神经马龙（2017）

成熟 我很成熟啊
Adult? Wait, I'm being an adult, okay?
重点不是我
This-this is not about me.
重点是我们的孩子
This is about our children, okay?
重点是你想跟「性感西蒙」出去风流快活
This is about you wanting to go out with sexy Simon
而不是陪孩子度过美好时光
instead of spending quality family time with your kids.
就是这种事
You know, this the type of stuff
才使孩子们走上脱衣舞者的歧路
that makes them grow up to be strippers,
我说的还不是那种敬业的脱衣舞者
and I'm not talking about the good strippers,
就是身体灵活 知道怎么扭臀的那种
you know, the flexible ones that know how to clap they booty.
我说的是那种不跳舞的懒鬼
I'm talking about them little lazy ones
就站在钢管边上 撅着屁♥股♥的那种
that just stand by the pole smacking they gum like, "Hey, hey."
你想让咱儿子走上那条路吗
Do you want that for our son?
说真的 小艾 看见自己的母亲跟别的男人在一起
Seriously, Ash, seeing their mother with another man?
这可能会给他们造成心理阴影
That could be traumatic for them.
可能会使他们患上抑郁症
That could lead to serious depression.
他们特别想让我看这个堡垒
They really wanted to show me the fort.
他都不知道密♥码♥
He doesn't even know the password.
这间餐厅真漂亮 戴文
This is a really beautiful restaurant, Devon.
-只为配佳人 -谢谢
- For a beautiful woman. - Thank you.
你和你前夫在一起很久了吗
So your ex-husband, were you two together for a long time?
我们大学时相识
We met in college.
是我在上大学
Well, I was in college,
他是假装上大学 为了把妹
and he was pretending to go to college to meet girls.
是这样
But you know what?
我不想谈我前夫的事
I really don't want to talk about my ex.
恐怕不得不谈啊
Well, I'm afraid we might have to.
-为什么 -因为他就在这儿
- Why is that? - Because he's here.
哎呀我的妈 太不可思议了
What the what? That's crazy!
我出去给孩子们买♥♥酸奶冰淇淋
You know, I was out getting some frozen yogurt for the kids,
路过时 看了一眼窗户 惊呼
and I looked in the window, I said,
「这俩人像艾什丽和戴维啊」
"That looks like Ashley and David!"
-是戴文 -是吗
- It's Devon. - Is it?
马龙 你怎么没去看电影
Marlon, why aren't you at the movies?
我不是很喜欢看《屠♥杀♥营》
You know, I really wasn't digging "Slaughter Camp."
我对那些在林子里狂欢的中二青少年没好感
I couldn't feel sorry for those dumbass teenagers partying in the woods.
最后到某一刻
You know, at a point,
我开始为杀手摇旗助威
I just started rooting for the killer.
很高兴见到你
Well, it was nice to see you.
好吧 打扰了 我走人了
Okay, I'm sorry. I'ma jet.
你们俩继续约会吧
You guys get back to your little date.
-见到你真好 戴维斯 -是戴文
- Good seeing you, Dennis. - Devon.
-真抱歉 -已经忘记他的存在了
- I'm so sorry. - Already forgotten about him.
伊维特跟我说你是个很棒的设计师
So Yvette tells me you're a great designer.
-我想听听... -就说一句
- I would love to hear more... - Real quick.
我既然来了 就该跟你说下垃圾桶的事
While I'm here, I should tell you about the trash cans.
我收到了市政厅的信
I got a letter from the city.
他们会周四过来收垃圾
They're gonna start picking up the trash cans
而不是周二 所以...
on Thursdays instead of Tuesdays, so...
这事稍后再说也成
Well, you know what? I'm sure that we can talk about this later.
我懂 但你知道
Yeah, and I hear you, but you know,
你不想把垃圾桶放在外面吧
you just don't want to leave garbage cans out, you know?
让我们的孩子被一只熊给吃了
God forbid one of our kids get mauled by a bear.
我看了《荒野猎人》
I saw "The Revenant",
如果一只熊能把李奥纳多撕咬成那样
and if a bear gon' do that to Leonardo Dicaprio,
想想会把咱家儿子撕成几万片吧
imagine what it's going to do to our son's little black ass.
但你的约会
But your date's more important
比儿子面对的潜在威胁更重要
than the potential death of our son.
-失陪一下 杰夫 -是戴文
- Give us a second, Jeff. - It's Devon.
