爆笑女警（2016）

Ladies and gentlemen,
女士们先生们
we are just moments away
我们马上就要迎来
from hitting our one millionth cheat.
第一百萬個用戶的來臨
I want to thank each and every one of you
我想要谢谢 你们每一个人
for believing in my childhood dream...
实现我儿时的梦想
a service designed to give a voice to a group...
一项设计来为那些沉默太久的人们
who for too long have been silenced.
发出自己的声音
I'm talking about people who want to be married
我说的是想要结婚
but still bone other people.
却还爱着别人的人们
That's right. Hear, hear!
太棒了 说得好
That's right! And now that dream is a reality.
说得好 而现在梦想已经实现了
Cheat. Cheat.
出轨 出轨
Cheat! Cheat! Cheat! Cheat! Cheat! Cheat!
出轨 出轨 出轨 出轨 出轨 出轨
Cheat! Cheat! Cheat! Cheat! Cheat! Cheat! Cheat! Cheat!
出轨 出轨 出轨 出轨
What the hell is going on?
这他媽是怎么回事
Mr. Tweedner, the servers aren't responding.
推特尔先生 服务器不响应
I think we've been hacked.
我想我们被黑了
Huh?
啊哈
Sorry. I think you still have the bathroom key.
抱歉 我想你还拿着厕所的钥匙
Oh. Sorry.
哦 对不起
Thanks.
谢谢
Geils, Tribeca,
盖尔斯 崔贝卡
I'm afraid cybercrime has once again reared its ugly head.
我想网络犯罪又抬头了
Lieutenant, I told you, it's just a printer jam.
长官 我講過好幾次了 打印機卡紙而已
Has anyone here heard of the website "MeetNCheat.org"?
有没有人听过 "背而相遇網"
Their server's been hacked.
他们的服务器被黑了
The perpetrator is threatening
谋犯威胁不关闭网站
to release the names and identities
就把所有注册
of all the cheaters on the site unless it's shut down.
出軌的用戶名字和身份曝光
Why do we have to help a website
为什么我们要帮
that encourages people to cheat?
一个鼓励人们出轨的网站
I say let the data be published.
就让他公开啊
I know it's distasteful, Tribeca,
我知道这不好受 翠贝卡
but the law is the law.
但法律就是法律
Now, because it's a cybercrime,
现在 因为是网络犯罪
the FBI has sent us a tech expert
联邦调查局派了一个技术专家过来
to help out with the case.
帮我们解决这个案子
I'd like to introduce you to Special Agent Diane Duran.
向你们介绍特别探员黛安·杜兰
Good morning.
早上好
Agent Duran, Detectives Treils and Gibeca.
杜兰探员 男的是翠尔斯 女的是盖贝卡探員
Sorry, I'm flustered because you're so impressive.
对不起 你那么好看 我慌了
He's Treils. I'm Gibeca.
他是翠尔斯 我是盖贝卡
Nice to meet you. Hi.
很高兴认识你 嗨
Your reputation precedes you, Duran.
久仰大名了 杜兰
Smart, professional, but with a fun, mischievous side.
聪明 专业 还有一点小淘气
You flatter me, Lieutenant.
过奖了 长官
Geils, I think you lost something.
盖尔斯 我想你少了点什么
Uh...
呃
We got a real tough one here, Agent Duran.
我们遇到了难题 杜兰探员
Call me Diane.
叫我黛安
Let's see if we can give this hacker a run for his money.
我們就來看看黑客會不會為了錢而自投羅網吧
At 9:03 A.M.,
上午9点03分
a self-replicating code was Trojan-Horsed
一个自我复♥制♥的木马程式攻破了
through the backdoor of Meet'N'Cheat's servers.
背而相遇服务器的后门
Those computer-sounding words convince me you're an expert.
这些专业术语蹦的 听起来你确实很专业
Why don't I set my equipment up,
要不我把我的装备摆好
and you can go talk to the C.E.O. of Meet'N'Cheat,
你们去和背而相遇的總裁谈谈
find out if he has any enemies?
看看他除了美国每一个家庭主妇
Other than every housewife in America.
还有没有其他敌人
Great. We'll get right on it.
好的 我就去
I want to date her.
我想约她
I want to be her.
我想变成她
Okay. What'd you guys come up with?
好了 你們有什麼好想法
Every minute I'm not online,
我們網站不在的每分每秒
a dad is throwing a football with his son,
老爸就得和孩子玩扔球
a mom's helping her daughter with homework.
