像素大战

Snob? Me?
听好
Okay.
我才不是势利鬼
I am not a snob.
假设我是亿万富豪
Okay, well, let's just say I was a billionaire,
我们搭我的豪华游艇
and we were out on my giant yacht
遨游地中海 啜饮香槟
in the middle of the Mediterranean, sipping champagne,
然后我想吻你
and I went in to kiss you.
你会回吻我吗
Would you have kissed me back, then?
等一下 势利鬼
Hold that thought, snobby.
大人物
Big Man!
你能立刻赶来白宫吗
Can you get to the White House right now?
15分钟后到
I'll be there in 15.
虽然我很想留下来听你撒谎
While I'd love to stick around and listen to you lie
说你不想跟游艇富豪亲热
about not wanting to make out with the yacht guy,
但我得走了
I have to go.
听清楚 我吻功一流
For the record, I'm an amazing kisser.
我们宅男都是
All us nerds are.
因为我们比较懂得接吻的美
'Cause we appreciate it more.
你早上连牙都没刷
You didn't even brush your teeth this morning.
我吃了一颗薄荷喉糖
I ate a Tic Tac.
来不及了 亲爱的 你自己错失一次机会
Too late, sweetheart. You had your shot and ya blew it.
我没有跟踪你
I'm not following you.
随便你 跟屁虫 没搞头 认了吧
Yeah, whatever you say, stalky. It's over. Deal with it.
她3.4秒变肖婆 新世界纪录
Whoa, she went from zero to psycho in 3.4 seconds, a new world record.
史蒂夫
Hey, Steve-O.
有个疯婆子跟踪我
There's a crazy woman following me.
我敢说她是来枪杀总统的
I guarantee she's here to shoot the President.
劝你拿根棍子痛扁她一顿
And if I were you, I'd break out the billy club and go full throttle on her,
真的
seriously.
请直接通过 中校
Go right on through, Lieutenant Colonel.
-你干嘛跟着我 -天啊
-Why are you following me? -God.
他们竟然让你进来
God. I can't believe they even let you in here.
对啊
Right.
范中校 你可以直接进入战情室
Colonel Van Patten, you can go right into the Situation Room.
战情室需要我
See, they need me in the Situation Room,
祝你玩得开心
so have fun doing whatever you're doing.
布伦纳先生 总统在办公室等您
Mr. Brenner, the President is waiting for you in the Oval Office.
有人比你更重要呢
Somebody's more important.
佛莱迪 别让小咖进来撒野
Freddy, can you keep the riffraff outta here?
怎样
Yo, wassup?
拜托 至少换件衣服吧
Come on, you couldn't have at least changed?
你叫我赶过来的
You told me to rush right over.
怎么回事 外面怎么乱成那样
What's going on, man? Why's it so crazy out there?
关岛的空军基地遭到攻击
Our Air Force base in Guam was attacked.
被谁
By who?
不确定 所以我想问你
I'm not sure. That's what I wanted to ask you.
过来看一下
Come here. Check this out.
我
Me?
对 过来
Yes, you. Come here.
仔细听
Listen to this.
听起来耳熟吗
Does that sound familiar to you?
对 我在哪听过
Yeah. Where do I know that from?
-能暂停吗 -好 等等
-Can you freeze it? -Yeah, hold on.
放大
Go in tighter.
-不会吧 -所以你想的跟我一样
-That can't be real. -So you're seeing the same thing I'm seeing.
我们吃的汉堡里加了什么料
What kind of mushrooms did that guy put on our burgers?
-他们准备好了 总统先生 -很好
-They're ready for you, Mr. President. -Great.
我得去向国安会解释
Now I gotta explain this to the National Security Council.
帮个忙 山姆
Listen, do me a favor, Sam.
再看一次
Watch that again, okay?
找找有帮助的线索
And just see if there's anything you can find to help us out.
好 我能坐你的龙椅吗
Yeah. Can I sit in your chair?
不行 这里有监视录影
No, you can't, and everything's recorded.
好 我不坐...
Okay, I won't. I won't. I won't.
我偏要坐 不坐是白♥痴♥
I'm sittin' in the chair. Gimme a break.
总统先生 我们告诉媒体
Mr. President, we told the press
那是先进武器测试失灵
that it was an advanced weapons test that misfired.
-所以尚未引起恐慌 -很好
-So there's no mass panic yet. -Well, good.
那就尽快解决这件事
Then let's solve this thing before there is.
