手机人生（2014）

Can you get athlete's foot in your armpit?
或者说是 腋癣
"Athlete's pit?"
看来还是一样
Or not.
借过 借过
Gangway, gangway.
我来啦
Coming through!
看样子你忘了点事儿 汉弗莱
You forget one little thing, Humphrey.
我现在可是抓着你的弱点呢
I now own your little canine behind.
坐下
Sit!
怎么回事
What?
快啊
Come on.
坐下
Sit!
躺下
Lie down!
摇晃
Shake!
什么啊 这就不能用了啊
Really? This?
唯独这个不能用了
This is the one thing that stops working?
耍个杂技
Do a trick.
真无语 这九块九毛九算是废了
Great, $9.99 down the drain.
斯坦科维奇先生家的洒水器又坏了
Mr. Stankovich's sprinklers broke again!
泥巴足足有三英尺那么深
The mud is like three feet deep out there!
这真是我有史以来最糟糕的一天了
This is the greatest day of my life!
好吧 别靠过来
Okay. Back up.
美味
Mm, mm, yummy!
谁想尝尝我的新作
Who wants to sample my latest creation?
我管它叫 邋遢玉米片罗宋三明治
I call it the "Sloppy nacho-borscht-wich."
呃 把它放下
Ugh, just put that down!
再捡起来
Pick it up?
蕾切尔 我觉得我今天早上有点奇怪
Rachel, I'm having kind of a strange morning--
男孩儿们表现的十分诡异
Boys are acting weird.
那有什么不同的呢
This is unusual why?
和他们以往的怪不一样
Okay, not weird in their usual way.
臭屁炸♥弹♥
Fart bomb!
你怎么回事啊 这样很不好
Are you serious? That is atrocious.
特里普才不知道这个词啥意思呢
Tripp has no idea what that word means,
但如果是再来一次的话 那可以再来一次
But if it means, "Do it again," You're in luck!
不要 你停下来就好
No, just stop.
哇 他竟然
Wow, he just...
遵从你的话了
Obeyed you.
服从
Obeyed...
呃 说话
Uh... speak.
你们被特里普耍到了
You've been whipped by the Tripp!
闭上嘴
Shut your mouth
张开嘴
Open your mouth.
这 这真是太奇怪了
Wait, this is really weird.
特里普这回栽了
The Tripp is... Trippin'.
特里普现在吓坏了
The Tripp is freaking out right now.
去厕所吧
Go to the bathroom.
哦 不
Oh, wait, no!
厕所不在这儿
Not here!
哦 不 不
Oh, no, no...
你的手♥机♥出什么毛病了
What is with your phone?
是有毛病 就是今天早上突然开始的
I know, this is what was happening this morning!
无论我说什么 男孩儿们都服从了
Everything I said, the boys did.
然后特里普也
And then Tripp...
这 这真是太奇怪了
This is-- this is really odd.
奇怪
"Odd?"
你可是有了一个能控制男生的软件啊
You have an app that controls boys!
这可不是什么奇怪的事
This is not "Odd!"
这可是人类有史以来
This is the most amazing thing
出现过的最神奇的事情了
that has ever occurred in human history!
你们这俩呆子把厕所污染得忒脏了
This bathroom has been tainted with dork.
这可忒不好了
And that 'taint good.
懂了吗 忒不好
Get it? "Taint?"
好孩子 坐下
Down, girl.
跳起来
Jump!
摇一摇
Shake!
打个滚
Roll over!
你怎么给我下狗的命令
Why are you giving me dog commands?
她正打算试试
She was just trying
去做
To do...
这个
This...
新的
New...
-舞蹈 -对 舞蹈
- Dance! - Dance!
这是个新的舞蹈 叫做
It's a new dance. It's called the, um...
叫做
The... the...
-漫游者 -漫游者
- "Rover." - Rover!
也就是
It's where you...
蹲下来
You get down...
跳起来
You jump...
摇晃一下
You shake,
然后划一下
Then you roll.
跳 摇 划
Jump, shake, roll...
跳 摇 划
Jump, shake, roll...
跳 摇 划
Jump, shake, roll...
跳 摇
Jump, shake...
懂了吧
You get the idea.
表面上我不喜欢大笑
I don't like to laugh out loud,
因为我觉得那个软弱的标志
Because I believe it's a sign of weakness,
但是实际上
But just so you know,
现在在我的内心里 我在笑
In my head, I am laughing right now.
而且是开怀大笑
I am laughing so hard,
在我的脑袋里我正在呕吐
I am literally throwing up in my own brain.
很用力地吐
Total brain hurl.
嘭
Boom.
好了 咱们走吧
Okay, let's jet.
但是我有点想
But I kind of have to--
憋着
Hold it.
我觉得你这个软件对女孩儿没用
I guess your dog app doesn't work on girls.
可能女孩儿没那么像狗吧
Maybe cause girls aren't dog-like enough.
她们太
They're too...
像猫了
Catty.
但是这个软件在男孩身上绝对好使
But the app definitely works on boys...
滑板小子们 停下来
Skaters, stop!
好棒
Okay, um, um...
再做点别的 做点别的
Do something else, do something else.
变得绅士一点
Act like gentlemen.
女士 小心水坑
Madam, mind the puddle.
谢谢
Thank you.
你们这些游戏宅的话呢
You video game dudes...
去做点其他对你们
Start doing something good
身心健康有意义的事儿吧
for your spiritual and physical well-being.
伙计们
Dudes...
咱们去做瑜伽吧
Let's go do some yoga.
有礼了
Namaste.
梳洗一下自己
Groom yourselves.
我们的头发这是怎么了
What's with our hair?
为什么我们闻起来
Why do we smell...
这么恶心
Like we smell?
我要去设计个发型 还要除臭剂
I need a hair stylist, and deodorant.
还要一个剪指甲刀
And a nail clipper with one of those...
把衣服穿上
Put shirts on!
我怎么突然觉得跟你们一起
I'm suddenly a little uncomfortable
不♥穿♥衣服好难受啊
being undressed with you guys.
不要啊 你为什么这么做啊
No, why would you do that?
他们这样看起来好棒
They were perfect the way they were.
好吧
Okay, uh...
再把你们的上衣脱了吧
Take off your shirts again.
哥们儿们
Dude...
看看我的肌肉
Look at my cannons!
嘿你看 这是昨天走廊里的那个人吧
Hey, isn't that the guy from the hall yesterday?
是啊 查理·汪
Yeah, uh, Charlie Wang.
我喜欢他