环球卫士

Okay. We're not going anywhere
除非我们先吃点东西
until we get some food.
如果可以的话再睡一觉
Maybe even some sleep if we can.
好吧
All right, fine.
西班牙小子怎么了
What's up with Chico?
-我住这条街 -太好了
- It's my street. - Great!
我们能去你家吗
Can we go in your house?
我家的房♥子是在这 但是
That's my house, but...
那不是我家
It's not my home.
我之前有些事瞒着你们
I haven't been totally honest with you guys.
我在山上是因为
I was in the mountains because...
我之前在少年管教所
I was in juvie.
后来我逃了出来
And I escaped.
所以就算我妈在这
So even if my mom is here...
她也不会想见我的
she's not gonna wanna see me.
走吧 哥们
Come on, man.
快跑 快跑 向左
Go, go, jump left!
-不 -那是什么鬼
- No! -What the hell was that?
-快跑 -往哪跑
- Run! - Where do we go?
跟着我
Follow me.
哦 该死
Oh, damn!
老兄 我得让我的人雅可比过来
Man, we need to get my man Jacobi up in here.
是打劫的
It's looters.
好吧 我们找点吃的吧
All right, let's find something to eat.
老兄 我得来一块嫩牛排
Man, I need a T-bone steak,
再来点芝士蛋和韦尔奇牌的葡萄汁
some cheese eggs and Welch's grape.
我之前不该打你的
I shouldn't have hit you.
是我的错
It was my fault.
我不知道 我没事儿 哥们 我是说
I don't know. I'm good, bro. I mean...
相比之下 看到这些黏糊糊的脏东西
it doesn't hurt as much as
在我的新乔丹鞋上我感觉更疼
seeing all this gunk on my new J's.
现在这种时候了你居然还关心你的球鞋
How do you care about sneakers in a time like this?
知道吗 你们很幸运了
You know what? You guys are lucky.
你们没有朋友
You don't have friends.
2005年电影《川流熙攘》主题曲
混社会不容易啊
It's hard out here for a pimp, you know?
得紧跟潮流 你知道吧 那些潮鞋
Gotta keep up with the flyest shit, you know, the dopest kicks.
豪车 美妞
Tightest whip. Baddest chick.
我的那帮朋友 他们像熊一样
And my friends, they're like bears.
只要一发现你的弱点
Soon as they smell weakness,
他们就会冲着你的脖子扑过来
they're just coming straight at your neck.
所以我脖子上戴着这个 钻石
That's why I keep this on my neck. Diamonds.
大流士在波斯语里是不是人♥渣♥的意思
Does Dariush mean "douchebag" in Farsi?
波斯语是啥
What's Farsi?
是你从你妈屁♥股♥里生出来的时候
It's the language your mom was screaming
她大叫的那种语言
when you were coming out of her ass.
不许说我妈的屁♥股♥ 好吗
Hey, don't talk about my mom's ass. All right.
你倒希望你在那儿
You wish you were there.
无意冒犯 老兄
No offense, dude,
这些人听起来可不像朋友
those don't sound like friends.
是啊
Yeah...
你是怎么沦落到进少管所的
Hey, how did you even end up in jail?
我10岁左右的时候 我爸走了
My dad left when... when I was about ten.
我在我妈以前上班的一个杂货店
You know, I got a job as a bag boy,
找了个理货的活儿
at a grocery store my mom worked at.
去 你懂的 帮我妈补贴家用
To, you know... help her with money.
有一次她走远了 我就接管了收银机
One time she steps away, I took over the cash register.
我在帮一位顾客
I was helping a customer,
然后 他就说我偷他钱
and, uh, he started to accuse me of stealing from him.
我猜是我给他找错钱了
I guess I gave him the wrong change.
有的时候
I get numbers...
我心算搞不明白数字
like, muddled in my head sometimes,
除非写在纸上
unless I see them written down.
但是他不相信我
But he didn't believe me.
而且 呃
And, um...
我就
I just...
我失控了
I lost it.
我打了他
So I decked him.
