齐与祖

Hosted by the Film Foundation.
不管是谁拿出了最好的恐怖微电影
Hundred dollars cash prize for whoever turns in
都有上百美元的现金奖励
the best short horror film.
截止日期是什么时候
When's the deadline?
七月一号♥
July 1st.
是为大学生举办的 笨蛋
It's for college kids, dummy!
你不会赢的
You'll never win.
好吧 我想我们都有足够的时间
Okay, I think that we've all had enough time to think
去考虑新处境和应对方案了
about this new situation and adjust.
最重要的事就是露的家人要过来吃晚饭
The important thing is that Lu's family is coming over for
而我们需要招待他们
dinner and we need to get'ready to greet them.
她们家喜欢什么口味 亲爱的
What's this family like, dear?
我猜她们有点正式
I guess they're sort of formal.
正式 比如呢 怎么个正式法
Formal? Like, how formal?
她们是来自纽约的保守派
Well, they're conservatives from New York
所以露说她们经常盛装出席
so Lu says they always dress for dinner.
穿成什么样
Dress in what?
比如 像我们这样穿便服
Like, in clothes? Cause we do that, we wear clothes.
男人们打领带
The men wear ties.
有几个男的
How many men?
露有三个兄弟
Lu has three brothers,
所以我觉得有11个
so I guess there'll be eleven.
11个
Eleven?
我们没那么多餐具
We don't have enough forks.
精致的保守派总会有多的餐具
Fancy conservative types always have extra forks.
而且他们还不回收
And they don't'recycle.
他们讨厌环保主义者
They hate environmentalists.
她们可能会喜欢波特兰
Well they're gonna love Portland.
美国奥勒冈州最大的城市
你们别这样
You guys, please!
求你们就当为了我吧
I'm asking you to do this for me.
不是为了忍♥受同性恋或者保守派或什么
Not because you support gays or conservatives or whatever.
而是因为你们爱我 在乎我
But because you love and care about me.
如果现在开始 我能烤好三个千层饼
If I start now, I can get three lasagnas in the oven.
我去做沙拉 在草坪上插绿色和平标志
I'll make a salad and take the Greenpeace signs off the lawn.
我去摆桌子
I will set the table.
好的 你是刚重生不久的
Okay, you're a'recently'reincarnated
情感混乱的狼人
emotionally confused werewolf
你一千年没吃东西了
who hasn't had anything to eat in ten centuries.
开拍
Action!
我觉得你还缺点饥饿感
I think it needs more hunger.
我等会得回去了 我应该在学习的
I have to go inside soon. I'm supposed to be studying.
弗朗西斯 我们在拍电影中
Francis, we're in the middle of a film shoot.
我知道 但是我趁奶奶睡着时跑出来的
I know, but I only got to come out because Grandma fell asleep.
难道你想在家里学一整个暑假
Don't you get summer break in home school?
奶奶说暑假是为了干农活
Grandma says summer break is for farmers.
她不会因为这个草坪而感到激动
She's not going to be thrilled about this lawn.
好吧 可能我们得加快速度了
Okay, maybe we can speed things up.
如果我们表演的是狼人从棺材里出来
If we show the werewolf coming out of the coffin,
那我们就能剪掉这个镜头
then we can get rid of the establishing shot.
开始
Action!
垃圾玩意
Stupid thing.
这玩意怎么了
What's wrong with it?
这是为魔术师准备的 我就不应该买♥♥
It's for magicians. I never should have ordered it.
你还好吗
Are you okay?
我可能过敏了
I may be having an allergy attack.
你对什么过敏
What are you allergic to?
草 坚果 小麦 奶制品 酱油
Grass, nuts, wheat, dairy, soy..
这里放牡蛎刀 下一个是汤匙
It says here that the oyster fork goes next to the spoon.
这不对
That can't be right.
我们不吃牡蛎 奥斯卡
We're not serving oysters, Oscar.
我去机场接露的家人
I'm going to go pick up Lu's family from the airport.
我还是不敢相信她们居然为了这个飞过来
I still can't believe they flew out for this.
那他们住在哪
Where are they staying?
我邀请他们和我们一起住
I invited them to stay with us.
