齐与祖

It's just that, well, we have to
在六十秒内拿到三打粉色纸杯蛋糕
get three dozen pink cupcakes in the next sixty seconds
否则我会错过我女儿学校演出的剩余部分
or I'm going to miss what's left of my daughter's school play.
哪种味道的纸杯蛋糕
Well, what kind of cupcakes?
有覆盆子草莓 马里恩贝利 红丝绒
We have raspberry strawberry, marionberry,'red velvet-
随便哪种 做成粉红色就行
Any kind! Just make them pink!
听着 齐拉 我们得进去看你妹妹
Now listen, Zilla. We have to go in there and see what's left
剩余的演出 但如果你不先告诉我你的
of your sister's play, and if you don't tell me
消息是什么 我会把你从遗嘱里剔除的
what your news is first, I will write you out of my will.
好吧 我要结婚了
Fine. I'm getting married.
什么
What?
结婚 你要结婚 你才二十一岁
Married? You're getting married? You are 21 years old.
你十九岁就娶了妈妈
You married Mom when you were 19!
你觉得那是件好事吗
Oh, and that was a brilliant idea, wasn't it?
我是说 你在什么地方看到你妈妈了吗
I mean, do you see your mother around anywhere?
过去八年里你有收到过她的消息吗
Have you heard from her in the past eight years?
如果不是奥斯卡叔叔
You wouldn't even know what tenderness was
你甚至不知道什么是温柔
if it weren't for your Uncle Oscar!
我知道你会发疯的 所以我没有
I knew you were going to freak out. That's why I didn't
在电♥话♥里告诉你
tell you over the phone!
这事绝对不可能
This is absolutely out of the question!
对不起 请原谅
Sorry. Excuse me.
这出戏是关于什么的
What's this play about, anyway?
美国历史
American History.
你们错过了大部分演出
Um, you missed most of the play.
只剩下服装颁奖了
They just have the costume awards left.
你还在上大学
You are still in college.
有大学生不能结婚的规定吗
Is there some rule that college students can't be married?
你有没有想过如果要抚养孩子
Have you ever thought about how hard it will be to get through
会很难从医学院毕业
med school if you have kids to raise?
这对我们来说不是问题
That won't be a problem for us.
你决不能计划这些事情 齐拉
You can't necessarily plan these things, Zilla.
计划生育并不总是对的
Birth control isn't always what it should be.
感谢所有人来参加我们这个
Thank you all for coming and joining us on this happy
快乐的家庭聚会
family occasion.
我要感谢观众席所有的家长
I'd like to thank all the parents in the audience
感谢你们在烘焙和服装上的所有努力
for all the effort that you put into the baking and the costumes
以及所有幕后学生们的努力工作
and the students behind the curtain for all their hard work.
我相信他们准备好去过暑假了
I'm sure they're'ready for summer vacation.
为了表彰那些真正引人注目的服装
In'recognition of some of the costumes that'really stood out
我们想快速地颁发一些奖品
we would like to give out a few quick prizes.
最漂亮的服装奖授予
The prize for the prettiest costume goes to
饰演自♥由♥女神的玛丽·安·珀西
Mary Ann Percy as the Statue of Liberty.
接下来 最酷的服装奖将颁发给
Next, the prize for the coolest costume goes to
饰演粗野骑手的泰森·贝克
Tyson Baker who came as a Rough Rider.
而且 评委会决定今年颁发第三个奖项
And, ah, our judges decided to give out a third prize this year.
最令人不安的服装奖授予
The award for the most disturbing costume goes to
饰演朝圣者的祖伊·巴利基
Zoe Balicki who decided to come as a pilgrim,
她的
who has been..
头皮被剥掉了
scalped.
祖伊 我们要为你的创造力鼓掌
Zoe, we have to applaud your creativity.
然而 给祖伊父母一个小提示
However, a quick'reminder for Zoe's parents:
就是 放生肉
including, ah, raw meat on an
在小学生的校服上不太卫生
elementary school costume is not considered strictly sanitary.
现在 请孩子们和我一起
And now, if the children will join me in
唱我们的校歌♥
singing our school song.
我还没说完我的事情
I didn't finish telling you my news.
对不起 还有吗
I'm sorry, there's more?
我邀请我未婚妻的家人来吃晚饭
I invited my fiancée's family over for dinner.
我要你见她
I want you to meet her.
