老妈撞入电视台（2017）

Great News S02E08

Part 1 July 12, 2020, 2:14 p.m.

要开始了
Ooh, it's starting.
Netflix and chill梗
你知不知道我发短♥信♥约"政♥治♥频道"炮
You know, you're the first guy I ever texted "C-SPAN and chill?"
你是唯一一个回复的
who actually responded.
抱歉这么久才赴约
Yeah, sorry it took so long to do this.
我最近特别忙
My schedule has just been crazy.
国会议员在后排睡觉喝
Oh, congressman sleeping in the back--drink.
裸奔的喝
Mm, streaker, drink.
等下那是南希·佩洛西No, wait, that's just Nancy Pelosi
美国众议院少数党领袖
穿着裸色套装
wearing a nude-colored pantsuit.
抱歉发言人先生
Excuse me, Mr. Speaker,
我提议与"性"省参议员一起去卧室
I call to the bedroom floor the Senator from Sex-achusetts.
我得走了
Oh, hey, I gotta go.
什么等一下为什么
What? Wait, why?
是因为那股烧焦骨头的味道吗
Oh, no, is it 'cause of the burnt bone smell?
那是我邻居在做萨泰里阿教的仪式
My neighbors practice Santería.
我是想抱怨但有时我会咳出金币
I would complain, but sometimes I cough up gold coins--
不是真的突然有非常重要的事
No, it's just something really important has just come up,
我很抱歉
I'm so sorry.
棒哎
Yeah.
老妈闯入电视台
第二季第八集
我刚得到了一条非常好的线索
I just got a very promising lead.
你知道那个纯素食健康食品品牌
You know that vegan health food brand,
"自命不凡草场"吗
Smug Meadow Farms?
知道知道
Oh, yeah, yeah,
我特喜欢他们的李子干
I love their dried prune snacks.
完全把我给"清干净"了
They totally clean me out
因为它们太贵了
because they're so expensive.
-清的是钱不是大便 -我刚得到消息
- Money, not poop. - I just got a tip
他们没有完全公开
that they haven't been disclosing
配料表
all of their ingredients,
并且也没人让他们为此负责
and there's no one to hold them accountable
尤其是总统把食品药品监督管理局的头
ever since the president replace the head of the FDA
换成了猎豹切斯特[动画人物]之后
with Chester Cheetah.
天呐这可是大新闻
Oh, my God, that's huge.
当然你肯定把这个新闻给吉恩
And of course, you're gonna give the story to Gene.
真是不公平
Well, it's not fair, man.
我比这儿任何一个人工作时间都要长
I work longer hours than everyone here.
不凯蒂我告诉你
No, Katie, I'm telling you
是因为想让你来监制这则新闻
because I want you to produce it.
我完全同意你工作非常努力
I totally agree. You work really hard.
好好吧
Okay, cool, yeah.
如果你想让我做那我就做好了
If you want me to do it, I'll do it, whatever.
拜托
Ugh, come on.
我爱到非得在办公室收到花
Oh, I'm so in love I have to get flowers at work
才能证明我的感情没有问题
to prove I'm in a good relationship.
是给我的
Ooh, they're for me.
这证明了我的感情没有问题
This is proof I'm in a good relationship.
谁送的
Who's the guy?
你还在跟那个麦当劳清洁工约会吗
Are you still dating that McDonald's janitor?
不我跟他约会的时候
No, and he wasn't a McDonald's janitor
他不是麦当劳清洁工
when I dated him.
他因为推倒一个小孩而被解雇了
He got fired for shoving a kid.
这是我的新男友杰米
No, this is a new guy I'm seeing--Jeremy.
他为什么给你送花
Why'd he get you flowers?
因为昨晚我们约会到一半他跑了
Oh, 'cause he had to bail on our date last night.
-是不是很甜蜜 -有猫腻还差不多
- Isn't that sweet? - More like shady.
男人只会因为三个原因送花
Guys only send flowers for three reasons--
周年纪念日情人节
anniversary, Valentine's Day,
搞大了艾波·罗斯的肚子
got Amber Rose pregnant.
不他只是很贴心不像那个清洁工
No, he's just thoughtful, unlike that janitor.
我们两个月纪念日的时候
