老妈撞入电视台（2017）

Great News S02E07

Part 2 July 12, 2020, 2:13 p.m.

Yep, and you're a seven. Give me my Minions balloon.
你能自己拿行李吗真的很沉
Hey, can you carry your own suitcase? It's really heavy.
我的脊柱侧凸都要犯了
I think it might be making my scoliosis come back.
快告诉我我的脊柱现在啥形状
Quick--what letter does my spine say?
沉是因为里面装满了
Oh, it's heavy 'cause it's filled
我最新的创业产品
with my latest entrepreneurial venture--
爷们红酒专门给爷们喝的红酒
Dude Wine. It's wine for dudes.
算了解释起来太麻烦
Eh, never mind. It's too hard to explain.
哎你♥爸♥来了
Oh, hey! There's your dad.
你好儿子
Hello, son.
爸
Dad.
记得我们以前玩的那个游戏吗
Remember that old game we used to play?
-不记得 -好吧再见
- No. - Well, see ya.
-等等你要去哪儿 -我要忙工作
- Wait, where are you going? - I have a lot of work to do.
可你不想陪陪你的...
But don't you want to spend time with your--
-你俩培养感情吧我不想当电灯泡 -可是...
- You two bond. I don't want to be a third wheel. - But--
需要钱买♥♥披萨就告诉我
Let me know if you need pizza money!
就跟我11岁的时候一样
It's like I'm 11 years old again.
我想和我爸一起过圣诞
Try to spend Christmas with my dad,
可他却把我丢给了他的一个小情人
and he pawns me off on one of his whores.
好吧他肯定是给你安排好了
Okay. Well, I'm sure he's got something planned
节目后的庆祝活动
for you two guys after the show.
不可能他根本就不想陪我
No way! He doesn't want to spend time with me.
他一直这样
He never did.
你想不想大醉一场
Hey, you want to get drunk?
我有40瓶爷们红酒呢
I've got 40 bottles of Dude Wine.
-行啊管他的呢 -好啊
- You know what? What the hell. - Cool.
喂怎么没有人在做事
Uh, hello? Why is no one doing their jobs?
我们在做事啊我们在做彩排呢
We are. We're rehearsing the show.
我说的是圣诞工作
No, your Christmas jobs!
凯柔我知道圣诞加班并不好玩
Carol, I know it's not fun to work on Christmas,
可我们确实是要工作的
but we do in fact have to work on Christmas.
没办法帮你
We can't help you.
是你告诉我可以把圣诞节
You are the one who told me I could bring
搬到这来过的
the spirit of Christmas here.
我说的是正常的东西比如花环
I mean normal stuff! A wreath,
还有热可可
hot cocoa from the Keurig!
点午饭的时候可能还会送个派呢
When we order lunch, perhaps we get a pie.
就没送到
No, never came.
我只想让我工作上的家人
Well, I just wanted to make Christmas special
-度过一个特别的圣诞 -我们是同事凯柔
- for my work family. - We're coworkers, Carol.
不是家人就这样
Not a family. End of story.
好吧
Fine.
那我就和凯蒂自己过
Then Katie and I will do it ourselves.
反正我们每年都这么过
That's basically what happens every year anyway,
因为戴夫每次都去施粥处做志愿者
because Dave always has to volunteer at the soup kitchen.
你肯定认为我研发爷们红酒
I'm sure you think I developed Dude Wine
是想挣钱顺便改变社会
to make $1 billion and revolutionize society,
但你想知道真正的原因吗
but you want to know the real reason?
我是想让我爸对我刮目相看
Did it to impress my dad.
听到每个孩子都想听到的那句话
Finally hear those words every kid wants to hear:
"不错啊儿子"
"Cool beans, son!"
我知道结果怎么也
I know how that goes.
每年圣诞节我妈都会把我逼疯
Every Christmas, my mom drives me insane.
我要做她布置的所有事情
I do everything that she asks,
可却永远不够完美
and nothing is ever perfect enough.
-你在这里啊 -你需要什么妈
- There you are! - What do you need, Mom?
所有事我不是想给你太多压力
Everything! Not to put pressure on you,
可所有人都罢♥工♥了所以我需要你现在就去
but everybody flaked, so I need you to go to the candle store
蜡烛店不然我会死的
right now, or I'll die!
好吧你要我买♥♥那种拉住
All right, what kind of candles do you want me to get?
松果香气的吗
Like pine scented?
这是圣诞节不是植树节
It's Christmas, not Arbor Day!
香草味的
Vanilla?
这是圣诞节不是布丁节
It's Christmas, not Pudding Day!
妈你到底为啥这样
