恋爱保质期（2019）

恋爱保质期
我不明白 这太不可思议了
I don't know. It's just so weird.
好吧 他到底说了什么
Okay, well, what did he say, exactly?
他说他要和我谈谈
He said he needed to talk to me.
- 是要还是想 - 这有什么差别吗
- Needed or wanted? - What's the difference?
- 能证明紧迫程度 - 他说要谈谈
- Urgency. - He said needed.
- 那就是很着急 - 我知道
- Ugh, that's urgent. - I know.
他让你染上了超级淋病
He gave you super gonorrhea.
闭嘴
Shut up!
他什么时候告诉你这些的
When did he tell you this?
- 他一出门的时候 - 我的天啊
- As soon as he walked through the door. - Oh, my God.
真是混♥蛋♥ 你想去吗
What an asshole. Do you wanna go?
想 也不想 我不想知道是什么事
Yes, and no. I don't want to know what it is.
- 天哪 你得弄清楚 - 你必须得弄清楚
- Oh, my God. You've got to find out. - You've got to know.
- 我们去付钱吧 - 抱歉
- Let's get the check. - Sorry, uh...
抱歉 让你们久等了
Sorry it took me so long.
这太奇怪了 他们有这样一个厕所
It's so weird. They have one of those toilets
大的像是给你屁♥股♥准备的按♥摩♥浴缸
that's like a jacuzzi for your butt.
日本文化真是太有趣了 不是吗
Well, Japanese culture is so interesting, is it not?
就像是 我迫不及待要去东京
Like, ugh, I can't wait to go to Tokyo.
打扰一下
Excuse me?
嘿 你还在短租北部乡村的房♥子 对吗
Hey, you're still airbnb-ing the house upstate, right?
- 不 没有 - 他没告诉你吗
- Good God, no! - He didn't tell you?
- 没有 - 天啊 真是个噩梦
- No. - Oh, my God, it was a nightmare!
这位可爱的女士 她租了一个周末 还带着狗
This sweet lady, she rents it for the weekend and she brings her dog.
我不介意宠物 不管怎么说没什么大事
I'm cool with pets. Whatever, it's fine.
直到她决定想要友善待人
Until she decides that she wants to be nice
自己把房♥子打扫干净
and clean it herself.
这一点都不好笑
It is so not funny.
好吧 是这样的 亚当有一个机器人吸尘器
Okay, so, Adam's got one of those robot vacuums.
- 一个智能扫地机器人 -一个智能扫地机器人 没错
- A Roomba. - A Roomba, yeah.
没错 智能扫地机器人
Yeah, Roombas.
她开着智能扫地机器人 离开了房♥子
She turns the Roomba on, she leaves the house,
狗跳进了垃圾箱里
and the dog gets into the trash
吃了一些让它腹泻的东西
and eats something that gives him diarrhea.
然后这个智能扫地机器人就把屎扫得到处都是
And the Roomba spread shit everywhere.
她离开了八个小时 但最后花了两个星期才打扫干净
She was gone for eight hours. It took two weeks to clean it up.
- 不 不 宝贝 这简直... - 是的
- No, no, honey, that is like... - Yes.
是我这一整周听到的最糟糕的事
...the worst thing I've heard all week.
你有很多房♥子
You have a lot of property.
是你和前任的共同财产 对吗
And you own it with your ex, right?
不 事实上我妈妈死后我就继承了这些房♥子
Well, no, I actually got it when my mom died.
我想这应该是我的个人财产
It was always just mine, I guess.
房♥子真多
So much property.
顺便说一句 这些房♥子真的很可爱 特别迷人
And it's so cute, by the way. It's so charming.
- 是跟我闹别扭时候用的吗 - 不
- It's a safety net house. - No.
- 你得卖♥♥掉它 - 在准备了
- You have to sell it. - Trying to.
- 不管怎样 - 这么多房♥子
- Anyway... - So much property.
要来点甜点吗
Can I interest you in dessert?
不用
No.
谢谢 结账吧
Thank you, just the check.
我不想打扰你的 但我对你的网站很着迷
I don't mean to bother you, but I'm obsessed with your website.
谢谢你 谢谢
Oh, thank you. Thanks.