老妈就得陪女儿写作业
Couples are finding ways to make it work,
夫妻们为婚姻想尽办法
and that's money out of my pocket.
这就是我赚钱的方式
How do you live with yourself?
你怎麼睡得安啊
I'll tell you how I live.
我告訴你我怎睡得好
I sleep on a bed made out of human buttocks.
我睡在一張超舒服的床
Every item of clothing that I'm wearing
我穿的每一件衣服都是
was handmade by a gifted Asian child.
一个天赋异禀的亚洲小孩手工做成
You want to know what I drink instead of water?
你知道我喝什么代替水吗
Supermodel breast milk.
超模母乳
You want to know what kind of car I drive?
你知道我开什么车吗
A pre-owned Toyota Avalon.
二手丰田車
Sir, on behalf of the 99%, thank you.
先生 代表大多数人 谢谢你
You're a job creator.
你创造了就业
What I do might be distasteful to you, Detective,
我的所作所为也许让你感到讨厌
but the world needs guys like me
但世界需要我这样的人
to take us to the next level.
把我们带到一个新尺度
I mean, imagine a world without honesty,
我是说 想象一个没有诚信
fidelity, common decency.
忠诚和一般性的礼貌的世界
You know what I think?
你知道我在想什么吗
I think we should let this hacker release all your data
我在想应该让黑客曝光你所有的数据
and bring this company tumbling down.
然后把这家公♥司♥搞垮
Sounds like someone doesn't want their parking validated.
看来有人不想要免費停車證了
Do you have any enemies? People who want you to fail?
你有什么敌人吗 想要你失败的
Mm... It would be a heck of a lot easier to count my friends.
嗯... 算上我的朋友們 應該會易找得多
Let's do that, then.
那就开始吧
Anyone left over will be considered your enemy.
那么剩下的人就算是你的敌人了
Okay. Alex Rodriguez,
好 亚历克斯·罗德里格斯
Dustin Diamond... and that's it.
达斯汀·戴蒙德 没了
Wait a second.
等等
There were these twins that I went to school with,
以前在学校有一对双胞胎
Ned and Ted Doppelganger.
内德和泰德·二重身
Hate my guts.
很讨厌我
They think that I stole the idea
他们认为我窃取了他们
for Meet'N'Cheat from them.
背而相遇的点子
But that's not true? No, it's totally true.
但那不是真的对吗 不 是真的
I literally took their computer from their home.
我确实从他们家拿走了电脑
Ski mask, flashlight, the whole nine yards.
滑雪面具 手电筒 一整個電影似的
Suckers.
白♥痴♥们
There's no way this guy's friends with Dustin Diamond.
反正这家伙不可能是达斯汀·戴蒙德的朋友
And where would we find these Doppelgangers?
我们在哪能找到这两位二重身呢
Well, they teach at our old school.
在舊学校教书
You know it as Harvard, but most people know it
你知道的名字是哈佛 但大多数人知道的
as the Miami University of Ohio of Massachusetts.
名字是马萨诸塞屯职业技术学院
Thank you for meeting with us, Professor Doppelganger.
感谢能见我们 二重身教授
And Professor Doppelganger. Of course.
还有二重身教授 没啥
Not that we're anxious to help out our old "friend".
倒不是我们急着帮我们的 "老朋友"
Garth Tweedner.
加思·推特尔
That prospect is less than appetizing.
他的公♥司♥前景要比看起来差很多
I take it you're not the biggest fan of the rock star C.E.O.
我猜你倆對這位偷了你们点子
who stole your idea and made millions from it.
还赚了上百万的總裁不太喜歡
Since the gag order, we're not allowed to say
自从封口令以来 我们不允许
what we really think about Mr. Tweedner.
表达对推特尔先生的真实看法
But off the record?
但私下里说
I think he's the scum of the Earth.
我觉得他是地球的废料
Lowest of the low.
簡直渣滓
Sounds like a pretty big grudge.
听起来有很深的怨恨
Big enough to want to take down his whole operation.
深到足以搞垮他的整個公♥司♥
Hacking's not our game, Detective.
但黑客不是我倆的手法 警探
When we take people on, they know about it.
當我們要對付某人 絕對會正面開攻
Besides, we're about to start a new business venture.
另外我们也要开始一项新商业计划
It's called FastFruit.
这叫做水果速递
It's gonna revolutionize fruit delivery.
将会使水果运输业产生革命性的变化
You suddenly got a hankering for a plum?
如果你突然想吃李子
Within five minutes, a drone arrives
五分钟之内