即兴卧底（2025）

他常在车♥库♥里修车。
he used to work on motors in the garage.
冬天，老鼠会跑进来。
In the winter, rats would come in.
它们咬坏了他变速器里的所有电线，
They chewed all the wires in his transmission,
毁了他整个夏天的工作。
fucked everything he'd worked on that summer.
但他从不生气。
But he didn't get angry.
我问他为什么。他说，
I asked him why. He said,
“老鼠只是做它们必须做的事。”
"The rats are just doing what they've got to do."
那天晚上晚些时候，
And later that night,
我看到他在桶里淹老鼠。
I saw him drowning rats in a bucket.
我说：“我以为你不介意老鼠？”
And I said, " I thought you didn't mind the rats?"
他说，
And he said,
“我只是做我必须做的。”
"I'm just doin' what I've got to."
你明白了吗？
You understand?
哦，天哪。
Oh, God.
哦，见鬼，伙计们。
Oh, fuck, guys.
我...
I'm--
没事的。
It's okay.
是我把你推向这一步的。
I pushed you into it.
我们都会因为我需要证明自己
We're all gonna die because I needed to prove to myself
没有浪费我的人生而死。这多他妈蠢啊？
that I hadn't thrown my life away. How fucking stupid is that?
不，如果不是因为我，你可能已经成功了。
No, you might have pulled this off if it wasn't for me.
总是做得太过火。
Going too far all the time.
我不是德尼罗。
I'm no De Niro.
我也不是白兰度。我的名字甚至不是马龙，是特里斯坦。
I'm no Brando. My name's not even Marlon, it's Tristan.
我爸是个牙医。
My dad's a dentist.
我还打过地区板球。
And I played regional cricket.
我就是披萨骑士。
I'm the Pizza Knight.
好吧，现在我只能是这个了。
Well, now that's all I'll ever be.
我一直以来都表现得很烂。
I've just been generally shit.
说真的，我完全不知道自己在做什么。
Literally, I have no idea what I'm doing.
一切都是为了可悲地试图交朋友。
All in a pathetic attempt to make friends.
我应该做真实的自己。我应该去卖♥♥酒。
I should've just been myself. I should've worked in wine.
叛徒！
Rat!
起来！
Get up!
起来！
Up!
到那边去。
Over there.
侍从需要两份。
The Squire needed two.
我不怪你试图扳倒梅特卡夫。
I don't blame you, trying to bring Metcalfe down.
那家伙就是个畜生。
The man's an animal.
我可能是坏蛋，但不是恶棍。
I might be a crook, but I'm not villain.
我不会为了没理由的事再埋三个尸体。
And I'm not gonna put another three bodies in the ground for no good reason.
你知道，我早就觉得你们这帮人有问题。
You know, I knew there was something up with you lot.
首先，我居然挺喜欢你们的。
For one thing, I liked you.
现在，你们赶紧走。走得远远的。
Now, you get going. Long gone.
如果你们再在这儿露面，我们都得死。
You show your faces around here again, we're all fucking dead.
明白了吗？
All right?
走。现在就走。
Gone. Now.
好吧。我找到了一班从盖特威克到哥斯达黎加的11:30航♥班♥。
Okay. So, I found an 11:30 from Gatwick to Costa Rica.
我们真的得离开吗？
Do we really have to leave?
你想下半辈子一直提心吊胆吗？
You wanna spend the rest of your life looking over your shoulder?
但那是哥斯达黎加，我们不能...我们不能去德文郡吗？
But it's Costa Rica, we can't just--can't we go to Devon?
这是我们的机会，休，重新开始。
This is our opportunity, Hugh, for a fresh start.
做我们想做的，去我们想去的地方。
To do whatever we want, to go wherever we want.
所以，你是说我们得说再见？
So, you mean we'd have to say goodbye?
嘿，休。最重要的是我们还活着，对吧？
Hey, Hugh. What matters most is that we're alive, right?
我们现在安全了。
We're safe now.
跪下。跪下。
Down on your knees. Down on your knees.
待在原地别动。
Stay where you are.
把这些混♥蛋♥铐起来。
Cuff these bastards.
记住这一刻。
Remember this moment.
这就是干掉大人物的感觉。
This is what it feels like to take down the big guys.
“即兴喜剧演员摧毁捣乱者。”
"Improv comic destroys heckler."
现在你们相信我们了吧？
Do you believe us now?
我们不是罪犯。
We're not criminals.
