毕业季（2022）

妈呀
Whoops.
我的妈呀 他往这边看你啦
My God. He knows you exist.
那必须 本大姑娘可是万人迷 他肯定被我迷住了
Yeah, 'cause probably he's, like, already obsessed with me.
我的天 怎么回事 消防演习
My God. What is that? A fire drill?
还是机器人入侵
What, robot invasion?
布里要直播了
Bri is going live.
老铁们好 哈丁高中来了个新学生
Hey, guys, we have a new student at Harding High,
而且她比我们都老
and she's older than us.
我想提醒全世界所有人
And I want to remind everyone around the world
对上了年纪的人区别对待 这叫年龄歧视
that treating someone different 'cause they're elderly is called ageism,
不管他们看起来有多怪异或奇怪
no matter how weird or foreign
与周围多么的格格不入
or out of touch they may seem,
这样做不好
and that's not cool.
嗷 还有一件事 我有个好消息
Also, stay tuned. I have amazing news
就是说我夏天在尼泊尔度假 要控制屏幕使用时间
about my upcoming summer screen-detox vacay in Nepal.
记住 布里爱你
Remember, Bri loves you.
你真是个辣妹子
That was hot.
你也是个辣弟♥子♥
You're hot.
-我签你的请♥愿♥书 -天啊 耶 三个人了
- I'll sign your petition. - My God! Yay! Three people!
我的天 不行啦
My God, no.
各位 得啦啦队成员签才行
Guys, I need the cheerleaders to sign this.
然后大家才会签 这叫正向压力
Because then everyone will. Cheer pressure.
他们会签的 因为我们已经签了
Well, they'll sign it 'cause we already did.
-你们是啦啦队的 -当然了
-You guys are the cheerleaders? -Absolutely.
准备好了吗 好了
- Ready? - Okay!
♪ 地球在冒烟 ♪
♪ The Earth is smoking ♪
♪ 我们需要新的法律 ♪
♪ We need new laws ♪
♪ 乌龟被塑料吸管噎住 ♪
♪ Turtles are choking on plastic straws ♪
太棒啦 你觉得咋样
Good job, good job. What'd you think?
这是在干嘛
What was that?
-这是… -你们搞什么飞机呢
-Well, that's-- -What was that?
-这是我们最受欢迎的动作 -对
- It's our most popular routine. - Yeah.
你们要给谁加油哦
Well, who were you guys cheering for?
所有人
For everyone.
做正确的事 对吧 人性之队
You know, to do the right thing, right? Team Humanity!
人性之队
Team Humanity!
但音乐、舞蹈还有空翻呢
But what about, like, the music and the dancing and the flipping?
不 我们不做特技动作了
No. No. We do not do stunts anymore.
也不跳性感舞了
And also we don't do any sexy dancing.
我们更愿意让大家听到我们发声 而不是盯着我们的身体
We'd rather have people listen to our words than just our bodies.
但如果你们能让我相信 你们马上就要把大奶♥子♥露给我看
Okay, yeah, but this cheer would be so much better if you guys
加油的效果会好得多
made me believe you were seconds away from showing your tits.
-别搞这些 小芬… -必须大搞特搞 玛莎
- No, Steph… - Yes, Martha.
-好吗 -就是说
- Okay. - Yes.
本大姑娘以前有个招牌动作
I had this one signature move.
你们会喜欢的 叫做“嘴对嘴”
You'll love it. It's called lips to lips.
大家跟我一起做起来
Everybody, do it with me.
-不要 -从脸上开始
-Don't. -You start on the face.
-手指沿身体向下 -别做
- Fingers go down the body. - No.
滑下去再上来
Down the body and up.
别学 你们咋都做起来了 我不是说了不要做嘛
No! Why is everyone doing it? I'm saying don't do it.
好 听着
Okay, look.
我们也想跳这些 但高一的时候 布里·拉夫斯在ins上发帖
We would do that, but our freshman year, Bri Luvs made an Instagram post
说啦啦队有违女权主义
saying that cheerleaders were anti-feminist.
全校都指责我们 把我们逼的 改动成现在这个样子
The whole school turned against us, and we had to recalibrate.
她的帖子获得了大概七百万次点赞
Her post got, like, seven million likes.
-是八百万 -这样也好啦
-Eight million. -It was for the best.
先别管啦 让我们给她 表演一下"枪♥支♥管控动作
Anyways, let's show her our gun control routine.
-经典动作之一 -不 等等
- It's one of our best. - No, wait!
你们这是个什么锤子队啊 就..
What even is this squad? Like…
有啦啦队队长吗
Is there even a cheer captain?
有 萨勒芬妮 我是啦啦队队长
-Yeah. -Yeah, Stephanie, I am the cheer captain.
