齐与祖

开拍
Action.
酷
Cool.
祖伊 该上学了
Zoe, time for school!
我正在刷牙
I'm brushing my teeth!
今早七点我接到电♥话♥要求
So I get a call at seven in the morning. And they say, oh,
祖伊要为今天下午的演出带
by the way, Zoe needs to bring three dozen cupcakes to school
三打纸杯蛋糕到学校 今早七点的事情
for a play this afternoon. This is seven a.m. this morning,
要知道 我刚接了一个上门装♥修♥的订单
you understand. I've got an order of studs arriving,
我必须在上午九点到工地
I gotta be at the construction site by nine AM
所以这段空闲时间里为什么不做烘焙呢
so in my free time, sure, why not get in some baking?
而且必须是粉红色 现在粉红色当道
Oh, and they gotta be pink. Everything is pink right now.
奥斯卡
Oscar!
能帮我一下吗
Can I get a little help in here?
华夫饼要焦了
The waffles are burning.
萨尔
um, sal?
又有血从天花板夹层滴下来
There's blood dripping through the ceiling fixture again.
祖伊
Zoe!
我们正忙于处理家庭灾难 请留言
We're busy having a domestic disaster. Leave a message.
嗨 爸爸 我是齐拉
Um, hi Dad, it's Zilla.
我只是想打个电♥话♥看看你在干嘛
I just wanted to call and see how you're doing.
实际上 我想我可能会回家看看
Actually, I thought I might come home for a visit.
只是打个招呼 所以 接电♥话♥啊
Just to say hi. So, you know, pick up the phone.
祖伊 如果你再锁上一次 我发誓
Zoe! If you lock this thing one more time I swear
我会用电锯把它锯掉
I will cut it off with a power saw.
你知道这仅供紧急情况下使用
You know this is for emergency use only.
像是当楼下有人想杀你时
When someone is downstairs trying to murder you
你得锁上这扇门 但在那之前你不能锁
you get to lock this door, not before.
我知道你在里面 从壁橱里出来
Now I know You're in there. Come out of the closet.
看看你
Look at you.
今天是最后一天上学
It's the last day of school.
你不能保持制♥服♥清洁哪怕十秒钟吗
Can't you keep your uniform clean for ten seconds?
如果你每天都满身是血的出现在学校
How does it'reflect on me as a father if you show up to school
对我这父亲的形象又会有怎么样的影响呢
covered in blood every day?
来吧 我们去洗澡吧
Come on, let's get you in the shower.
你好 爸爸 又是我
Hi Dad, Zilla again.
听着 我很想在回家前和你谈谈
Look, I'd'really like to talk to you before I get home.
实际上 我有一些事情要宣布
Actually, I have some news.
我没有怀孕也没被逮捕
I'm not pregnant. And I haven't been arrested...
所以当你听到我要说的事前
So keep that in mind
记住这几点好吗
when you hear my news, okay?
看待这些事情的视角很重要
It's important to keep perspective about these things.
我不敢相信她所有的校服
I can't believe all her school uniforms have
上面都有血迹
bloodstains on them.
这又不是我的错
Hey, it's not my fault.
我看起来像某位时尚专家吗
Do I look like some kind of fashion expert?
辨别一种流行趋势和
There's a difference between identifying a fashion trend
辨别血迹可不一样 奥斯卡
and identifying a bloodstain, Oscar.
我忘带戏服了
I forgot my costume!
我要迟到了 没有它你不能继续吗
I'm late. Can't you go on without it?
没有戏服我不能参加演出
I can't be in a play without my costume.
我们今天就只有演戏这一件事可做
It's the only thing we're doing today. Just the play.
我来带她回家吧
I'll take her home.
不用了 她要装扮成某种食尸鬼
No you won't. She'll show up in some kind of ghoul ensemble.
我去吧
I'll go.
你是忘带戏服
You forgot to bring your costume
还是忘了做戏服
or you forgot to make your costume?
你忘了做纸杯蛋糕
You forgot the cupcakes.
该死
Son of a...
粉红色
Pink.
爸爸
dad?
齐拉
Zilla?
你离开学校回家来干什么
What are you doing home from school?
我们可没在等你
We weren't expecting you.
事实上 爸爸 我有事要告诉你
Actually Dad, there's something I have to tell you.
-你怀孕了 -没有
- You're pregnant. -No.
因为你和妈妈在大学里就有了小孩
You know, just because you and Mom got pregnant in college
并不意味着每个人都会犯同样的错误
doesn't mean everyone makes the same mistake.