For our two-month anniversary,
他在我睡觉的时候给我剪了头发
he surprised me with a haircut
作为惊喜
while I was asleep.
跟我说说
Tell me this--
你有去过他家吗
have you ever been to his place?
没有但是
Well, no, but--
他接电♥话♥时总神神秘秘吗
Is he secretive about phone calls?
是但我觉得
Yeah, but I mean,
想要些隐私也没什么错
what's wrong with wanting some privacy?
我就希望能有些隐私
I wish I had some.
直到今天早上我妈还坚持跟我同床睡
My mom insisted on co-sleeping up until this morning.
我不想扫你的兴不过你是个备胎
I hate to break it to you, but you're a sidepiece.
这男的有女朋友不是你
This guy has a girlfriend and you ain't it.
不我不是备胎
No, I'm not a sidepiece.
当然我也不是班克斯Sure, and I'm not Banksy.
匿名的英国涂鸦艺术家
格雷格你找我有事吗
Hey, Greg, you wanted to see me?
凯柔很不幸办公室有人
Yes, Carol, unfortunately someone in the office
投诉了你
filed a complaint against you.
你们日本人的头发真漂亮
You Japanese have such beautiful hair.
我不是日本人
I'm not Japanese.
太好了那我就可以跟你讲一个笑话
Oh, good, so I can tell you a funny joke
是我父亲在珍珠港事件时期写的
my father wrote during Pearl Harbor.
下班后你必须去参加
You have to attend sensitivity training
敏感话题培训
today after work.
拜托格雷格我没有种族歧视
Come on, Greg. I'm not racist.
这是MMN的规定你必须去
It's MMN policy. You have to go.
好吧那我能带安琪
Fine, can I at least bring Angie
去橄榄花♥园♥ 不去这个培训吗
and we go to the Olive Garden instead of this?
不行凯柔
No, Carol!
好吧
Okay.
你好啊菜鸟
'Sup, Rookie?
查克你在这儿做什么
Chuck, what are you doing here?
做过去十一年
The same thing I've done every night
我每晚都在做的事
for the past 11 years.
我做了太多冒犯他人的事
I've committed so many offenses
所以要一直在这儿培训直到死
I'll be here until the day I die.
欢迎来到地狱
Welcome to hell.
我占了威尔·肖尔茨的停车位
So, I take Will Shortz's parking space
他说"你会后悔的"
and he says, "You'll be sorry."
我以为他会把我变成
Now, I think he's gonna turn me into, like,
什么填字游戏线索之类的来羞辱我
a snarky crossword clue or something,
没想到他直接揍了我一顿
then he just beats me to a pulp.
我在想
Hey, I was thinking,
不如我们今晚去你那里吧
why don't we go to your place tonight?
真的吗
Really?b Um...
但我们总是去你家啊
But we always go to your place.
是啊不过换一下多好啊
I know, let's switch it up.
抱歉我得接一下电♥话♥
Uh, I'm so sorry. I gotta take this.
他不是在跟她的女朋友打电♥话♥
Oh, he's not talking to his girlfriend.
我才不是备胎
I'm not a sidepiece.
如果你想当备胎
Well, if you'd like to be,
我和奥斯瓦德是开放式关系
Oswald and I have an open relationship.
还是算了吧
Pass.
听起来不错亲爱的
Yeah, that sounds great, honey.
我们这周末在家烤弗兰克斯
We'll grill Franks at the house this weekend.
天呐
Oh, my God.
珀尔莎是对的
Portia was right.
我确实是备胎
I am a sidepiece.
我跟你说了不行姑娘
I told you no, young lady!
晚上好
Good evening.
我是乔伊斯我来主持你们的
My name is Joyce and I'll be conducting
敏感话题培训
your sensitivity training.
请认真听讲
Please do pay attention.
课程结束前会有测试
There will be a quiz at the end.
那对我来说应该很容易
That should be easy for me.
我没有种族歧视
I'm not racist against anyone...
除了对博洛尼亚的意大利人
except Italians from Bologna.
希望他们的尾巴被风车缠住不能动弹
May their tails get caught in a windmill.
敏感度就是要让工作成为"安全环境"
Sensitivity is about making work a "safe space"
这样就没有人会被瞧不起或是孤立