毕业季（2022）

对 老爹 点那个圆圈就行了
Okay, yeah, Dad, just press the circle.
点一下就行啦
Just once. Just press it--
好 等等 开始拍了告诉我
Okay, wait, tell me when we're going.
- 好的 - 好 准备好了吗
-Okay. All right. -Okay. Ready?
好啦 我知道有些事情我要讲开 所以嘞
Okay. I know I have some things to clear up, so…
我觉得开直播是最好的办法
I thought this is gonna be the best way.
如果你不喜欢姐说的话 不要在评论区喷我
If you don't like what I'm saying, don't write in the comments
因为姐压根不看 而且也不在乎
because I will not read it and will not even care.
好 开始吧
Okay, here we go.
在我刚搬到美国的时候 我就知道融入这里的圈子会很难
When I moved to the US, I knew fitting in was gonna be hard.
姐就是没想到 是他妈的这么难
I just didn't know how bloody hard it was going to be.
我最大的愿望就是 有人可以约我去那家镇上最酷的俱乐部
And all I wanted was to get invited to the coolest club in town,
那儿名叫 “摇滚舞会”
Rock 'N' Bowl.
但是从来没人约过我..
But I never was.
那些有头有脸的人
Anyone who was anyone
都会在周六晚上 找自己的好厚米玩
was rolling with their homies on a Saturday night.
有点像浪姐公演后的团建趴体
It was like basically a VMAs after-party.
所以在姐满14岁的时候
So when I turned 14,
额 在那个俱乐部 办了我的生日趴体
yeah, that's where I had my birthday.
嗷 我生了个外星崽
Ew! It's an alien baby.
生孩子是真难受啊
That's gonna make me sick.
我觉得我要拉出来个大火球
I think I'm gonna shit fireballs.
在那里 我在人生中第一次 体会到很酷的感觉
Being there made me feel cool for the first time in my life.
小芬 你扔一次
Steph, you do one.
我好像变成了 我理想中的那种孩子
I felt like the kids I wanted to be.
就是那些 回首自己青少年时期 不会尴尬的人
You know, the ones who seem immune to that awkward teen phase…
他们身材好过彭于晏 脸庞帅过吴彦祖
the ones whose bones have Jenga'd themselves into a hot frame.
皮肤上唯一隆起的部分是腹肌
The only bumps on their skin are abs,
体香也是谁闻谁迷糊 堪比CK的香水
and their natural scent is perfect, like CK One perfect.
-就是那些红人们 -我一直在找你诶
-The populars. -Been looking for you.
你好啵 布莱恩
'Sup, Blaine.
嗨 剔肤泥
Hey, Tiffany.
我在办生日派对 你们要来一块玩嘛
I'm having a birthday party, if you guys wanna join.
原来你们澳大利亚人 把那叫“派对”啊
Cute that in Australia you call it a party,
在美国不知道的还以为 你们是山海经跑出来的怪物
'cause in America, we call that a freak show.
因为我们有蛋糕 什么山海经巴经的
Well, um, it's actually not a freak show 'cause we have cake,
所以…
so…
我们走吧
Let's go.
天啦 我真的好想变成他们那样啊
God, I just wanted to be like them so bad.
如果他们在高中就能这么优秀
If they were this amazing in high school,
那余生该会多么完美啊
imagine how perfect the rest of their lives would be.
快过来 小芬 我想多拍点照片
Come on, Steph, I wanna take more photos.
太过火啦你
You are too much.
你们俩 都不能稍微酷一点吗
Guys! Could we just, like, try to be cool
一次都不行吗
for once?
我一想到自己的生活不是那样 就烦得很…
I hated thinking that life wasn't for me…
还有我注定是一个..
that I was destined to be just some
普通又无趣的透明女孩
average, boring, invisible girl
身边还没什么朋友
who had no friends.
在澳大利亚 我们称之为“异类” 但无所谓啦
In Australia, we call that a Nigel, but whatever.
你们懂我的意思
You guys know what I mean.
我心中不甘于现状
I wanted to be something more.
（自我改造）
就是在那时 我决定…
And that's when I decided…
就要这样 姐也要当个万人迷!!
…that's it. I'm gonna become popular.
我知道你最喜欢的歌♥是 《我想要那样》
I know your favorite is "I Want It That Way,"
我也超爱那首啦
but it's my favorite too.
天啦噜
My God!
好嘞 姐练舞 恨不得把屁♥股♥跳四瓣
Okay, I Darrin Dance Groove'd my ass off
理所应当的 当上了啦啦队队长
and became captain of the cheer squad.
我还交了好多新朋友诶
I got so many new friends,
虽然有些人名字我都叫不上来
I didn't even know some of their names.
但当然啦 我还是会对他们假笑的
But like, of course, I would always smile at them.
