老妈撞入电视台（2017）

Great News S02E07

Part 1 July 12, 2020, 2:13 p.m.

1995年距圣诞节还有五天
妈妈这些东西都好漂亮啊
Oh, Mommy! Everything looks so beautiful!
我只希望给我的小宝贝一个完美的圣诞节
I just want everything to be perfect for my little girl.
为了让一切完美戴夫把保鲜膜拿来
And to keep it that way-- Dave! Get the Saran!
没问题亲爱的
You got it, dear!
早饭吃什么
So what's for breakfast?
我已经为圣诞晚宴布置好了餐桌
I already set the table for Christmas dinner,
所以下周一之前我们都不能坐那里
so we can't sit there till next Monday.
这里有一块馅饼
Here's a Pop-Tart!
你去厕所吃吧不过别用圣诞厕所哦
Please eat it over the toilet, but not the Christmas toilet!
2003年距圣诞节还有五天
缝没对齐啊
Oh...the seam isn't lined up.
也不是所有事情都要那么完美的
Well, not everything has to be perfect.
你去哪儿了我需要帮助
Where were you? I need help!
你说我可以去逛商场的
You said I could rebel at the mall!
这位是德瑞克我们在"事后后悔"认识的
This is Deryck, we met at Afterthoughts
当时我俩看上了同一款磁力鼻环
when we both reached for the same magnetic nose ring.
很高兴认识你
It's a pleasure to meet you.
-天啊妈 -好了
- Oh my God, Mom. - There ya go.
我需要点燃圣诞篝火可是烟囱堵了
I'm gonna need a Christmas fire. The flue is broken,
所以麻烦你去屋顶帮我们通开
so go up on the roof and open it from there.
然后再把圣诞钢琴搬下来
After that, bring down the Christmas piano.
是架小型钢琴里面全是老鼠
It's a baby grand, and it's full of mice.
2017年距圣诞节还有五天
这是什么
Hey, what's this?
你让我做巧克力麋鹿大便的
You told me to make chocolate reindeer poops.
天啊我还以为我们谈过这事了
Oh, boy. I thought we covered this.
大便是长条的用特趣巧克力软糖
Okay, poop is logs! Twix, Tootsie Rolls,
要是更大的话就用三角巧克力
Toblerone if it's a bigger animal!
这有关系吗妈有什么大不了的
Does it really matter, Mom? What's the big deal?
-有什么大不了的 -是啊
- What's the big deal? - Yeah.
你听到了吗小诞诞我的天啊
Did you hear that, Chris? Oh my God!
她想知道有什么大不了的
She wants to know what the big deal is.
这可是圣诞节这就是件大事
It's Christmas! That's the big deal!
老妈闯入电视台
第二季第七集
你们在干什么
What are you guys doing?
在给家人远房♥亲戚朋友
We're writing Christmas cards to our family
半友半敌半友半亲
and extended family and friends
也就是半友半敌的人的家人写贺卡...
and frenimies and frenamilies: that's frenemy family--
不是我问的是你为什么要用纸质贺卡
No, I mean why are you sending paper Christmas cards?
直接用能搜索联♥系♥人并且为他们定制
Just use that app that searches your contacts
圣诞视频的手♥机♥应用不就好了
and makes personalized Christmas videos for you.
圣诞快乐我很开心有你在我的生命中
Merry Christmas! I'm so blessed to have you in my life,
圣诞快乐
爱你的
珀尔莎
盖瑞叔父
Great Uncle Gary.
我很开心听到你的...
And I was so happy to hear about your...
死讯
Recent death.
我刚和我前妻达琳通完电♥话♥
Well, I just got off the phone with my ex-wife Darlene.
她要出去度假希望我能
She's going on vacation, and she wants me
照顾我们的儿子皮提
to take our son, Petey, for the holidays!
-多好啊 -除非好是指
- Well, that's nice. - Yeah, if nice stands for
"毫无共同语言疏远"
"Nothing in Common--Estranged."
我都好几年没见过那个小家伙了
I haven't seen the little guy in years!
他是个好孩子非常早熟尖锐
I mean he's a good boy. Very precocious, so sharp.
我是指他的牙谁想带孩子
I mean his teeth. So who wants to babysit?
早上好我有个好消息要宣布
Good morning! I have an exciting announcement!
电视台对我们的节目很满意
The network has been so happy with our show,
所以要给我们一份特别的节日礼物
they are giving us a special gift for the holidays.
我们将要得到的是...
What we'll be getting is
圣诞加班
to work on Christmas!
你可真会扫兴
You are a Grinch,
这可不止是因为你穿了弯弯的鞋
and it's not just because you wear curly shoes.
这可是汤姆·福特的我特后悔买♥♥了它们
They're Tom Ford, and I regret buying them!
是啊格雷格你不可能取消掉圣诞节
Yeah, Greg! You can't cancel Christmas
还有它带来的各种压力
and all the pressure and impossible standards
以及不现实的要求
that come with it!
