老妈撞入电视台（2017）

Great News S02E10

Part 3 July 12, 2020, 2:14 p.m.

和他自己
End of list.
查克
Chuck?
谢谢珀尔莎
Thanks, Portia.
在我们道晚安之前我想占用一点时间
Before we say good night, I just want to take a moment
澄清外界对我的任何有关
to address any perceptions out there
我持有政♥治♥偏见的传闻
regarding bias in my reporting.
在如今这样的分♥裂♥时代
In divided times such as these,
我的一位最崇拜的英雄提醒了我
I am reminded of one of my great heroes:
沃尔特·克朗小凯
Walter Cronkite.
因为他我才得以
Because of him, I have the integrity
坚守中立的立场
to stay firmly impartial.
他给了我一份我此生都无法报答的礼物
He gave me a gift I can never repay:
椰子连锁店25块优♥惠♥券
a $25 gift card to Coconuts.
可惜我还没来得及用
If only I had used it
他们的全部门店就都关门了
before all their locations closed.
谢谢观看晚安
Thank you and good night.
你在推特上已经是个死人了
You're getting murdered on Twitter.
右♥派♥说你是叛徒
The right is calling you a traitor,
只不过前面还得加个"死"字
but spelling it with a "D,"
然后听听左派怎么说的
and listen to what the left is saying:
"所谓的中立立场
"Remaining neutral is a privilege
"正是有钱白人保守派的特权"
reserved for a rich white man."
恭喜你了查克
Congratulations, Chuck.
现在两边都恨死你了
Now both sides hate you.
抱歉凯柔你必须得去
Sorry, Carol. You had to be there.
我不同意这样更好玩
I disagree. It's just as funny this way.
我能跟我妈说两句话吗
Hey, can I borrow my mom for a second?
怎么回事老妈
What's going on, Mom?
你现在站小凯了吗
Are you Team Cat now?
-这个 -我的天啊
- Um... - Oh, my God!
就这一件事
Oh, just for this one thing.
别的所有事我都站你
I'm Team Katie for everything else.
我都没选勒布朗·詹姆斯而选了你
I'd pick you over LeBron James
来加入我的篮球队
for my basketball team.
只要我们当时有库里
Well, as long as we had Curry at the point
也许再加上安东尼·戴维斯
and maybe Anthony Davis down low,
或许我们可以遮一遮你的糟烂防守
and then we could hide you on defense.
可是凯蒂到底是怎么了
But, Katie, what's the problem?
你不是完全不喜欢克雷格吗
I thought you didn't even like Greg.
我是不喜欢可我也不能接受
I... don't, but I'll be damned
我妈妈和别的姑娘站一队
if my own mother is gonna side
而不是支持我
with another girl over me
去赢得她臆想出来的假比赛
in a fake competition she set up.
我告诉你这又是打鼓事件重现
You know what? This is the drums all over again.
"凯蒂你应该敲鼓"
"Katie, you should do the drums!"
"你喜欢敲鼓"
You'll like the drums."
我就敲了然后敲死了一只鸟
Then I do, I kill one bird--
抱歉但是两个人这么完美般配
I'm sorry, but you can't compete with two people
你是比不过的
who are perfect for each other.
完美般配
Perfect for each other?
你以为他喜欢一个
You think he likes a woman
能把每一场谈话
who takes every conversation
变成她自己的单口相声的女人吗
and turns it into a one-woman show?
诶呀呀我奶奶婆的戒指啦
Oh, my grandmother's ring.
我们没来由就亲嘴嘴了啦
We kissed for no reason.
抱歉
I'm sorry.
只是你再怎么装腔调也改变不了
It's just your tone of voice didn't change
这情节的感人程度
the emotional content.
他们初遇的故事实在是太浪漫了
Oh, the story of how they met is so romantic.
你和格雷格初遇是什么样子的
What is the story of how you and Greg met?
那是我入职第一天
Well, it was my first day here...
你知道怎么用复印机吗
Hey, do you know how to use the copy machine?
-不 -好吧
- No. - Okay.
你瞧多无聊一点都不浪漫
You see? Bad story. Not romantic.
