像素大战

Take off, all right? I appreciate the help.
掰
Bye!
抱歉 各位长官
Sorry, everybody.
总统先生
Mr. President.
各位将军与海军上将
Generals and Admirals.
穿西装的男性
Guys in suits.
柴克艾佛隆
Zac Efron.
甘道夫
Gandalf,
和哈利波特♥共♥处一室
and Harry Potter in the same room.
想像一下
Imagine that.
老阿公 养老院见
Grandpa, we'll see you around the nursing home.
三明治小弟来了
The sandwich guy is here.
被我耍了
Fooled you.
球飞过游击手到左中外野 一垒安打
Past the shortstop into left center field for a single.
这是国民队连续第二局 一开始就上一垒
That's the second straight inning where Washington has led off with a single.
大家在讨论他直挺挺站在垒包上
They're talking about how he's standing straight up over the plate.
这招对他似乎很有用
That seems to be working out for him,
他能将球打到无人防守地带
'cause he just drove that ball into the gap hard.
第一球略偏 一坏球
First pitch taken outside for a ball, 1-0,
挥棒...
and the 1-0 swung...
布伦纳
Brenner!
你有毛病啊
What's your problem, dude?
怎么回事
What's goin' on?
不要...布伦纳
No, Brenner!
布伦纳 不...
No, Brenner, no, no, no!
住手 是我...拉德洛
Stop! It's me! It's me! It's Ludlow! It's Ludlow.
-拉德洛 神奇小子 -对
-Ludlow Lamonsoff, the Wonder Kid? -Yeah.
你怎么上我的车
How'd you get into my van?
你进了那女士家后我就在车上
I've been in there ever since you went to that nice lady's house.
对了 她挺正的
She's cute, by the way.
什么
What?
-那是什么 -保湿乳液
-What is that? -This is moisturizer.
让我看那是什么
Show me what that is.
三氯甲烷
Chloroform?
上面是这样写的吗
Is that what that says?
你想下药害我
You were gonna drug me?
-逼不得已才会 -你到底是...
-Only as a last resort. -What are you...
-我有事得告诉你 -那怎么不打电♥话♥给我
-There was something I had to tell you. -Why didn't you call me, then?
我发现肯尼迪遇刺影片经过剪接
Because the CIA has been tapping my phones
之后中情局就在窃听我电♥话♥
ever since I found out the Zapruder film has been edited.
是肯尼迪先开枪的
JFK shot first!
拉德洛 真的是你
Ludlow, it is you!
-兄弟 让我看看你 -真高兴见到你
-Hi, buddy! Let me look at you! -Hey! Good to see you, my boy!
你好吗 天啊 你看你
How are you? My goodness! Look at you!
-就是啊 -还是这么壮
-I know. -Stayin' in shape!
我在吃全蛋白质饮食 不过也吃碳水化合物
I'm on an all protein diet, but I'm also doing carbs.
-很好 -说真的 布伦纳
-Good. -But seriously, Brenner.
我得给你看样东西
There's something I have to show you.
应该说
And let's just say
它会扭转大局
it's a game changer.
你是我第一个自愿来访的客人
You're the first guest I've had here. Voluntarily.
令人震惊啊
That's a shocker.
如果丽莎女神是真的
If Lady Lisa was real,
她大概已申请17道禁制令给你
she'd have about 17 restraining orders out on you.
我想她如果是真的
Actually, I think if she was real,
情况可能有点不同
things might just play out a little bit differently.
想知道我怎么知道吗
You wanna know how I know that?
"如果她是真的"
If She Was Real.
拉德洛着
A book written and illustrated by Ludlow Lamonsoff.
哇靠
Boy.
你应该拿去惊石堂卖♥♥
You should sell that at Barnes & Unstable.
-你要一本吗 -不要
-Do you want a copy? -No.
我还有八本
I have eight others.
我来这里干嘛 你干嘛想下药害我
Why am I here right now? Why did you try to roofie me?
对 谢谢你提醒我 跟我来
Right. Thank you for reminding me. Okay. Follow me.
今天稍早 我国的关岛基地
Earlier today, our military base in Guam
被这个人 小蜜蜂攻击
was attacked by this guy, Galaga.
你怎么知道
How would you know that?
