像素大战

You will get three lives.
现在剩下两次
You have two lives left.
打输将导致你们星球完全毁灭
Losing both will lead to the total destruction of your planet.
下次战役在15小时后
The next battle is in 15 hours
座标27°24'79"
at coordinates 27°24' 79".
我听一半就搞混了
Okay, I got lost about halfway through.
麦当娜为什么要接管地球
Why does Madonna wanna take over our planet?
这些白♥痴♥外星人 以为1982年太空总署送上太空
These moron aliens think that the footage NASA sent up to space
我们打电玩的影片
of us playing video games in 1982
是在宣战
was a declaration of war.
星际战争 总统先生
Intergalactic war, Mr. President.
是不是太夸张 太意外了
Isn't that crazy? Isn't that unpredictable?
小鲁 听好 小时候你帮我偷接第四台
Lud, listen. You helped unscramble my Cinemax when we were kids.
你可以叫我楚巴卡
I think you can call me Chewie.
他们说三次机会是什么意思
What do they mean by three lives? What is that?
我来回答 是这样的
If I may. See, that's just it.
那就像老式电玩 楚巴卡总统
It's like the video games of old, Chewie Mr. President.
投一枚硬币可以死三次
One quarter, three lives.
这绝对不是硬币 值钱多了 我可以留着吗
This is clearly not a quarter. This is far more valuable. May I keep this?
-放回桌上 -没问题
-Put it back on the desk. -Fair enough.
我们输掉第一战 小蜜蜂
We lost the first one, Galaga.
再输两次
Two more losses and...
游戏结束
It's game over.
现在 假设...
Now, assuming that...
-你作梦 -没问题
-You know what, that's not happening. -Fair enough.
假设外星麦当娜说的座标 是真实的经纬度
Assuming that Alien Madonna's numbers are actually latitude and longitude,
那我们可认定下次攻击会发生在
then we can safely assume that the next attack should happen somewhere
今晚的北印度
in Northern India tonight.
如果你能请国安局人员确认讯号♥
If you can get your guys from the NSA to clean up the signal,
我们就能确定攻击地点
then we can pinpoint exactly where the attack is gonna be,
甚至知道他们要用 哪种游戏攻击我们
and maybe even which game they're gonna use to attack us.
我不能下令军方采取行动
I can't authorize a military response
因为那可能是高中生拍的影片
based off a video that looks like it was made by a couple high school kids.
至少警告印度人可能有状况
You gotta at least warn the people of India somethin' could be comin'.
全国上下已经把我当小丑
The whole country thinks I'm a buffoon right now as it is.
我不能冒险 布伦纳 不行
Look, I can't risk it, Brenner. I just can't!
我们交往快三年了
So I guess we've been dating for almost three years now.
对 将近三年
Yes, almost three.
这是我人生最快乐的三年
They have been the best years of my life.
我们的感情非常特别
...and I think we have something very special.
拉吉 这是我想的那样吗
Raj, is this what I think it is?
你愿意嫁给我吗
Will you marry me?
不要担心泰姬玛哈陵
Don't sweat the whole Taj Mahal thing.
世界只剩六大奇景或许比较好
It's probably better that there's only an even six Wonders of the World now.
我懂 我搞砸了
You know what? I get it. I screwed up.
下不为例 闭嘴
It won't happen again. Shut up.
早 总统先生
Good morning, Mr. President.
拳国电子哥在这里干嘛
What's Radio Shack Robbie doing here? And this other
还有这一位
fella.
嗨 拉德洛
Hi. Ludlow Lamonsoff.
其实我们见过
We've actually met before, but you wouldn't remember
我在布伦纳车子后座
because it was in the back of Brenner's van
透过车窗看你
and I was watching you through a window.
你好香 像水晶肥皂
You smell so nice, like the Book of Genesis.
拉德洛与布伦纳同意
Mr. Lamonsoff and Mr. Brenner
将电玩技巧传授给你和团队
have agreed to share their video game expertise with you and your team.
乐意之至
Happy to do it.
恕我直言 总统
With all due respect, sir,
让未经安全调查的平民进来...
having civilians with zero security clearance in this facility is...
这些平民比我整个政♥府♥
These civilians have better insight into our current crisis
更了解目前的危机
than my entire administration.
我不太想教了 她态度好差
I dunno if I wanna do it now. She's being so mean.
我想闪人了
-I kind of wanna leave. -Okay.
