恋爱保质期（2019）

Should have switched her birth control out with Tic Tacs.
- 等等 它们看起来一样吗 - 没错
- Wait, they look the same? - Mm-hmm. Yeah.
- 真的吗 - 不
- Really? - No!
你不能骗别人生孩子
You can't trick someone into having a baby.
尤其是她 如果那样的话 她会卧轨自杀的
Especially her. She'll jump in front of a train if that happened.
我觉得这就是我们所缺少的
Uh, I feel like that's what's missing.
当然 小孩子可以解决一切问题
Oh, sure. Baby fixes everything.
我需要重做一下 你干得真差劲
I need to retape this. You did a shitty job.
所以 你们两个什么时候生个孩子
So, when are you two gonna have one?
什么
What?
永远不生
Mm, never.
试一试吧 你会成为一个好爸爸的
Ah, come on. You'd make great dads.
我不想花25万美元买♥♥一个孩子
I don't feel like dropping $250,000 to buy a baby.
- 该死 这也太多了 - 是的
- Shit! That's a lot. - Yeah.
还有试管婴儿律师
And IVF lawyers.
在阿尔伯克基照顾一些有需要的代♥孕♥者
Taking care of some needy fucking surrogate in Albuquerque.
至少是这样
It's at least that.
- 好吧 你可以领养 - 我已经有一个孩子了
- Well, you could adopt. - I already have a baby.
他的名字叫亚当
And his name is Adam.
- 你说对了 - 他还是个孩子
- There you go. - And he's a baby.
这里 在这里
Ooh! Over here, over here.
我爱的惠特尼 惠特尼的免费Wi-Fi
The Whitney I love. The Whitney free Wi-Fi.
我发誓 有人转移了我的数据
I swear, someone's siphoning my data.
谁一直在给你发短♥信♥
Who keeps texting you?
只是我的一个学生
It's just one of my students.
他们很固执
They're very persistent.
是期中考试
Well, it's mid-terms.
是斯科特·詹姆斯吗
Is that Scott James?
不 好吧 是的
No. Yeah, yes.
你现在正在进入一个非常严肃的帕梅拉·斯玛特领域
You are moving into some very serious Pamela Smart territory right now.
他只是需要帮忙做作业
He just needs help with his homework.
我想 他要的不止这些
I think he wants a little bit more than that.
不
No.
你是认真的吗 他是那么地依赖着你
Are you serious? He is so dependent on you.
你知道的 也许有一点
Well, you know, maybe a little.
一点 你包揽了他所有的大学论文
Little? You wrote all of his college essays.
这比来回修改要容易得多
Well, it's just easier than all the back and forth.
- 他对你有意思 海莉 - 他才十七岁呀
- He has a boner for you, Haley. - He's 17.
至少他有个家
Well, at least he has a home.
你介意我 我去接个电♥话♥
Do you mind if I... I'm just gonna grab this.
- 好吧 - 你好
- Yeah. - Hello?
亨利：昨晚很抱歉 但我们还是很开心的 对吧
卡米：非常开心
卡米：忘记你的号♥码了
卡米：是啊 很开心
卡米：晚点过来吗
谁不知道马克吐温创造了 镀金时代 这个词呢
Who doesn't know that Mark Twain coined the term "the Gilded Age?"
- 每个人 - 这就像
- Everybody. - It's like...
通过辅♥导♥这些孩子让我感觉自己正在改变世界
I like to feel like I'm making a difference by tutoring these kids,
但后来我接到了这样的电♥话♥
but then I get a call like that.
好吧 至少你有理由在早上起床
Well, at least you have a reason to get out of bed in the morning.
有时候 我觉得黑暗就像要把我吞噬掉一样
Sometimes I feel like the darkness is just gonna consume me.
- 你太夸张了 - 我睡了一个无家可归的人
- You're being dramatic. - I fucked a homeless person.
不 是的 那很黑暗
No, yeah, that's dark.
但那已经过去了
But that's behind you now.
不要 停下 我得工作
No, stop. I got to work.
嘿
Hey.
嘿 嘘
Hey! Psst!
太滑稽了
Very funny.
- 这总是让我心烦 - 嘿 这里
- That always gets me. - Hey there.
嗨
Hi.
给我一秒钟
One sec. Yup.
- 快递到了 - 谢谢 请稍等
- Delivery. - Thanks. Just a minute.
- 我得去开门 - 不要
- Gotta answer the door. - Nuh-uh.