别这样 这是我们周年纪念日的晚餐
Oh, stop. This is our anniversary dinner,
所以我和马克林想请你
so Marklin and I would like to treat you.
- 你不需要这样的 - 是的
- You don't have to do that. - Yes!
- 是我们邀请的你们 - 你确定
- We invited you. - You're sure?
没错
Yes.
亚当和我一会儿要出去逛逛
Adam and I are going to hang for a second and finish our fight.
- 真的吗 - 不
- Really? - No.
当然不是 我们送你们回去
Not really. We're gonna walk you guys out.
你能把这个打包带走吗
Can you wrap this up to go?
当然
Um, sure.
还有这些
Those too.
那个也是
That one too.
打电♥话♥告诉我发生了什么事
Call me and let me know what's up.
服务员为我们叫了车
The waiter ordered us an UberPool.
- 这很酷 对吧 - 没错
- That's cool, right? - Yes.
嘿
Hey!
祝我好运
Wish me luck.
情况变得越来越糟糕了
And it just gets worse.
等你电♥话♥
I have my phone on.
现在 她真的知道该怎么挑男人了
Now, she really knows how to pick 'em.
我要喝一杯
I need a drink.
好吧 你真走运
Oh, well, lucky for you...
- 不是吧 - 没错
- You did not. - Well, yeah.
他们拿走了所有的东西 这样又有何不可
They took everything else. Why not?
你会害我们被抓起来的
You're gonna get us arrested.
它看起来像一瓶雪碧 别担心
It looks like a bottle of Sprite. Don't worry.
有点担心是可以的
Little bit of worry is okay.
是的 但这就是我爱你的原因
Well, yeah, but that's why I love you.
我爱你 周年纪念日快乐
I love you. Happy Anniversary.
也许下一次不需要四人幽会了
Maybe next time no double-date?
嗨 你有空了解下同性恋者权益吗
Hi! Do you have a minute for gay rights?
- 没空 - 好吧 混♥蛋♥
- No! - Okay, asshole.
消消气 我们已经是成员了
Easy. We're already members.
我的天啊
Oh, my God!
我爱你
I love you.
- 能拍张照吗 - 没问题
- Can I take a pic? - No problem.
高一点
Up!
- 谢谢你 - 没事
- Thank you. - Okay.
我太开心了
I am freaking out.
不知道他们晚上也工作
Didn't know they work nights.
我们是在市中心嘛
Well, we are downtown.
嘿 我可以问你一些事情吗
Hey, can I ask you something?
你...
Are you...
我们走
Let's go.
好的
Yes.
伙计
Ah, man!
我只是 我不知道怎么跟你说这些
I just... I don't know how to tell you this.
就直说吧 我的意思是
Just say it, I guess? I mean...
好吧
Uh, okay.
听我说 在过去的三周里
Um, look, um... These past three weeks,
能够认识你真是太棒了
getting to know you have been amazing
我真的觉得我开始对你有感觉了
and I really think that I'm starting to feel things for you,
但有件事我...
but there's something that I... Ugh!
天哪 你现在让我很紧张
Oh, my God, you're making me nervous right now!
我很抱歉 对不起
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
- 说吧 - 我很抱歉
- Just say it. - I'm so sorry!
- 我... - 没关系
- Yeah, I'm... - It's okay.
我...
I'm...
我无家可归
I'm homeless.
抱歉 你说啥
I'm sorry, what now?
我无家可归
I'm homeless.
- 所以你住朋友家 - 不 我试过了
- And you're staying on friends' couches? - No, I did that.
你搬去和父母住了
You moved in with your parents?
不 我也试过这样
No, I did that too.
我...
I'm...
我住在收♥容♥所♥
I live in a shelter.
但你有这么好的鞋
But you have such nice shoes.
我有一个储物柜
I have a locker.
别吃那些东西
Don't eat those.
我们不能像正常人一样喝咖啡吗
Come on. Can't we just have coffee like normal people?
等我拍完照
When I'm done.
太好了 妙极了
Bingo. Bingo.
好吧 你能帮忙吗
Okay, can you help?
我拍不了
I can't get the shot.
- 我很担心 - 只不过 你介意吗
- I'm worried. - Just... Do you mind?
不
Nope.
好
Okay.
确保你能拍上这个标志