb's in here, flanked by a pair of waffles.
我建议快一点 马上就解冻了
I'd recommend haste. It's on the thaw.
好 把他放上来
Right. Stick him in.
-我会把宝塔建完的 -别担心了
- I'll finish the pagoda. - Don't bother.
-你们能载上我的女朋友吗 -为什么
- Can you take my girlfriend? - Why?
我要生孩子了
I'm having a baby.
我们随后就到 亲爱的
We'll be right behind you, darling.
我爱你 凯特·芬迪
I love you, Kate Fundy.
我爱你 艾普尔·朗-卡林顿
I love you, April Long-Carrington.
这是我一生中最幸福的一天
This is the best day of my life!
是啊
Yep.
最好在路上把午餐吃了
Right, better get lunch on the go.
我本来要吃华夫饼的
I was going to have waffles.
-谢谢 巴里 -不 挺有趣的
- Thanks, Barry. - No, I had fun.
能让自己不得抑郁
Keeps the depression at bay.
抱歉了
Sorry about the car.
这车撞上奶牛了
Ploughed into a cow.
保险会报销的
Insurance'll cover it.
生日快乐 玛丹娜
Happy birthday, Madonna.
我给你买♥♥了几条牛仔裤
I got you some jeans.
前情提要
斯图尔特 我想和你一起度过所有美好的时刻
Stuart! I want to share every beautiful moment together.
我觉得该送你去医院了
I think we need to get you to the hospital.
-爸 -斯图尔特 这位是伊戈尔
- Dad! - Stuart. This is Igor.
好的
Yep.
你能问凯特愿不愿意过来吗
Can you ask Kate if she'll come over?
-这主意不怎么样 -拜托了
- That's probably a bad idea. - Please!
艾普尔要生了
April's gone into labour.
孩子有点重 她在想你能不能过去一下
It's a bit bloke heavy. She wondered if you could pop over.
别扯了
Oh, don't be so ridiculous.
她为什么希望你前妻过去看着她的肚子
Why would she want your ex-wife gawping up her chuff?
妈妈说你正经历着中年危机
Mum says you're having a midlife crisis.
我可没有一辆黄色的兰博基尼
I'm not the one with the yellow Lamborghini.
确实 但你染着胡子
No, you're the one dyeing your beard
还和一个比你小二十岁的人约会
and dating someone 20 years younger.
你是个强壮的 充满能量的 独♥立♥的女性 像我一样
You're a strong, powerful, independent woman, just like me.
我很年轻 我也很高兴
Yeah, and I'm young and I'm happy.
查理叔叔来了
Uncle Charlie's here.
惊喜
Surprise!
我觉得警♥察♥有可能在找我
I think the police might be after me.
你又要回监狱里去了
You're going to end up back in prison.
如果我要出事 你就会和我一起完蛋
If I'm going down, you're going down with me.
-这话是什么意思 -你是婚礼调音师
- What's that supposed to mean? - You're a wedding DJ.
你怎么拿到这座房♥子的抵押贷款的
How do you think you got the mortgage on this place?
-不是我 是你 -是我吗
- I didn't.You did. - Did I?
你在干什么
What the fuck are you doing?!
我把拇指砍断了
Cut my thumb off.
天啊 泰德 把衣服穿上 我都能看到你的老二了
Oh, dear me, Ted, put some clothes on. I can see your aubergine.
-拇指在哪儿 -你刚才看到它在哪儿
- Where's the thumb? - Where did you last see it?
在我手上 你这个傻子
On my fucking hand, you moron!
该死 查理
Shit. Charlie.
带我去医院 一点也不美妙了
Take me to hospital! This is no longer beautiful!
马上来找你
With you in a minute.
他不在这里 我好几周没看到他了
He's not here. I haven't seen him in weeks.
就算我看到他了 当然我没看到
And even if I had seen him, which I haven't,
我会马上联♥系♥你们
I'd have been straight on the phone to you guys.
-他就在那里 -什么
- He's there. - What?
抱歉 吸毒吸得睡着了
Sorry, all. Nodded off on the bog.
发生了什么 老兄
What's happening, dude?
爸爸磕嗨了 闯入了一家农场
Dad got pissed and broke into a farm.
-你们能载上我的女朋友吗 -为什么
- Can you take my girlfriend? - Why?
我要生孩子了
I'm having a baby.
这是我一生中最幸福的一天
This is the best day of my life!
是啊
Yep.
四个月后
半独♥立♥屋
第一集
拜托
Come on!
别响了
Stop it!
该死
Shit!
该死 该死
Shit, shit, shit!
你个混♥蛋♥
Oh, you stupid bastard.
没说你 亲爱的
Not you, sweetheart.
听
Oh, look...
噪音消失了 对吗
Bad noise all gone away, hasn't it?
消失得无影无踪了
All gone away now.
不不不不
No, no, no, no.
♪安静点 小波莎 别叫嚷♪
♪ Shush, little Bertha, don't say a word ♪
♪爸爸正在...♪
♪ Daddy's... ♪
老天啊
Bollocks!
拜托 不哭不哭 别哭了
Oh, come on! No, no, no, no. No more tears.
爸比要照顾好妈咪
Daddy Bear's got to make everything right with Mummy Bear,
否则妈咪就会带着宝贝
otherwise mummy Bear's going to leave the cave
离家出走了
and take Baby Bear with her.
看来你找到了你闹钟的电池啊
You found the batteries for the alarm, then.
别说出来
Stop taking them out!
我需要安静的环境来抽水烟
I need peace and quiet to smoke a bong.
我告诉过你了 去院子里抽
I've told you, bong in the shed.
黄瓜呢
Where's the cucumber?!
我得敷一下我浮肿的眼睛
I need to fix my puffy eyes.
艾普尔马上就回来了
April's going to be here in a minute.
你向我保证过你会走
You promised me you'd be gone.
这
This...
需要时间
takes time.
她不想再看到你裸体了
She's sick of seeing you naked.
你以为她出去是因为什么
Why do you think she walked out?
需要回学校去吗
Needed to go back to school?
她都28了
She's 28.
好 既然你问了
All right. Since you asked,
你总是在嘀咕自己没有勇气
you're always wanging on about your dicky bowels,
是个烂厨子
you're a shite chef,
毁掉了你的周年纪念日
and you ruined your anniversary.
你站在哪边啊
Whose side are you on?
别拍了
Oh, stop your flapping.
你妈妈以前生气的时候
Whenever your mother was pissed off,
我给她买♥♥个约克条 试着做♥爱♥
I'd buy her a Yorkie bar and have a go at sex.
不敢相信
Unbelievable.
天啊 她来了 快点
Oh, God, she's here! Hurry up!
我还没喷防晒喷雾 我不能走
I can't leave without doing my spray tan.
欢迎回家 妈咪
Welcome home, Mummy Bear.
-你看起来很棒 -谢谢
- You look great. - Thanks.
你看起来脸色苍白
You look very pale.
我没事 一点事都没有
No, I'm fine. Totally fine.
和妈妈打招呼
Say hello to Mummy.