少男奶爸（2012）

Baby Daddy S01E08

Part 1 Nov. 30, 2020, 2:49 p.m.

Stop. Gimme that!
停遥控器给我
I've got it. Quit yapping at me.
知道了别跟我大呼小叫的
Play nice, Danny. Or at least give him a step ladder.
对他好点丹尼至少给他个梯凳用吧
Okay, people. I need a clean shirt and a clean baby,
大家听着我需要件干净的衬衫和一个干净的宝宝
not necessarily in that order.
顺序当然无所谓啦
Emma, you ready for your first playdate?
艾玛准备好你的第一个玩耍约会了吗
Okay now. Remember, Emma, what we talked about.
好吧艾玛你要记住我们说的
Just because he buys you formula
并不是他给你买♥♥吃的
doesn't mean you need to share your toys.
你就得把玩具分给他玩儿
She's actually pretty smitten
事实上她被她的新朋友
with her new little friend Jordan.
小乔丹迷得神魂颠倒呢
Well, she's also having an affair with her thumb,
她还和自己的大拇指有一腿呢
so I wouldn't be picking out china just yet.
我都不用急着去买♥♥瓷器了
Honey, I think it's so cute that you
亲爱的你真可爱啊
joined a Mommy and Me class.
竟然去参加"我和妈咪"课程
Room full of hot mommies?
有一屋子的辣妈
Yeah, he's selfless.
对啊他真无私
This is about Emma, okay?
这都是为了艾玛好吗
Jordan's mom Isabelle is amazing.
乔丹的妈妈伊莎贝尔真的特别棒
People actually call her the "Mommy whisperer."
大家都叫她"妈咪专家"
Funny. That used to be your father's nickname.
有意思那曾是你父亲的绰号♥
She runs the whole program.
整个计划都是她负责的
There's a huge waiting list for her class.
有好多人排队等着上她的课
But, using a little of the patented Wheeler charm,
但是散发了一点维勒式魅力之后
Emma and I have jumped to the front of the list.
我就和艾玛挤到了队伍前面
We pass our playdate audition today, and we're in.
我们今天通过玩耍约会面试之后就可以上课了
We're in! Yes!
赢了耶
Finally! Whoo! Yes!
终于赢了耶
Today is gonna be all about yelling,
今天将是充满呐喊
swearing and full-on body blows.
脏话和拳打脚踢的日子
Sounds like my wedding night.
听着像我的新婚之夜
Boxing. It's the pay-per-view Fight
他们说的是拳击一个收费的叫做
of the Decade. Yup.
《最棒拳击》的节目对
And watching it is how we stay manly.
看这场比赛就是我们保持男人的方法
Yeah, okay, that should do it.
好吧应该会起作用哦
Oh! It's okay, Emma. Here we go.
噢没事的艾玛我们捡起来
Three-second rule.
还没到三秒呢
No! No-second rule.
不行那都已经脏了
Izzy said that's a myth.
伊兹说那是假的
Do you have any idea
你知不知道
what kind of germ you're exposing her to?
你让她暴露在什么细菌中
Honey, when I was raising you boys,
亲爱的我把你们拉扯大的时候
it was a three-day rule.
掉地上三天吃了都没事儿呢
If you kept it down, it was safe.
如果你吃了没事那就是安全的
If you didn't-- well, that's why we had a dog.
如果有事...我们当时养的狗就派上用场了
Well, Izzy has this simple list of rules
伊兹有一个简化版的父母须知清单
that every parent needs to follow.
每个为人父母的都要遵守
It's amazing how much I don't know.
我很震惊自己居然好多都不知道
We're all amazed at that, honey.
我们都很震惊亲爱的
And I've got a list too.
我也整个了清单
Chips, beer, salsa, guacamole,
薯条啤酒沙司鳄梨色拉酱
and you be home by 8:00.
你要8点之前回家
Please. I'm so on it.
拜托我一定会的
And I'm so late.
我真的晚了
The first thing on Izzy's list:
伊兹列表第一条
Be prepared for everything.
为一切做好准备
The second thing on the list:
列表第二条
Don't forget the baby.
别忘了宝宝
**It's amazing how the unexpected*
*人生妙无边惊喜无极限
**can take your life and change directions*
*劝君莫等闲雌雄随我愿
So maybe not the best day for the park.
可能今天不适合去公园
If you need to dry off We're good.
你需要擦干的话... 我们没事
Rain or shine, we're always prepared.