好了。找到了。开始吧。
Okay. Found it. Here we go.
嗯，如果你在YouTube上，名气可能没那么大，但我确实问过...
Um, if you're on YouTube, it's less of a claim to fame, but I actually asked--
是的。你能关掉...
好的，对不起。我会关的。
- Yeah. So, can you turn off--
- Yes, sorry. Yes, I will do.
如果你在YouTube上，我确实在
If you're on YouTube, I actually asked a question
2015年莱斯特安全会议上提了个问题。
at the 2015 Leicester Security Conference.
哦，见鬼。
Oh, fuck's sake.
比林斯意识到我们是他发财的门票。
Billings realized we were his ticket to a payday.
这就是为什么你们的系统里没有证据。
That's why there's no evidence in your system.
没有证据就是你们的证据，
The thing about there being no evidence being your evidence,
问题是根本没有证据。
is that there's no evidence.
而我有你们偷车、
Whereas I do have you on car theft,
贩毒、过失杀人、肢解的证据。
drug trafficking, manslaughter, dismemberment.
我们甚至有个人说你惹了他的狗。
We've even got a guy who says you upset his dog.
我是迫于无奈。
不管是不是迫于无奈，你干了。
- I was under duress.
- Duress or no, you did it.
我现在就可以起诉你们。
那就来吧，大人物。
- I could charge you all right now.
- Go on then, big man.
什么？
What?
他告诉我们老板，我们即将抓获三个大人物。
He told our bosses that we're about to bring in three major players.
而不是一帮小丑。
Not a bunch of clowns.
小丑表演是一门艺术。
好吧。
- Clowning is an art.
- Okay.
我们这么做吧。
Here's what we're gonna do.
我给你们一次机会。
好的。
- I'm gonna give you one chance.
- Yes.
你还不知道计划是什么。
继续说。
- You don't know what the plan is.
- Carry on.
混回弗莱的团队，今晚戴上窃听器去交易现场。
Blend back in with Fly's crew and go to the exchange tonight wearing a wire.
录下梅特卡夫确认交易的证据
Get Metcalfe on tape confirming his deal
与阿尔巴尼亚人的交易，或许我们可以谈谈豁免。
with the Albanians, and maybe we can talk about immunity.
我们不行。
We can't.
我们的身份暴露了。梅特卡夫让弗莱干掉我们。
Our cover's blown. Metcalfe told Fly to whack us.
那看来这就是你们的末路了。
Then, it looks like this is the end of the road for you.
不。
No.
我们还能录下交易的证据。
We can still get the deal on tape.
怎么做？
How?
弗莱在寻找出路。
Fly is looking for a way out.
他厌倦了杀戮，厌倦了这场游戏。
He's tired of killing, tired of the game.
现在，他以为我们是卧底警♥察♥。
Right now, he thinks we're undercover cops.
我们何必告诉他真♥相♥呢？
Who are we to tell him any different?
即兴表演的第一规则，永远说“是”。
First rule of improv, always say yes.
我们只需要谈谈。
We just need to talk.
好吧。这是交易。
Okay. So, here's the deal.
你录下梅特卡夫确认交易条款的证据，
You record Metcalfe confirming the terms,
我们就干掉他，
and we'll take him down,
还有阿尔巴尼亚人，全部。
the Albanians, all of them.
用窃听器很难录到。
It's hard to catch it on the wire.
交易时话不多。
Ain't a lot of chat goes down at a handover.
好的。
Okay.
搞定这件事，我们就让你们消失。
Make it happen and we let you disappear.
去和你的女儿团聚。
Go be with your daughter.
为老鼠做叛徒，嗯？
Turn rat for the rats, eh?
啊，“蹲点监视”。
Ah, the "stakeout."
古老的故事。
A tale as old as time.
不错的服装。
Nice costumes.
弗莱准备好了吗？
Fly's set?
好的，那是我们的阿尔巴尼亚朋友
Okay. That's our Albanian friends
和梅特卡夫的团队。
and Metcalfe's crew.
弗莱就在他们中间。
Fly is right there with them.
如果他们搜身怎么办？
What if they frisk him?
所有单位注意，我们的目标已到达。
All units be advised, our players have arrived.
等待我的指令，重复，等待我的指令。
Await my call, repeat, await my call.
我很高兴我们能继续我们的交易。
I'm so glad we could carry on with our arrangement.
嘿，钱就是钱。
所以，尝一口？
- Eh, money is money.
- So, a taste?