毕业季（2022）

就要这样
No, it is.
因为我拿到了毕业舞会
…is because I have the results
评选的结果
of our prom elections.
大家一致投票通过 2022届的舞会国王是…
By a unanimous vote, our 2022 prom king is
兰斯·哈里森
Lance Harrison.
噎丝
Yes!
我的妈呀
My God!
虽然投票人数只有327人 但舞会皇后的获胜者
And the winner of prom queen received over 1,000 votes
收到了一千多张投票
despite there only being 327 of you.
但她刚刚通知我
However, she has just informed us
她已经退出比赛了
that she has withdrawn from the competition.
什么
What?
- 好哦 所以… - 布里
- Okay, so… - Bri.
2022届舞会皇后的获胜者是…
…the 2022 prom queen will go to…
萨勒芬妮·康威
Stephanie Conway.
一定是弄错了 不
There's been a mistake. No, no, no.
冲鸭小芬 我都不敢信
Go, Steph! I can't believe it!
天啦 梦想成真了
God!
萨勒芬妮赛高 萨勒芬妮牛逼 萨勒芬妮 打败琴女
Stephanie! Stephanie! Stephanie! Stephanie!
萨勒芬妮
Stephanie!
萨勒芬妮
Stephanie!
别喊 不要
No! No!
到国王和皇后跳舞的时间啦
Now it is time for our king and queen to take their dance.
♪ The whispers in the morning ♪
♪ Of lovers sleeping tight ♪
♪ Are rolling by like thunder now ♪
♪ As I look in your eyes ♪
♪ I hold on to your body ♪
♪ And feel each move you make ♪
♪ Your voice is warm and tender ♪
♪ A love that I could ♪
♪ Not forsake ♪
♪ 'Cause I am your lady ♪
- 妈呀太能整活儿了 - 牛逼啊
- My God! - What TF?
♪ And you are my man ♪
别喊了
Stop.
♪ Whenever you reach for me ♪
♪ I'll do all that I can ♪
♪ Even though there may be times ♪
♪ It seems I'm far away ♪
♪ But never wonder where I am ♪
♪ 'Cause I am always by your… ♪
舞会后布里家有派对 现场音乐表演
After-party at Bri's house with live music.
剧透一下 派对礼物是“德瑞博士节拍”耳机
And spoiler alert, party favors are Beats by Dre headphones!
布里 你能告诉他们吗
Bri, will you tell them?
各位 舞会后派对在小芬那
Hey, everyone, after-party is at Steph's place.
不见不散哦
See you there.
等下 你脑子疯求了吧
Wait, what are you doing?
房♥子已经为派对布置好了
The house is ready for the party.
史蒂夫·青木正在咱们家客厅里呢
I mean, Steve Aoki is in our living room.
你要我怎么跟他讲啊
What am I going to tell him?
我也不知道诶 就说你没赢舞会皇后就好了
I don't know. Tell him you lost prom queen.
妈的 妈♥了♥个♥逼♥的
Shit. Shit.
是的 嗨
Yes, hi.
我想举报一场 严重扰民的高中生派对
I'd like to report a rowdy high school party
还有很多未成年人在喝酒
with tons of underage drinking.
还有…我的天
And-- My God!
我觉得还有大人在领着他们
I think an adult is hosting it.
嘿 珍妮特 给你录像呢
Hey, Janet! Come on!
-别拍我 -为什么
-No, don't film me! -Why?
媒体会利用它来抹黑我
The media will use it to try and discredit me.
等等 不
Wait, no.
- 我♥操♥他妈 去他妈♥逼♥的 赶紧拍我 -好
-Fuck it! Fuck it! Film me! Film me! -Okay. Okay.
对 来吧 就这个角度
Yeah, come on, yeah.
就这样拍 老娘就是总统 你个碧池
That's right. It's the president, bitch!
- 太棒了 - 来跪舔老娘的贝塔
-Yeah! -Suck my vulva!
爽死啊啊啊
Ahhh
天啊 这是谁的牙
My God, whose tooth is this?
要命 警♥察♥来了
Shit. Cops!
-在哪 等等 好的… -再见 萨勒芬妮
- Where? Wait. Okay, wait-- -Bye, Stephanie.
别走
No. My God.
我的天 玛莎 我正要给你打电♥话♥
My God, Martha, I was just about to call you.
