不要见怪（2023）

我在波西这年纪也很害羞
I was shy when I was Percy's age.
但我上大学之前 跟一个女生交往
But I dated this girl right before I went to college,
她让我在性方面大开眼界
and she really opened me up sexually.
好喔 -是芭芭拉
Okay. Barbara.
总之呢 等我上了大学
Anyway, by the time I got to college,
我活出自我 过得很精彩
I was out of my shell and thriving.
那也是我们对波西的期盼 -这是他吗
Yes, and that's what we want for Percy. - Is this him?
对
Yes.
他好可爱 -对吧
Wow, he's adorable. - Isn't he?
所以…
So...
要怎么进行
how does this work?
就自♥由♥心证 还是…
The honor system or...?
那也是 我们知道他的密♥码♥
That, and we know his passcode. - Mm-hm.
所以他不是喜欢男生
And he's not gay?
不是 我们看过他的浏览记录
No. We've seen his Internet history.
他看的A片很露骨 但不是同志A片
Yeah, the porn is graphic, but not gay.
是有点像同志 一大群人
A little gay. Large groups of people.
我不是要挑剔还什么的 但为什么是别克
Not to look a gift horse in the mouth, but does it have to be a Buick?
因为那是爸爸开的车
It's just what Dad drove. - Mm.
好 你只要跟波西交往 那辆别克就是你的了
Okay, then, why don't you date Percy and the Buick is yours?
不要只是交往 懂吗
And don't just "date" him, you know?
好好认识他 他是个好孩子
Get to know him, 'cause he's a good kid.
你说的交往
So when you say date him,
是指单纯交往 还是也要身体上的交流
do you mean date him or date him?
没错 -对 就是这样
Yes. - Yeah, that's correct.
身体上的交流 -愈深入愈好
Date him. - Date him hard.
好了
Okay.
我绝对会超卖♥♥力交流
I'll date his brains out.
他在房♥间吗 我应该要过去给他个惊喜
So is he in his room? Should I jump out and surprise him?
不 他不在
No. No, no, no. He's not here.
这件事不能让他知道 任何人都不能
He can't know about this. Nobody can know about this.
绝对不能告诉任何人
Nobody can know about this.
况且这会让他大受打击 跟我们的本意完全相反
Also, it would devastate him, which would defeat the purpose
我们是想让他建立更多自信
of building up his confidence.
没错
Right. Right.
他十点到六点会在动物收♥容♥所♥当志工
He volunteers at the animal shelter from 10 to 6.
你可以过去找他 假装要领养狗儿
We thought maybe you could go and act like you want to adopt a dog.
我是觉得不可能
And I don't see this happening,
但如果波西能自然地跟女生交往 那就太好了
but if Percy dates somebody the organic way...
了解 该上工了 -没错
Got it. Better get to work. - Yeah.
我在甩尾了…
I'm drifting. I'm drifting, I'm drifting, I'm drifting.
（拯救毛小孩）
嗨 有兴趣了解展现大爱…
Hi. Can I interest you in some unconditional love?
领养会流口水的伙伴吗
Looking for something to slobber on you?
他可以帮我吗
Can he help me?
他负责照顾狗 由我接待客人
Well, he mostly works with the dogs. I deal with the people.
但你散发出诡异的气场
But you have a weird energy.
别担心 我已经结扎了
Don't worry, I've been neutered.
我要他
I want him.
波西 请你帮忙这位女士
Percy, can you help this lady?
我可以摸你的腊肠吗
Mind if I touch your wiener?
什么 -你的狗
What? - Your dog.
好
Yeah.
你需要什么帮忙
How can I help you?
我想领养一只狗
Um, I want to adopt a dog.
好
Oh, yeah. Sure.
好
Um... great.
这卡♥通♥很酷 -是动漫
That's a cool cartoon. - It's anime.
没错 是动漫 我就是这么说的
Yeah, animated. That's what I said.
不好意思 我需要你的帮忙
Um, excuse me. I need your help.
