冒牌人生（2005）

可以这么说.
So to speak.
哦，天哪.
Oh, God.
抱歉.
Sorry.
你觉得我们应该为媒体准备一些饮料吗？
Do you think we should lay on some drinks for the press?
当然.
Absolutely.
这是我的葬礼，毕竟，
It's my funeral and after all,
没有大量酒水的葬礼怎么能算是好的葬礼呢？
what's a good funeral without tons of booze?
现在别开始失控，杰弗里.
Now don't start spiraling, Jeffrey.
一切都要砸在我们头上了.
It's all falling down around our heads.
你吸毒过头了，是不是？
You're coked off your head, aren't you?
亲爱的，如果我再高一点，我就能和耶稣说话了.
Darling, if I were any higher, I'd be talking to Jesus.
听着！我们把一切都告诉警♥察♥！
Listen! We tell the police everything!
真的吗？
Really?
凶手强迫人们做事.
Murderers force people to do things.
我们为自己的生命感到害怕. 拿着这个.
We were frightened for our lives. Hold this.
好吧，现在你提到了，
Well, now that you mention it,
我的意思是，他确实有一点点吓到我了.
I mean, he did scare me a little.
毕竟，当你被指控谋杀时，
And after all, what are a few extra charges
再多几项指控又有什么关系呢？
when you're accused of murder?
而且，这会给他应有的惩罚
And anyway, it'll serve him right
因为他把我们拖进了这场该死的灾难.
for dragging us into this bloody train wreck.
-踢和尖叫，是吗？
-Kicking and screaming, huh?
哦，我的天. 我想我刚刚中风了.
Oh, my God. I think I've just had a stroke.
你看，正如我所回忆的，是我拖着你们
You see as I recall, I dragged you guys
一路踢和尖叫到了银行.
kicking and screaming all the way to the bank.
那什么会“给我应有的惩罚”呢，杰夫？
So what'll "serve me right," Jeff?
如果...他们嘲笑你.
It'll serve you right if...
-如果他们嘲笑你.
-if they laugh at you.
-我的意思是... -是的.
-I mean... -Yes.
...我不知道你在想什么，
...I don't know what you have in mind,
除非你计划走进一个满是记者的房♥间
unless you plan to go into a room full of journalists
并试图冒充德瓦特.
and try to impersonate Derwatt.
哦，我的天！你就是！
Oh, my God! You are!
-你不是. 是吗？-闭嘴.
-You're not. Are you? -Shut up.
哦，嘿.
Oh, hey.
我刚刚看到韦伯斯特探长一分钟前离开了这里.
I just saw Inspector Webster leave here a minute ago.
-真的吗？-哦.
-Really? -Oh.
那么，我猜他找到你了，是吗？
So, I assume he got to you, did he?
没错，汤姆，他找到了.
That's right, Tom, he did.
好吧，你是个杀人犯.
Well, you're a murderer.
亲爱的，你知道我愿意为你做任何事，
Darling, you know that I would do anything for you,
但我们真的需要照顾好我们自己.
but we really do need to take care of ourselves here.
哦，顺便说一句，我不是杀人犯.
Oh, hey, just for the record, I'm not a murderer.
对. 好的.
Right. Okay.
尽管我车里确实有一具尸体.
Even though I do have a dead body in the car.
反正，如果我要去准备见媒体，
Anyway, I don't have time to argue about all of that
我就没有时间争论所有这些了.
if I'm going to get ready to meet with the press.
但我就是不能让你们再去跟警♥察♥说话了.
But I just can't have you guys talking to the police anymore.
是的，汤姆.
Yes, Tom.
我的意思是，谁知道你们可能会告诉他们什么.
I mean, who knows what you're liable to tell them.
-什么也不说. -真的. 绝对什么也不说.
-Nothing. -Really. Absolutely nothing.
-我们一个字也不会说. -我的嘴封住了.
-We wouldn't say a word. -My lips are sealed.
-哦.
-Oh.
啊，我真的希望我能相信你们.
Ah, I really wish I could trust you guys.
因为如果你们闭嘴，
Because if you kept your mouths shut,
一切都会好起来的.
everything could turn out just fine.
所以就花点时间想想，好吗？
So just take some time to think about it, all right?
好吧，至少他没有杀我们.
Well, at least he didn't kill us.
我从未想过他会.
I never thought he was going to.
是的，你想过！
Yes, you did!
带我去看德瓦特的尸体.
Take me to see Derwatt's body.
你拿着那个干什么？你疯了吗？
What are you doing with that? Are you crazy?
