蝙蝠侠：英勇无畏（2008）

我得说, 玛丽, 在南北战争的的阴霾散去后
I declare, Mary, with that War Between the States nonsense behind us...
能笑一笑真是太好了
...it feels good to laugh again.
约翰·威尔克斯·布斯
John Wilkes Booth.
住手, 你这个卑鄙的分♥裂♥主义者
Halt, you insidious secessionist.
您现在安全了, 总统先生
You're safe now, Mr. President.
为什么, 你是谁?
Why, who are you?
只是个仰慕您很久的人
Just a long-time admirer.
光荣的南方永不会被打败!
The glorious South will never be defeated!
来会会约翰·威尔克斯炸♥弹♥吧!
Say hello to John Wilkes Boom!
预防紧急情况
及联邦机械人进攻
是时候让北方佬退出历史舞台了
Time to bring down the curtain on a Yankee rodent!
虽然我早就不劈栅栏了, 但我还知道怎么挥动斧头
My rail-splitting days are long gone, but I still know how to swing an ax.
打倒暴...
Sic semper tyrann...
看那
There.
他可憎的蒸汽套装的引擎
The engine of his infernal steam-powered suit.
瞄准那个阀门
Aim for that valve.
打倒暴♥政♥!
Sic semper tyrannis!
南部一定会再次复兴!
The South shall rise again.
联邦永...
The Confederacy forev...
你来的太及时了, 先生
That was quite a timely rescue, sir.
多亏了你的帮助, 我们伟大祖国的重建工作可以继续了
Thanks to you, reconstruction of our great Union can now continue unabated.
和您一起战斗是我的荣幸, 林肯总统
It was my honor to fight by your side, President Lincoln...
在平行宇宙5501
...of Parallel Universe 5501.
蝙蝠螨降临!
终于, 有了这个海洋实验室的宝贝
At last. With the contents of this Ocean Lab...
我就有了充分的条件来复兴猿类
...I will have all the components needed...
重新站回食物链的最顶端!
...to restore ape-kind to its rightful place at the top of the food chain!
马上停止你的人猿袭击, 格鲁德
Cease your simian siege now, Gorilla Grodd.
傻子们
Fools.
无论陆地还是海洋都没有生物能与我的智慧抗衡
No creature on land or sea can match my superior intellect.
那真好, 我们打架要比的不是智商
Then it's a good thing it's not wits we've come to battle.
我没看错吧?
Are you seeing what I'm seeing?
我看到格鲁德正骑着鲨鱼在偷走一个海洋实验室
Because I'm seeing gorillas riding sharks stealing an Ocean Lab.
多刺♥激♥多有创意啊!
How wacky and original.
正义的铁拳
如果这个情节没在
Is what I'd be saying if they hadn't been doing...
之前的6♥4♥集反复出现的话
...this exact same thing 6♥4♥ episodes in a row.
我会把这次冒险写进我下一本回忆录里, 名字就叫:
You can read about this adventure in my next memoir:
海王大战灵长类拳击手
Aquaman Versus the Primate Pugilist.
还有那句口头禅"岂有此理"
And cue the catchphrase. "Outrageous."
蝙蝠侠: 英勇无畏. 当初新鲜的内容如今变成公式了
B.T.B.A.T.B., what was once so fresh has become formula.
仿佛还在昨天
It feels like only yesterday...
我们得知新的蝙蝠侠系列动画会是个光明的化身
...we learned the next Batman cartoon would be a lighter incarnation.
随处可见惊慌失措的影迷
Fanboys everywhere panicked.
但这担心是多余的
But it was for nothing,
因为我们收到了一封写给白银时代漫画的情书
because what we got was a love letter to Silver Age comics.
这出戏完美无缺
The show had it all.
给蝙蝠侠配音的戴德里奇·伯德是个完美的演员
A perfectly cast Diedrich Bader as Batman.
海王还是那么酷
Aquaman was cool again.
特邀嘉宾例如提姆·康威, 尼尔·帕特里克·哈里斯, 亚当·韦斯特
Guest stars like Tim Conway, NPH, Adam West...
还有独一无二的保罗·雷宾斯
...and the one and only Paul Reubens.
正义的铁拳
最棒的一集是
And then came its greatest episode...
"彻骨寒夜" 黑暗又令人深思
..."Chill of the Night!" It was dark and brooding...
但也提醒了我们严肃庄重的蝙蝠侠是多么可贵
...but it reminded us of how much we missed the serious Batman.
我们渴望更多像那样的剧情
We longed for more episodes like that.
可惜有的只是像这样的: ( 侦探漫画 241期 )
Instead we got more like this:
你曾拥有你的荣耀, 做作的圣骑士, 但现在你...
You were great in your day, campy crusader, but now you've...
怎么说来着?
What's that expression again?
就是这个, 你跳过了鲨鱼
That's it. You've jumped the shark.
从这个瞬间起, 曾经伟大的系列动画已经没落了
That moment when a once-great show starts going downhill.
给他尝尝你的蝙蝠驱鲨剂, 老朋友
Give him a taste of your Bat Shark Repellent, old chum.
我想要一个新的更戏剧化的蝙蝠侠动画
I want a new, more dramatic Batman show.
当然, 得先让这部动画被腰斩才行
Of course, that's not going to happen until this one's canceled.
腰斩, 就是这个
Canceled.That's it.
我要用我五维空间的能力把这个节目搞臭
I'll use my fifth dimensional powers to make the show so bad...
不再仅仅是跳过鲨鱼, 会变成转体四周后空翻过去
...it won't just jump the shark, it'll do a quadruple spinning backflip over it.
