神经马龙（2017）

像这样
They'd be like .
一爽 一爽 爽歪歪
They twinkle, twinkle little star.
脚趾头卷在一起 就像是
And then they'd curl up, and you looked like you was
你用脚比划暗语一样
throwing up gang signs with your feet.
我们来做吧
Let's just do this, okay?
不带入感情 不加情调 就打一炮而已
No feelings, no romance, just down and dirty.
我都不会剃腿毛
I won't even shave my legs.
你真觉得你能行吗
You really think you could do this?
我知道我行
I know I could.
我倒是行
I know I could.
好吧
Okay.
好
Okay.
我们来吧
Let's do it.
那就这周五晚上
So this Friday night,
我会让伊维特把孩子接走
I'll ask Yvette to take the kids for a sleepover,
我们加入38%的大军吧
and you and I will join the 38% club.
好
Cool.
来吧
Let's do it.
我们像陌生人一样干一炮
We'll knock it out like a couple of strangers,
然后我给你叫车走人
and then I'll call you an Uber.
你就是这么对待你的炮♥友♥吗
Is that what you do for your jump-offs?
「炮♥友♥」这个词多难听啊
"Jump-offs" is a derogatory term.
叫「情人」更好听一些
Okay, they prefer "Side pieces."
好吧
Okay.
「浪♥女♥」也行
Yes, or "Thots."
好吧
Okay.
我都为她们叫车了
And then I call them all an Uber.
高级轿车吗
UberX?
拼车啦
UberPOOL.
她们还想跟你同居吗
And they still want to move in?
妹子 哥就是魅力大
Girl, I'm uber-special.
你最好热热身
You better get your stretch on.
我有一招叫 「超人」
I got this one move I call "The Superman."
我就直接上去
I just hop up.
老狂野了
It's crazy.
还有一招叫 「烤乳猪」
Then I got this one called "The Roasted Pig."
拿一个苹果塞到你嘴里
I put an apple in your mouth.
你都想不到
You won't know.
你确定你想这么做吗
Are you sure you want to go through with this?
你知道这样做
You know, something like this
真的会给一段关系造成压力
could really put a strain on a relationship.
你觉得我和马龙这么做错了吗
You think Marlon and I are making a mistake?
不是 我是说让我给你看孩子
No, I'm talking about me watching your kids.
你知道我没打算要孩子吧
You know kids do not fit into my life plan.
这里的一切都好白好易碎啊
Everything is so white and breakable in here!
说的就是啊
You're damn right it is.
把手放到兜里
Put your hands in your pockets.
亲爱的上帝 请赐予我力量
Jesus, boo, please give me the strength
别让我玩坏这些孩子
to not dropkick these...babies.
伊维特 我知道你不怎么喜欢孩子
Yvette, I know this isn't your scene,
我很感谢你能这么做
and I really appreciate this.
我对今晚还挺期待呢
I'm kind of excited about tonight.
尽管他这个人很难相处
I mean, as impossible as he is,
马龙的床上功夫还是很厉害的
Marlon does know his way around the bedroom.
妹子 你确定跟马龙上♥床♥
Girl, are you sure you're not going to get hurt
你不会受情伤吗
fooling around with Marlon?
你确实很容易投入感情啊
You do get attached pretty quickly.
那个咖啡师在你杯子上拉了一个心形的花
When that barista put a heart on your cup,
你花钱让他侄子去太空夏令营了
you sent his nephew to Space Camp.
我那是捐助
I chipped in.
好吧 我确实容易投入感情
All right, I do tend to get emotionally invested.
但马龙那副德行 你也知道
But this is Marlon we're talking about,
我绝对可以不投入任何感情
so I think I can remain emotionally detached.
扎克 放下
Zach, put that down!
但这是个球啊 我得知道它会不会弹起来
But it's a ball. I got to know if it bounces.
妹子 你再不走 我就改变主意了
Girl, you better get out of here before I change my mind.
好了 孩子们 听伊维特阿姨的话
Okay, kids, listen to Aunt Yvette.
谢啦 爱你们
Thank you so much. I love you.
爱你
Love you.