别在你妹妹面前说这个
Not in front of your sister.
所以你没有
So- so you're not...?
不 绝对没有
No. No chance whatsoever.
很好
Oh. Good!
但我们现在非常赶时间 宝贝
Well we're in a huge hurry here, honey
也许今天下午晚些时候再谈
so maybe we can talk later this afternoon.
爸爸 我现在就必须得谈
Dad, I'really need to talk now.
我需要生肉
I need raw meat.
在冰箱里
In the fridge.
你在学校遇到了问题吗
Are you having problems at school?
还是实习呢
And the internship?
我 我拒绝了
I, um- I turned that down.
那真是一次很好的实习机会 齐拉
That was a'really good internship, Zilla.
你怎么才能进入一个好的医学院
How are you supposed to
如果你不
get into a good med school if...
爸爸 如果你连对实习都感到担忧的话
Look Dad, if you're going to freak out about the internship,
那你真的不能承受我的事情
you're'really not going to be able to handle my news.
还有更多事情吗
There's more news?
家长会有个疯狂愤怒的妈妈打来电♥话♥
So there's this kind of crazy, angry PTA mom on the phone?
她说他们少了三十六个粉色纸杯蛋糕
And she says that they're missing 36 pink cupcakes.
她让人觉得似乎是你偷了它们一样
She seems to be under the impression that you stole them.
你好 齐拉
Hi, Zilla.
你好 奥斯卡叔叔
Hi, Uncle Oscar.
就说蛋糕已经在路上了
Just- tell them they're on the way.
你去说 她真的很吓人 哥
Could- could you just tell her? Frankly she's scary, bro.
爸爸 我们要迟到了
Dad, We're going to be late!
好了 奥斯卡你带祖伊去学校
Okay. Oscar, you take Zoe to school. Then call
然后给建筑工地打电♥话♥说我们要晚点到
the construction site and tell them we're going to be late.
就说发生了一起怪事
Tell them there's been some kind of freak accident.
我会告诉他们有一起放风筝冲浪事故
I'll tell them there's been a kite boarding collision.
一项借助充气风筝,脚踩冲浪板的刺♥激♥的水上运动
随你便
Whatever.
帮我烘焙如何
How do you feel about helping me bake?
这太恶心了
This is disgusting.
他们不必美味 只需有就行了
They don't have to taste good, honey, they just have to exist.
所以你有什么消息要宣布
So what's your news?
在我告诉你之前
Before I tell you,
我要你保证会为我高兴
I want you to promise that you'll be happy for me.
怎么保证 我都不知道是什么事
How can I promise that, honey? I don't know what the news is.
好吧 这件事让我很高兴
Well, it's something that makes me happy.
老实说 我不知道什么能让你高兴
Well frankly, I don't know what makes you happy.
也许你一直想成为一名空中飞人
I mean, maybe you've always wanted to be a trapeze artist.
我不会为你离开大学
I'm not going to applaud you for leaving college
去加入马戏团而鼓掌的
to join the circus.
还是你遇到了一个英俊的毒贩
Or maybe you met a handsome drug dealer.
就告诉我是什么事吧 亲爱的
I mean, just tell me what the news is, honey.
你想让我去胡思乱想吗
Do you want me to guess?
第二个比较接近
Well, the second one is closer.
你把所有的糖霜都挤出来了 齐拉
You're squeezing out all the frosting, Zilla.
现在我没有糖霜了
Now I don't have any frosting.
好吧 这么说吧
Okay, let's just say hypothetically
如果我保证为你高兴
I promise to be happy with your news.
那么这个消息大致会属于什么类呢
Hypothetically, in what category would this news fall?
属于爱情类
It would fall in the love category.
天哪 比我想象的还要糟
Oh God. That's worse than I thought.
我想要洒一些橙色小块块的在上面
..And I'd like some of those orange ones with the sprinkles.
不是橙色的小球
Not the round orange sprinkles.
是橙色的小圆柱
The cylindrical orange sprinkles.
对不起 能不能快一点儿呢
Excuse me, is this something that could possibly be sped up?
因为我们真的很赶时间
Because we're kind of in a time sensitive situation here.
对不起 但我想我和你一样有权力
Excuse me, but I think I have as much of a right to
个性化我的糖果选择
personalize my confectionery choices as you do.
我不否认这一点
Oh, I'm not denying that right.
只是我们必须