我已经有计划了
I have plans.
我要去宣传我新出的膳食书
I'm supposed to be promoting my new diet book,
《珀尔莎节食》重点是人们不能退掉它
"Portia Control." The trick is, people can't return the book,
因为书里面要求他们把它吃掉
because the diet requires you to eat it.
我们要是非得上班
If we have to work,
那我就只能在节目里宣传了
I guess I'll just promote it on the show.
凯蒂我们该怎么办
Oh, Katie. What are we gonna do?
不知道啊妈我们的完美圣诞节完蛋了
I don't know, Mom. Our perfect Christmas is ruined.
真真的完蛋了
It's truly ruined!
2017年圣诞节
好美妙啊
It's beautiful!
你心情可真好今天可是圣诞节
You're chipper, considering it's Christmas
我从外国佬餐厅买♥♥的寿司当午饭吃
and I just picked El Gringo's Sushi Vat for lunch.
这就是原因啊
But that's exactly why.
我们要加班我妈就不能搞什么完美圣诞节了
Because we have to work, my mom can't make Christmas perfect.
也就是说我终于可以放下
Which means I can finally let go of this stress ball
压了我整个月的压力了
I've been holding on to all December.
我把它压成钻石了
I compressed it into a diamond!
也许它不会完美
Well, maybe it won't be perfect,
但还是可以很开心啊就像我昨天说的
but it can still be nice. Like I was saying yesterday,
既然我们不能回家过圣诞
if we can't be home for Christmas, we can
那我们可以在这里过啊
have a little Christmas here.
等等这话你跟谁说的
Wait, who were you saying that around?
好几个人吧贾斯汀吉恩小屁颠
Uh...couple of people. Justin, Gene...Jizzburt.
别再编名字拖延时间了格雷格
Stop making up names to stall, Greg.
这话是不是让我妈听见了
Did you say that in front of my mother?
你是不是让我妈又燃起了对圣诞节的热爱
Did you fill my mother with the Christmas spirit?
我又燃起了
I have been filled
对圣诞节的热爱
with the Christmas spirit!
既然我们不能回家过圣诞
If we can't be home for Christmas,
那我们可以在这里过啊
then we can bring Christmas here!
这个箱子还有我车里的那些箱子
In this box, and in many others still in my car
还有我花钱雇来跟着我的出租车里
and in cabs I paid to follow me,
装满了我们需要用来庆祝节日的东西
are all the things we need to celebrate.
现在我们得团队合作
Now, it's gonna take a little bit of teamwork
撸起袖子加油干
and a lot of actual work!
韦恩麻烦你做一个姜饼屋
Wayne, I'm gonna need you to bake a gingerbread house
要做得跟这栋楼一模一样
and make it look exactly like this building.
贝丝我需要你帮我把树拖进来
Beth, I need you to help me drag in the tree.
我现在不是很喜欢树
Trees and I are not speaking right now.
贾斯汀你可以扮演圣诞老人毕竟...
Justin, you can be Santa Claus, because...
我懂
I know why.
我这一年来都有去减肥中心
And actually, I've been going to Weight Watchers
所以你的话让我很难过
for a year, so that's hurtful.
还有凯蒂我有个特殊任务要交给你
And Katie, I have a very special job for you.
你就准备这么干吗
Oh, is that how you're gonna do it?
等等我怎么就已经搞砸了
Wait, how did I mess it up already?
你都没告诉我我要做什么
You didn't even tell me what I'm doing!
我要去火车站接我儿子了
Well, I'm off to the train station to pick up my son.
最后机会了啊大家伙
Last chance, folks!
自告奋勇的人可以开我的别克哦
Whoever volunteers gets to drive my Buick LeSabre.
装得满满的还有坏掉的自动加热方向盘
Fully loaded! Broken heated steering wheel,
所以会很烫手哦有人吗
so it gets really hot! Anyone?
-我来吧 -太好了
- I'll do it. - Oh, great!
听着如果他想咬你
Listen, if he tries to bite you,
就冲他摇零钱罐可好玩了
just shake a jar of change at him. He's my bundle of joy.
凯蒂我需要你...
Katie, I'm gonna need you to--
去一个你管不到我的地方帮我老板的忙
Help my boss in a location where you can't reach me?
我这就去老妈
I'm on it, Mom!
三号♥站台请开始上车
Now boarding on track three,
由新泽西开往特伦敦的特快列车
the New Jersey Transit Trenton Express
-10点57分发车 -你好你是皮提吗
- departing at 10:57. - Hey there. Are you Petey?
你♥爸♥说你会穿一件恐龙夹克
Your dad said you'd be wearing a dinosaur jacket.
你是来接我的吗你干嘛要跟这个孩子说话变♥态♥
Are you my ride? Why are you talking to this kid, you sicko?
天啊你是皮提
Oh, come on. You're Petey?
没错你是个七分把我的小黄人气球给我