洋葱电影（2008）

想想能禁欲的东西 想想能禁欲的东西
[Ahmen and Ahmad] Think unsexy thoughts. Think unsexy thoughts.
想想能禁欲的东西
[Ahmen and Ahmad] Think unsexy thoughts!
[romantic music plays *]
[pop music plays *]
够了
[ominous music plays *]
西方的腐♥败♥性文化对我们没用
Your immoral, Western sexuality will not work on us.
总统先生 是兑现我们的要求的时候了
Mr. President, the time has come to give in to our demands.
如果十秒钟内我们得不到你的答复
If we do not hear from you in ten seconds,
就杀光演播室里所有人
we will kill everyone in this studio.
我们要完蛋了 先生
We might be fucked, sir.
十
Ten!
九
Nine!
八
Eight!
七
Seven!
六
Six!
五
Five!
四
Four!
三
Three!
二
Two!
一
One!
[**]
不要着急
Not so rapido!
秘鲁人
Peruvians!
爸爸 秘鲁人是什么
Daddy, what's a Peruvian?
有点像墨西哥人 儿子
It's kind of like a Mexican, son.
秘鲁万岁
Viva Peru.
奎·维瓦
Que viva.
捣鸡鸡大侠 我的朋友 他的蛋蛋是你的了
[Peruvian hero] You Cockpuncher, amigo
[speaking Spanish]
[action music plays *]
你要知道 阿曼 暴♥力♥是永远没有必要的
[Stephen Seagal] You know Ahman, violence is almost never necessary.
我承认
I admit.
在我一生中打过成千上万的鸡鸡
I've punched thousands upon thousands of cocks in my life,
但我从没杀过一个人
but I've never killed anyone
因为无论你信仰什么宗教
because no matter what your religion might be,
政体是什么
no matter what your politics might be,
牵涉到多少钱
no matter how much money is involved,
都没有理由夺走别人的生命
there's never any reason to take human life.
生命是最珍贵的东西
Human life is the most previous thing there is.
该死
Fuck aye, man.
说得太鸡♥巴♥酷了
That's some cool shit, man.
你知道吗
You know what?
你是对的 捣鸡鸡大侠
You are absolutely right, Cockpuncher.
暴♥力♥不是答案
[sentimental music plays *] Violence is not the answer.
恐♥怖♥主♥义♥解决不了任何问题
Terrorism never solved anything.
去他妈的恐♥怖♥主♥义♥
To hell with terrorism!
就是这样
Yeah! Yeah.
我厌倦了住在山洞里
I'm sick and tired of living in a fucking cave.
我厌倦了整天诅咒西方
I'm sick of doing nothing but cursing the West all day.
上帝 我喜欢
Jesus aged Allah.
我爱西方
I like the West.
上帝保佑美国
Good bless America.
[Ahman] I like TV.
我喜欢电视 喜欢培根和双份奶酪的汉堡
And I like bacon, double cheese burgers.
哦
Woo-hoo!
我喜欢饶舌音乐
[Ahman] And I like the rapping music.
但我最喜欢的还是这个大手笔的英雄
But most of all, I like this big budget action hero.
大力捣鸡鸡大侠万岁
Long live the mighty puncher of cocks!
[ululating]
[cheering]
喔
Woo!
[**]
诺姆
Hey, Norm.
很疯狂 对吗
Crazy shit, huh?
出于你的尊重 我们想问
With all due respect, we just wanted to ask...
你的演讲接下来是什么
What-what were you going to say during your speech?
我们在想
[stuttering] Yeah, we were wondering
你得出的结论是什么
what the conclusion that you came to was.
好吧 我要说的是 我气坏了
Well, I was going to say, "I'm mad as hell,
我再也受不了了
I'm not going to take it anymore."
但发生了这件事之后
But after what just happened,
我想我学会了一点我快忘记的东西
I think I learned a little lesson I won't soon forget.
事实上 不止我
As a matter of fact,
大家都在过去的90分钟里学到了一点什么
I think we've all learned a few things in the past 90 minutes.
我们知道爱尔兰人的乳♥头♥很大
We've learned that Irishmen have huge nipples, [patriotic music plays *]
我们知道电影评论家都是群变♥态♥
we've learned that film critic intellectuals are a bunch of gaywads.
最重要的是 我们知道了
And most of all, we've learned...
新闻的巨大影响力
... creeping corporate influence over the news protects us from terrorism.
保护我们免受恐♥怖♥主♥义♥的伤害
[**] [cheering]
大家一起
Hey, everybody.
爽一下吧
We're all gonna get laid!
[cheering] [**]
糖衣炮弹
Cannonball!
我忍♥不住想 要拍这样一部煽动性的影片
Um, I can't help but think it must have taken a lot courage to make such a provocative film.
需要多大的勇气 今天和参与我们讨论的就是
And joining us to discuss just that,
该部电影的创造者
is the man who green-lit the film.
谢谢 肯尼斯 很高兴来到这儿
Thanks, Kenneth. Pleasure to be here.
那么
[Kenneth Garber] So, uh...
当你给这不电影制♥作♥方很大的 发挥余地的同时 很明显
Now while you gave the makers of this film tremendous leeway, obviously,
还是有很多东西你不会允许的吧
still, there was some material that you simply refused to allow?
没错
That's true.
总的来说 我纵容他们
Basically, as committed as I was
按自己的方式来
to letting this guys be free to do their thing,
但是其中有些片断我并不是很喜欢
there were simply some images that I just didn't feel comfortable with.
所以你进行了一定的删选是吗
Hmm-mmm. But I understand you did bring some clips.
对 我想在这里展示一些从电影里
That's right, uh, I would like to show some special bonus material.
摘去的片断
This are scenes that didn't make it into the movie.
好的
Great.
我们来看看
Let's take a look.
[film reel]
[beep] [church bells rings]
我们要做的就是捉一只猫
[cat meowing] What we do, is we get the kitty
把它放进蛋汁里
and we put it in a simple egg batter.
要小心 安静 没事的
[cat meows] Oh, shh, that's fine.
然后放进里面滚几下
And then we just simply roll it around,
保证整只猫粘满蛋汁 就可以了
making sure we cover the whole thing, entirely.
要保证整只猫都沾满面包屑
Making sure it's completely covered in an herb, bread crumb batter.
我明白了 好的
Here. - I see. Okay,
谢谢 然后
thank you. And then-- oh, oh! [cat meows loudly]
把它放进油里就可以了
the canola oil.
[oil gurgling] [film reel spinning]
你知道 我认为他们该有一个度
You know, I think you have to draw a line somewhere.
[news jingle *]
洋葱电影
By aBu 20190713
[* Melissa Cherry: "Take Me From Behind"]
[**]
以上是洋葱新闻 我是诺姆·阿奇
For the Onion News, this is Norm Archer.
操♥你♥妈♥的晚安
Fuck you and good night.