Look, Mom, why are you like this?
你怎么不问我为啥想让我女儿过个完美的圣诞
Why do I want Christmas to be perfect for my daughter?
这不是为了我圣诞节从来不是关于我
No, this is not for me. It has never been.
你认为那年你逼我为圣诞卡片
You think that year that you made me pose
和一头真的麋鹿拍照是为了我吗
with a real reindeer for the Christmas card was for me?
它撞了我的头啊妈
He humped my head, Mom!
-你什么意思 -我的意思是
- What are you saying? - I'm saying
我不想做你的圣诞仆人
I don't wanna be your Christmas lackey!
我宁可一整天都听这家伙
I would rather spend the day listening to this guy
吹他的骰子技巧
brag about his strategy for playing craps.
我说的是我有拉屎的技巧
Actually, I said I have a strategy for taking craps,
不过随你了
but whatever.
好吧如果你这么不爽
Fine, if that's the way you feel,
那我就自己来好了
then I'll just do it myself!
-我说得太狠了 -没有很帅啊
- That was too harsh. - No, that was badass.
她一直在逼你做事
She was all like, "Do my stuff!"
你就是 "去你的吧婊砸" 帅炸
And you were like, "Suck this, bitch." Boosh!
你知道吗我准备冲我爸这么干去
You know what? That's what I'm gonna do to my dad.
感觉可没我想象的好
Didn't feel as good as I thought it would.
那是因为你是用的语言来伤害她
Well, that's because you used words.
我呢准备用肢体暴♥力♥
You see, I'm going to use physical violence.
我向泰勒老师保证过永远不会
Now, I promised Sensei Tyler that I would never use
对人类使用凤♥凰♥暴拳
the Punch of the Phoenix on a human man,
可你是对的凯蒂我爸活该
but you're right, Katie. My dad deserves it.
不不不不不不
No, no, no, no, no!
*不用梯子来装饰圣诞树*
*Deck the tree without a ladder*
*摔摔摔摔我不会摔*
*Fall fall fall fall fall, I'll never fall*
凯柔
Carol?
我不需要你来帮我
I don't need your help!
我把星星放在树顶上了
I got the star on top of the tree,
然后我就帅气地跳了下来我没事
and then I did a cool jump. I'm fine!
那那是什么
Then what's that?
是我啊
Oh, that's me!
今晚会有三个灵魂[烈酒]来找你
Tonight you will be visited by three spirits.
我希望是琴酒伏特加和龙舌兰
Oh, gin, vodka, and tequila, I hope.
我可真是个坏孩子所以是什么
I am so bad. Anyway, what is this?
将会有过去现在和将来的
You will be visited by the Ghosts
圣诞鬼魂来找你
of Christmas Past, Present, and Future.
等等就像在那部电影里一样吗
Wait, it's like I'm going to be in that movie?
等等那部电影叫啥来着
Wait, what is the name of that movie?
天啊等等
Oh, gosh. Okay, wait a minute.
里面有个人在数硬币
Okay, there's a guy counting coins,
可他却不愿帮助小汤姆
but he wouldn't help Teeny Tom.
快想起来《布偶大电影》挺不错的
Oh, come on. The Muppets did a good one,
《神探飞机头》就不太行
and Ace Ventura did a bad one.
你知道我在说什么是圣诞...
You know what I'm talking about, it's Christmas--
圣...圣诞...
It's a Christ--Christmas--
-凯柔 -嗯怎么了
- Carol! - Yeah, what's up?
你是过去的圣诞鬼魂吗
Are you the Ghost of Christmas Past?
没错我会带你回到
I am, and I'm going to take you back
很久很久以前
to a time long, long ago.
那时我和我崇拜的人都还没有出生
Before I or anyone I respect was even born.
1996年
1996.
切
Oh, come on.
你这是带我来哪儿了
Wow, where have you taken me?
这是《综合医院》的片场吗
Are we on the set of "General Hospital"?
我能不能跑个龙套不过我不演情♥色♥趴哦
Can I have a walk-on role? But I won't do a sex scene.
好吧要是对剧情重要的话也可以
Okay, fine, if it's important to the story.
不我带你来的是凯蒂最喜欢的圣诞节
No, I've taken you to Katie's favorite Christmas.
我记得这一年
Oh, I remember this year.
我和凯蒂要熬夜等圣诞老人
Katie and I were going to wait up for Santa,
戴夫穿着红色套装
and Dave dressed in a red suit
本来打算从烟囱里下来
was gonna come down the chimney,
可惜我忘了这回事点了炉火
but unfortunately, I forgot the plan, and I lit a fire.
天啊戴夫那年是真的毁掉了圣诞节
Oh, man. Dave really ruined Christmas that year.
可你看看凯蒂有多开心你和她都没有压力