网络会强迫它停播
The network will have to take it off the air.
现在让我看看, 为了这个目的我需要加一段爱情戏
Now let's see, to do that I'll need to add a love interest...
给蝙蝠侠安排一个可爱的孩子
...give Batman an adorable kid,
换掉观众喜爱的角色
replace a favorite character with a different actor.
特德·麦金利因经常参加没落的节目而得名“跳鲨守护神”(patron saint of shark-jumping),
而跳鲨鱼 (jump the shark) 指的是剧集失去吸引力, 却以牵强的情节哗众取宠.
还有当然, 雇佣特德·麦金利
And of course, hire Ted McGinley.
嘿嘿嘿, 这会非常有趣的
Heh, heh, heh. This is going to be fun.
我格鲁德一定会回来的, 蝙蝠侠!
You haven't seen the last of Grodd,Batman!
哦, 我有预感这是最后一次了
Oh, I have a feeling we have.
不好, 得到了海洋实验室的设备
Diabolical. With the contents of that Ocean Lab...
格鲁德就能制♥造♥出把人类变成香蕉的机器
...Grodd can create a device that turns humans into bananas.
- 必须阻止格鲁德 - 是时候弄坏蝙蝠侠了
- Grodd has to be stopped... - Time to make Batman bad.
可问题是...
Question is...
爸比, 快看我
Daddy. Daddy. Look at me.
拜托, 琪琪, 爸爸还要工作
Please, Kiki, Daddy is trying to work.
琪琪, 妈妈不是说过
Kiki, were you riding your tricycle through the cave again...
不许在蝙蝠洞里骑车吗?
...when Mommy told you not to?
那只是个意外
It was an accident.
这孩子比小丑还熊
And I thought Joker was a handful.
可怜的蝙蝠侠
Poor Batman.
他甚至没有注意到我让他的世界变得滑稽古怪
He doesn't even notice I'm making his world wacky.
格鲁德又在捣乱了
Looks like Grodd is making trouble.
就在哥谭市
Right here in Gotham City.
我得走了, 甜心
Gotta go, sweetheart.
打击犯罪不能迟到
It's crime time, and I can't be late.
有一千个粉丝刚刚把他们的电视从窗户扔出去了
And a thousand fanboys just threw their TVs out the window.
缅怀
下一步呢?
But what next?
我知道了
I know.
粉丝们讨厌蝙蝠侠用那些玩具公♥司♥强加在节目中的小道具
Fans hate it when Batman uses gadgets the toy company forced into the show.
蝙蝠雪橇
To the Bat-Luge.
超级霓虹发声街霸蝙蝠雪橇: 启动
Neon talking super street Bat-Luge: Activate.
时刻准备着, 斗篷骑士
Ready when you are, Caped Crusader.
低下头, 我们走
Get low and let's go.
谁不喜欢游戏公♥司♥瞎干预呢?
Who doesn't love toy company meddling?
英勇无畏就要比格鲁德的腋窝还要臭了
The Brave and the Bold is starting to stink worse than Gorilla Grodd's armpits.
蝙蝠侠系列很快就会停播
Batman will be off the air in no time.
砍掉英勇无畏?
Cancel Brave and the Bold?
他想干什么?
What's he think he's doing?
蝙蝠螨或许是一个第五维度来的全能生物
Bat-Mite may be an all powerful being from the fifth dimension.
但他不是神
But he's not a god.
也不是比神更重要的电视台制♥作♥人
Or, more importantly, a network programmer.
必须有人阻止他, 这听上去正是螳足蝽的工作
Someone's gotta stop him. This sounds like a job for Ambush Bug.
但首先, 赞助商有话要说
But first, a word from our sponsors.
我希望我有多爱这些变化, 别人就能有多恨它们
I sure hope everyone is hating my changes as much as I'm loving them.
目的地就在前面, 蝙蝠侠
Destination ahead, Batman.
谢谢超级霓虹发声街霸蝙蝠雪橇, 启动弹射模式
Thanks neon talking super street Bat-Luge. Engage ejection mode.
着陆愉快, 蝙蝠侠
Happy landings, Batman.
啊, 你在这里, 老伙计
Ah, there you are, old chum.
为了下一次跳鲨鱼
For the next shark jump...
我要改动剧中的突出角色
...I think I'll recast the show's breakout character.
抱歉, 给海王的配音的约翰·迪马吉欧, 你被换掉了
Sorry Aquaman's John DiMaggio, but you're being replaced.
通知: 海王的配音演员
ANNOUNCER: The role of Aquaman...
现在换成泰德·麦金利
... will now be voiced by Ted McGinley.
那个邪恶的猿类正一路破坏哥谭市
That evil anthropoid is rampaging through Gotham.
海王你还好吗? 你似乎有点不对劲
Aquaman, are you okay? You seem a little off.
我不知道你在说什么, 老伙计
I wouldn't know what you're talking about, old chum.
是时候揭晓了, 让我们看看这个动画片最死忠的观众
Now the moment of truth: Let's see if the show's prime demographic...
准备好换台了吗
... is ready to change the channel yet.
孩子, 这个剧这季真的质量暴跌
Boy, this show really took a nosedive this season.
换个台吧?
Wanna see what else is on?
不, 我们再看看吧, 爸爸
No, let's keep watching, Dad.
蝙蝠侠不会让我们失望的, 他从未让人失望
Batman won't let us down. He never has before.
哥谭, 准备好接受我香蕉射线的残酷洗礼吧!
Prepare, Gotham, to suffer the effects of my Banana Beam!
猿类再也不会挨饿了!
Ape-kind will never go hungry again!