抱歉 好
Oh, sorry, sorry. Okay.
你想领养哪种狗
What kind of dog are you looking to adopt?
真希望能把它们全部带回家
Well, I wish I could adopt them all.
那只最难搞
Which is the most fucked up?
最难应付的是麦洛
Um, the most messed up is Milo.
麦洛在这里
This is Milo.
它在这里待最久
He's been here the longest.
它原本是州警的缉毒犬 但他们要它提早退役
He was a drug dog for the state police, but they forced him into retirement
因为它对可♥卡♥因♥上瘾
because he got addicted to C-O-C-A-I-N-E.
你是说古♥柯♥碱
Cocaine?
不行 麦洛
No! Milo!
麦洛
Milo. Milo.
它听到那个字就会抓狂
If he hears the word, he gets triggered.
抱歉 麦洛 我没货了
Sorry, Milo. I'm fresh out.
没事了
It's okay. It's okay.
我得问你几个问题
I have to ask you a couple questions
确认你是合适的饲主
just to make sure you're a suitable candidate.
每个人都要 这是规定
We have to do it with everyone. It's the rules.
你喜欢规矩 是吧
Oh, a little rule follower, huh?
没错 规矩非常重要
Yeah, they're super important.
所以是要去办公室 还是某个隐密的地方
So is there, like, an office or somewhere private?
办公室
An office.
这边请 -太好了
Come right this way. - Great.
（领养中心）
Maddie Barker.
麦蒂巴克
你离我好远
I feel so far from you.
配偶呢
Um... Spouse?
目前单身
Um, currently single.
感谢老天
Thank God too.
你得放松 随兴一点
You can just have more fun. Be spontaneous.
〝未婚〞
"Unmarried."
有孩子吗
Children?
当然没有 拜托 我还年轻
No. God, no. Too young.
忙着享受生活 认识新的人 这样才棒
Having fun still. Meeting new people. I love that.
〝没有小孩〞
"Childless."
你为什么想领养狗
Why do you want to adopt a dog?
我自己一个人没办法养狗
Because I can't have dogs of my own.
如果你要搬家的话 狗儿该怎么办
And, uh, what do you plan to do with the dog if you move?
我没要搬家
I'm not moving.
假设要搬家的话
Well, if you did.
我在这里住了一辈子 哪里都不去
I have lived here my whole life. I'm not going anywhere.
抱歉 我不是故意要打探
Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to pry.
不会 尽量打探
No. Pry.
好好了解我
Pry me open.
天啊 这么晚了
Oh, what? Already?
抱歉
Um, okay. Sorry.
我得把申请书寄给主管
I'll have to send this application up to my supervisor.
拜托 你一定还有其他问题要问吧
Come on. There's gotta be more questions.
的确有 但我得准备关门
Yes, there are, but I have to start closing up.
你可以改天再过来
So, um, yeah. You can come back another day, though.
我之后可能就不想养狗了
I might not want a dog another day.
我现在就想养狗
I want a dog right now.
这样的话 你可能不适合养狗
Well, then, pet ownership may not be for you.
其实呢 你比较像 我们前去拯救的狗儿的饲主
You sound a lot like the kind of person we would normally take a dog from.
还是我载你回家
How about I give you a ride home?
我们就能继续聊
And we can keep talking?
反正顺路 -你怎么知道我住哪
You're on the way. - How do you know where I live?
你♥爸♥妈跟我说的
Your parents told me.
什么 -你书包上有写
What? - It's on your school bag.
没事吧
Everything under control?
克里斯宾 公♥司♥对早退的规范是什么
Hey, Crispin, what's the company policy about leaving early?
是不是非常严重的违规行为
It's like we super can't do that, right?
主管肯定不会允许的
Would that be, you know, frowned upon?
拜托喔 我们走吧
Oh, come on. Let's go.
好
Okay.
好的
Okay.
你可以自己解决的 对吧
You can finish alone, right?
你一定很有经验了
Bet you do it all the time.
谢谢
Thanks.
再见
Bye.
好的
Okay, then.