- 我只想亲亲你 - 是的
- I'm just kissing you. - Yeah.
你从来不只是亲我就完事儿了
You're never just kissing me.
如果我被我的男朋友吸引 我也没办法
I can't help it if I'm attracted to my boyfriend.
我们每天都有性生活
We have sex every day.
那是件坏事吗
That's a bad thing?
我们走
Here we go.
别这样
Don't do that.
我们玩的很开心 别停下 我今天有很多东西要发在网上
We were having fun. Don't shut down. I just have a lot of stuff to post today.
我没停
I'm not shut down.
顺便说一下 我们不是每天都做♥爱♥
And by the way, we don't have sex everyday.
我们过去是这样的
We used to.
有时候 我只想要爱情
Sometimes, I just want affection.
你♥他♥妈♥的是在开玩笑吧
Are you fucking kidding me?
告诉你我的感受
Just telling you how I feel.
不 不是你 是这个外套 它值一万四千美元
No, not you, the coat. It's $14,000.
我不知道 的确
I don't know. Sure.
就像我在艺术学校的第一个学期
That's like my first semester of art school.
天啊 这么多免费的废物
God, so much free shit.
它不是免费的
It's not free.
我们至少要给他推销的机会
We'll give him at least that in promotion.
是啊 好吧 这只是 我是说 来吧 这很疯狂
Yeah, well, it's just... I mean, come on. It's crazy.
你得承认 当你不需要它的时候 你就会得到它
You gotta admit, when you don't need it, you get it,
但当你需要它的时候 你却得不到
and then when you need it, you don't get it.
你知道 如果你想的话 我可以拿一些
You know, I could take some of those if you want.
不 我很好 我已经拿到了
No, I'm good, I got it.
那就行
Okay.
好吧 我不打扰你了
All right. I'm gonna get out of your hair, then.
我这个月的房♥租要晚交一两天
Oh, hey, um, I'm gonna be like, a day or two late on the rent this month.
拉维拉的会计出城了
Ravella's accountant is out of town and...
- 已经付好了 - 好的 谢谢你
- Already covered it. - Oh, okay. Thank you.
我明天就会拿到 最迟第二天
I'll have it tomorrow, next day at the latest.
只是 你知道 北部的房♥子
It's just, you know, the house upstate...
没关系 我不介意付房♥租 我已经告诉过你了
It's fine, I don't mind covering the rent. I already told you that.
你会卖♥♥掉这套房♥子的
You will sell the house.
总有一天会的 对吧
Someday, okay?
陌生人：买♥♥不起这件衬衫
陌生人：买♥♥不起这件衬衫
马克林：哈哈 不错
嘿 我要去演播室了
Hey, I'm headed to the studio.
你想晚点再拿点吃的吗
You want to grab some food later?
我今晚应该要去见卡米
Uh, I'm supposed to be meeting Cammy tonight.
那好吧 替我跟她打个招呼
Okay. Tell her I said hi.
好的
Okay.
- 爱你 - 我也爱你
- Love you. - Love you too.
卡尔：我需要你
马克林：好的
根据约定你应该把这些写下来
I thought the deal was you were going to write some of this out longhand.
关掉你的手♥机♥
Turn your phone off.
我的书写很糟糕
I have terrible handwriting.
那是因为大家都不再写东西了
Well, that's because no one writes anymore.
帕尔默方法是一门丢失的艺术
The Palmer Method is a lost art.
你太聪明了
You're so smart.
你也一样聪明 只是聪明反被聪明误
You are just as smart. It's about applying yourself.
我
I...
我没能考入布朗大学
I didn't get into Brown.
不 真的吗
Oh, no! Really?
是的 看到了吧 我才不像你一样聪明
Yeah, see? I'm not as smart as you.
我甚至考不进你读过书的地方
I couldn't even get into the place you went.
那已经是很久以前的事了
That was a long time ago.
好吧 我的意思是 这没有过去很久
Well, I mean, it wasn't that long ago.
等等
Wait, ow!
这怎么可能
How is that even possible?
那是一篇很棒的论文
That was a great essay.
我把我的版本发过去了
I sent in my version.
现在该怎么办
What now?
我没用你修改过的那个
I didn't use the one you fixed.
你为什么要那样做呢
Why would you do that?
因为你写好了
Because you wrote it.
不 我只是纠正了一下
No, I merely corrected it
使它前后文更能衔接上
and made it more cohesive.
是你写的 海莉 不是我
You wrote it, Haley, not me.
什么