小怪物

I don't believe this.
对吧 难以置信
I know. It's unbelievable!
她怎么能这么对我
I mean, how could she do this to me?
如果你不能明白大半夜带你外甥出去
If you can't understand how incredibly inappropriate it is
有多么极其地不妥当
to take your nephew out in the middle of the night,
那你就另找地方住吧
then you can find somewhere else to stay.
你说什么呢 他玩得很开心
What are you talking about? He had a great time!
瞧 他是达斯·维德
Look, he's Darth Vader!
我是你♥爸♥爸 妈妈
I am your father, Mommy.
瞧 他演得多棒
See? He's really good at it.
很晚了 我明天要值两个班
It's late. I have a double shift tomorrow.
滚出我家
Get out of my house.
你是在哭吗
What, are you crying now?
妈妈 你说可以哭的
Mommy, you said it's good to cry.
为什么大卫舅舅不能睡在沙发上
Why can't Uncle David stay on the couch?
如果你要留下
Look, if you're gonna stay here,
就必须开始帮忙
then you have to start contributing.
好
Yeah.
现在带他去睡觉
Just... put him to bed now.
明天你可以送他上学
And you can take him to school tomorrow.
我们能玩那个射击游戏吗 大卫舅舅
Can we play the shooty game, Uncle David?
我不想让我们惹上麻烦 菲力克斯
I don't want us to get in trouble, Felix.
我们只能关着声音玩
We'll have to play it with the sound off.
麦笑笑
我需要早点去上卡洛琳老师的课
I need to get to class early for Miss Caroline.
轮到我喂内维尔了
It's my turn to feed Neville.
内维尔是有特殊需要的孩子吗
Is Neville special‐needs?
内维尔是我们班的豚鼠
Neville's the class guinea pig.
菲力克斯 今天午饭吃什么
Felix! What's for lunch today?
那是麦克斯和艾什顿
That's Max and Ashton.
因为妈妈给我打包的午餐
They think I'm not strong
他们觉得我不够强壮
because of what Mommy packs me for food.
真是混球
What fucking douchebags!
麦克斯看起来需要多吃些豆腐披萨
Max looks like he could use a few more tofu pizzas.
麦克斯是那个胖的 对吧
Max was the fat one, yeah?
混球是什么
What's a douchebag?
这个词也有"冲洗袋"的意思
女人用来冲洗阴♥道♥的小袋子
It's a small bag chicks use to irrigate their vaginas.
希望你今天带了美味的西兰花 菲力克斯
I hope you've got yummy broccoli today, Felix!
那个弱智孩子是在用反讽取笑你吗
Was that retarded kid using irony to make fun of you?
米奇患有脊柱裂
Mickey has spina bifida.
你爱西兰花 你爱西兰花
You love broccoli! You love broccoli!
菲力克斯
Hi, Felix!
-快来 这边 -好
‐ Come on, this way! ‐ Okay!
菲力克斯
Felix!
瞧瞧你在操场荷尔蒙爆表
Look at you slaying puss in the playground, huh?
贝丝是我的女友
Beth is my girlfriend.
棒 伙计
Yeah, dog!
男人不坏 女人不爱
Treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen.
早上好 薇薇安
Good morning, Vivienne.
我♥操♥ 那是谁
Fuck me! Who is that?
棒
Yes!
棒 很好
And... yes! Nice!
那是卡洛琳老师
That's Miss Caroline.
天啊
Jesus!
菲力克斯 幸运的最后一个
Felix. Lucky last.
对不起 卡洛琳老师 我还能喂内维尔的
Sorry, Miss Caroline. I can still feed Neville.
麦克斯已经喂了它
Max has already fed him.
老天 那孩子在 内维尔能吃上一口就不错了
Jeez. Neville will be lucky to have anything left with that kid around.
快点 把你的书包挂在钩子上
Quickly, put your bags on your hook
打开加餐盒
and unpack crunch‐and‐sip.
来 伙计 我帮你
Come on, mate. I'll give you a hand with that. Come on.
谢谢
Thank you.
我是戴夫 菲力克斯的舅舅
I'm Dave. I'm Felix's uncle.
我是奥德丽
Audrey.
卡洛琳老师 天啊
Miss Caroline, jeez.
你是我小外甥人生中的积极灯塔
You are just a beacon of positivity in my little nephew's life.