把他的鼻子打坏了
Broke his nose.
妈妈就被开除了
Mom got fired and...
他们也把我送走了
they sent me away.
她从来都没有去看过我
She never came around to visit me once.
你没办法选择你的家庭
You can't choose your family.
但你永远可以组建一个新的
But you can always make a new one.
过来
Come on.
尤达大♥师♥ 《星球大战》中极其睿智的角色
年轻版的尤达大♥师♥在这嘛
A young Yoda up in here?
过来 伙计们
Come on, guys.
哦 我们是要来张复古自♥拍♥吗
Oh, we're taking an old school selfie?
1 2 3
One, two, three.
哥们 别玩魔方了
Dude, stop playing with the Rubik's cube.
我忍♥不住 好了 我忍♥不住
I can't, okay! I can't!
我们都同意她自己睡一张床 是吧
We can all agree that she gets her own bed, right?
对啊 废话 这样做才有绅士风度
Well, yeah, obviously. It's the only gentlemanly thing to do.
唯一正确的做法 是个不错的计划
It's only right. It sounds like a plan.
你们其中一个可以和我一起睡
One of you can sleep with me.
等下 等下 等等
Hold it. Hold it. Wait, wait!
她刚刚是说我们其中一个可以和她睡吗
Did she just say one of us could sleep with her?
-我们也许听错了 -好吧 听着
- Maybe we misheard her. - Okay, look.
我会为集体的利益志愿服务的
I will volunteer my services for the good of the group,
而且 因为我的经验最丰富
and because I've had the most experience.
什么的经验 从没成功过的经验吗
With what? Not getting any?
嘿 这可比你在少管所
Hey, it's better than eating Lithuanian smoothies
立陶宛冰沙暗指口♥交♥
和你室友一起吃立陶宛冰沙强多了
from your bunk mate in juvie.
-立陶宛冰沙 -你不需要知道
- Lithuanian smoothies? - You don't need to know.
我们让亚历克斯和真真睡一起如何
How about we get Alex and Zhenzhen to sleep together?
-因为他压根就不想 -我没说我不想
- Because he doesn't want to. - I wouldn't say I don't want to.
- 他们俩很来电 -我们有吗
- They have a connection! - We do?
所以别耽误人家谈恋爱
So don't be a cock-block.
好 好 行 可以
Fine, fine. All right. Okay, cool.
我不会阻止你的屌♥的
I won't block your cock.
想干啥干啥吧
Be free.
谢了
Thanks.
没关系
It's no problem.
我靠 我忘带我的止鼾面具了
Ah, crap! I forgot my sleep apnea mask.
要是我打呼噜那就对不起了
If I snore, I'm sorry.
你睡觉还打呼噜啊
You have sleep apnea?
你多大了
How old are you?
打呼是不分年龄的 加布里埃尔
It's non-age-discriminate, Gabriel!
你往那边点
Just move over.
我很高兴是你
I'm glad it was you.
嘘 嘘 嘘 是外星人
Shh! Shh! Shh! Aliens...
是啊
Yeah.
我们得走了
We gotta go.
你看见什么没
You see anything?
没有 过来
No, come on.
我们应该往回走
Guys, we should turn back.
现在不行了 老兄 我们已经在这了
We can't now, man. We're already here.
老兄 我跟你说
Dude, I'm telling you,
在电影里人就是这样死的
this is how people die in movies.
伙计们 你们看见什么了吗
Guys. You see anything?
这些床单该喷除臭剂了
You need some Frebreze on these sheets.
卧♥槽♥
Oh, shit!
别再往前走了
Not another step.
-快点 -我在后退呢
- Move! - I'm backing up.
你们他妈在这干什么呢
The hell you doing out here?
这可是外星人入侵的地方
We're in the middle of an alien invasion.
是啊 但带着面具的是你们啊
Oh, yeah, I mean, and you're the ones with the Purge masks.
Purge masks为恐怖片《人类清除计划》中的面具
款式错了 老兄
Wrong genre, bro.
我们这有位谐星啊
We got a comedian here.
不