老妈撞入电视台（2017）

Great News S02E01

Part 3 July 12, 2020, 2:12 p.m.

他看起来像是要吐了
He looks like he's gonna throw up.
管他呢这节目太棒了
Who cares? This is great television.
加油啊查克
Come on, Chuck.
参与进去说些什么
Get in the game. Say something.
就现在一二三就现在
Now. One, two, three, now!
一二现在快说不
One, two--now! Say it! No!
说些什么你这个白♥痴♥
Just say something, you stupid bastard!
给我看看事实证据
Show me the facts on that!
节目结束了查克你表现得真差劲
The show's over, Chuck. You did really bad.
圣特罗佩女士我能占用您一点儿时间吗
Ms. St. Tropez, could I have a few moments of your time?
当然请进
Of course, come in.
杰拉德能快点儿安装
Gerald, could we get a rush installation
那个电击门把手吗
on that electrified doorknob?
你好我是凯柔
Hi, I'm Carol.
我是这儿的实习生我在想
I'm an intern here, and I was wondering
我能否为我们的时讯参访你一下
if I could interview you for our newsletter,
特别是为了"凯柔角"
specifically "Carol's Corner,"
我最有获奖希望的专栏
My award-wanting column.
通常情况下我会拒绝但我已经
Well, normally I would say no, but I've been involved
吃过足够多关于年龄歧视的官司
in enough age discrimination lawsuits
这点儿圈套我还是看得出来
to know entrapment when I see it.
我们开始吧第一个问题
Why don't we begin? First question.
在你的书《你妈是个大骗子》中
In your book "Everything Your Mother Told You Was a Lie,"
你还真是够贱啊跟我说说
you seem like a real B-word, so tell me,
你怎么敢那样说
how dare you?
好了我明白了
Okay, I get it.
你是位母亲你不喜欢那本书
You're a mom, and you don't like the book.
但你知道吗我也是母亲
But guess what. I'm a mom too.
是吗好吧这我可不知道
You are? Well, I didn't know that.
给我看看照片
Show me some pictures.
他们真可爱哪个是你的
Oh, they are so sweet. Which one is yours?
都是
All of them.
父亲是不同的精♥子♥捐赠者
Different donor fathers,
都由代♥孕♥妈♥妈♥代♥孕♥
all carried by surrogates
并在国际航♥班♥上降生
and born on international flights
所以他们是天空的公民
so that they're citizens of the sky.
在税务问题上这可是优势
It's advantageous for tax reasons.
这也太不符合传统了
That seems like a nontraditional thing to do.
这才是关键回答你的问题
Well, that's the point. To answer your question,
我写那本书就是为了告诉女性她们不需要
I wrote that book to show women that they don't have to
像她们的母亲一样委曲求全
compromise the way that their mothers did.
她们不需要在三十几岁就结婚生孩子
They don't have to get married and have kids in their 30s
或是住在凯柔旁边或是生孩子
or live next to Carol or have grandchildren
好让凯柔跟他们一起做饼干还要爱凯柔
who make cookies with Carol or love Carol!
采访结束
Interview over!
你好戴安娜
Oh, hey, Diana.
我想谢谢你给我关于
I wanted to thank you for that advice
冷冻卵子的建议
about freezing my eggs.
我今天早上真去看了产科医生
I actually saw a fertility doctor this morning.
是吗
Really?
结果冷冻卵子还挺贵的但我找到
Turns out it's pretty expensive, but I found a guy
一位可以接受支付计划的皮扎思医生
who does a payment plan named Dr. Pizzazz.
那也是你的医生吗
Is that who you used?
不我的医生是一个子♥宫♥无人机
No, my doctor was a uterine drone.
现在我已经遵循了你的意见...
So now that I've followed your advice at great--
不我仍然不会把你收作门徒
No, I still can't take you on as a protégé.
另外你为了在电梯里跟我偶遇
By the way, how long have you been waiting
等了多久啊
to run into me in the elevator?
我没有
I haven't been.
抱歉我来晚了我应该早点儿到的
I'm sorry I'm late. I would've been here sooner,
但我的时间比你们的重要多了
but my time is more important than yours.
我拿到了昨晚的收视率
I've got the ratings from last night.
恭喜《新闻快报》的收视率创了新高
Congratulations, an all-time high for "The Breakdown."
怎么会大家不过是在大声叫喊
How? It was just yelling.
没错
Precisely.