然后嘞 我自己都还在晕圈
And, my God, before I knew it,
就跟学校里的天菜恋爱了
I had the hottest boyfriend in school.
他真的超级 超级天菜 直男见了都想做0
Like he was so, so hot. Just like, mega hot.
（高四）
小芬 赛斯来了
Steph! Seth is here!
好诶 好诶 马上来哦
Yep, yep. Coming, coming.
你做的这饭太好吃啦 康威先生
Yeah, this… this is really good, Mr. Conway.
只是麦片而已 赛斯
It's cereal, Seth.
史蒂芬 快点
Stephie, let's move it!
你会不会邀请我女儿参加毕业舞会
So, are you going to ask my daughter to the prom or not?
我 搞啥子哦 别吧
Me? What? No,
我都不懂你在讲什么
I don't know what you're talking about.
你每天早上开车过来 让然后我闺女开她的车载你上学
You drive here every morning just so Stephie can drive you to school.
-你是不是觉得我傻子来的 - 不敢!叔
-You think I'm an idiot? -No, sir.
就是..
It's just...
找不到好机会开口诶
It's really hard to find the right time.
她还谈着恋爱呢
And what about Blaine?
嗨
Hey!
我的天 赛斯 你剪了个跟法登一样的发型
My God, Seth, did you Fatone your hair?
真的帅呆啦
It looks so good!
老爹 你不用做早餐
Dad, you didn't have to cook breakfast.
你马上就要毕业
You're about to graduate.
我们一块吃早餐的机会不多了
We're not gonna have too many more of these breakfast opportunities.
-没错 -谢谢也把我当一份子 叔
-Yeah. -Grateful to be included, sir.
额 能往后拖拖吗
Um, can we actually rain check?
我在节食减肥 毕业舞会前只吃香蕉和冰块
I'm on a diet of only bananas and ice cubes till prom.
说到这个
Speaking of…
我一直等着把这个给你
I've been, waiting to give you this.
“我知道你穿这件衣服会很漂亮 爱你 妈妈”
"I know you'll look beautiful in this. Love, Mum."
妈呀
My God.
太美了
It's gorgeous.
跟你说个事 老爹爹
You know, Dad, um,
我在超♥市♥看到 “湿海豹”隔壁的空店里
I saw at the mall in that empty store next to Wet Seal
有人在组织单亲妈妈和单亲爸爸认识
that they were holding, like, groups for widows and widowers.
看起来蛮热闹哦
Looked pretty jumping.
对呀 你很帅哦 康威叔
You're a catch, Mr. Conway.
肯定会把难过的女人 迷得死死的
A sad woman would totally go out with you.
这样吧 什么时候你开始约会 我就开始 塞斯
I'll tell you what, I'll ask somebody out when you do, Seth.
你有没有听说剔肤泥背着我..
Did you hear Tiffany went behind my back
去说服活动委员会
and got the Activities Committee
指定呼喊乐队的那首..
to make the prom king and queen song
《无论你去何处》当舞会国王和皇后的伴舞歌♥曲了吗
"Wherever You Will Go" by The Calling?
额 没诶 我还没听到这个八卦呢
No. You know, that piece of gossip hasn't really trickled down to me yet.
好吧 那你听到的时候 可别不敢信
Well, when it gets to you, believe it.
无语 她就是为了气我
She's doing it to mess with me.
她知道我想要一首经典歌♥曲 比如《爱的力量》
She knows I want a classic, like "Power of Love."
姐绝对不可能带着皇冠
I'm not going to go to my prom,
美美的 喷的亮闪闪的 但是参加舞会的时候
get my crown, get glitter-rained on
听着《别管你去鸡♥巴♥哪》跳舞
and then dance to "Wherever You Will F-ing--"
她在那
There she is,
迪安娜·鲁索
Deanna Russo,
哈丁高中拉拉队队长 兼1995年的舞会皇后
Harding High cheer captain and prom queen '95.
多性感的身体
Bangin' bod.
嫁给前男子乐队成员 住在马里兰州最漂亮的房♥子里
She's boy-band rich and lives in the most beautiful house in Maryland
跟她的… 三、二、一…
with her… Three, two, one…
…完美的丈夫一起
…perfect husband,
她老公原来是打球的
Harding High quarterback with a
而且J8又大又硬
famously girthy dong.
是我听说的哈
So I've heard.
他们就像我和布莱恩一样
They're just like me and Blaine.
我好想要这样的生活 我都能感受到他们的亲亲了
I want it so bad I can practically taste them frenching.
这是我梦想中的生活
It's my dream life.
一切都是从舞会皇后开始的
And it all starts with prom queen.
我觉得你比迪安娜·鲁索更优秀哦
Well, I think you're better than just another Deanna Russo.
别说啦 塞斯…
My God, Seth…
我的天
My God.
你脑门儿流血了
Your forehead's bleeding.
你真的没事
Sure you're okay?