人们都这么说.
So they say.
来吧，上车，上车.
Go on, get in, get in.
是奥利弗，先生. 他们刚离开.
It's Oliver, Sir. They're just leaving.
谢谢.
Thank you.
还有多远？
How much farther?
哦，很近了，伯纳德. 非常近.
Oh, very close, Bernard. Very close.
我不敢相信我做到了.
I can't believe I did it.
做到了什么？
Did what?
在太迟之前阻止了你.
Stopped you before it was too late.
哦，是吗？你怎么认为？
Oh, yeah? How do you figure?
你很邪恶，汤姆. 你知道吗？
You're evil, Tom. You know that?
你做的每件事都是邪恶的. 你不是人，汤姆.
Everything you do is evil. You're not human, Tom.
嗯，这是真的.
Well, it's true.
我并不总是一个好人，伯纳德.
I haven't always been a good person, Bernard.
但一个天使降临了，
But an angel descended,
从那时起我一直在努力.
and since then I've really tried.
一个天使？
An angel?
什么，你不相信天使？
What, you don't believe in angels?
不，我不相信你会见到一个.
No, I don't believe you'll ever see one.
看，这就是你错了的地方.
See that's where you're wrong.
一个美丽、金色的天使降临在我身上
A beautiful, golden angel descended upon me
并引导我走向正义之路.
and has led me to the path of righteousness.
-那怎么可能是邪恶的，嗯？-闭嘴！
-How can that be evil, huh? -Shut up!
每个人都说我是疯子. 我是疯子.
Everyone says I'm crazy. I'm the crazy one.
-但这就是你，汤姆.
-But it's you, Tom.
你脑子有病，伙计.
You're fucked in the head, mate.
从一只耳朵进去，又从另一只耳朵出来，还是倒着的.
In one ear and out the other going backwards.
你脑子有病.
You're fucked in the head.
汤姆，看在上帝的份上，停下！
Tom, for God's sake, stop it!
汤姆，我是认真的.
Tom, I'm serious.
把那该死的东西调小声点！我是认真的！
Turn that fucking thing down! I'm serious!
该死.
Shit.
汤姆. 那是什么？
Tom. What's that?
我们从油箱里闻到了烟雾，汤姆.
We're getting fumes in from the tank, Tom.
不，不.
No, no.
只是后座的汽油，伯纳德.
It's just the gasoline in the back seat, Bernard.
什么？
What?
你座椅后面有一罐汽油.
There's a can of gas behind your seat.
那为什么我座椅后面有一罐汽油？
Well, why is there a can of gas behind my seat?
这样车撞毁时就能燃烧.
So the car can burn when we crash.
-但你为什么会让车撞毁？-哦，我不会让它撞毁.
-But why would you crash it? -Oh, I'm not going to crash it.
但什么？
But what?
德瓦特会.
Derwatt is.
天哪！
Bloody Christ!
我感觉到我的腿了，汤姆.
I can't feel my legs, Tom.
汤姆！
Tom!
汤姆，你在做什么？你在做什么？
Tom, what are you doing? What are you doing?
别把我留在这儿和他在一起.
Don't leave me in here with him.
让我出去，汤姆，求你了.
Get me out of here. Tom, please.
你在做什么？让我出去.
What are you doing? Get me out of here.
住手，汤姆.
Stop, Tom.
我感觉到我的腿了，汤姆.
I can't feel my legs, Tom.
我动不了我的腿，伙计.
I can't move my legs, mate.
你在做什么？
What you doing?
汤姆，让我出去！
Tom, get me out!
你得帮我，伙计.
You got to help me, mate.
你是个怪物.
You're a monster.
让我出去！
Get me out!
汤姆，让我出去！
Tom, get me out of here!
哦，你这个混♥蛋♥！你这个变♥态♥混♥蛋♥！
Oh, you bastard! You sick bastard!
我刚刚救了你可怜的命，伯纳德.
I just saved your miserable life, Bernard.
于是他开始大喊
So he starts yelling
像疯子一样挥舞着枪，
and waving his gun around like a lunatic saying,
“我是德瓦特. 我是真正的德瓦特. ”
"I'm Derwatt. I'm the real Derwatt."
你知道，他真的相信这一点.
You know, and he really believes it.
于是他们互相尖叫，
So they're screaming back and forth,
德瓦特像往常一样疯狂地开车.
and Derwatt's driving like a maniac as usual.
伯纳德像疯子一样挥舞着枪.
And Bernard's waving the gun around like a lunatic.