小芬
Steph,
你♥他♥妈♥的是不是真疯了
what in ever living fuck were you thinking?
你说过我可以用房♥子
You said I could use the house.
你♥他♥妈♥开玩笑呢 那都过去20年了
Are you kidding? Twenty years ago.
就算是那个时候 我也不想让你用
And even then, I didn't want you to use it.
你有没有考虑过我
Did you even think about me?
这是彻底的违法行为
This is all kinds of illegal.
天啊 网飞会拍一部关于我的纪录片
My God, they're gonna make a Netflix documentary about me.
等等 你好好想想
Well, wait. Okay, think about that.
那可能是件好事
That could be really cool.
直接火爆全球好吧
That… that could be epic.
看看《养虎为患》有多火
Look how well it turned out for Tiger King.
不
No.
不 这完全不光彩 而且也不酷
No, it's not epic or cool.
天啊 你和高中真的一模一样
God, you're the same as in high school.
那你想不想小酌一杯啊
So you don't want a drink?
我他妈想喝个屁
No, I don't want a drink!
你必须给我成熟起来
You need to grow up!
你不是青少年
You're not a teenager!
我知道我不是 我是成年人
I know I'm not. I'm an adult.
你是想听我这么说吗
Is that what you want to hear?
是的 我是37岁的 12年级学生
Yes, I am a 37-year-old 12th grader.
你以为我不知道 我这个鬼样子
You don't think I know how crazy it is
还回高中 有多离谱吗
going back to high school in this body?
我还能怎么办
What else was I supposed to do?
我的人生还有什么呢
What else did I have?
你还有我 你还有塞斯啊
You had me, and you had Seth.
其他人都可以继续过自己的生活
Everybody else just got to go on and live their lives.
只有我的人生要跳过一大段吗
I'm supposed to just jump forward?
我就没有犯错的权力吗
I'm just not allowed to ever make mistakes?
犯错
Making mistakes
和故意伤害真正关心你的人 不同
is different than willfully screwing over the people who care about you.
你把我们推开了
You pushed us away.
这些人不是你的朋友 我们才是你的朋友
They were not your friends. We were your friends.
我们才是关心你的人
We were the ones who cared about you.
我们是那些去医院看你的人
We were the ones who showed up at the hospital.
他们从来没去过医院 一个都没有
They never came to the hospital. None of them.
我真不敢相信你会这么说
I can't believe you would say that.
我收到过很多生日卡
I got tons of birthday cards.
那你有没有认真看过是谁送的
Did you even look to see who they were from?
救命 天啊
Help. God.
那是咖喱吗
Was that curry?
我说完了 你自己回家吧
I'm done. You can find your own way home.
嘿 赛斯
Hey, Seth.
终于回来了
Finally.
我看到你在ins上关注了萨勒芬妮
I saw you followed Stephanie on Insta.
你举报了那个派对 而且居然不关心 我有没有被逮捕
Don't you wanna know if I got arrested at that party you called the cops on?
我知道是你搞的鬼
I know it was you.
你以为我是为了好玩吗
Do you think I do this stuff for fun?
我是在为你着想
I'm looking out for you.
我们今晚本可以赚十万美元
We could have made a hundred grand tonight.
本来可以把这笔钱捐出去让你上大学
We could've used that money as a donation to get you into college.
好让你发博客 炫耀自己的孩子进了常春藤联盟
So you could blog about being an Ivy League mom?
看来我得靠自己进去了
Well, I guess I'll have to get in myself.
我希望你过上完美的生活…
I want you to have the perfect life,
像我一样
like me.
如果现实生活很可悲
The perfect life online means nothing
那网上人生经营得再好 也毫无意义
when you're miserable in real life.
我们没有很可悲吧
We are not miserable.
是的 我们就是
Yeah, we are.
你说得对 妈妈
And you're right, Mom.
没有哪个精英的关注人数 会超过一百个
No elite person follows more than 100 people.
所以我要取关你了
So you gotta go.
你完蛋了
You are toast.
嘿 你们这家人真的完大蛋了
Hey, your family's fucked up.
到底开不开派对 我一小时后还有别的演出
Are we doing this? I got another gig in an hour.
你切记 去你妈♥了♥个♥逼♥的 史蒂夫·青木