蝙蝠侠：英勇无畏（2008）

哪里有烟哪里就有火
Where there's smoke there's fire, Batsy.
小丑, 你在搞什么恶作剧?
What diabolical devilry have you devised, Joker?
给你个提示, 我要好好教训你
I'll give you a hint. I'm about to rake you over the coals.
你明白的, 你让我们水深火热, 我就给你点火
You see, while you roast, we roast you.
在哥谭市一个废弃的仓库为你现场直播
Live from an abandoned warehouse in Gotham City...
风云人物
小丑的超级英雄名人烧烤会
it's the Joker's Superhero Celebrity Roast.
今晚众星云集的壮观表演
Tonight's star-studded spectacular...
让最伟大的恶棍们齐聚一堂
brings some of the greatest archvillains together.
让我们最不喜欢的英雄, 蝙蝠侠蒙羞
To dishonor our least favorite hero, Batman.
让我们从大家最喜欢的胖猴子开始
Let's get things started with everyone's favorite chunky monkey...
大猩猩格鲁德
Gorilla Grodd.
啊, 能参加蝙蝠侠的烤肉会真是太好了
Uh, it's sure great to be at a roast for Batman.
我要他的大腿
I call dibs on his thigh.
急冻人在烤肉会上
Mr. Freeze at a roast...
谁会解冻它?
...who would have thawed it?
在所有的英雄中
Of all the heroes out there...
我只有冰给你, 蝙蝠侠
I only have ice for you, Batman.
没有双关语
No puns. Yikes.
( 叽里呱啦 )
( 叽里呱啦 )
你演讲的爆点比我上次藏在的蝙蝠战机的炸♥弹♥还多, 格兰迪
You're dropping more bombs than the Batplane did on my last hideout, Grundy.
让我们找个与我相似的喜剧演员
Let's bring in the ringer.
他在尼禄宫殿的演出中被绑♥架♥
And now, abducted straight from his show at Nero's Palace...
有请杰弗里·罗丝
...please welcome Jeffrey Ross.
抱歉, 蝙蝠侠, 我只烤我所爱的人
Oh. Sorry, Batman. I only roast the ones I love.
但是他们拿枪指着我
And because they're holding a gun to me.
明白, 市民
Understood, citizen.
让他大吃一惊, 孩子, 否则...
Knock him dead, kiddo. Or else.
我必须说, 在所有的喜剧演员中, 你选择了我, 让我受宠若惊, 小丑
I must say, I'm flattered that of all the comedians, you chose me, Joker.
不, 格劳乔没空
Don't be. Groucho was unavailable.
好冷啊
Oh, that is cold.
无论如何, 很高兴来到哥谭, 蝙蝠侠与罗宾的家
Anyway, great to be here in Gotham City, home of Batman and Robin.
他们俩真是一对毫无活力的搭档, 我说的对吗, 恶棍们?
What an undynamic duo those two are. Am I right, villains?
蝙蝠侠, 我只想知道
And, Batman, I just want to know:
谁给你的权利当罗宾的监护人?
Who put you in charge of Robin's adult supervision?
我是说, 我担心让他一个人去学校
I mean, I'd be worried about letting him walk to school alone...
你却让他独自拆炸♥弹♥
...and you have him disarming bombs.
这很有趣, 因为这是真的
It's funny because it's true. Ha-ha-ha!
蝙蝠侠, 其他10岁以上的人都很忙吗?
Yo, Batman, was everyone else over the age of 10 busy? Ha, ha!
你一定要叫他神奇小子, 因为你不相信他能活着
You must call him The Boy Wonder because you can't believe he's alive.
没错, 罗丝, 让他们继续笑
That's right, Ross, keep them laughing.
蝙蝠侠, 你的万能腰带怎么了?
Yo, Batman, what's up with that utility belt?
你是来打击犯罪的还是来改造我的浴室的?
Are you here to fight crime or remodel my bathroom?
它能撑住你的内♥裤♥吗?
Does it hold up your underwear?
因为大多数人上完幼儿园都知道
Because after kindergarten, most of us figured out...
要把内♥裤♥放进裤子里
...that the undies go inside your pants.
至少在贝恩每次找你的时候
At least you don't have to change your underwear...
你不用换内♥裤♥了, 对吧?
...every time you see Bane coming for you, huh?
抱歉打扰你, 罗丝先生
Sorry to interrupt, Mr. Ross.
但是我自己也有一些妙语, 我想试试
But I've got a few punch lines of my own I'd like to try out.
蝙蝠侠? 自♥由♥了? 快跑!
Batman? Free? Vamoose.
企鹅人, 他们应该叫你钉子
Penguin, they should call you The Nail.
因为你总是被正义之锤敲打
Because you're always getting pounded by the Hammers of Justice.
我会尽量不打到你好的一面, 双面人, 但你没有好的一面
I'd try not to hit your good side, Two-Face, but you don't have one.
谜语人, 你所有谜题的答案都是这样的
Riddler, the answer to all your riddles is this.
你要去哪里?
Where do you think you're going?
你做过很多可怕的事, 小丑, 但你真正的罪行是反对喜剧
You've done a lot of terrible things, Joker, but your real crime is against comedy.
谢谢你的协助
Appreciate the assist.
你知道, 做超级英雄并不难, 我想我可以试试
You know, this superhero stuff isn't so hard. Think I might give it a try.
继续搞笑吧, 杰夫
Stick to comedy, Jeff.
地球之上22300英里的危机!
