神经马龙（2017）

各位亲们好啊
What's up, people?
欢迎收看《马龙直播》
Welcome to "The Marlon Way."
我和我前妻 艾什丽
Me and my ex-wife, Ashley,
我们的教育方式不同
when we parent, we do it differently.
我是真的言传身教
See, I keep it real,
她是真的情感泛滥
and she keeps it real emotional.
艾什丽哭泣时 跟多数女人一样
And when Ashley cries, like most women,
分为四个阶段
it comes in four stages.
阶段一 呼吸粗重
Stage one: Heavy breathing.
阶段二
Stage two.
仰望天空 酝酿眼泪
They look up into the sky and start fanning their eyes.
阶段三 嘴唇抽动
Stage three: Lip sucking.
阶段四就火力全开 鬼哭狼嚎
Stage four is a full on, ugly cry,
像维奥拉·戴维斯一样 哭出一把大鼻涕
buttoned up with a big old Viola Davis snot bubble.
《逍遥法外》女主 哭戏逼真
鼻涕流得满脸都是
Just mucus spread all across her face.
我们男人哭泣时
See, men, when we cry,
像丹泽尔[好莱坞著名影星]一样有范儿
we do it real cool, like Denzel.
面无表情 一滴眼泪滑落面颊
Just one tear rolling down our cheek with no expression.
神经马龙 第一季 第七集
好了 马莉的零食 扎克的平板
Okay. Snacks for Marley, iPad for Zack,
以防医院很冷 带上长袖衫
sweatshirts in case the hospital is cold.
我还漏了啥
What else am I forgetting?
马桶坐垫
Toilet seat covers!
你还有专门的马桶坐垫
You have your own toilet seat covers?
-你没有吗 -我都悬空蹲着
- Don't you? - I hover.
你得淡定点
Girl, you need to chill.
扎克只是去门诊部做个手术
Zack's surgery is outpatient.
他几小时就能回家了
He'll be home in a few hours.
我只是喜欢做好万全准备
I just like to be prepared.
而且这让我不去想扎克有多脆弱
Plus, it keeps me distracted from thinking about how fragile Zack is.
你是只鸟 是架飞机
It's a bird! It's a plane!
你比我想的沉多了
It's... a kid that's way heavier than I thought he was!
天呐
My God!
马龙 你不该把他摇来摇去
Marlon, you shouldn't be jiggling him around.
怎么 妈妈吃醋了吗
What's the matter? Mommy's jiggle-jealous?
来吧 我给你举高高 宝贝 来吧
Come here, I got you, girl! Come here.
-棒耶 -放我下来
- Yeah! - Put me down.
-多举几下 -马龙
- Mind new some. - Marlon.
好了 听着 他要去医院了有点紧张
Okay, listen, he's justa little nervous about going to the hospital,
所以我只是想让他知道
so I just wanted to remind him
超级英雄无所畏惧 是吧
that superheroes aren't afraid of anything, right?
我们要怎么对待骨感染啊
What are we gonna do to that bone infection?
我们要对其爆... 菊
We're kicking the bone infection's ass!
我不是跟你说不要用"爆菊"这个词吗
Hey, what'd I tell you about saying the word "ass"?
没有啊
Nothing.
带你去抢银行 绝对被你坑死
You know, me and you could never rob a bank together.
扎克 你再拄几天拐杖
Zack, you're only gonna need these crutches...
就行了
for a couple more days.
天呐
My God.
看到了吗 呼吸粗重
You see that? The heavy breathing?
"鬼哭狼嚎"阶段一
Stage one of the ugly cry.
你们就尽情嘲笑我吧
I'm glad you guys think this is funny,
但我家宝贝要做手术了
but my baby's having surgery.
你确定不会疼吗
Are you sure this isn't gonna hurt?
宝贝 记得吗 就像我们说的那样
Honey, remember, it's like we talked about, right?
医生会在你腿上切开一个小口
The doctor's just gonna make a small incision in your leg.
清理掉感染部位
He's gonna clean out the infection.
再打几天抗生素...
You'll be on antibiotics for a couple day...
小子 你会嗨到爆
Boy, you gon' be high as hell.
医生给你注射的那种药
They gon' give you that stuff
令鲍比和惠特尼都坠入爱河了
that made Bobby and Whitney fall in love.
听着 你九点就能回家
Look, you gon' be home by 9:00.
我九点零五
I'ma be beating your behind
就能在约翰麦登橄榄球游戏里打得你落花流水
in "John Madden Football" by 9:05.
扎克 你会没事的 我为你祈祷呢
Zack, you good. I prayed on that.
