周年纪念日（2025）

Really? -Mmm.
你们家有双胞胎基因吗？-不 完全没有
Do twins run in your family? -No, not at all.
真不可思议
Crazy.
所以他们告诉我们的时候 我们简直不敢相信
That's why we could hardly believe it when they told us.
概率是0.45%
It's 0.45%.
什么？
What?
呃 生出同卵双胞胎的几率
Uh, the odds of having identical twins.
嗯
Mmm.
那就是我们的小鸟 -这是个异常事件
That's our Birdie. -It's an anomalous event.
她就像一部大英百科全书
She's like an Encyclopedia Britannica.
我们真幸运
Lucky us.
她到底是从哪儿来的？
Where the hell did she come from?
谁知道呢？-祝你好运
Who knows? -Good luck to you.
这个馅料很好吃 保罗
This stuffing is delicious, Paul.
我停不下来
I can't stop eating it.
我想把食谱给我们的厨师
I'd love to give the recipe to our chef.
嗯 好主意
Mmm. That's a great idea.
非常感谢
Thank you very much.
厨师？-我发邮件给你
Chef? -I'll email it to you.
谢谢 -谢谢 爸爸
Thank you. -Thanks, Dad.
感恩节
Thanksgiving.
哇 对吧？
Wow. Right?
我是说 我们的传统非常重要
I mean, our heritage is so important.
我等不及要和小宝宝们一起庆祝了
I just can't wait for the babies to celebrate with us.
我也是 -嗯
Me, too. -Mm-hmm.
殖民者实际上是…
The colonizers were actually
披着羊皮的狼 他们带来了天花毯子…
wolves in sheep's clothing who brought smallpox blankets
和一场蹂躏原住民的致命瘟疫
and a deadly plague that ravaged the Indigenous people.
说得好 小鸟 是的 击掌
Hell yeah, Birdie! Yes. Up top.
没错 击掌 小鸟宝宝
Right on. Up top, Baby Bird.
更别提他妈的有种族歧视 但是 你知道 传统嘛
Not to mention racist as fuck, but, you know, tradition.
安娜 好了 别说了 够了 注意点
Anna, all right, come on. That's enough. Behave.
好了 够了 拜托 别说了
Okay, that's enough. Come on, please.
不 得了吧 传统 爸爸
No, come on, tradition, Dad.
火鸡和种族灭绝
Turkey and genocide.
够了 -我不是那个意思
That's enough. -I didn't mean it like that.
不 我他妈自我审查就是了 没什么大不了的
No, I'll just fucking censor myself. No big deal.
不 小鸟 小鸟 你去哪儿？
No, Bird! Bird, where are you going?
小鸟
Birdie!
小鸟 回来 她不是在笑你 亲爱的
Birdie, come back. She's not laughing at you, honey.
小鸟 她说的不是你
Bird, she wasn't talking about you.
亲爱的 我们同意你的观点
Honey, we agree with you.
妈妈 我去找她好吗？-不用 是别的事
Mom, should I go get her? -No. It's something else.
我能打断一下吗 呃…
If I could just interrupt for a sec. Um...
抱歉 我用水干杯 因为我们喝水
Sorry, I'm cheers-ing with water 'cause we're drinking water.
呃 我们有些激动人心的消息
Uh, we've got some exciting news.
哦 我的天 你怀孕了 总之 下一个话题
Oh, my God, you're pregnant! Anyway, moving on.
真好笑 非常有趣
That's hilarious. That's very funny.
不 呃…
No, um...
我聪明的妻子受邀…
My brilliant wife has been invited
去乔治城大学做客座讲师
to be a guest lecturer at Georgetown.
莉兹 乔希 我们都为你们的成功感到骄傲
Liz, Josh, we're all very proud of your success.
这对你们很好 艾伦和我也很高兴…
It's great for you. And Ellen and I are delighted
我们即将成为祖父母
that we're about to become grandparents.
艾伦 如果你能为我做介绍…
Ellen, I'd be honored
我将深感荣幸
if you would do the introduction for me.
这是在开玩笑吗？
Is this a joke?
哦 不 妈妈 专♥制♥讨厌幽默感
Oh, no, Mom. Autocracy hates a sense of humor.
对不起 你有什么问题？
I'm sorry, what's your problem?
你有什么问题？
What's your problem?
我的问题？-是的
My problem? -Yeah.
我在分享我认为是积极的消息
I'm sharing news that I thought was positive.
你自从…之后就一直在炫耀
You've just been gloating ever since you got...
你为什么不能让他祝酒？
Why can't you let him make a toast?
你为什么这么混♥蛋♥ 罗伯？
Why are you being such a dickhead, Rob?