总统先生 无人机科技有重大突破
Mr. President, someone's made a major breakthrough in drone technology
但不是我们
and it wasn't us.
这一看就是莫斯科的伎俩
This has got Moscow's fingerprints all over it.
胡扯 这是伊朗的机密行动
Nonsense! It's an Iranian black-ops sideshow.
我打包票
I guarantee it.
我有个想法
I have a theory.
根据影片分♥析♥
I think, based on analysis of the footage,
初步结果显示我们正遭受...
that preliminary indications are that we were attacked by
小蜜蜂攻击
Galaga.
谁 总统
By who, sir?
小蜜蜂
Galaga.
王八蛋
Sons of bitches.
把小蜜蜂轰到地狱去
Then let's blow Galaga to hell.
小蜜蜂是谁
Who's Galaga?
80年代的老式电玩 我爸玩的那种
It's an old-timey video game, '80s kind of folks like my dad used to play.
总统先生 地球上 没有一个国家的军事科技
Mr. President, there is no nation on Earth that has the military technology
能把整栋大楼变成小方块
to simply pixelate entire buildings.
除了伊朗
Except Iran.
不可能是伊朗
Forget Iran!
我想是某先进跨国组织干的
I'm thinking this is a cutting-edge multinational enterprise.
非政♥府♥组织 智库 甚至一家公♥司♥
An NGO, a think tank, maybe even a corporation.
怀疑伊朗 不如怀疑Google
We're thinkin' Iran when we should be thinking Google.
那就轰炸Google
So let's blow up Google.
谁能拿走这位阿公的钥匙 以免他载我们去跳海
Can somebody take Grandpa's keys away before he drives us into a ditch?
-这家伙是谁 -三明治小弟
-Who is this person? -The sandwich guy?
这位是我以前的电动玩具...
This here is my old arcade game technical
技术顾问
advisor person-guy.
山姆布伦纳 在科技业工作
Sam Brenner. He works in the tech sector.
加州理工学院还是MIT毕业
So Caltech, MIT?
MIT 对
MIT. Yes.
不过是麻绳理工学院
Mississippi Institute of Technology, though.
不是你们想的那间
Not the one you were thinking of.
针对目前的问题
Anyway, more to the current point,
布伦纳先生是世界小蜜蜂冠军
Mr. Brenner here was the World Galaga Champion.
他对这种游戏了若指掌
He knows everything there is to know about this game.
你穿着橘子装来有话要说吗
So, what is it you and your orange shorts barged in here to say?
攻击我们的小蜜蜂
Just the Galaga that attacked us,
已经绝版了
that doesn't exist anymore.
拜托 手♥机♥下载只要1.99元
Hello. You can download Galaga on your phone for $1.99.
这版本没办法 小白脸
Yeah, not this version though, Blue Lagoon.
现在的小蜜蜂发行于1986年
The Galaga that exists now came out in 1986.
但这是1982年的游乐场版本
But this is the 1982 arcade version.
他们把那些机器全部回收
And all those machines, they recalled them, they reprogrammed them,
改写程式 因为原始码有问题
because there were glitches in the original code.
从超大太空昆虫的 进攻方式就能看出来
You can see from the giant space bugs, the way they come swoopin' in.
呈之字形前进
Kind of ziggy-zaggy.
之字形 这不是势利鬼用的字眼吗
Ziggy-zag? Is that the snobby term?
所以有人根据
So someone designed these space bugs
30年前的绝版电玩
after an old out-of-print version of a video game from 30 years ago
设计了这些太空昆虫
that nobody would know today?
她有资格发言吗 她根本算不上个咖
Does she really get to talk twice? She's not even at the grown-ups table.
不好意思 这是国安会议
I'm sorry. Is this a National Security Council meeting,
还是宿舍嗑药趴
or a dorm-room drug party?
我国已遭受不明军事力量攻击
Our nation has just been attacked by an unknown military force.
媒体要是知道 我们把责任怪到
If this gets out to the press that we're pinning the blame
老式电玩上
on some old computer game,
他们不但会在新闻上嘲笑您 还会把您轰下台
they'll not only mock you in the news, Mr. President, they'd impeach you!
所以我建议橘色短裤哥立刻出去
So I suggest the man in the orange shorts leave the room immediately.
我们这些穿长裤的政♥府♥官员
And those of us with long pants and government positions
可以留下来讨论
can discuss our options.
布伦纳 帮个忙
All right, Brenner. Do me a favor.
回避一下 感谢帮忙