-我是啦啦队队长 -我是啦啦队队长
-I am the cheer captain. -I am the cheer captain.
我是啦啦队队长
I'm a cheer captain.
-兼教练 -你
-And also the coach. -You?
玛莎 这件事真的是离谱他妈 给离谱开门
Martha, that's the most fucked up thing I've ever heard.
小芬
Steph,
我们都是啦啦队队长 要宣传…跟我说
we are all cheer captains here to promote… Say it with me.
平等
Equality!
包括你 小芬 欢迎
- Including you, Steph. - Welcome.
你是不是很爱 你还好不
Do you love it? Are you okay?
-这什么鬼 - 她爱死了 孩子们 你们成功了
- My God. - She loves it, you guys. You nailed it!
我的天
Oh my God!
（当上啦啦队队长）
（《时光机》）
不好意思 伯德先生
Excuse me, Mr. Bud.
你好
Hey, what's up?
你现在是我的图书管♥理♥员♥
Um, seeing as you're my librarian now,
从法律上说 就有义务帮我查点东西 对吗
you're legally obligated to help me research something, yeah?
是的
Yeah, by law.
教师工会对这种事很较真
Yeah, I think the teachers union's a real stickler about that sort of thing.
开玩笑的 我没加入工会 怎么了
I'm just kidding. I'm not in the union.
怎么啦
What's up?
-这太容易上瘾了 -对
- This is addictive. - Yeah.
社交平台已经成为重要的沟通工具
Social platforms have become a vital tool for communication.
看哪 乌龟在干一块石头
Look, it's a turtle humping a rock!
懂了
- Yeah. - Get it. Get it.
可以 这必须点个赞
Yeah, that gets a heart.
这个也算
And it's also that.
好 我应该搞明白了
Okay. All right. I think I've worked this thing out.
好吧
Okay.
基本上就是通过让大家喜欢你 去获得粉丝
So, basically you get followers by being somebody everybody likes.
所以这本质还是人气竞赛
So it's a popularity contest,
但不仅仅是在高中校园里
but instead of just high school,
现在扩大到了全世界 手♥机♥决定一切
it's now the whole world, and the whole world is your phone.
对 就是这样
Yeah. I mean, that's exactly it.
-是这样 -很让人难过
-That's it. -Yeah, it's pretty sad.
不 这样很好 是条捷径
No! This is, like, amazing. This is like a shortcut.
哇 我忽然后悔给你看这个了
Wow, I immediately regret showing you this.
我要说清楚 大家这么做其实是为了
Just to be clear, this is a way for people to pretend
让自己的生活和皮肤 看上去比实际更好
their life and skin texture is better than it is.
所以你才会发这张 你跟某个辣妹儿的照片吗
Is that why you've posted this picture of you with this random hot chick?
不 她是我前未婚妻 戴安娜
No, that's my ex-fiancée Diana.
-你订过婚 -没错
-You were engaged? -I was.
别扯了 赛斯
Shut up! Seth.
所以我才会来到这里
That's actually how I ended up here.
我们之前 都在华盛顿的国家档案馆工作
We both were working at the National Archives in DC,
分手之后 我需要做点改变
and when we split up, I needed a change.
玛莎在哈丁给我找了份工作 所以我就来了
So Martha got me a job at Harding, and here I am.
相信我 年近40的人回到高中
Trust me, being close to 40 and back at my high school
绝非我所愿 但…
isn't exactly where I wanted to be, but…
-还用你说哦 -对
- Tell me about it! - Yeah, right!
我该回去充实年轻人的头脑了
Well, I should get back to enriching young minds.
开玩笑的 我在教戏剧课
Just kidding. I'm covering a drama class.
-回头见 -好的
-I'll see you later. -Okay.
-好的 -再见
- All right. -Bye!
手♥机♥还给我哦 谢谢芬妮同学
Need that back. Yeah, thanks, Steph.
求你啦 老爹的
Please, Dad!
手♥机♥就像新出的电子宠物
Phones are like the new Tamagotchis.
我真的需要一个
Okay? I need one,
我保证 我不会天天不务正业只玩手♥机♥
and I promise you, I will not go over the minutes.
爸爸 这是为了我的人身安全着想
Really, it's for my own personal safety,
要是我被绑♥架♥了咋整
'cause what happens if I get kidnapped?
如果你被绑♥架♥了 萨勒芬妮 绑匪可能会拿走你的手♥机♥
I think if you get kidnapped, Stephanie, they'll probably take your phone.
我可以把它藏在…
Not if I'd hidden it up my…
浦 西
为了以防万一 这也许是个好主意
Well, just to be safe, it's probably a good thing.
送给你的
I got you this.
天啦
My God.
老爹
Dad…
- 你是我的神 -不客气啦
-Thank you! -You're welcome.
你就是全世界最好的爹爹