老妈撞入电视台（2017）

Great News S02E08

Part 4 July 12, 2020, 2:14 p.m.

*So I love when you call unexpected*
你说得没错这样打字并不会更快
You're right, that did not make typing twice as fast.
确实
No.
*因为我不喜欢*
*'Cause I hate...*
这里什么情况
What the hell's going on here?
杰米
Jeremy.
好吧
Um, okay.
事情不是看上去这样的
You know what, this is not what it looks like.
我们只是...
It's, um, we're just--
我们只是在做♥爱♥
we're having sex.
你们在工作
Yeah, right. You're working!
你竟然和我一样坏
Aw, you're as bad as I am.
至少我知道我对我的工作上瘾
At least I know that I'm addicted to my job.
上瘾
Addicted?
我除了工作之外还做很多事好吗
I do lots of stuff besides my job, okay?
我睡觉我还有我的蓝草乐队
I sleep. I've got my bluegrass band.
你问我们叫什么名字
What are we called? Uh...
凯蒂我今晚本可以在家
Look, Katie, I could've been at home
写尽可能多的故事
banging out as many stories as I wanted to tonight,
但我没有
but I didn't.
我为你妥协了
I met you halfway.
我也不想现在说的
I hate to bring this up right now,
但是我有"STD"[性病]
but I have an STD.
严格的截止时间
A strict time deadline.
凯蒂我们得继续工作了
Katie, we've got to get back to work.
韦恩谢谢你推荐
Wayne, thank you for recommending
X教授的自传
the autobiography of Professor X.
这家伙真是疯了
This guy's crazy.
我说的是马尔科姆·艾克斯凯柔
I said Malcolm X, Carol.
我觉得有些问题太过错综复杂
You know, I guess some problems are so systemic
根本无法在一天内解决
you can't solve them in a day.
我已经解决了种族歧视问题
I've solved racism.
我想了想你们昨天晚上说的话
I thought about what you all said last night,
也意识到了一些事
and it made me realize something.
骗你们的你们都太敏感了
Nothing! There is too much sensitivity out there.
你们知道谁最惨吗
Well, you know who gets it worse than anyone?
-查克不要 -白人男性
- Chuck, no! - White men.
人们随意评价我们
People say whatever they want about us.
我们抱怨吗不
And do we complain? No.
我们微笑面对
We take it with a smile.
在白人男性对社会付出的所有事情中
Of all the things that white men have given society,
最伟大的四件事是什么
what are the four greatest?
-单簧管演奏的爵士乐 -我什么都没说
- Clarinet-based jazz. - I didn't say anything.
近景魔术
Close-up magic.
露天魔术
Stadium magic.
而最厉害的就是...
And the roast...
美国的自♥由♥言论的最后一道堡垒
the last bastion of free speech in America,
你们可以说任何想说的话
where you can say whatever you want
而不会冒犯任何人
without offending anybody.
今天你们就是主持人
And today, you folks are the emcees.
都坐我要给你们展示
Have a seat. And I am going to show you
如何应对玩笑
how to take a joke.
现在我知道你们都需要一些时间准备
Now, I know you'll all need some time to prepare.
-我准备好了 -好吧
- I'm ready. - Oh, all right.
他们说喜剧来源于事实
They say that comedy comes from truth.
事实是有一次我看见查克在平安夜
Well, the truth is that I once saw Chuck eating alone
独自在时代广场红辣椒餐厅吃饭
at the Times Square Chili's on Christmas Eve.
我不知道为什么查克不是网络主持人
I don't know why Chuck isn't a network anchor.
太对了
So true!
有什么是大卫·穆尔有而查克没有的呢
I mean, what does David Muir have that Chuck doesn't?
除了能多活几十年之外
Besides decades longer to live.
真好笑
That's fun--ow.
真好笑
Ow, that's funny.
我父亲就是在我现在这个年纪去世的
I am the same age my father was when he died.
查克办公室的气味到底怎么回事
What's the deal with the smell in Chuck's office?
我是来到养老院了吗
I mean, am I in a nursing home?
还是在小屁孩的卧室
Am I in a teenager's bedroom?
