神经马龙（2017）

You got to get out of there.
不管怎么做 都毁了一段完美的离异关系
Either way it goes, I messed up the perfect divorce.
你当初怎么不提醒我一下 小史
Why didn't you warn me, Stevie?
我说了啊 你的台词都是套用我的话
I did. I used those exact words.
快点 猛♥男♥
Hurry up, Tiger.
听到了吗 她管我叫「猛♥男♥」
Did you hear that? She just called me Tiger.
她用70年代的性感风撩我啊
She's throwing '70s sexy at me.
她知道这多对我的胃口
She knows how much I dig that jive, baby.
马龙 你跟谁说话呢
Marlon, who are you talking to?
没人 辣妹
No one, Mama.
我就是收拾一下胸毛
I'm just in here picking out my nappy chest hairs,
抹些须后水
throwing on a little Aqua Velva,
然后我就出去跟你覆雨翻云
and I'ma come in there and lay the skinny down on that thing.
让激♥情♥更猛烈一些吧
Sookie, sookie.
画风太美 我撤了
And I should not be hearing this.
披萨上没有酱啊
There's no sauce on this pizza.
因为我看见过你在自己家时
That's because I've seen what you do
怎么把酱弄得到处都是
with sauce at your mama's house.
我能喝些葡萄汁吗
Can I have some grape juice?
你可以喝些「水汁」
You can have some water juice.
家里只有我能喝葡萄饮品[酒]
I'm the only one allowed to drink grapes up in here, okay?
你以前给人看过孩子吗
Haven't you ever watched kids before?
看过
Yes.
我看过他们怎么毁了大人的人生
I've watched them ruin people's lives.
你打算这辈子都不生孩子了吗
So you never want to have a baby?
宝宝会让乳♥房♥♥下垂
Babies make your boobies droop.
霸占了你的子♥宫♥ 还扩张了...
They jack your uterus, and they stretch your...
财政开支
finances.
我太爱自己的生活了 可不想孩子上浪费时间
I like my life way too much to waste it on kids.
那你老了以后 谁来养你啊
Well, who's going to take care of you when you're old?
你说啥
Say what now?
我和扎克会养活我的父母
My parents always have me and Zach,
而他们会有孙子 有人照顾他们
and someday they'll have grandkids and people to look after them.
你怎么办啊
Who will you have?
我可不想一个人孤零零老死在这里
I wouldn't want to be old and alone in this place.
你老了以后 膝盖不好 卡在没有扶手的梯子上
Your bad knee locks up on that stairway with no railing,
结果就挂了
and bam!
两个月后 别人才发现你的尸体
They won't find your corpse for two months.
到那时 你的尸体都被你家猫吃了
By then, your cats will have eaten you.
我没养猫
I don't have cats.
你会养的
You will.
天呐
My God.
我头疼死了
I have such a headache.
你能关掉音乐吗
Would you mind turning that music down?
我感觉自己撑爆了
And I feel so bloated.
肯定是今天吃太多了
It must have been all the food we had today.
首先 我们没吃饭
Okay, first of all, we didn't eat.
其次 你喜欢吃饱再做
And secondly, you love doing it on a full stomach.
你不记得我们是怎么庆祝
Don't you remember how we celebrated
你赢了「煎饼大胃王」的比赛吗
you winning the pancake-eating contest?
是啊
Yeah.
没错 我们想出了新招式
That's right, we came up with a new move that day.
「滚煎饼」那招
The IHOP.
从这里一路滚到那里
Hop from there all the way over there.
不如你...
Why don't you...
你过来坐吧
Why don't you come over here?
不用了 我就坐这儿吧
No, I think I'll sit right here.
这里更舒服
It's much more comfortable.
这里还能吹着
And I have a nice northeasterly breeze
从东北面吹进风口的小风
coming from that vent over there.
真凉爽啊
It's really refreshing.
好吧 我来找你
Okay, well, I will come to you,
因为你干净又诱人
'cause you're nice and clean.
不不不 我其实不干净
Well, no, no, no, I'm not... I'm actually not clean.