马龙 你来这里干什么
Marlon, why are you here?
因为我上网搜了一下
Because I did some research on the internet,
我找到了一些你约会对象戴文的黑料
and I dug up some dirt on your boy Devon over there.
-你查到什么了 马龙 -很高兴你问了
- What did you find out, Marlon? - Well, I'm glad you asked.
尽管他五官俊俏 眼如杏仁 很迷人
In spite of his pretty face, and those almond-shaped eyes,
美国三大信用局之一
他的艾可飞记录显示
his Equifax history shows
他在2003年六月托欠天然气费用
a delinquent payment to the gas company in June of 2003.
什么
What?
从小错开始 逾期付款一次
It starts with one late payment,
谁知道以后还会闯出什么大祸
then it's a slippery slope from there.
有问题吗
Is there a problem?
没问题 兄弟
No, there ain't no problem, brother.
除非你是天然气公♥司♥
Unless you the gas company,
而有人让你吃亏
and people try to take advantage of you.
不好意思 先生 你得离开这里
Pardon me, sir, but I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
你不在这里用餐
You're not dining with us this evening,
你还打扰了我们的客人
and you're clearly disrupting our guests.
是吗
Really?
是这个原因
Is that the reason,
还是因为我是黑人啊
Or is it because I'm black?
不 当然不是
No! God, no!
他也是黑人 我们没请他离开啊
He's black, and we're not asking him to leave.
等下 你找人来了
Wait! You gon' call your boy...
你找人来赶我走啊
You gon' call your boys on me?
你们逼我「痞子上身」啊
Y'all gon' make me act ghetto!
这正中我的下怀
This is what I wanted you to do!
所以你最好快速想一想
So you better ask yourself real fast,
你真想这么干吗
do you really want to do this?
我跟你的奶头对话呢
I'ma talk to your nipples.
你真想这么干吗
Do you really want to do this?
我等不及了
I can't wait!
所以我才随身带着凡士林
See, that's why I carry my Vaseline around.
哎呀 用光了
Man, I ran out.
兄弟 介意我借点头油吗
Brother, you mind if I use some of that?
太感谢了
Thank you very much.
行了 你们都死定了
That's it! Y'all about to get it!
我准备好大干一场了
I'ma drag my nails on the ground!
待我将指甲磨锋利
I'ma sharpen my nails on the ground!
我要45度角仰望天空
I get in that 45-degree angle, be like,
「这样怎么打他呢」 因为你是打不了
"How I hit him from there?" 'cause you can't.
我滑滑滑 扇扇扇
And I'll do slip and slap, slip and slap!
马上就动手了
We gon' get violent?
你打算怎么办 怎么办吧
What you gon' do? What you gonna do?
你出这招啊 我服 大伙儿 再见
That's what you're gonna do. Okay, bye, guys.
马龙
Marlon?
什么事
Yeah?
我能进去吗
Can I come in?
密♥码♥是什么
What's the password?
我们这时候能不整这一套吗
Can we please not do this right now?
我和孩子们在这世上没有什么活不了
What's the one thing in the world the kids and I cannot live without?
我没心情跟你猜谜
I am not in the mood for this.
我和孩子们在这世上没有什么活不了
What is the one thing in this world the kids and I cannot live without?
我
Me?
你进来吧
You may enter.
今晚是怎么回事 马龙
What happened tonight, Marlon?
不知道
I don't know.
我慌了吧
I panicked, I guess.
就因为一次约会
Over one date?
我们分开后 你都约会几百次了
You've been on hundreds of dates since we separated.
我都没惊慌啊
You don't see me panicking.
那是因为你知道不管我约会多少女人
That's 'cause you know no matter how many women I date,
我永远找不到像你这么好的女人
I'm never gonna find anybody as good as you.
我看见你和孩子们跟那家伙其乐融融 我害怕了
When I saw that dude with you and the kids, I just got scared.
我害怕他会取代我的位置
I got scared he was gonna take my place.
我知道跟前妻说这种话很奇怪
And I know this is a strange thing to say to your ex-wife...
我只是很怕失去你
I'm just afraid to lose you.
你永远都不会失去我
You're never gonna lose me.
我们是家人
We're a family.
我的孩子们 眼睛长得像你
My babies, they have your eyes.
戴文改变不了这点
Devon can't touch that.
我倒是希望像戴文
I wish they had his eyes.
那双眼睛太迷人了