环球卫士

I can't feel my legs.
我跟不上了
I'm falling behind.
我好累啊
I'm so tired!
让开 副驾驶是我的
Move! Shotgun!
夏令营的小孩坐后面
Campers in the back.
-什么 -夏令营的坐后面
- What? - Campers in the back.
这可是罗莎·帕克斯给我争取到的座位
Rosa Parks fought for my right to sit up here, so...
-不是吧 老弟 -开车吧
- Really, dude? - Keep driving.
罗莎才不会给你这个小胖孩争取机会
Rosa ain't fight for shit for your lil' chunky ass,
到后面的车去
get in the back.
不准摔车门 你这个白♥痴♥ 不准摔门
And don't slam my door, you little thick ass-- Don't slam my door!
你们的大佬回来了
All right. Y'all the king is back.
大流士 别闹了
Come on, Dariush.
好了 你的屁♥股♥挪一挪
All right, scoot over, man.
-快点 我的蛋蛋好烫 -对不起
- Move, man. My nuts is hot. - Sorry.
我要发脾气了 快挪远点
You're making me chafe, scoot over.
希望你们不怕鲨鱼
Hope y'all not afraid of sharks.
都把安全带系上
Put y'all seat belt on.
因为我的驾驶证被吊销了
'Cause my license is suspended.
等等 你的驾驶证被吊销了吗
Wait, your license is suspended?
-问题不大 -你这什么意思
- Just a little bit. - What does that mean?
意思是我们最好不会被警♥察♥逮到
It means let's not get pulled over.
各位抱歉了 有小孩在激流勇进的时候
Ah, sorry guys, some kid shit the canoe
把屎拉在划艇上了
while shooting the rapids.
科兹摩 再拿一根水管过来
Hey, Cosmo, we're gonna need the second hose down here.
就几分钟的事
It'll just be a few more minutes.
什么 没人会怕那一丁点粑粑吧
What? Ain't nobody scared of a little poo.
行吧 但是我怕 怕得要死
Okay, I am deathly afraid of a lot of poo.
那里面的粑粑比划艇里的还多
It's more poo than canoe in there.
过来的路上有两个小屁孩在车上拉了屎
Two kids shit the van on the way here
我们不也来了
and we still made it.
我可不想当头个染上红眼病的人
And I don't want to be Patient Zero for a pink eye epidemic.
所以给我冷静点
So just calm down.
等一下 我们是来划艇的吗
Wait a minute, we here for canoeing?
我还以为我们是来开摩托艇的
I thought we was motorboating.
喜欢吗 击个掌
You like that? Gimme some.
给我听着 大流士 你这样很没礼貌
Okay, you know what? That's inappropriate, Dariush.
不过我感到很荣幸
Although I am flattered.
-这是新项链吗 -这是新帽子吗
- Is that a new necklace? - Is that a new hat?
是啊 在天堂岛买♥♥的
It is. I got it at Paradise Island.
你要去哪
Where are you going?
让你大吃一惊
It makes your eyes pop.
真真
Zhenzhen!
真真 你知道那是什么地方吗
Zhenzhen, do you know where you're going?
我们不该走太远
I don't think we should wander this far.
要不我们回去吧
Maybe we should head back?
真真 你知道怎么回去吗
Zhenzhen, do you know how to get back?
人呢
Hello?
你在这里干什么
What are you doing here?
上个大号♥
Just dropped a deuce.
昨晚我就屎意盎然了 好不容易拉出来
Shit I just took back there, been touching cloth since last night.
-啥玩意 -没错
- What? - Yeah.
别跟其他人说 我刚把这个地方的
Between me and you, I just turned the
常青树给搞黄了
evergreens brown up in this joint.
过来 我跟你唠两句
Come here. Let me talk to you for a minute.
-不要 你别碰我 -过来吧你
- No, don't touch me. - Come on.
这个叫做暴露疗法 好吗
It's exposure therapy. Ok?
我来帮你克服恐惧
I'm gonna help you conquer your fear.
什么 不 等等 不
No! What? Wait, no. No!
-不要 -我这是在帮你 冷静一点
- Please, no. - I'm helping you, calm down.
-别怕 我抓住你了 -不不不
- It's okay, I got you. - Please, no, no, no, no.
-你看看下面 -不 求你了
- Look down. - No, please.