他总是说起你
He talks about you all the time.
显然你一把尤克里里弹遍霉霉
Apparently you slay Tay‐Tay on the ukulay‐lay?
这我可说不好
I don't know about that.
他妈妈目前正在经历古怪的崩溃
His mom's going through a weird breakdowny thing at the moment.
不是吧 真的吗
Oh, no. Really?
是的 很糟糕
Yeah. It's bad.
-我完全不知道 -是啊
- I had no idea. ‐ Yeah.
希望泰丝没事
I hope Tess is okay.
幸好大卫舅舅来帮忙了
Well, thankfully for everyone, Uncle David is here to help.
老天 他睡着了
Dear. He's asleep.
是啊 他妈妈的情况
Yeah, I mean, what's going on with his mom
可能影响了他的节奏
might be affecting his rhythms.
别担心
Don't worry.
我今天会对他特别关注
I'll give him some special attention today.
幸运的孩子
Lucky boy.
菲力克斯连爸爸都没有 真是屌♥丝
Felix doesn't even have a dad! What a loser!
我并不把他当外甥
You know, I don't really think of him as a nephew.
我把他当朋友
I think of him as a friend.
我最好的朋友 我喜欢孩子
My best friend. I love kids.
出什么事了
What's wrong?
发生什么了
What happened?
有人用门撞我
Someone hit me with the door!
让我看看 让我看看
Let me see. Let me see.
-糟糕 -你没事
‐ Oh, no! ‐ You are fine.
快点坐回座位 我们就要开始了
Okay, quickly, sit back down, so we can get started.
-勇敢的小伙 -很高兴认识你 大卫
- Brave little man, isn't he? ‐ Nice to meet you, David.
是的 很高兴认识你
It is. It's so nice to meet you, yeah.
-那就再见了 -好
- Guess I'll see you later. ‐ Yeah.
再见 菲力克斯 爱你 伙计
See you, Felix. Love you, mate.
菲力克斯
Felix!
爱你 伙计 再见
Love you, matey. See you.
拜 玩得开心
Bye. Have fun.
一二三 看着我
One, two, three! Eyes on me!
一二 看着你
One, two! Eyes on you!
好了 我们该...
Okay. It's time to...
? 围圈圈 围圈圈 ?
? Make a circle, make a circle ?
? 圆又圆 圆又圆 ?
? Nice and round, nice and round ?
? 大家快来 大家快来 ?
? Come on, everybody, come on, everybody... ?
三只小猪
卡洛琳老师
Miss Caroline!
你好 大卫
Hello, David.
你可以叫我奥德丽
Y‐you can call me Audrey.
我还以为赶不上接孩子了
Didn't think I was gonna make it in time for pick‐up.
今天排练太疯狂
I had this crazy rehearsal.
恐怕他今天过得不太好
I'm afraid he had a really rough day today.
-谁 -菲力克斯
‐ Who did? ‐ Felix.
好在我的乐队今天排练结束了
Well, it's a good thing my band's finished rehearsing for the day.
这就是我的乐队
That's my band.
-"上帝之锤" -没错
‐ "God's Sledgehammer"? ‐ That's right.
是基♥督♥教乐队吗
Is that a Christian band?
不 更偏向体育场死亡摇滚金属乐队
No. It's more of a stadium rock‐slash‐death metal band.
因为我是基♥督♥徒 所以...
'Cause I'm a Christian, so...
是基♥督♥教乐队 其实我本人就是基♥督♥徒
It is a Christian band. I'm a Christian myself, actually.
-奥德丽 -夏洛特
- Audrey? ‐ Charlotte!
贝丝的哥哥病得很重
Beth's older brother is really sick.
-不是吧 -胃炎
‐ Oh, no! ‐ It's gastro.
恐怕明天我不能监护野游了
But I'm afraid I won't be able to chaperone the excursion tomorrow.
当然
Of course.
我班上好多学生也因胃炎请假了
A lot of my class is off sick with gastro as well.
希望我没让你为难
I hope I'm not leaving you in the lurch.
你觉得你能找到别人吗
Do you think you'll be able to find someone else?
就是我 我就是那个人
That's me! I'm someone else!
我们要去哪 卡洛琳老师
Where are we going, Miss Caroline?
原力不起作用了
The Force isn't working!
把它从这里拿出来
Okay, so, we take it out of this...