我没进去洗澡 我就在洗手台洗了一下私处
I didn't get to wash in there. I just took a ho bath.
我没洗澡
I didn't get to really wash
因为我不喜欢你家沐浴露
because I don't like your body wash.
我喜欢用香皂洗
I like bar soap.
因为我每个角落都不放过
Yeah, because I get all up in my nooks and my crannies.
我很瘦
And I'm skinny,
所以每个死角都不好洗
so I got really deep nooks and really long crannies.
我觉得我还是回我家洗一下吧
You know, I think I'm going to go to my house and shower,
我马上就回来
and I'll just come right back.
不不不不
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
谁有那个时间啊
Ain't nobody got time for that.
你这身性感小睡衣真带感啊
Wow, that's the "Freak 'em nightie" right there.
是啊 我知道你就好这口
Yeah, I know that it was your favorite.
确实是
Yeah, it is.
我以前喜欢
Well, it used to be my favorite,
我们还没离婚那会儿
you know, back when we were married,
还是夫妻的时候 所以...
and in a committed relationship, you know, so it's...
你看《我们的日子》了吗
So, have you seen "This Is Us?"
特别好看
It's really good.
我都没想到我会这么喜欢这部剧
You know, I'm surprised I like it as much as I do.
剧评家都很喜欢
The critics love it.
咱们就别说话了
How about a little less talking
直接拔下这条浴巾吧
and a little bit more of taking off this towel?
妹子
Woman.
你怎么回事啊
What is wrong with you?
不是吧
Okay?
我也是有灵魂的人
I'm not just a piece of meat.
不如我们先聊聊吧
How about we have a little small talk, like,
「马龙 今天过得怎么样」
"Hey, Marlon, how was your day?"
马龙 今天过得怎样
Hey, Marlon, how was your day?
脱下浴巾
Drop that towel.
等下
Wait!
说了不要 就是不要
No means no, Kobe.
马龙 怎么回事
Marlon, what is going on?
听着 你没做好这种准备
All right, look, you're not ready for all of this.
懂吗
Okay?
你觉得你可以 但其实不是
You may think you are, but you're not.
看看你啊
I mean, look at you.
穿上了我最爱的内衣 剃了腿毛
You got on my favorite nightie, you shaved your legs,
点了埃及麝香 搞情调
you've got Egyptian Musk and Blue Nile,
乳香精油 芳香四溢
and frankincense and myrrh burning.
妥妥地爱情套牢啊
That's the black love trifecta right there.
还放着「造人」音乐
And you got that baby-making music playing.
你要是想快速干一炮
You want to have animal sex,
就放些南方说唱歌♥曲 狂野的那种
put on some southern rappers that says,
搞得粗野一些 不是搞情调啊
You make it thug, but you don't do this.
这是做♥爱♥啊
This is making love.
我们之前不是这么说的
That's not what this agreement was about, okay?
你会让自己伤心的
You're going to get hurt.
咋...咋回...
What-what-what...
这声邪魅的仰天大笑是什么套路
What's with the villain laugh?
马龙 我不是投入感情
Marlon, I'm not all up in my feelings, okay?
这是为我准备的
This is all for me.
我从没跟人约炮
I've never hit it and quit it,
而当我跟人上♥床♥时 我想让自己进入状态
and when I have sex, I like to set a mood.
我不会让自己伤心
I'm not going to get hurt.
这只是约炮
This is a transaction.
我就是想进入状态
I'm just trying to get her done.
这么说 你不会投入感情而受伤吗
So you're not going to get all caught up and get hurt?
我甩的你 我不会受伤
I divorced you. I'm fine.
等我们接吻时
So all the history you and I have together
你不会想起我们过往的点点滴滴吗
is not going to come creeping into your mind the moment we kiss?
绝对不会
Hell no.
如果是这样 那就来吧 辣妹
In that case, then let's get it popping, hot mama.
是时候动真格了
It's time to get it on.
让激♥情♥更猛烈一些吧
Sookie sookie now.
我做不到