神经马龙（2017）

粉丝们 大家好
What's up, subscribers?
欢迎收看《马龙直播》
Welcome to "The Marlon Way."
我朋友都说我"划不清个人界限"
You know, my friends say I have boundary issues.
我却觉得 我就是跟人自来熟
I like to think that I'm just very close to people.
来采访一下我朋友小史吧
Let's ask my friend Stevie.
你觉得我划不清个人界限吗
Do I have boundary issues?
马龙 出去
Marlon! Get outta here!
什么 你得发表一下看法啊
What? I need your take on this.
没错 你划不清个人界限
Yes, you have boundary issues!
小史这么觉得
Stevie thinks so.
但他没说他为何这么觉得
But you know, he didn't tell me why he thinks that.
你想详解一下吗
Could you elaborate?
关上门帘
Close the curtain!
我就是给你搓个背
I'm just gonna do your back.
没事啦 好兄弟应该这么做
Come on, man. This is what friends do.
神经马龙 第一季 第八集
好了 孩子们
Come on, guys.
我们得去球场了
We really gotta get going to the game.
你老爸晚了啊
Your father's running late.
妈妈 他其...
Mom, he's actu...
他一小时前就该过来了
He really should have been here an hour ago.
-妈妈 -他估计马上就会走进来
- Mom, he's... - I know he's gonna walk in the door any minute
扯一堆没用的借口
with some silly little excuse.
什么鬼
What the hell?
你们怎么都换成天然美白牙膏了
When did y'all switch to natural toothpaste?
味道跟口臭一样
This tastes like bad breath.
牙膏什么味儿啊
Like, what's the flavor?
马龙 你怎么在这里
Marlon, what are you doing here?
我都准备给你打电♥话♥了
I was getting ready to call your house.
老爸昨晚在这里过夜了 刚才就要说这个呢
Dad slept over. That's what we were trying to tell you.
是吗
Really?
你在这里过夜了
You slept over?
其实也不是
Technically, no.
我们基本没睡觉
I mean, we barely slept at all.
我们玩了枕头大战
We had pillow fights.
凌晨两点吃零食
We ate junk food at 2:00 in the morning.
然后录了你打呼噜的样子 发到网上了
And then we recorded you snoring and put that on YouTube.
瞧啊 老妈 你上热搜了 看 爸
Look, Mom, you're trending. Look, Dad!
点赞数老多了
Look at all those likes!
够了
Time out!
我们先离开一下
Can you excuse us, kids?
老妈有话跟老爸说
Mommy's gotta talk to Daddy.
但老爸不喜欢老妈有话跟他说啊
But Daddy don't like it when Mommy has to talk to him.
马龙 你不能在这里过夜
Marlon, you can't just sleep over here.
有什么大不了
What's the big deal?
扎克让我留下的
Zack asked me to stay.
扎克还让你剃光他的头
Zack also asked you to shave his head,
以至于他四年级的照片看起来都像"巧克力棒棒糖"
and now his fourth-grade picture looks like a smiling Milk Dud.
重点是 我们都在适应离婚中
The point is, this divorce is new for all of us.
我不想让孩子们误会
And I don't wanna send the kids the wrong message.
小艾 我穿着衣服睡在蝙蝠侠的床单上
Ash, I slept in my clothes on top of Batman sheets.
如果我不♥穿♥衣服 睡在你身上
Now, if I slept in no clothes on top of you...
那才会让孩子们误会呢
that may be sending the wrong message.
爸 换衣服 你来看我比赛吧
Dad, get dressed. You're coming to the game, right?
当然会去了 肯定啊
Of course I'm coming to the game. Come on.
必须去啊
I wouldn't miss it for the world.
听着 不管输赢
Now, listen, win or lose,
我都会在场外给你大声助威 为你骄傲
I'm still gonna be the loudest, proudest daddy up in there.
我会大喊 "那是我儿子
I'ma be like, "That's my son!
被虐了吧
In your face!
被我儿子虐了吧"
In your face's face!"
我喜欢你大声助威 老爸
I love how loud you are, Dad.
我就是希望有你加油 我们能赢
I just wish you could cheer us to a win.
