像素大战

You got a rough life, bud.
-先生 -谢谢
-Sir? -Thank you.
但至少你还有人生
But at least you have a life.
布伦纳 你不该只有这样
Look, Brenner, you're meant for something more than this.
你需要把才华发挥在有用的地方
You just need to channel your genius into something productive.
以前你是电玩高手
I mean, you were incredible at video games back in the day,
但现在那已经没三小路用
but that's a useless skill now.
就像很会挖茅坑而已
It's like being a great blacksmith.
好伤人喔 真是惨不忍♥嘟
That hurt, man. That's catatastrophic that you said that.
我会让你后悔说出这句话
I'm gonna get you back for that.
总统先生 要是关闭所有图书馆
Mr. President, if you take away all the libraries, sir,
孩子要怎么学习阅读
how will the children ever learn to read?
挖茅坑工人闪人了
Blacksmith, over and out.
你好 我是拳国电子服务员
Hello. I am a nerd from the Nerd Brigade.
给您揪感心的总统级服务
Here to nerd out on all your audio and visual needs.
你们每次来都要讲这句吗
Do you have to say that every time you show up at a house?
想领薪水就得讲
If I wanna get paid, yes.
这样不是很假掰吗
Isn't that kind of demeaning?
有人提出来才会
Only if someone brings it up.
-好 那我不提了 -谢谢
-Okay, I won't bring it up, then. -Thanks.
请进
Come on in.
需要安装什么
So, what am I installing?
85寸4K的3D电视
A new 85-inch, 4K, 3D TV,
PS4游戏机 7.1环绕喇叭
PlayStation 4, 7.1 surround-sound speakers.
你们卖♥♥的我们大概都买♥♥了
Really, if you guys sell it, we've probably bought it.
今天你生日吗
Is it your birthday?
不是 我爸妈要离婚了
No, my parents are getting a divorce.
那就像一天过十次生日
So it's like 10 birthdays.
我爸劈腿19岁的皮拉提斯老师
Yeah, my dad cheated on my mom with his 19-year-old Pilates instructor.
她叫肉贵 昂贵的贵
Her name's Sinnamon, with an "S"
人如其名
which really tells you all you need to know about her.
我想多知道一点 有她照片吗
No, I could hear a little more. You got any pictures?
开玩笑啦 我很遗憾
I'm kiddin'. I'm sorry to hear that.
我妈现在超恨我爸
My mom kind of hates him right now.
她说要发明一种贱♥人♥飞弹炸死肉贵
And she says she's gonna invent a slut-seeking missile to take out Sinnamon.
马帝 不必跟安装员讲我们的故事
Okay, Matty, you don't need to tell the nice installer man our whole life.
哇靠
Whoa.
抱歉 哇靠
I'm sorry, "Whoa"?
-怎样 -因为你 哇靠
-What? -No, just you. Whoa.
我 哇靠 完全不懂
Me? Whoa? I don't even know what that means.
因为你儿子告诉我
I mean, it's just, when your son told me
你老公为了19岁女生离开你
that your husband left you for a 19-year-old,
我以为你会像...
I guess I thought you were gonna be, like
中学时代当校花
one of those "hot when we first met in high school,
成年之后变笑话那种人
"but then let herself go and got a potbelly and turkey neck
下巴还长毛
"with a hairy chin."
但显然你不是那样
But clearly that's not the case.
所以哇靠
So more like, "Whoa,
早上出门前我该刷牙
I should have brushed my teeth before I left the house this morning."
老实说 我住的是雅房♥
Or studio apartment, if we're getting real here.
你早上真的没刷牙吗
Did you really not brush your teeth this morning?
不 我有
No, I did.
我该开始安装了
I guess I should just start settin' this stuff up right now.
你忙吧
Go get 'em.
狄佛瑞上校
Colonel Devereux.
你应该看看这个
You need to see this, sir.
我们遭受攻击了
We're under attack.
那些是什么鬼东西
What the hell are those things?
你是电动玩家
So are you a gamer?
对
Yeah.
我在你这年纪常打
I played when I was your age.
