手机人生（2014）

看看现在谁最滑稽呀
Who looks ridiculous now?
至少我的队员都能分清楚左右
At least my squad can tell their left from their right.
他们又不是一帮像疯狗一样
They're not a bunch of freaks bouncing around like...
左右乱跳的怪胎
Well, a pack of dogs,
但是
But...
你也许只配和这种队伍在一起
Maybe that's the squad you belong on.
等等 杰克森 听我说
Okay, Jackson, wait.
对不起了 手♥机♥小姐 我要走了
Sorry, smartphone, I gotta go.
刚才发生的一切 只不过是
What happened in there, that was just--
那是你自己的事 好不
That's your business, okay?
我没啥好说的了
I've got nothing to say.
但她活该啊
But she deserved it.
她人品差到极点 你我都清楚得很
She's a terrible person, we both know that.
我非常了解她是什么样的人
I know exactly what kind of person she is.
但我不了解的是你的为人
What I don't know is the kind of person you are.
我是说 平常你看起来挺不错的
I mean, usually, you're pretty chill,
但你刚对他们的所作所为 和泰勒如出一辙
But you just treated them exactly how she does.
那你又好到哪儿去呢
And what about you?
我是说 前一秒你还是个友善的人
I mean, one second, you are nice,
后一秒你就变得铁石心肠
And then you're ice cold.
真的吗
Really?
你真的认为我才是个让人困惑的人吗
You really think I'm the confusing one?
我是这么认为的
Yeah, I do.
万万没想到啊
I find that surprising.
你知道的 我一直都认为我自己
You know, I've always considered myself
是一个坦率又真诚的小伙子
to be a pretty straightforward and honest kind of guy.
那你为什么就不能把话直说呢
Then how come you can't just be honest?
直说什么
About what?
你的感受啊
About how you feel!
老实说 我不知道我是什么感受
Honestly, I don't know how I feel.
那好
Well then,
那就亲我吧
Just kiss me.
这个
That was...
我不 不知道我怎么会亲你
I don't... know why I did that.
刚才
That...
刚才我并没有想亲你的意思
That wasn't the way I wanted that to go.
我很
I'm...
听着 我很对不起
Look, I'm sorry.
对整个事情我都很抱歉
About this whole thing.
你也明白 整件事都很
You know, it's all just...
诡异
Off.
可能我们应该给彼此留下更多的空间
Maybe we should just give each other some space.
先这样吧
For a while.
我建议今天的排练就告一段落吧
Maybe we should end practice for today.
好的
Yeah.
我正式封♥杀♥你了
I'm officially over you.
在另行通知前我不会再使用你
I'm turning you off until further notice.
你要干什么
What do you want?
如果不提我希望你再也别
Apart from wishing you'd never shown your face
出现在这所学校里的话
at this school in the first place?
那就没什么
Absolutely nothing.
蕾切尔来了
Rachel's here!
比赛的时候再见
See you at the game!
听好了 我是个傻瓜
Look, I'm an idiot.
我把这事做得太过火了
Okay, I took it all way too far,
现在什么都给我弄得一团糟
And I made a mess out of everything.
我非常抱歉
And I'm so sorry.
我已经为我建立在那个手♥机♥应用上的狂妄自大感到后悔了
But now I am over my state of app-crazed megalomania.
一定有办法能把这些指令的影响都取消的
There's gotta be a way to fix these commands.
就像是 把七零八碎的世界拼回原来的样子
You know, put the world back the way it was.
我非常同意
I couldn't agree more.
但我们尝试过反转那些指令了
Except for that little part where we tried to reverse the commands
但结果却是更糟 所以
And it just made them worse, so...
我们要好好想啊
We've gotta think.
一定有办法能彻底解决问题的
There's gotta be some way we can solve this.
噢 不
Oh, no.
怎么了
What?
一所大学的球探要来看亚当的球赛了
A college scout is coming to watch Adam play.
但他现在根本不会打球
Except he can't play.
全怪我 他们今天晚上输定了
They're going to get creamed tonight, thanks to me.
这事儿可就严重了
This is serious.
关乎亚当的未来
This is his whole future!
我们得走了 快走吧
We gotta go, come on.
欢迎
Welcome!
来到新赛季的哈士奇队篮球比赛
To a new season of Huskies basketball.
哈士奇队最近一直在刻苦训练
The Huskies have been struggling with practice
而一所大学的球探则在场边观战
And there's a college scout in the stands,
因此今晚的比赛将会十分精彩
So tonight's game could be a nail-biter.
好了
Okay.
现在我还要说的就是
The only thing I can say is,
享受比赛吧
Have fun tonight.
听好了 他说了要“享受”
Okay, he said "Have fun."
享受比赛又不能确保我被这所大学看中
Having fun isn't exactly going to get me into college.
抱歉 各位 让一让
Sorry, ladies, excuse me.
让我过一下
Excuse me.
各位 我有话要跟你们说
Guys, I need to talk to you.
呃 现在吗
Uh... now?
我是说 还有六分钟比赛就要开始了 所以
I mean, we've got a game in six minutes, so...
你们也过来 这是家庭事件
You too. This is a family issue.
家庭
Family?
没错
Yeah.
听你的 队员们 去热身
All right, you guys, go warm up.
他说什么
What did he say?
他说“去热身”
He said "Go warm up!"
一帮菜鸟
Amateurs.
什么
What?
我知道这听起来很疯狂
I know it sounds crazy,
但我真的
But I really...
亲爱的 你又在
Baby, it is just like you
为每件事情承担责任了
to try and take responsibility for everything,
但这听起来太不合常理了
But this is just preposterous.
不 妈妈 这是真的
No, mom, it's true.
正因为这个 你才会过度专心
Okay, this is why you've been so overly-focused,
而你才会那么安静
And you've been quiet,
你才那么爱干净
And you've been so clean,
而你又在烹饪各种风味健康食品
And you've been cooking exotic healthy cuisine.
听我说 各位 各位 各位 各位
Okay, guys, guys, guys, guys...
我非常 非常对不起
I am so, so sorry.
我想 我只是 还没准备好融入我的新生活
I guess, I just, I wasn't ready for my new life,
同时我却把问题都归咎于你们
And... I blamed you guys for everything.
问题在于
The point is,
我想让一切恢复正常 但我不知道该怎么做
I want to try to fix things, I just don't know how.
我需要帮助
I need help.
好吧
Okay.
我们可以解决问题的
We can figure this out.
对了 我们再下载一个应用怎么样
Oh! What if we downloaded another app?
就是 可以把一切都安排得井井有条的那种应用
You know, something that makes everything ordered and right.
对呀 那种事务管理软件
Yeah, like one of those organizer apps.
没错
Exactly.
然后我们抓起手♥机♥ 扔到水里
And then we'll grab the phone, dunk it in water,
让它进水
And then zap it.
然后再给它放进微波炉
And then we'll throw it in the microwave.
教师休息室就有一台
There's one in the teachers' lounge.
然后把它插♥进♥狗食里
Then we'll stick it in dog food!
为什么不是人的食物
Shouldn't it be human food?
各位 拜托 很明显
Guys, come on, this is obvious.
我们有一条狗
We own a dog.
我们想不让他做什么事的时候会怎么办
What do we always do to make him stop doing something?
放开他
"Release!"
用释放指令
Use the release command!