马龙 信我 你这是要犯下不可弥补的大错
Marlon, trust me, you're making a life-altering mistake.
你有啥资格给情感建议啊
You know, you got a lot of relationship advice
相亲网站都给你发邮件说 「抱歉 我们也犯难了」
for a guy who got a "Sorry, we're stumped" email from Match.Com.
你和艾什丽的现状非常好
You and Ashley have a great thing going.
你想去看家人就去
You see your family whenever you want,
你还可以继续泡妹子
and you still get to date.
如果你这么干了
If you go through this,
你就毁了一断完美的离异关系
you will destroy a perfect divorce.
我就是让这段完美的关系更锦上添花
I'm just going to make a perfect divorce perfecter.
这是你的想法 女人可不这么想
That's what you think, but it's different for women.
一旦你们睡了 她就会重新爱上你
Once you make love, she'll fall right back in,
你的生活从此「玩完了」
and life as you know it is donesville.
别再用「玩完了」这个词
You never say "Donesville" again.
这对黑人来说 是极大的不尊重
It is disrespectful to black people.
巴拉克·奥巴马当了八年总统
Barack Obama did not do eight years in office,
受尽共和党的痛恨
getting hated on by Republicans
可不是为了让你能说「玩完了」
for your ass to say "Donesville."
他卸任时 可没说
It wasn't like he finished office like,
「我玩完了」 没有
"I'm donesville." No!
奥巴马说的是 「老子不干了」
Barack said, "I'm out, bitch."
我说的话有道理 马龙
I know what I'm talking about, Marlon.
我跟你说
And I'm telling you this,
不投入感情 女人不可能跟男人睡
women can't do it without getting emotionally attached.
如果你不为你自己想 为我想想
If you're not going to think of yourself, think of me.
你钓的那些妹子基本上
The hot girls you date almost always have
都有一些不怎么漂亮的女性朋友需要我来陪
a less-attractive friend who needs to be occupied by me.
如果没有这些妹子了 我的人生就「玩完了」
If I lose that, my love life is donesville.
你这是比我动粗啊
You gonna make me violent.
别再说「玩完了」
You stop with "Donesville."
美国黑人♥民♥权行动主义者
罗莎·帕克斯拒绝黑人给白人让座时
Rosa Parks did not sit in the front of the bus
可没说 「我不会让座」
and say "I ain't moving nowhere,"
就为了让你能说「玩完了」
for you to say "Donesville."
听着 小史 我了解女人
Listen, Stevie, I know women, okay?
我跟艾什丽都说好了 不会搞情调
Me and Ashley agreed, this is not going to be all romantic.
我们不是做♥爱♥
We're not making love.
我就是打一炮就走
This is going to be hit it and quit it.
嘿♥咻♥嘿♥咻♥ 慢走不送
Smash it and dash it.
啪啪啪 拜拜拜
Beat it and street it.
搞完 就撤
Sex it and exit.
爽完再见 再也不见
Lube her, then Uber.
就你这样 还对「玩完」有看法
And you have a problem with "Donesville."
你得信我 小史
You've got to trust me on this, Stevie.
她都不会剃腿毛
Listen, she's not even going to shave her legs.
马龙
Hi, Marlon.
哎呀呀
Wow.
你剃腿毛了
You shaved your legs.
我剃毛的地方多了
That's not all I shaved.
小史 你说对了
Stevie, you was right.
这不是干一炮就走
This isn't hit it and quit it.
而是睡完就套牢
It's tap it and trap it.
别慌 你在哪儿
Okay, okay, where are you?
我在卫生间
I'm in the bathroom.
我跟她说 我得洗一下
I told her I had to freshen up.
等下 我开下水龙头
Hold up, let me splash some water around,
让她觉得我在洗私处
so this way she thinks I'm washing my privates.
听着 这不是简单地约炮
Listen, man, this isn't the uncomplicated down and dirty
像她之前说的那样啊
that she promised me.
如果我离开 她会受伤
If I leave, I hurt her.
如果我留下 她会重新爱上我
If I stay, she winds up falling back in love,
然后我还得伤她的心
and then I have to break her heart.
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