那就是国民情绪
That is the mood of the nation.
我想接下来我要说的能代表我们俩
Well, I think I speak for both of us when I say
我和珀尔莎不会再做座谈节目了
Portia and I are never doing the panel again.
我们达成一致了
We're a package deal.
我们是个团队就像斯塔斯基和哈奇
We're a team, like Starsky and Hutch,
电影《警界双雄》中主人公
但我代表他们俩还有那辆车
but I'm both of them and the car.
她负责所有女生角色
She's all the girl characters.
不我还想做座谈节目挺好玩的
No, I'll do the panel again. It was fun.
伙计怎么回事
Dude, what the hell?
好这样吧今晚
Good. Well, maybe tonight, then,
珀尔莎会坐在大红椅子上
Portia will sit in the big red chair,
查克你就先不要参加了
and, Chuck, you can just sit this one out.
这些是什么
What are these?
寻找事业转折点年轻新闻主持人的大头照
Headshots of young anchormen looking for their big break.
好吧我参加
Fine! I'll do it.
太好了查克世界变了
Great. Chuck, the world has changed.
节目终于赶上了时代这是件好事
The show is finally catching up. It's a good thing.
我同意确实是好事
No, I agree. It is good.
改变是好事
Change is good.
你必须随时代而改变
And you gotta change with the times,
否则就会被淘汰
or you're just irrelevant.
没人读书也很好
It's good that nobody reads books
旧建筑被推倒
and old buildings are just knocked down
盖成新楼也一样好
and become new buildings.
冰盖融化很好
And it's good that the ice caps are melting
所有的鱼类都要死掉也很好因为那样
and all the fish are dying because that's gonna make way
就可以给一种新的更好的海洋生物腾地方
for a new, better type of sea creature
那种东西有鳃却可以在陆地上行走
that probably has gills but can walk on the ground,
它还有脚它能找到我我根本不害怕
it's got feet, and it can come and find me, and I'm not scared.
我不害怕我很高兴一切都变啦
I'm not scared! I'm happy! Ha! That things change!
太好了大家在节目里都好好表现
Okay, great. Everyone have a good show.
-闭嘴 -根本没有第44届总统
- Shut up! - There was no 44th president!
忘了吗大家不过就是放松了八年
Remember? Everyone just chilled for eight years.
好就在那儿暂停
Okay, pause. Right there.
如果那个人今天也说这些话
So if that guy says something like that today,
而不止是坐在那儿我会说
instead of just sitting there, I'll say,
"那不过是毫无根据的胡说
"That is unsubstantiated nonsense!
"还有...
"Oh, and by the way...
"黄色领带挺好看
"Uh, nice yellow tie!
"好奇猴乔治在哪儿"
Where's Curious George?"
动画片《好奇猴乔治》中的人类角色常穿黄色衣服
-"好奇猴乔治在哪儿" -这梗好
- "Where's Curious George?" - That's good.
查克要失去控制了
Hey, Chuck is losing it.
我看见他在预写今晚节目上要说的话
I saw him trying to pre-write lines for tonight's show.
所以呢你知道戴安娜在书里怎么说的吗
So? You know what Diana says in her book:
"如果他是男人就让他栽"
"If he's male, let him fail."
一般我看到白人男性苦苦挣扎时
Usually when I see a white man struggling,
都会觉得充满希望
it makes me feel hopeful,
就像那次我看到明奇·麦康奈尔吃三明治
like that time I saw Mitch McConnell eating a sub
肯塔基州资深参议员共和党领袖之一
肉丸子掉在了他的裤裆上
and the meatball fell onto his crotch.
所以有什么问题
So what's the problem?
我觉得查克有些可怜
I think I'm feeling, like, sorry for Chuck.
我这是怎么了
What's happening to me?
也许你也变了
Maybe you're changing.
也许你不想看到查克这么苦苦挣扎
Maybe you don't want to see Chuck struggle
因为你们现在是朋友了
because you guys are friends now.
抱歉我要冷冻我的卵子
I'm sorry. I'm freezing my eggs,
这些荷尔蒙让我有点抓狂
and I think the hormones are making me crazy.
我是说查克和我比以前关系更近了
I mean, Chuck and I are closer than we used to be,
但我们不是朋友
but we are not friends.
所以你打算怎么做
So what are you gonna do?
我打算让他栽
I'm gonna let him fail.
干得好妹子
Yeah, girl.
你一早上都去哪儿了
Where have you been all morning?
我给你打了电♥话♥ 给你的房♥东打了电♥话♥