天堂镇警局（2018）

Paradise PD S03E01

Part 2 Dec. 29, 2022, 11:31 a.m.

flattery will get you everywhere.
好嘞是时候把这颗头从你屁♥股♥里拿出来了
Okay, Chief, time to get your head out of your ass.
诶? 他跑哪里去了?
Hey, where'd he go?
我不知道但我需要你帮我一下大夫
I don't know, but I need a little help, Doc.
太值了
Worth it.
（酒吧开麦夜）
我有位朋友住得很低调
♪ I got a friend who lives down low ♪
[住在下面]
他整天待的地方阳光晒不到
♪ He spends his time Where the sun don't show ♪
我有位朋友他又壮又高
♪ I got a friend who's big and strong ♪
我与他的鸡♥巴♥共享同一条车道
♪ I share a driveway with his dong ♪
我俩是…
♪ We're… ♪
好基友呀
♪ Butt buddies ♪
好基友
♪ Butt buddies ♪
我俩搞在一起直至天长地久
♪ We stick together When things get muddy ♪
- 我俩是… - 好基友呀
♪ We are… ♪ - ♪ Butt buddies ♪
好基友
♪ Butt buddies ♪
你长在我放屁的地方
♪ You started where I fart ♪
但我却走进了你的心房♥
♪ But I found a way into your heart ♪
我俩是…
♪ We're… ♪
好基友呀
♪ Butt buddies ♪
好基友
♪ Butt buddies ♪
这个闻起来好好吃呀
That smells yummy.
你也想要尝点么小伙计?
You want some, little buddy?
- 我俩是… - 好基…
♪ We're… ♪ - ♪ Butt… ♪
友
♪ Buddies! ♪
噢真♥他♥妈♥爽
Oh, fuck, yeah.
她就是只海豚而已菲兹
She's a dolphin, Fitz.
你就直接告诉她你想要离婚如果她说…
Just tell her you want a divorce and don't take…
…坚决不能答应
…for an answer.
我有件事要跟你讲
I've got something to tell you.
（我有件事要先跟你讲）
（我怀孕了）
什么? 不要啊
What? No!
我们虽常拿意外怀孕开玩笑但孩子们呀一定要记住了
We joke about unplanned pregnancy, kids, but remember,
等你们年龄大到要跟你的第一只海豚做♥爱♥时
when you get old enough to have sex with your first dolphin,
千万别舔下面
don't go downtown.
海豚是从逼里拉屎的
They shit out of their pussy.
（菲兹名言）
哇喔你越长越大了呀小伙计而且还越长越帅了
Wow, you're getting big, little buddy! And more handsome.
谢谢你局长
Thank you, Chief.
什么? 搞什么鬼啊?
What? What the hell?
你这是干什么呐?
What are you doing?
我看你还在睡觉于是就决定帮你做个早餐嘛
Well, you were still asleep, so I thought I'd make you breakfast.
你喜欢吃怎么做的鸡蛋?
How do you like your eggs?
不是由一块屁♥眼♥息肉做的?
Uh, not made by an ass polyp?
了解就是不要丹尼餐厅的做法
Okay. So not Denny's style.
听着息肉我挺喜欢你的
Look, polyp, I like you,
但永远也别再这样控制我的身体了
but don't ever take control of my body again.
兰德尔别忘了
Randall, don't forget
你答应过我今晚要带我去看《汉密尔顿》的
you promised to take me to see Hamilton tonight.
什么? 不我答应下来完全是由于
What? No, I only agreed to that
我以为我们马上就要被核爆♥炸♥炸死了
'cause I thought we were all about to die in a nuclear explosion,
去看他妈《汉密尔顿》比死了更折磨人
which would be less excruciating than going to fucking Hamilton!
你就不能少做一晚的混球吗?
For just one night, could you not be an asshole?
妈的只要能不去看《汉密尔顿》我啥事都愿意干
Shit, would I do anything to get out of Hamilton.
剧里全是我最讨厌的东西
It's got everything I hate.
历史课说唱乐打扮成吸血鬼样子的波多黎各人
History lessons, rap music, Puerto Ricans dressed like vampires.
兰德尔要不让我带她去吧?
Oh, Randall, why don't I take her?
你只要吃颗安必恩全程睡觉就行
You could pop an Ambien and sleep through the whole thing.
我的妈呀你真是太机智了
Holy shit, that's brilliant,
长在我屁♥眼♥里的小脑瓜
you little brain in my ass.
要是我能够得到你的话真想把你好好亲一亲
I could just kiss you if I could reach you.
你到底是在做什么啊?
What the hell are you doing?
凯伦我只不过是在想办法亲我自己的屁♥眼♥呢
Oh, Karen! I was trying to, uh, kiss my own asshole.
这圆场打得好局长差点就尴尬了
Good save, Chief. That could've been weird.
坐
Sit.
停
Stay.
亲自个儿的屁♥眼♥
Kiss your own asshole.
真是个乖孩子俺要给你取名叫威廉
You're a good boy! I'ma gonna call you William.
你能不能让威廉把我好的那只手还回来?
Think you could ask William to give me my good hand back?