欢迎
美国正义
会社
左边高一点, 神奇队长
A little higher to the left, Captain Marvel.
火星猎人, 为什么你看起来紧张得像只寄居蟹
Why, Martian Manhunter, you look as nervous as a hermit crab.
毫无意义的话
Nonsense.
我们留下好印象是很重要的
It's just important we make a good impression.
办个联谊会是个好主意
Having a mixer was a great idea.
谁在乎一堆老人说什么?
Who cares what a bunch of fossils have to say?
你在开玩笑? 美国正义会社是传奇
Are you kidding? The Justice Society of America are legends.
想想他们多年来传承的智慧...
Just think of all the wisdom they can pass down from their years of...
无聊!
Boring.
看, 传送器已经启动了
Oh. Look, the teleporter is activating.
不可能, 他们还有20分钟才到
Impossible. They're not due to arrive for another 20 minutes.
蝙蝠侠也不在这里, 整件事都是他的主意
And Batman isn't here. This whole thing was his idea.
放松, 我的朋友, 顺其自然, 别再吃饼干了
Relax, my friend. Just go with the flow. And no more cookies.
你知道这些饼干会让你更加焦虑
You know what they do to you.
先生们, 我是荣恩·荣兹
Gentlemen, I am J'onn J'onzz.
欢迎来到正义联盟国际总部
Welcome to Justice League International headquarters.
国际正义联盟? 你说是另一个正义联盟?
Justice League International? You said it was the other Justice League.
好的那个
The good one.
我一定是看错邀请函了
I must have read the invitation wrong.
这是不是意味着超人不在? 超人是我来这里的唯一原因
Does that mean Superman won't be here? Superman is the only reason I came.
请不要拘束
Well, please make yourselves at home.
这真是豪华的房♥子, 火星人
These sure are fancy digs, Martian.
但是你在太空中漂浮有什么用呢?
But what good are you floating around in space?
据我所知, 在这里是阻止不了银行劫匪
Last time I checked, you can't stop bank robbers from up here.
你说得对
You got that right.
没错, 来吧, 我的朋友们, 这边有很多点心
Ha, ha. Yes, well, come, my friends. Plenty of refreshments right this way.
孩子, 这里的厕所在哪里?
Say, kid, where's the john in this joint?
走廊尽头的左手边
Down the hall on the left.
蝙蝠侠, 你在哪里? 大家都到了
Batman, where are you? Everyone is here.
抱歉, 荣恩, 我可能得晚点到
Sorry, J'onn. Running a little late.
伙计, 派对的开头不太好
Guy, things are not getting off to a good start.
现在不方便说话, 我正在和带着激光枪的忍♥者滑雪, 蝙蝠侠完毕
I can't talk now. Skiing ninjas with lasers. Batman out.
没有人和我们说话
No one's talking to each other.
冰, 你为什么不试试融入他们?
Ice, why don't you try mingling?
但我不用去洗手间
But I don't have to go to the bathroom.
虾太辣了, 鸡肉太干了
The shrimp's too spicy and the chicken is dry.
马·亨克尔绝不会搞这么低质的派对
Ma Hunkel would never have put out such a shabby spread.
而且份量也很小
And such small portions too.
我想我们的食物快吃完了
Uh, I think we're almost out of food.
这么快? 怎么可能?
Already? How can that be?
我的计算基于每个人平均喝四杯酒
I based my calculations on an average of four glasses of punch per person.
一份蔬菜, 两份开胃菜
One serving of crudités, two servings of hors d'oeuvres.
本来应该有更多的
There should have been more than enough.
这些开胃菜真是太好吃了
These hors d'oeuvres are outrageous.
这是给客人准备的
They are for the guests.
你不是客人, 你不明白吗?
And you are not a guest. Don't you understand?
没有什么比派对上没有吃的更糟糕的了, 没有
There's nothing worse than running out of food at a party. Nothing.
你能把温度调高点吗, 主管?
Think you could turn up the heat, chief?
这里比北极熊的脚趾甲还冷
It's colder than a polar bear's toenails in here.
除了那个
Except for that.
所以, 那就是最初的绿灯侠?
So that's the original Green Lantern?
他的服装设计师一定是色盲
His costume designer must've been color-blind.
我们唯一能从这些老家伙身上学到的就是
Only thing we'll learn from these geezers...
如何在我们的饮食中添加更多的纤维
...is how to add more fiber to our diets.
不过它们闻起来很香, 比如樟脑丸和薄荷擦
They do smell nice, though. Like mothballs and menthol rub.
野猫, 我... 我不敢相信我真的见到你了
Wildcat, I just... I can't believe I'm actually meeting you.
我爷爷以前经常给我讲你们的故事
My grandpa used to tell me stories about you guys all the time.
爷爷?
Grandpa?
所以我告诉首相, "叫你们的潜水艇离开
So I told the prime minister, "Call off your submarines...
否则我会召唤一群座头鲸..."
...or I'll summon a pod of humpback whales to..."
等一下, 我要去见一个骑马的人
Hold that thought, I gotta see a man about a horse.
那么, 幽灵, 老朋友
So, Spectre, old chum.
我有没有告诉过你我有一次...
Did I ever tell you about the time l...
没关系
Never mind.
你要去哪儿?
Where are you going?
虫小子要带我们参观这个叫总部的地方
Bug Boy here is giving us a tour of this tin can y'all call a headquarters.
不会有好结果的
That is not going to end well.
你今晚累坏了, 侦探
You've had quite an exhausting night, detective.
我希望你的小睡让你清醒