格雷格和小凯才是灵魂伴侣
Greg and Cat are soul mates.
灵魂伴侣得了吧
Soul mates? Please.
她要逼他K歌♥啊
She's making him do karaoke.
如果小凯和格雷格真的是灵魂伴侣
If Cat and Greg were really soul mates,
她会做一些他真正想做的事就像我这样
she'd get him something he actually wants, like I did.
职业办公文件夹
里面有什么
What's in there?
没这个就是礼物了
No, this is the actual... gift,
不过这是顶级办公用品
but it's a top of the line Office Pro TX
而且有终生质量保障
and it's got a lifetime guarantee
保证你的文件卡
that the ringulators--
永远不会老化脱落
they're never gonna encrossulate.
好吧我不知道该怎么跟你说
Okay, I don't know how to say this.
文件夹当礼物简直烂透了
P.U. That gift stinks.
收手认输吧凯蒂
Step away from this, Katie.
就让格雷格和小凯在夕阳下奔跑
Let Greg and Cat ride off into the sunset
生一堆可爱的孩子吧
and make cute babies together.
他们的可爱孩子那我们的可爱孩子呢
Their cute babies? What about our cute babies?
这么美的大眼球子他的大下巴颏
These eyes? His jawline?
你少发神经了妈
Get your head out of your ass, Mom!
我比她要适合格雷格得多
I'm way more perfect for Greg than she is,
我要证明给你看
and I'm gonna prove it!
格雷格抱歉突然进来跟你说公事
Hey, Greg. Sorry to jump in with a work thing.
-我明天想按我的想法做头条 -好
- I want to lead with my story tomorrow. - Okay.
不是可是
No, but...
我猜你肯定觉得我从这里扔不中
Betcha think I can't make it from here.
中啦人群沸腾啦
Oh, and the crowd goes...
吓得沸腾了怎么回事
horrified? Why?
糟了你的宠物鸭
Oh no, your pet duck.
凯瑟琳它们已经命很苦了
Katherine, they've been through so much already.
你今天晚上来K歌♥吗
Hey, are you gonna come to karaoke tonight?
来当然来我一定会去的
Yeah, yeah, I'll be there, and hey,
如果你认为这是格雷格想要的派对
if you think it's the perfect party for Greg,
那肯定错不了
I am sure you're right.
相信你的直觉
Trust your gut, ok--
我的天我被你的肚子伤到手指了
Oh, my God, I hurt my finger so bad on your stomach.
抱歉跳舞的肉硬
Sorry. Dancer.
今晚见哟
See you tonight. Ah!
真是尬惨了
That was bad and uncomfortable.
查克难道你当选哈利波特的新猫头鹰了吗
Chuck? Oh, no, are you the new Hedwig?
我说了你没那本事
I told you you don't have the chops.
我的所有私人信息都被公开泄露了
All my private information was leaked to the public,
现在人们一个劲地给我寄银粉炸♥弹♥
and now people keep sending me glitter bombs.
他们有我的地址
They have my address,
我的手♥机♥号♥
my cell number,
我的便利店优♥惠♥卡♥号♥♥
my CVS ExtraCare card.
还有那么几个小人
Some low-life is out there
连我的超长收据都搞到了
getting all of my super-long receipts.
标准的网络暴♥力♥
Standard troll move.
你被人肉了
You got doxed.
他们把你的号♥码
They wrote your number
写在了网上公厕的墙上
on the bathroom stall of the Internet.
这些个混♥蛋♥
Those bastards!
这种事我比你熟
I know this image stuff better than you.
-我来帮你 -珀尔莎我不用
- Let me help. Ah, - Portia, I'll be fine.
我想我能应付
I think I can handle
几个网络喷子的攻击
a couple of Internet trolls
只是一群废物而已
who are acting like goofballs.
你看还是有人给我寄检查过的邮包的
Look, someone sent me a piece of certified mail.
这个肯定是安全...
Surely that will be okay to--
小王八羔子
You sons of bitches!
我宰了你们
I'll kill you!
从里面出来跟我打啊
Come out of there and face me!
酒吧
安静他来了
Shh. Here he comes!
惊喜
Surprise!
我是英国人所以不愿承认但是...
I was too British to admit it, but...