能再说一遍吗 见她
Beg your pardon. Her?
我是女同性恋 爸
I'm a lesbian, Dad.
什么
What?
我是女同性恋
I'm a lesbian!
所以 这就是你回来
So, this is how you
告诉这个家的重磅消息的方式
choose to share important news with the family.
那就是突然把这消息丢给我们
Just dumping it on us out of the blue.
相信我 在中途去看小学戏剧表演时
Believe me, coming out in the middle of a grade school play
公开我同性恋的身份也不是我想要的方式
was not my ideal way of coming out of the closet either.
就不能给我们一点过渡的时间吗
Well, couldn't we have had a more gradual transition?
我的意思是 后来我知道你有男朋友了
I mean, last I knew, you had a boyfriend.
奥斯卡 是不是应该有一个像
Oscar Yeah, isn't there supposed to be some like...
我不知道 先有性经验吗
I don't know, sexual experimentation first?
早就有了
There has been.
天哪
God.
得了吧 老爸你最后一次
Come on Dad, when's the last time you
真真切切见我和男的在一起是什么时候了
actually saw me with a man?
那个你去冰与火一起跳舞的男孩
There was that guy you went to the Fire & Ice dance with.
那是个女的吗
Was that a woman?
不 奥斯卡叔叔 那是鲍比·米尔顿
No Uncle Oscar, that was Bobby Milton
那时候是初中
and that was in the eighth grade.
怎么了
What's going on?
齐拉现在是个女同
Zilla's a lesbian now!
我一直都是 奥斯卡叔叔
I've always been a lesbian, Uncle Oscar.
冒犯到你我们很抱歉 齐拉
Well We're so sorry to offend you, Zilla.
我们为没注意到这事真诚地道歉
We'really apologize that your family's been too insensitive to
但也有可能是因为你一直和男的约会
notice, possibly because you've always dated men.
我就知道你不会答应
I knew you wouldn't approve.
这不是我不答应 亲爱的
It's not that I disapprove, honey.
这只是 这只是太突然了
It's just... well, it's all very sudden.
萨尔全都告诉我了
Sal told me everything.
我给你带了些鸡汤
I brought you some chicken soup.
好吧
Okay
你的确不理解 这不像是
You do understand that this is not like
可以被鸡汤治好的传染病
a contagious disease that can be treated with soup, right?
我还给祖伊带了些连衣裙
And I brought some dresses for Zoe.
你好啊 玛吉
Hello, Marge.
萨尔 艰难时期
Sal. Troubled times.
这就是女孩子没有妈妈抚养的后果
This is what happens when girls are raised without mothers
怎么 她们都变成同性恋了吗
What, they become lesbians?
还有祖伊
And Zoe!
我听说她在学校戏剧表演中做了件大事
I heard she made a sensation at the school play.
你怎么知道这些事的
How do you know these things?
我试着去打听了一下
I try to stay informed.
我说过几万遍
I've said it a million times.
你得给这些姑娘们更好的照顾
You've got to take better care of these girls.
你应该再娶的
You should'remarry.
我也跟你说过几万遍 玛吉
And I've told you a million times, Marge
我还没遇到那个对的人
I haven't met the right woman.
可能你是个隐藏的男同性恋
Maybe you're secretly gay.
恐怖魔法屋
保持波特兰的奇特
这不是大电影导演么
Well, if it isn't the movie director.
恐怖电影竞赛
你的恐怖电影怎么样了 库布里克小姐
How's the horror film coming, Ms. Kubrick?
我要的棺材到了吗
Has my coffin arrived?
昨天就到了 我还是不明白
It came yesterday. I still don't know what
你要棺材干嘛
you want with a coffin.
你这个年幼的小导演不是应该在学校么
Aren't you small, miniature people supposed to be in school?
放假了
It's vacation.
那你为什么不去和你同龄的小朋友玩呢
Then why aren't you out playing with your youthful peers?
你没有任何朋友么
Don't you have any friends?
那你有么
Do you?
一针见血
Touché.
棺材在哪
Where is it?
在后面 我去拿
In the back. I'll get it.
这看起来好假啊
This doesn't look'real.
这是为魔术表演定做的
It's for magic shows.
戏法魔术棺材
这傻的不行
This is stupid.
订了就得付钱
You order away, you pay.
你听说了恐怖竞赛吗
You hear about the horror contest?
由电影基金会举办的