亚当·桑德勒：100%新鲜（2018）

I've never cheated on you.
我也永远不会出轨
I never will cheat on you.
你和我在一起
It's you and me
可以对抗世界 宝贝
against the world, baby.
而我… 却迟迟得不到这个肛♥交♥”
And, uh... I really-- I got nowhere else to get this anal.
所以…
So...
我说：“你得帮帮我
I was like, "You've got to fucking help me out.
这是我一直的幻想 求你了”
It's a fantasy. Please?"
然后
And, uh...
她人很好地答应了
And she was nice. She said okay.
所以在我的生日上 她投降了
And so, on my birthday, she gave it up.
给了我肛♥交♥
She gave it to me,
然后她说她很喜欢
and she said she liked it.
她说真的很有意思
She said it was fun
她简直不敢相信她可以 把整个拳头塞到我那里…
and she couldn't believe she fit her whole fist inside me...
所以...我不知道
And so-- I don't know. -
我说：“看到了没？全新的体验”
I said, "You see? New experiences."
她是个好姑娘 我的宝贝
She's a good girl. That's my baby.
我的宝贝
That's my baby.
哦 桑德勒
Oh, Sandman.
太过火了
That's too much.
女士们 先生们… 尤里
Ladies and gentlemen... Yuri.
你们好 地球人
Hello, people of Earth.
对
Yes.
对
Absolutely.
是的
Yes.
记得吗？
Remember?
是的，是的
Yes, yes.
回到太空去吧！
Go! Go back! Go back to space!
离开这里！
Get out of here!
把他带走！
Take him away!
你在做什么？
What are you doing?
帮帮他
Help him.
好的 大伙 得唱这首了
All right, guys, gonna do this one.
这是一首很特别的歌♥
This is a very special song.
希望你们能喜欢
I hope you like it.
这对我们意义重大 开始了
It means a lot to us. Here we go.
我爱你，桑德勒
I love you, Sandman!
迄今为止 他是史上最搞笑的人
By far the funniest fucking guy of all time,
法利 没错
the Farls, man.
嗯 谢谢大家
Yeah, baby, so thank you.
我一直盼望着给你们唱这首歌♥
I couldn't wait to sing that to you guys,
我知道它会很特别
and I knew it would be special here.
谢谢你们
And thank you.
他是最棒的
He was the best. He was the best.
好的 大伙 我要给你们唱这首歌♥
Okay, you guys, I'm gonna sing you this song right now.
这是一首很甜蜜的歌♥
This is the kind of a sweet song.
这首歌♥献给我老婆 因为她让我
I sing it to my wife, because she lets me
在你们面前
talk about so many things
畅所欲言
in front of you people.
而丝毫不生我的气
And she doesn't even get mad at me.
她真的很酷 开始吧
She's pretty damn cool. So here we go.
这也献给今晚在场的所有人
And this goes for all of you guys here tonight.
好的 非常感谢大家
All right, you all, thank you so much.
尊重！
Respect!
继续摇滚 我也爱你们
Rock and roll. I love you too.
咱们以后再聚
Let's do it again sometime.
谢谢大家
Thank you. Thank you.
好的 大伙 灯光提示我必须下场了
Well, folks, I've been given the light and I must go.
非常感谢大家
But thank you very much.
请欣赏接下来的节目
Enjoy the rest of the show.
我有… 说吧
I got-- Go ahead.
鸡为什么要过马路？
Why did the chicken cross the road?
鸡为什么要过马路？为什么？
Why did the chicken cross the road? Why?
因为他想早餐
Because he wanted to get some diarrhea
吃些稀屎
to eat for breakfast.
好的 该你了
Okay, your turn.
爸爸 嘿 提醒你一下 别忘了 我是赛迪
Hey, Dad. Hey, just so you know. Don't forget, I'm Sadie.
啊哈，去吧，Sunny
Ah-ha. Go ahead, Sunny.
为什么M&M's豆会离我而去？
Why did the M&'M walk away from me?
为什么？
Why?
因为它想在我的裙子上尿尿
Because it wanted to go pee on my dress.
了不起
Terrific.