我有个关岛笔友 他叫宝宝
I have a pen pal in Guam. His name is Baubau.
宝宝吓坏了
Baubau was terribly frightened,
所以我黑进政♥府♥的伺服器
so I hacked into the government's servers
向宝宝保证一切正常
to assure Baubau that everything was okay.
可是你知道吗 一切并不正常
But you know what? Everything was not okay.
拉德洛 出去有帮我买♥♥低卡沙士吗
Ludlow! Did you get me some diet root beer while you were out?
你记得我阿嬷
You remember my grandma.
这么多年了 她还是那副德性
She's still a character after all those years.
不 阿嬷 好奇怪
No, no, Grandma! It's funny.
我没机会去 因为...
I didn't get a chance to because...
怎么了 噢 我记起来了
What happened? I remember now.
我正想拯救世界免于毁灭
I'm trying to save the world from annihilation!
你疯了吗
Are you nuts?
蠢白人
You cracker!
不要吼我
Don't yell at me!
我知道大家以为我想太多
So look, I know that sometimes people think of me as a bit of a conspiracy nut.
对
Right.
但有时候 布伦纳
But sometimes, Brenner, sometimes
阴谋是真的
the conspiracies are real.
你最近常玩太空侵略者吗
Have you been playing Space Invaders a lot lately?
对 你怎么知道
I have. How did you know that?
因为你侵略我的领域了 后退
'Cause you're invading my space. Back up.
布伦纳 记得小时候
Brenner, do you remember when we were children,
我们参加电玩锦标赛吗
and we played in that video game championship?
当然记得
Of course, buddy.
记得有一卷录影带
Do you remember how there was a tape of the event
录下比赛过程和所有游戏
and all the games that were played
被放进太空舱 然后射进宇宙
that was then put in a capsule and shot out into the universe
寻找外星生命吗
looking for extraterrestrial life?
我有理由相信某种外星生命 发现了那卷影带
I have reason to believe that some alien life force found that tape
将他们所见内容的真实版本
and has sent down real-life versions of what they saw
派来攻击我们
to attack us.
布伦纳 我花一整天在网路上
Brenner, I spent the day on 4chan
搜寻外星人讯息 证明我的理论
searching for messages from the aliens to prove my theory.
-你想知道一件事吗 -告诉我
-And you wanna know something? -Tell me.
我什么都没找到
I came up absolutely empty.
为了喘口气 我站起来
So then, as a distraction, I got up
想看一集昨晚录的
to try to watch an episode of One Tree Hill
"篮球的天空"
that I recorded on my VCR last night.
我最近都在追这部影集
I've been binge-watching to catch up.
你没有第四台是因为...
And you don't have cable because...
因为政♥府♥透过 第四台电视盒监视我们
Because the government spies on us through our cable boxes, Brenner.
这有人证实过了
That's been proven.
你不要他们看到你穿着内♥裤♥
And you don't want them to see you dancin' around
跳舞给丽莎女神看了
in your underwear for Lady Lisa. I get it.
不 那卷影带三个月前烧毁了
No, that tape was burned three months ago. Anyway...
在超高频播送过程中
In the middle of the UHF broadcast,
女主角的性感片段受到干扰
something peculiar interrupted Sophia Bush's sexy shenanigans.
不 你这怪咖...
No, you're the freak with the fat...
地球居民
Inhabitants of Earth,
我们来自浮鲁拉星
we are a race from the planet Volula.
我们以你们熟悉的地球人外型前来
We came to you in these familiar Earth forms
通知你们我们收到你们的太空舱
to tell we received your vessel.
还有里面的不友善威胁
And in it, your hostile challenge.
我们接受你们提议 进行赢家全拿的战役
We accept your offer to compete in winner-take-all battles.
集♥合♥你们最英勇的战士 与我们的菁英战士开战吧
Gather your bravest warriors to face our bravest warriors!
赢家能获得输家的星球
The winner takes the loser's planet.
你们已经输掉第一战了
You have already lost the first battle.
我们得到了一项战利品
And for our victory, we have taken a trophy.
妈妈 我没事
I'm okay, Mama.
我爱你
I love you.
那不是真的麦当娜
That's not the real Madonna!
你们有三次机会