不管刮风下雨烈日高照我们有备无患
Make yourself comfortable, while we recycle our raincoats.
你们先自便我们去回收雨衣
It smells very...
这里闻着很...
male.
有男人味
On behalf of the three men who live here,
我代表住在这里的三个男人
thank you.
谢谢你
Look, we're sorta new
我们是第一次
on the whole baby-dating scene,
参加这种宝宝约会活动
so I'm not really sure what comes next.
所以我不知道下面要怎么做
A little peek-a-boo.
躲躲猫猫
Maybe some spin-the-bottle.
转转奶瓶
That's hilarious.
还挺好玩儿的
But it's almost time for Jordan's nap
但是快到乔丹的小睡时间了
and I can't imagine putting him down anywhere here,
我在这里却找不到地方把他放下
so we should...
所以我们可能...
probably be going.
应该走了
No no no no. Please don't.
别别别走
I know we're probably not up to your usual standards.
我知道我们这里可能达不到你通常的标准
And the place could use a touch more...
这里确实也需要略微加一点...
Babyproofing. "A touch?"
保护婴儿的措施略微吗
She says, looking at a giant dartboard
看看那个巨型飞镖靶
and 75 choking hazards.
和各种有窒息危险的东西吧
Ben, I'm sorry. I just don't know
本我很抱歉我不知道
if you're taking your role as a parent seriously enough.
你是不是认真对待父亲这个角色
And that's why we need to be in your class.
这就是为什么我们需要上你的课啊
We're tired of being pathetic "Befores."
我们厌倦了悲哀的从前
We wanna be happy "Afters."
我们想享受美好的明天
We need to be Izzied.
我们需要跟伊兹学习
Yay, Izzy!
耶伊兹
I guess I could do a private home intensive.
我觉得我可以做一次上门私人集训
A one-on-one where we go through everything in the place.
一对一的来把这里所有的东西都检查一遍
Yes! Thank you.
好谢谢你
Maybe we could do it over dinner.
我们也可以边吃晚餐边做
My mom's got Jordan tonight,
我妈妈今晚会照顾乔丹
which just means he'll probably know
也就是说他可能会在两岁之前
how to mix a Martini before he's two.
就知道怎么做马提尼了
Tonight? As in this evening?
今晚就在今晚吗
Hours from now?
从现在开始
It's really the only time I have.
我真的只有这时候有时间
And there's no way that I could let
现在的这种情形你们俩
the two of you into my class.
是没机会去上我的课的
Then tonight it is!
那就今晚
But I'm just letting you know,
但是我要提前跟你说
I'm a really fast learner,
我学东西真的很快
so get ready to put the baby pedal to the daddy metal.
准备好迎接我们父女的敲锣打鼓吧
I have no idea what that means.
我也不知道我在说什么
Ben, honey, there is such a thing as being too protective.
亲爱的本你这是保护过度了
Did I pick you up every time you cried? No.
你哭的时候我每次都把你抱起来吗没有
Did I feed you every time you were hungry? No.
你饿的时候我每次都喂你吗没有
Did I fix those frayed wires
我修过电视机后面的
behind the TV? I mean, what am I? An electrician?
磨损电线吗开什么玩笑我又不是电工
Come on, Ben, you turned out--
看看本你这不是...
well, you are still here.
依然健在吗
I feel so coddled.
我实在是太娇生惯养了
Well, you should, since I'm making dinner
确实是现在都是我在
for you and lady goo-goo.
给你和你的小情人做饭
Hey, that's organic chicken, right?
对了那是有机鸡肉对吗
She only eats organic.
她只吃有机食品
Yeah, right. Like I'm going to spend
对啊为此我还要花
40 bucks on a breast of chicken.
四十块去买♥♥一个鸡胸脯肉
I don't spend that much per cup on a bra.
我胸罩一个罩杯算下来还不值那么多呢
Mom! This is important.
妈这很重要好吗
Honey, your brother is 6'5"
亲爱的你哥哥长到一米九五
and he grew up eating dirt.
就是"含垢忍♥辱"长的
I did it!
我成功了
I got the job.
工作到手了
You are looking at the newest employee
现在站在你们面前的
of Bender, Bowman, Brockman
是本德鲍曼布罗克曼