♪那天很完美♪
♪It was the perfect day♪
♪你的笑容灿烂♪
♪You had the sweetest smile♪
♪你是我的唯一♪
♪You were my only way♪
♪没错 我们心心相依♪
♪Yeah, we were doing it in style♪
♪我们走着 谈着♪
♪We were walkin' and talkin'♪
♪絮絮叨叨♪
♪And jammin' and jawin'♪
♪这世上仿佛只剩下你我♪
♪It was you and me against the world♪
♪然后你被一辆电动汽车撞了♪
♪Then you got hit by an electric car♪
♪因为你没听到车的声音♪
♪'Cause you didn't hear it comin'♪
♪哦 奶奶的室友♪
♪Oh, Grandma's roommate♪
♪你干吗这么话多？♪
♪Why do you talk so much?♪
♪你难道不知道我来老人院♪
♪Don't you know I came to the nursing home♪
♪看我奶奶♪
♪To see my grandma♪
♪问声好♪
♪I just said hello♪
♪只是出于礼貌♪
♪To be polite♪
♪现在你告诉我我奶奶很粗鲁♪
♪Now you're telling me That my grandma was rude♪
♪因为她没有跟你分享♪
♪'Cause she didn't share♪
♪她的无糖糖果♪
♪Her unsugared candy♪
♪这样一来 你被枕头闷死♪
♪Well, I guess that calls For a death pillow♪
♪纯属自找♪
♪over your face♪
♪哦 不♪
♪Oh, no♪
♪哦 不♪
♪Oh, no♪
♪哦 不 不 不 不 不♪
♪Oh, no, no, no, no, no♪
♪哦 不♪
♪Oh, no♪
♪天呐 不♪
♪God no♪
♪我妈的朋友有个儿子 刚搬来好莱坞♪
♪My mother's friend has a son Who just moved to Hollywood♪
♪她让我帮棒他♪
♪And she asked me to help him♪
♪爸爸今天刮了胡子♪
♪Daddy shaved his beard today♪
♪唇须和鬓角都不见了♪
♪Mustache and sideburns went away♪
♪爸爸的嘴好小♪
♪Daddy's lips are really small♪
♪下巴完全没有了♪
♪Doesn't have a chin at all♪
♪爸爸犯了个大错误♪
♪Daddy made a big mistake♪
♪我的双手在颤抖♪
♪My hands are shaking♪
♪我的心跳飞快♪
♪My heart's beating fast♪
♪我的便宜西装满是汗水♪
♪I'm sweating through my cheap suit♪
♪到底能撑多久？♪
♪How much longer can it last?♪
♪我是个酒鬼律师♪
♪I'm an alcoholic lawyer♪
♪面对着一场超级大审判♪
♪Facing the trial of my life♪
♪要是想改过自新♪
♪And I need to sober up quickly♪
♪我就得尽快清醒♪
♪If I want to make things right♪
♪把酒瓶放下来 孩子♪
♪Put the bottle down, son♪
♪有个无辜的男人需要你♪
♪There's an innocent man who needs you♪
♪把酒瓶放下来 孩子♪
♪Put the bottle down, son♪
♪没什么可怕的♪
♪There's nothing left to fear♪
♪那咱们就来点威士忌酸酒♪
♪Well, let's have a few whiskey sours♪
♪好悼念他吧♪
♪In his memory♪
♪慢♪
♪Slow♪
♪慢 - 慢♪
♪Slow - Slow♪
♪慢 - 慢♪
♪Slow - Slow♪
♪慢动作先生♪
♪Mr. Slow Mo♪
♪慢动作先生 - 慢♪
♪Mr. Slow Mo - Slow♪
♪慢 - 慢动作先生♪
♪Mr. Slow Mo♪
♪慢动作先生♪
♪Mr. Slow Mo♪
♪慢 慢♪
♪Slow, slow♪
♪慢动作先生♪
♪Mr. Slow Mo - Mr. Slow Mo♪
♪慢 慢♪
♪Slow, slow - Mr. Slow♪
♪慢动作先生♪
♪Mr. Slow Mo - Mr. Slow Mo♪
♪我是慢动作先生♪