老妈撞入电视台（2017）

Great News S02E01

Part 1 July 12, 2020, 2:12 p.m.

好了各位还有一分钟开始直播
Okay, everybody, one minute to air.
-注意 -妈你知道
- Attention! - Mom, you know
你不能进入控制室
you're not allowed in the control room.
我知道但是我突然收到了一份警报
I know, but an alert came in on the wire.
中国刚刚发射了一枚导弹
China just launched a missile.
-什么 -我的天啊
- What? - Oh, my God.
查克珀尔莎之前那些全不说了
Chuck, Portia, scrap everything,
中国刚刚发射了一枚导弹
China has just launched a missile.
各位我们不报道
Guys, we're dropping the piece
特蕾莎·梅和安吉拉·默克尔换夫的新闻了
on the Theresa May/Angela Merkel husband swap.
凯蒂联♥系♥一下国防部的人
Katie, get someone from DoD on the phone.
这就去贾斯汀我们需要中国的图表
On it. Justin, we need China graphics.
就用之前教皇去熊猫快餐吃饭的那些就行
Just reuse the ones from when the Pope ate at Panda Express.
珀尔莎这样的时刻才能彰显我们作为记者的专业度
Portia, moments like these define us as journalists.
我觉得我可能做不到
I don't think I can do this.
你可以的你可以给你爱的人打电♥话♥
Yes, you can. You call your loved ones.
把该说的全都说出来
You make sure no words are left unsaid,
然后好好做你的工作
and then you do your job.
达琳我知道我们已经离婚了
Darlene, I know we're not married anymore,
可我还是想要告诉你
but I just need to say,
你就是个臭婊♥子♥
you are a bitch.
新闻快报
各位观众晚上好不可思议的事情发生了
Good evening, America. The unthinkable has happened.
中国向美国发射了一枚导弹
东部时间3点55分中华人♥民♥共和国
At 3:55 Eastern Time, the People's Republic of China
发射了一枚导弹
launched a missile.
新闻老爹说我们都要死了
News daddy says we're gonna die!
不要担心各位我有枪
Don't worry, everyone. I have a gun.
天啊有人偷了我的枪
Oh, God! Someone stole my gun.
我将用于效忠中国领主[这特么是汉语]
大家保持冷静读读我杯子上的字
Everyone remain calm! Read my mug!
保持冷静
生日快乐格雷格
不我现在才是领导这是韦恩的世界
No, I'm the leader now! This is Wayne's world!
我听出来不对劲了
Okay, I hear it.
我上厕所的时候枪还在身上
I know I had the gun in the bathroom--
等一下各位
Wait, hold on, everybody.
各位闭嘴都闭嘴
Everybody, shut up! Shut up!
等等他们没发射你确定
Wait, they didn't? You're sure?
妈你从哪儿看的这条新闻
Mom, where did you see that story?
我没带眼镜也许是我看错了
I didn't have my cheaters on. Maybe I made a mistake.
注意中国没有发射导弹
Attention, China did not launch a missile.
是布莱可·柴那她发布了一套唇釉
It was Blac Chyna, and she launched a lip gloss line.
我的天啊这比导弹还可怕
Oh, my God, that's so much worse!
恭喜各位我们刚刚发布了假新闻
Congratulations, everyone. We just made fake news.
老妈闯入电视台
第二季第一集
那天的事有点不可思议啊
So the other day was pretty crazy, wasn't it?
你说咱俩差点接了吻
You mean when we almost kissed?
不我是说你妈差点搞出了"世界大战"
No, I meant when your mother pulled a "War of the Worlds."
-是啊 -我们要不要聊聊那件事
- Oh, yeah. - Should we talk about that?
应该吧毕竟我们也不想
Maybe we should, 'cause we wouldn't want
把事情搞尴尬不然我们说的话
things to get awkward, 'cause then the words that we talk
就不管用了毕竟工作
wouldn't work anymore, for working.
我完全同意
I completely respond.
达琳对不起我不是那个意思
Darlene, I'm sorry! I didn't mean it!
我以为世界末日要来了
I thought the world was ending!
她真是个臭婊♥子♥
She's such a bitch.
谢谢弗拉迪斯拉夫
Thanks, Vladislav.
我也不知道为什么会有人往里面扔内衣
I don't know why someone would throw out their underwear in there.
在我们开始之前我有新闻要宣布
Before we begin, I have some news.
自从我们曝光黑客行动的大新闻后...
Since our big hacking exposé--
别激动我们在那之后也办了不少烂节目
Relax, relax. We've done several bad shows since then.
-是啊 -那条新闻迫使
- We have. - Since the story forced
很多主管辞去职务
a number of executives to step down,
董事会要雇佣一位新的电视台台长
the board is installing a new network president.