我的主可是神医圣手
And my God is a mighty healer.
真是有事钟无艳 无事夏迎春啊
Same as be dropping to their needs in a second, huh?
呼唤着 "主啊 我是伊维特
Talking about, "God, it's me, Yvette.
我上次有事相求 找你来着"
I holla at you the last time I needed something."
主知我心 这点你可以相信
God knows my heart, and you can trust and believe that.
我相信上帝定会故意不接你电♥话♥
I trust and believe God's gon' be ducking your calls.
他肯定在天上这样
He gon' be up there like,
"是伊维特打来的吗 耶稣啊 假装我不在
"Is that Yvette? Jesus, I ain't here!
快 熄灭太阳 合上云彩"
Quick, turn out the sun! Close the clouds!"
耶稣爱我 我很清楚
Jesus loves me. This I know.
爱你的是"耶蘇"[西语发音]吧
I think that's Jesús.
在克伦肖区开了家汽修店的那个
And he owns an auto body shop right down there on Crenshaw.
"耶蘇"半价修好了我的挡泥板
Well, Jesús fixed my fender for half price.
怎么地吧
So, ha-ha!
马莉 我们该走了
Marley! It's time for us to go.
我准备好了 刚刚在给扎克做巧克力奶昔
I'm ready. I was just making some chocolate milk for Zack.
来吧 出发咯 走吧 快快快
Come on, let's race. Let's go. Come on, come on.
这是你的最快速度吗 快快 有我呢
That's as fast as you can go? Come on, I got you.
我倒着走都行 你不行啊 小子
I do that backwards. You can't get this, boy.
这又是哪门子情况
What in the ninja was that?
我们得谈谈
We need to talk.
我不喜欢以"我们得谈谈"开头的对话
I don't like conversations that start with "we need to talk,"
因为都没什么好事
'cause it's never nothing good.
从来都不是"我们得谈谈
It's never like, "Hey, we need to talk.
我觉得你超酷
I think you're really cool,
想给你十亿美元"
and I want to give you a billion dollars."
不 从来都是
No, it's always like,
"我看过医生了 我觉得你也该去看看"
"I saw the doctor, and I think you should too."
"我怀孕了 孩子不是你的"
"I'm pregnant. It's not yours."
马龙 虽然我们只在医院待六小时
Marlon, I know we're only gonna be in the hospital for six hours,
但对父母来说很会煎熬
but that can be very stressful on parents.
面临这种情况
And in situations like these,
我知道你会很...
I also know you can be very...
-性感 -不是
- Sexy? - No.
-迷人 -不是
- Charismatic? - No.
-我说过"性感"了吗 -马龙
- Did I say sexy? - Marlon!
我指的就是这个 你这幅德行
This is what I'm talking about. You being you.
让我想起了 我们为什么离婚
It reminds me of why we got divorced.
听着 我只想让扎克放松心态 懂吗
Look, I was just trying to lighten the mood for Zack, okay?
他要手术了
He's going to surgery,
我只是想让他别那么紧张
and I just wanted to, you know, make everything easy for him.
而我只想确保一切进展顺利
And I just need to make sure that everything goes smoothly,
所以你得...
which is why I need you to be...
性感点
Sexy?
天呐
My God.
你们去哪儿了
Where have you been?
我们刚刚在外面抗击癌症...
We was out there beating cancer...
儿童 进行轮椅比赛
kids in wheelchair races.
-大喘气的不是地方啊 -知道就好
- That was a really weird place to put a pause. - Yeah.
来吧 把你弄出来
Come on, let's get you out of here, buddy.
知道吗 在这儿停车
Get this. When you park here,
必须缴纳一天的费用
you have to pay for an entire day.
42美元啊 想都别想
$42! Well, that's not gonna happen.
我得找个人谈谈这事儿
I gotta talk to somebody about this.
能给我42块吗
Can I have $42?
不能
No.
我得找别人谈谈这事儿
I gotta talk to someone else about this!
我是帕特里斯护士
I'm Nurse Patrice.
别被开朗的样子迷惑了
Don't let my bubbly demeanor fool you.
我没那么说话
I don't play.
你好啊 帕特里斯 很高兴见到你
Hi, Patrice. It's wonderful to meet you.
我是艾什丽·韦恩 这是我儿子扎克
I'm Ashley Wayne, this is our son, Zack,
这是我前夫 马龙
and this is my ex-husband, Marlon.
你好啊 拉契特护士[《飞越疯人院》中人物]Hey there, Nurse Ratched.
我喜欢你的"卡骆驰拖鞋"
I like your little Crocs.
又舒服又时髦 就像你一样