你厉害吗
Were you any good?
有些经典游戏相当拿手
I was pretty good at some of the classic games.
经典 你是说最后一战和决胜时刻
Classics. You mean like Halo and Call of Duty.
不 真正的经典
No! The real classics.
保卫者 吃豆人 爆破彗星
Defender, Pac-Man, Asteroids.
在电动游乐场玩的游戏
Games you played in an arcade
要出门去的一种地方
which was a building outside of your house.
你会跟朋友去 听音乐
You would go there with your friends, listen to music,
到处都有漂亮女生
cute girls everywhere.
古时候那叫社交
In ancient times, they called it "socializing."
你们在聊什么
What are you guys talking about?
-电玩游戏 -电玩游戏
-Video games. -Video games.
我马上回来
I'll be right back.
范太太
Mrs. Van Patten.
楼下都装好了
All finished up down there.
麻烦签一下作业单
I need you to sign the work order.
好
Okay.
范太太 你在更衣室里吗
Mrs. Van Patten, are you in the closet?
对
Yes.
我没别的意思 你在里面干嘛
Not judging, but what are you doin' in the closet?
主要是在哭
I'm mostly crying.
顺便喝点酒
A little drinking.
应该是边哭边喝酒
Probably equally crying and drinking.
我也常干这种事
Something I do often, also.
但为什么要在更衣室里
But why in the closet?
因为我不要让马帝看到
Because I don't want Matty to see me.
我要进更衣室罗 范太太
I'm comin' in the closet, Mrs. Van Patten.
我要开门了
I'm opening the door.
你还好吗
Are you all right?
我在更衣室地上啜泣 拿鸭嘴杯喝白酒
I'm sobbing on the floor of my closet drinking Chardonnay out of a sippy cup.
所以应该不太好
So I guess not.
抱歉 我收回这问题
Sorry. I withdraw the question.
天啊
God.
-想聊聊吗 -不想
-Wanna talk about it? -No.
想
Yes!
想
Yes.
天啊
God.
长官 我们正遭到不明武力空袭
Sir, we are in the midst of an aerial attack by an unidentified force!
派出快速反应部队
Activate the QRF.
啊娘喂 不
Mama! No!
我们是高中情侣 人人称羡
We were high-school sweethearts. The perfect couple.
你知道他在瀑布下求婚吗
Do you know that he proposed in a waterfall?
-真的瀑布耶 -不赖
-I mean, a freaking waterfall. -Smooth.
现在 根据我20分钟前 收到的简讯
But now, according to a text I got 20 minutes ago,
他要娶一个 用香料当名字的19岁女人
he's marrying a 19-year-old named after a spice.
而且还用错别字
It's not even spelled correctly.
没想过我会沦落至此
It's just not where I thought I'd be at this point in my life.
天啊 我了
God. I hear that.
我想跟我前妻生小孩
I was supposed to have a baby with my ex-wife.
帮我们的医生果然帮我们如愿
And the doctor who was helping us make the baby did help us make the baby.
他成了孩子的爸
But, unfortunately, I wasn't in the room.
或许这样才是最好的
Maybe this really is all for the best.
什么意思
How do you mean?
你嫁错老公 最糟的部分结束了
You already married the wrong guy. You got the worst part over with.
真的 你也娶错老婆
True, and you married the wrong girl.
也许那表示我们会遇见对的人
Maybe it just means we're gonna meet the right person now.
是啊
Yeah.
嗯
Yeah.
你想吻我吗
Are you trying to kiss me?
绝对没有
Absolutely not.
天啊
God.
抱歉 我以为我们刚刚来电了
Sorry, I thought we were having a moment.
对 幸好没被烧焦
We were. A moment.
你看来是好人 但我刚认识你
Look, you seem like a very nice guy, but I just met you, okay?
希望你别介意
And, no offense,
我没想过自己的新欢体重95公斤
I don't think my rebound guy is a 210-pound person
靠安装电视赚钱
that installs flat screens for a living.
第一 我才94公斤
First of all, 208.
我也没想到你这么势利
And, wow, I didn't peg you as the snobby type.
势利 我