到底怎么回事
What is going on?
咚咚咚韦恩
Knock, knock, Wayne.
谁啊珀尔莎
Who's there, Portia?
是数量上占多数的一个白人
A white majority.
根据现行的人口趋势很快就不是了
Well, not for long, according to prevailing demographic trends.
真是的大家伙儿别嘲笑查克了
Come on, guys. Leave Chuck alone.
他和大家一样都很艰难
He has his struggles like everybody else.
你们知道他的脚只有两码吗
Did you know that his feet are a size two?
他得在鞋里塞一整张报纸
He has to stuff his shoes with an entire newspaper.
别笑别笑那不是个笑话
Stop it! Stop. That's not a joke.
你们知道他的植发在损害他的健康吗
Did you know that his hair plugs are poisoning him?
查克·皮尔斯看上去就像你用苹果雕出了一个头
Chuck Pierce looks like if you carved a head out of an apple
然后把它放到了散热器上
and left it on the radiator.
所以这场见面会到底是在干什么啊
So what's this meeting about, anyway?
太有意思了
This is so fun.
所以我才戴上了墨镜
That's why I'm now wearing sunglasses.
凯蒂
Katie.
-你来这里干什么 -我是来道歉的
- What are you doing here? - I came to apologize.
我一直在难为你
I've been giving you a really hard time,
却没有意识到
and I didn't realize
我其实也是个工作狂
I'm a workaholic too.
没错
Yeah.
每到周五你总是说"TGIAMA"
You know, on Fridays you always say, "TGIAMA."
"感谢上帝又要快到周一了"
Thank God it's almost Monday again.
但为什么这非要是件坏事
But why does that have to be a bad thing?
我热爱我的工作
You know, I love my job,
我喜欢你的原因之一就是
and one of the reasons I like you is that
你有工作可以吃得起晚饭
you have a job and can pay for dinner.
我的书已经出版了一年能赚7000美元
I'm in print. I make $7,000 a year.
我只是说
I'm just saying,
我们为什么要为把工作放到第一位而难过
why should we feel bad about putting work first?
就是啊
Totally.
说不定这还真的挺完美的
Yeah, you know, this could be kind of perfect.
我终于和能明白这一点的人在一起了
I'm finally with someone who gets it.
没错没错
Yes! Yes.
好了我得回办公室了
Okay, so I have to go back to the office,
不过你这周末要做什么
but what are you doing this weekend?
这周末很忙
Oh, uh, busy this weekend.
我们要举办点心义卖♥♥活动
We're actually having a bake sale
好让我们的出版社再多♥维♥持一周
to help keep the paper afloat for another week.
好不过我下周会比较忙
Yeah, well, next week's actually bad for me.
-那下个月呢 -不行
- What about next month? - Oh, can't do it.
我要去伪装成
I'm actually going deep undercover
伯尼·桑德斯的姨妈
as Bernie Sanders' aunt.
想不起来为什么了
Can't remember why.
11月上旬好像可以
Early November looks good.
-除了万圣节后的糖果... -中期选举
- Oh, except for post-Halloween candy-- - Mid-term elections.
中期选举
Mid-term elections.
好了好了我好像找到了合适的日子了
Oh, okay. Okay, I think I found a winner.
我们2019年2月14日见
I will see you February 14, 2019.
我们已经到了一起过情人节的阶段了吗
Ooh, but are we ready to do Valentine's Day?
这些话题不好玩
These topics are not funny.
所以这些就不允许再说了
So they're off limits.
但是还有很多可以吐槽我的事
But there's still plenty you can rib me about:
我对待动物的方式
my way with animals,
我拥有最大的办公室
how I have the biggest office...
也不知道那是用什么换来的
I wonder what that's compensating for.
你们知道吗
Hey, you know what?
我做的这一切都是为了帮你们
I only did all this to help you,
这就是我得到的感谢吗
and this is the thanks I get?
我以为你经得起开玩笑的
I thought you could take a joke.
我是可以但是那些不是玩笑
I can, but these aren't jokes,
不像一个亚洲人踩到香蕉皮滑倒了那种
like an Asian man slipping on a banana peel.
这些话很伤人