也就是说我们会有新老板了
Which means we will be getting a new boss.
如果我下周需要休假
So if I need next week off to attend
去参加一个组织并不成功的音乐节
a poorly organized music festival,
我是该找他还是找你
would I ask him or you?
最好谁都别找
Ideally, neither.
这可不行
Oh, that's not an option.
那场音乐节就是我主办的
I'm the one organizing the festival.
反正我是等不及想见见我们的新老板了
Well, I, for one, can't wait to meet the new boss.
也许他能让这个地方重回正轨
Maybe he can finally get this place back on track.
回归到真正的新闻
A return to hard news!
我可以这样说话
Me talking like this.
有时候...这样说话
And sometimes... Like this.
大家应该不会想要这样吧
I don't think that's what people want.
你说什么
Uh, excuse me?
有线新闻的局面早已经改变了
The landscape of cable news has changed.
没人继续只是坐在桌子后面说新闻了
No one just sits at a desk and says the news anymore.
你要不要给我一个原因告诉我为什么
And do you want to give me one reason why I should listen
我要听你对于新闻的看法弗拉迪斯拉夫
to your opinions about the news, Vladislav?
因为我不是弗拉迪斯拉夫
Because I am not Vladislav.
我是戴安娜·圣特罗佩
I'm Diana St. Tropez.
我就是你们的新老板
And I'm your new boss.
戴安娜·圣特罗佩我知道她
Diana St. Tropez! I know her!
她写了那本女权主义的书
She wrote that female empowerment book
《会议室贱婊》她可是我的偶像
"Boardroom Bitch." She's like my idol.
你就是MMN的新台长
You're the new president of MMN?
抱歉我卧底老板了你
I'm sorry I "undercover bossed" you,
但我必须扮作弗拉迪斯拉夫才能得到
but I had to become Vladislav to really get
这地方及其运营模式的最真实的信息
an unbiased sense of this place and the way it runs.
可是我和弗拉迪斯拉夫一起洗的澡啊
But Vladislav and I showered together.
你们中肯定有人不认识我
For those of you who don't know me,
我叫戴安娜·圣特罗佩
my name is Diana St. Tropez.
我是财富500强总裁中唯一一位
I am the only female Fortune 500 CEO
来自一家与电脑软件无关的公♥司♥的女性总裁
from a non-shapeware-related company.
我每天只睡两小时
I sleep two hours a night.
我一直在做凯格尔健肌法
I'm never not doing Kegels.
我的特长就是为处境艰难的公♥司♥重新定位
And my forte is rebranding struggling companies.
现在我戴安娜·圣特罗佩
And now I, Diana St. Tropez,
要让《新闻快报》栏目
am here to bring "The Breakdown"
与时代接轨
into the 21st century.
我觉得《新闻快报》
Well, I think "The Breakdown"
现在这样就挺好
is just fine the way it is.
我们是医院和即将沉没的
We're the number one show in hospitals
河船赌场里收视率最高的节目
and on sinking riverboat casinos.
你们面前有一个机会
You have an opportunity here.
美国现在正在自我毁灭的边缘
With America on the verge of eating itself alive,
人们终于开始重新收看有线新闻了
people are finally watching cable news again.
甚至连我都开始新闻了
Even I started watching the news.
你们知道我只喜欢看有强势女主的
And you know I only like mystery shows
探秘剧
with a strong female lead.
没错
That's true.
你们的能力都远不及此
You are all capable of more than you think you are.
在我的帮助下
And with my help,
我们要让《新闻快报》
we are gonna take "The Breakdown"
成为收视第一
to number one.
太棒了我从来没拿过第一
Yes! I've never been number one at anything.
欢迎你戴安娜很开心你能来这里
Welcome, Diana. We are very glad you're here.
太棒了
Yes!
-真是太棒了 -太棒了
- This is the best! - Wonderful!
简直不敢相信戴安娜是我们的老板
Oh, I can't believe Diana's our boss.
她的人生就是我的人生目标
Her life is everything that I want.
她是世界知名记者
She's a world-renowned journalist
有四个蓝眼睛的女儿叫凯柔
with four blue-eyed daughters named Carol?
不那是你想让我过的生活
No. That's what you want for me.
我觉得我好像在光明会的一个会上见过戴安娜
I think I met Diana at an Illuminati meeting.
我是说...汉堡王
I mean... Burger King.
我只想留下一个好印象
I just want to make a good impression.
她所有的书我都读过
I've read all of her books.
我也这么迷莎翁的书