谢了威廉
Appreciate it, William.
罗比咱应该讨论一下咱的新国家的哲学啊啥的
Robby, we should discuss the philosophy for our new country.
你说“咱的”国家是个啥意思呢?
What do you mean our country?
喂逼马拉是俺的国家因为俺是这逼地方的国王
Twatemala's my country 'cause I'm the king of this bitch.
凭啥让你做国王?
Why do you get to be king?
反正不让俺做就得让那个蘑菇头的小瘸子做了
It's either me or that little cripple with the bowl cut.
要是那样的话还真算是侮辱观众的智商啊
Well, that'd be a real "fuck you" to the audience.
（天堂镇剧院《汉密尔顿》）
《汉密尔顿》剧组已经同意将表演的全部收入
Hamilton has agreed to donate all the proceeds from the show
都捐给我的“重建天堂镇计划” 我真是太激动了
to my Rebuild Paradise initiative. Ooh, I'm so excited!
我也是亲爱的我这颗人头啊已经迫不及待要看这场演出了
Me too, darling. My human head cannot wait to see this show.
你今天怎么好像有点不一样
There's something different about you.
小宝贝我可曾对你说过
Sugarplum, have I ever told you
你是我这辈子见过最美丽的女子?
that you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen?
与其说“不一样” 应该说“更棒了”
And by "different," I do mean better.
借过借过稍微让我一下非常感谢
Excuse me. Just squeezing through here. Thanks so much.
你把我的腿给碾断了
You crushed my legs!
“我的腿被碾断啦 ”
"Ah! My legs is crushed!"
敷点冰块就好了爱哭鬼
Put some ice on it, crybaby!
兰德尔我们坐头一排啊
Randall, this is the front row!
平时你给我买♥♥的票都是后边那些一股厕所味的打折座位
Normally, you buy the discounted bathroom-smell tickets in the back.
我买♥♥了升级票
I sprung for the upgrade.
为了你花再多钱也是值得的
Nothing's too good for you.
你到底是谁啊? 你把我丈夫怎么了?
Who are you, and what have you done with my husband?
我没把他的脸坐在屁♥股♥下就是了
I-- I-- I'm certainly not sitting on his face right now!
我这颗绝对是人头
I'm a human head.
听啊是亚历山大汉密尔顿来了
Hark! Here comes Alexander Hamilton!
哟哟鄙人亚历山大汉密尔…
♪Yo, yo. I'm Alexander Hamil-- ♪
他死了
He's dead!
林曼努尔米兰达死了
Lin-Manuel Miranda's dead!
到底是谁把这条电线插到舞台上来的啊?
Who the hell plugged an extension cord on the stage?
冷静点给你这个
Calm down! Just put an ice pack
波多黎各来的吸血鬼怂逼敷点冰块不就行了
on that little Puerto Rican vampire pussy of yours.
真抱歉各位
Sorry, everyone.
看来我们只能将演出取消了
I guess we have to cancel the show,
除非有什么奇迹发生
unless, by some miracle,
能有人来做替补?
someone could fill in?
我本来好期待看这场演出的
Oh. I was really looking forward to the show.
看来我们只能回家了
I guess we have to go home.
先别着急
Not so fast.
吾名乃亚历山大汉密尔顿
♪ My name is Alexander Hamilton ♪
不是一块会讲话的息肉人
♪ Not a talking polyp, man ♪
我的联邦主义哲学思想
♪ My Federalist philosophy ♪
深如那被检查的结肠
♪ Deep like a colonoscopy ♪
让国王死翘翘
♪ Kill the king dead ♪
像坨屎般丢掉
♪ Force him out like a turtle head ♪
把你的脚放在空中甩站手上什么也不用管
♪ Throw your feet in the air and stand up on your hands ♪
老子他妈叫啥名?
♪ What's my motherfuckin' name? ♪
亚历山大汉密尔顿
♪ Alexander Hamilton! ♪
搞什么鬼?
What the hell?
共和党的耶稣呀救救我们吧
Republican Jesus, save us!
这混账东西竟然在舔我老婆的逼
That son of a bitch is tongue-dartin' my wife!
你…
You--
我去去就回来
Be right back!
你好大的胆子竟敢舔我老婆下面
How dare you go down on my wife!
这样她以后也会让我舔的
Now she's gonna expect me to do it!
你再也别想控制我的身体了
You will never control my body again.
不我看你是把头尾搞反了
Oh, no, I think you have that ass-backwards!
是你再也别想控制我的身体才对
You'll never control my body again.
我遭受了你这么多年的虐待
I suffered years of your abuse.
哪有吝啬鬼能小气到在99分商店买♥♥厕纸的?
What kind of cheap bastard buys toilet paper from the 99-cent store?
如今我终于可以复仇了
But now I can finally have my revenge!
我要你眼睁睁地看着我夺走你的家庭