-我在帮你 -不 不要
- I'm trying to help you. - Please, no.
-你可以的 -不 不行
- Yeah, you can. - No, please!
-我做不到 放开我 -我在帮你
- Stop. I can't. Let go. - I'm trying to help.
-弟弟你冷静一点 -不 我不
- Calm down, man. - No, please!
放开他
Let him go!
我是在
I'm trying to--
放开他
Let him go.
一边去 深山野人
Move along, mountain hobo.
-我们又不认识你 -不
- We've got no qualms with you. - No.
-救我 救我 -我不说第二遍
- Help me. Help me! - I'm not gonna ask you again.
给我过来吧你
Come over here.
你惹到我了 老哥
Big mistake, bro.
本人可练过五年的近身格斗 傻♥逼♥
Five years of Krav Maga, bitch.
本神奇男侠要胖揍你一顿了
I'll Gal Gadot you so hard right now.
你是哪个门派的
What's your ground game?
怕了吗傻♥逼♥
What? What?
你还好吗
You okay?
谢谢
Thanks.
还好
Yeah.
-你是谁 -我叫加布里埃尔
- Who are you? - My name is Gabriel.
你住在这附近吗
You live around here?
对 对
Yeah. Yeah.
你们是营地里的人 对吧
You guys are from the, um, the camp, right?
-她不太爱说话 -你知道吗
- She's not much of a talker. - You know what? You know...
跟你说 你刚刚只是走狗屎运打中了
You know what? That was a lucky punch.
算你走运
Lucky punch. Yeah, you know.
我还没适应这里的海拔
I haven't acclimated to the altitudes yet.
所以我的反应能力没有平时那么好
So my reflexes are kinda...sub-par.
他妈的那是什么声音
What the hell was that?
上面说什么
What does it say?
是紧急广播系统发的消息
It's the emergency broadcast system.
所有平民立即撤离城市区
"All civilians are to evacuate metropolitan areas immediately.
任何情况下都不可靠近不明飞行器
Under no circumstances approach any unknown aircraft."
又是一次7-11
It's the next 7-Eleven.
我们得回车上去
We gotta get back to the van.
你们有谁识路吗
Anyone know the way?
我知道
Uh... I do.
跟我走
Follow me.
好了
Okay. Whoa! Whoa.
别着急 冒险小朵拉 他们是我的人
Slow your roll, Dora the Explorer, all right, this is my clique.
士兵们 我们走
Soldiers, out!
我们走吧
Let's go.
你们知道
You guys know if...
所有人都走了
Everyone's gone!
混♥蛋♥
Assholes!
他们可能是收到紧急信♥号♥♥后返回营地了
Probably got the emergency signal and went back to camp.
我勒个去
What the fuck?
看起来像是高空大气层发生爆♥炸♥
Looks like explosions, in the upper atmosphere.
打电♥话♥叫他们派车过来接我们
Call and have them send the van to pick you up.
手♥机♥没电了 两秒前还有90%的电
It's dead! I had 90% two seconds ago.
垃圾手♥机♥运营商
Piece of shit Boost Mobile.
我的也开不了机
Mine's dead, too.
我的天呐 这不就是独♥立♥日吗
Oh my God, it's Independence Day.
现在是六月份 加布里埃尔
It's June, Gabriel!
等等 难道是朝鲜入侵
Oh, wait, maybe North Korea's invaded!
真真 快叫他们停下
Zhenzhen, call it off!
我们就在这里等大人们发现
We just need to wait here until the adults
我们没有回去 他们就会过来了
realize they left us and come back.
要是他们不来呢
Oh, man! What if they never come back?
我就得和你们这群傻♥逼♥一起死了
I'm gonna die here with you losers?
我还是个处呢
I never even had sex before!
我想起来了 我不是处
I'ma clear that up. I had sex...
我以前跟人睡过了 我是说
I had sex before, I mean...
我还没试过3p 我是想说这个
I haven't had sex with two girls at once. That's what I mean.
-我跟你说过我不是处了 -没有
- I told you I had sex 'cause... - No.
好了 听着 我们不会死的
All right, hey, look. We're not gonna die!
有可能只是森林失火
It's probably just a forest fire.
我们得走了 这里的熊发起疯来不要命
We gotta get going, bears out here can be crazy.
行行行 你等等 你刚是说了熊吗