-他走我也走 -别这样
-If he leaves, I leave. We're a team. -Stop it.
会一直都这样子吗
This is how it's gonna be the whole time?
两位 别闹了...你带路
Guys, knock it off. Lead the way.
没问题 总统先生
Of course, Mr. President.
有进展吗 中校
So have we made any progress, Colonel?
大有进展 总统
Enormous progress, sir.
我们发现攻击我方的物体 是由能量构成
We now understand the entities that attacked us were made of energy.
智慧能量
Intelligent energy.
-早 中校 -早 麦可
-Morning, Colonel. -Good morning, Michael.
麦可是机器人
Michael's a robot!
那些外星人可能发现 在太空舱看到的游戏
I think maybe the extraterrestrials took what they saw in the orbiter
运用光能进行重建
and recreated the same things using light energy.
再派这些光体攻击我们
And then sent these light creatures back at us.
所以固体 子弹和飞弹 都伤不了他们
That's why solid matter, bullets and missiles, won't harm them.
有任何东西伤得了他们吗
Can anything harm them?
也许
Maybe.
我们在关岛发现的方块相当活跃
The cubes we recovered in Guam are normally pretty feisty.
你们看
Hey, look at that!
可是他不喜欢
He didn't like it though.
但我们用增压光子射击它们
But they calm down pretty quick
它们很快就会冷静下来
when we hit them with some super-charged light particles.
我还想看贱女追踪飞弹
And the slut-seeking missile, I'd love to see that.
-这里有吗 -你真聪明
-Do you have that around here? -You are so smart.
你这么觉得
Yeah? You think so?
难怪你考上麻绳理工学院
Is that how you got into the Mississippi Institute of Technology?
真希望我没跟你进更衣室
You know, I wish I never went in that closet with you.
我自己边喝边哭很开心
I was very happy drinking and crying by myself.
我好后悔企图吻你
I so regret trying to kiss you.
我宁愿吻那个游艇富豪 也不要吻你
I would kiss the guy in the yacht 100 times before I kissed you.
-继续 -好
-Moving on. -Yeah.
我们已开始指导海豹突击队
We have begun instructing the Navy SEAL task force
使用原型武器
on the use of the prototype weapons.
-我们为何受训 -战争
-What do we train for? -War!
-我们为何而战 -为了胜利
-Why do we fight? -To win!
-我们何时放弃 -绝不放弃
-When do we quit? -Never!
-我们为何受训 -战争
-What do we train for? -War!
-我们为何而战 -为了胜利
-Why do we fight? -To win!
-我们何时放弃 -绝不放弃
-When do we quit? -Never!
新专家顾问或许想对 海豹突击队说几句话
Perhaps our new expert advisors would like to say a few words to the SEALs.
完了
Boy.
各位 你们效忠国家
Men, you have served this nation with distinction,
在世界每个偏远角落的交战地带
in combat zones, in every nook and cranny of this godforsaken world,
击退每个敌人
defeating every enemy they've thrown at you.
你好
Hey, what's up?
布伦纳
Brenner?
我找不到保姆
I couldn't get a babysitter.
总统 找来这两位电玩专家
The President has brought in these two civilian Arcaders
我们奉命必须听他们...
who we are required to listen to
发言120秒
for 120 seconds,
现在...
starting...
-我不行啦 -你可以
-I can't do this. -You can do this.
开始
...now!
我不行 我会吐
I can't do this. I'm gonna throw up!
我们懂 他们不懂 装一下就好
We know how to do this. They don't. Just act the part.
大家好
Hey, guys.
你们好吗 谢谢萨德将军的介绍
How are you? Hey, thank you, General Zod, for that beautiful intro.
很高兴见到各位
Hey, fellas. Good to see you.
自我介绍 我叫山姆布伦纳
Let me introduce myself. My name is Sam Brenner.
这是神奇小子 也是大家熟知的...
And this is the Wonder Kid, also known as...
暗黑梦魇
Your worst nightmare!
布伦纳 我觉得
Looks to me, Brenner,
有人好像忘了派最强菁英给我们
like someone forgot to send us the best of the best.
来的却是一群尿失禁
And instead, dropped off a bunch of incontinent,
穿包大人纸尿裤
adult diaper-wearing,
多愁善感的娘炮
candy-assed, cries-himself-to-sleep,
没三小路用的妈宝
women-baby-man-people!
在我眼前的这些人是谁
What am I lookin' at right now?
你们是军人吗 还是"魔力麦克"的演员