什么
What?
你总是告诉我
You always told me to feel free
随便从学校邀请朋友到家里来
to invite friends home from school!
对呀 邀请朋友
Yeah, friends.
不是想和我女儿结婚的人的一整个
Not entire families of culturally conservative lesbians
文化保守的同性恋家庭
who want to marry my daughter!
这就像我告诉过你的
It's like I told you.
女孩们需要女人的指点 但他们不同
Girls need a woman's touch or they turn out, different.
这对我女儿们来说没什么不同 玛吉
There's nothing different about my daughters, Marge.
爸爸 你能给我买♥♥个棺材吗
Dad, could you buy me a coffin?
不行 祖伊
No Zoe.
你为啥会想要个棺材
Why would you want a coffin?
我需要一个
I need one.
祖伊 只有死人才要棺材
Zoe, only dead people need coffins.
过来这里祖伊 过来帮我摆卡片
Here Zoe, come help me with the place cards.
我们吃晚饭有伙伴了
We're having company for dinner.
我能邀请弗朗西斯吗
Can I invite Francis?
当然了
Sure.
她需要先去洗个澡
Hey, she needs to take a shower first.
祖伊 去洗个澡穿 正式一点
Zoe, go wash up and put on something more formal.
你好 麦吉利卡迪太太
Hello, Mrs.McGillicuddy.
有什么问题吗
Is there something wrong?
我还真有问题 我的狗丢了
I'll say there's something wrong. My dog is missing.
很抱歉听到这个消息
I'm sorry to hear that.
我知道你女儿对狗做了些什么
I know your daughter had something to do with this.
齐拉吗
Zilla?
小的那个 拿獠牙面具那个
The little one. With the fangs.
麦吉利卡迪太太很抱歉
I'm sorry Mrs. McGillicuddy,
但是祖伊不太喜欢狗
but Zoe doesn't even like dogs.
我没说她喜欢
I didn't say she liked them.
她看菲菲的眼神
The way she looks at Fifi
就像要吃了它
Like that cannibal man.
就像汉尼拔·莱克特
Hannibal Lecter.
汉尼拔:食人狂魔
麦吉利卡迪太太
Mrs. McGillicuddy,
我发誓祖伊没吃你的狗
I promise you Zoe did not eat your dog.
但如果菲菲出现在这
But we'll be sure to let you know
我保证让你知道 这总行了吧
if Fifi shows up, okay?
神经病
Weirdo.
谁才是神经病 萨尔
Who's the weirdo, Sal?
你邻居还是你女儿
Your neighbor or your daughter?
科拉
祖伊 我说过让你穿正式一点
Zoe, I said put on something more formal.
现在快去换 她们就快到了
Now hurry up, they're almost here.
确保每件事都准备好了 为了齐拉
Let's make sure everything goes well. For Zilla's sake.
欢迎光临
Welcome!
很高兴终于见到你们了
We're so happy to finally meet you!
所以我告诉过露娜
So I said to Luna
亲爱的 我不管你和男人还是女人
sweetheart, I don't care if you marry a man a woman
或是和某个古怪的变性者结婚
or one of those bizarre transgender types.
我就想当奶奶
All I want are grandchildren
通过人工受精的方式
and with artificial insemination these days
这是完全有可能的
that's entirely possible.
我觉得齐拉应该在她要孩子之前毕业
I think Zilla wants to finish college before she has kids.
当然了
Naturally!
但是她不想等太久
But she won't want to wait too long.
老实说我已经错过了要孩子的年纪
I waited until I was older to have children and quite frankly
我觉得我的卵细胞出了点问题
I think something went wrong with my eggs.
他们全是聋哑人
They're practically mutes.
所以你们是一对同性恋情侣吗
So you're a gay couple?
奥斯卡 不是的
Oscar no.
不 不 我们不是任何一种情侣
No no, We're not any kind of couple.
不然就成了乱♥伦♥了
That would be an incestuous'relationship.
我们是亲兄弟
We're brothers.
所以你们不再是同性恋情侣了
You come off like a gay couple.
不管怎么说
Anyway,
你有想过要举♥行♥什么样的仪式吗
Have you thought about what kind of ceremony you want?