够了 好吗？
That's enough, all right?
我可以和我弟弟谈谈
I can have a conversation with my brother.
我不会坐在这里看着我的家人互相攻击…
I'm not gonna sit here and watch my family rip each other apart...
保罗 -不 艾伦 这太过分了
Paul. -No, Ellen, it's too much.
我们要表现得文明点 我们聚在一起
We're gonna act civilized. We're here together.
我们试着享受它 拜托了 -闭嘴 保罗
Let's try to enjoy it, please. -Shut up, Paul.
哇 我靠
Wow. Holy shit.
我觉得…
I find it...
很讽刺…
ironic...
你竟然期望我们今天庆祝…
that you expect us to celebrate
你那弗兰肯斯坦式的创造
your Frankenstein creation today.
由一个涉足图书业的智库出版？
Published by a think tank in the book business?
还有什么更好的方式来兜售…
What better way to peddle the Wonder-Bread-ification
他们所鼓吹政策的…
of the policies that they promote.
白面包式平庸化
As palatable as a chef's version of a baloney sandwich.
好吧 嗯…-莉兹 你写了本书？
Right, well... -Liz, you wrote a book?
是的 -哦 她可写了
Yes. -Oh, boy, did she.
是啊 一本大部头 赚了很多钱
Yeah, a nice big one, made 'em lots of money.
是什么 《变革》？-是的
What is it, The Change? -Yes.
你写了《变革》？-字字都是我写的
You wrote The Change? -Every word.
我和我父母12年没说过话
I didn't speak to my parents for 12 years,
然后我读了你的书
and then I read your book.
它救了我的命 -谢谢你 杰玛
Saved my life. -Thank you, Gemma.
我就是为了你这样的人写《变革》的
You're the reason I wrote The Change.
顺便说一句 关于蒙大拿邪教的事我没开玩笑
I wasn't joking about the cult in Montana, by the way.
看吧 妈妈 只是一个…
See, Mom, just a...
你自己视角之外的观点 仅此而已
perspective outside your own, that's all.
我教的就是各种视角 -你教的是你的视角
I teach perspectives. -You teach your perspective.
哦 -如果你不能保持开放心态
Oh. -If you can't be open-minded,
至少能假装为我们高兴一下吗？
can you at least pretend to be happy for us?
就一会儿？-乔希 我爱你
For a second? -Josh, I love you.
你和你的妻子在新的职业上做得很好
And you and your wife are doing very well for yourselves
收入丰厚
with your new occupation,
但你不过是为坎伯兰公♥司♥…
but you're nothing more than bagmen
跑腿的马仔
for the Cumberland Company.
马仔？
Bagmen?
哇
Wow.
我只是觉得很有趣 你费尽心力…
I just find it fascinating how exhausting
贬低他人是多么费力不讨好…
just how much strain it takes for you to diminish...
不 是特意去贬低…
No, going out of your way to diminish...
乔希 -乔希 别…
Josh. -Josh, don't...
…任何你自己之外的人的成功
...success that anyone has outside of yourself.
你看不出那本书是武器吗？
Can't you see that the book is a weapon?
国会山上的乡巴佬已经在用它筹款了
Yahoos on the Hill are already fundraising off of it.
你知道他们正在悬挂旗帜并将其正常化吗？
You know that they're hanging flags and normalizing it?
是人♥民♥在促成变革
It's the people who are making the change.
那就是民♥主♥ -哦 去他妈的
That's democracy. -Oh, fuck's sake.
不
No.
是你在操纵它
You're engineering it.
嗯 我不确定从什么时候起…
Well, I'm not sure when my own family
我自己的家成了法♥西♥斯♥政♥权♥
became a fascist regime,
但提醒你一下
but in case you forgot,
我的妻子即将生下你们的孙辈
my wife's about to give birth to your grandchildren.
哦 我的天 乔希
Oh, my God, Josh.
莉兹干得漂亮
A-plus for Liz.
执行得很好
Well executed.
你听到你自己在说什么了吗？
Do you hear yourself right now?
请告诉我 我欠了你什么互惠的债…
Please tell me what reciprocal debt I owe
能让你停止毒害我的儿子
that will stop you from poisoning my son.
我靠 妈妈 -天啊 艾伦
Holy shit, Mom! -Jesus, Ellen,
她已经怀孕八个月了
she's eight months pregnant.
你该读读那本书的 保罗
You should've read the book, Paul.
不 我不会读那本书
No, I'm not gonna read the book.
我永远不会读那本书
I'm never gonna read the book,
因为如果我读了 我就得和你讨论它
because if I did, I'd have to discuss it with you.
你站在哪一边 爸爸？