儿子 喊破嗓子 你们也赢不了
Son, ain't that much cheering in the world.
道格教练指导水平不行
Listen, Coach Doug is terrible.
太差了 为此我都写了一段饶舌
He's so bad, I wrote a rap about it,
我中场时会表演出来
and I'ma do it at halftime.
♪道格教练 你真烂♪
♪ Coach Doug, you suck ♪
-♪老子不管...♪ -还可以...
- ♪ And I don't give a... ♪ - Or...
你还可以跟家长们坐在看台上
you could sit with the adults in the bleachers
不那么张扬
and try being a little bit more subdued.
你不想让我张扬
You want subdued?
那我就不张扬了
I'll give you subdued.
上啊 上啊
Let's go! Let's go!
来吧
Let's get this one!
你们准备好获胜了吗
Are you ready to win?
你这叫不张扬啊 马龙
Way to be subdued, Marlon.
"过奖"
Thanks.
我这是收敛了呢
I been workin' on it.
上吧
Let's go, baby!
上啊
Let's do this!
所以我才退出了田径队
And that's why I quit track and field.
看谁终于来看比赛了
Well, look who finally made it to a game.
不能再错过扎克的比赛 要给他加油啊
Couldn't let another season go by without supporting Zack.
我特别喜欢这孩子
I have a deep affection for that little guy.
我跟他说比赛后有披萨吃
I told him there's pizza after every game.
我还特别喜欢披萨
I also have a deep affection for free pizza.
你是特别喜欢免费的东西
You have a deep affection for free.
伊维特
Yvette!
你也为免费披萨而来吗
Are you here for free pizza too?
我这曼妙身姿像是会吃披萨的人吗
Does this body look like it eats pizza?
我来看小扎克的球赛
I came to see my baby boy ball!
我跟她说很多球队里的孩子都有个离异的爹
I told her a lot of kids on the team have divorced dads.
我才不是为此而来
That is not why I'm here.
但他们都在哪啊
But where they at, though?
-艾什丽 -薇姬
- Hey, Ashley. - Hey, Vickie.
你觉得孩子们终于能赢一回了吗
You think the boys might finally win one?
说不好
Well, I don't know,
但马龙正在那边给道格教练打气呢
but Marlon's over there giving Coach Doug a pep talk right now.
你要输了这场比赛了 道格
You 'bout to lose this game, Doug.
你收到我发给你的战术图解集了吗
Now... did you get the playbook I emailed you?
-没有 -没有吗
- No. - No?
我给你带来了
Well, bam!
你前夫真是精力充沛啊
Your ex-husband has a lot of energy.
所以我才不再学小提琴了
And that's why I quit violin.
他有时是有点亢奋
Yeah, well, he can be a little... unplugged.
但他昨天一晚上
But he was up all night
都在跟我儿子吃糖...
eating sugar with my son and...
慢着 你前夫在你家过夜了吗
Wait. Your ex-husband sleeps at your house?
不 也不是
No! Not... really.
他就是昨晚睡了一次
I mean, you know, he did last night,
但更像是睡衣派对啦
but it was more of like a slumber party.
看我脸书上的状态就知道了
You know what, can you just check my Facebook status?
一言难尽
It's complicated!
妹子 他还有她家钥匙
Girl, he's still got a key.
我前夫以前也这样
My ex was the same way,
然后我划清了个人界限
and I set boundaries,
他现在就尊重我的私人空间了
and now he respects my space
我们什么问题都没有了
and we have no problems whatsoever.
我懂 就像德米特里
I know! Like when Demetrius
向法♥院♥申请了对我的限制令
got that restraining order against me,
我当时就想 你只要报两次警...
I was like, all you got to do is call the cops on me twice...
我就不缠你了
and I'm out!
三 二 一
Three, two, one...
棒哎 友谊第一
Yay! Way to be nice!
道格
Hey, Doug,
我有个防守建议
I got a defensive suggestion for you.
就是 出手啊
Yeah... play some.
马龙 实话说
Marlon, I have to be honest.
你开始让我不爽了
You're beginning to frustrate me.
是吗 那你忍♥耐性挺强啊