亚当·桑德勒：100%新鲜（2018）

He's fucking bumping my first.
说道：“耶 棒极了 妈的太棒了”
I'm like, "Yeah, motherfucker." He's like, "Yeah, baby."
到了终点
We get to the end. The fucking--
你知道的 刹车来得猝不及防
You know how the break comes out of nowhere.
嘎吱一声 我们俩地头都猛一闪
It fucking screeches on, both our fucking heads snap again.
他说：“又来了”
He's like, "They got us again.
我说：“妈的没错 咱俩就不长记性”
I was like, "Fuck yeah, we'll never learn.
所以我们缓缓向前 好走下 过山车
So, uh, we're creeping up to, you know, getting off the ride,
到终点时速度很慢
how it's like a little slow at exit,
我们坐在那里
and we're sitting there,
我他妈…
and I'm fucking...
我感觉心中深刻的痛楚
I feel this crazy pain in my heart,
我想：“我他妈是不是 爱上这家伙了？
and I'm like, "Did I fucking fall in love with this guy or some shit?
到底怎么回事？”
What happened?
而他没有看我
And he's not looking at me.
我想 他跟我感觉一样
I'm like this guy feels it too,
因为他整个人都很恍惚
'cause he's in a fucking daze. We're both--
我们俩的孩子都说：
And my kids are like,
“快来 咱们去彼得潘小屋吧”
"Come on, let's go to Peter Pan."
“好的 稍等一下”
I was like, "All right, in a minute."
我冲孩子喊得太大声
I'm yelling at the kids too loud.
“我得跟这家伙说再见”
"I've got to say goodbye to the man."
然后，呃...
And, uh...
我起身说：“嘿 很高兴认识你”
I get off. I go, "Hey, nice to meet you."
他说：“嗯 我也是”
He's like, "Yeah, nice to meet you."
他不肯看我 我们俩感觉都糟透了
He won't look at me, and we're both all fucked up.
他回到他的家人身边 我回到我的家人身边
He goes back to his family, I go back to mine.
我渐渐走远…
I'm walking away.
我脑中想着
In my head, I'm like,
“我他妈再也不会见那家伙了
"I'm never gonna see that fucking guy again,
我感觉好难过”
and I don't feel good about that.
嗯
Um...
然后我...
And then I...
然后我又想...
And then I go...
“他们拍了人们
"They take your picture though...
在过山车上的照片
on those rides.
为了纪念什么的”
You know, just for memory's sake.
所以我不管了
Just, what the fuck,
我要看看他们是不是把我们 拍下来了
I'm gonna go see, maybe they snapped us,
也许没有拍下来
maybe they didn't.
但他们如果拍了… 看看吧
But if they did... why not? Fuck it, you know. Let's just see."
所以我们…
And so, we...
我们去了，呃
We go to the, uh--
我们去了取照片处 那里有个大屏幕
I go to that place where there's the fucking monitor up.
当然了 屏幕上有张 我和那家伙的照片…
Sure enough, there's a picture of me and the guy,
在过山车翻圈时倒了过来…
upside down, in the loop-the-loop...
我们俩深深望着彼此的眼睛
staring so deep into each other's eyes.
简直太疯狂了
It was fucking bananas.
我想：“好 他感受到了
I was like, "Okay, he felt it.
他绝对也感受到了”
He definitely felt it too."
所以我问收银台后的女士：
So, I say to the lady behind the counter,
“多少钱一张？”
"Hey, how much is that?"
那个女士说：“65美金”
And the lady goes, "Sixty-five dollars."
我说：“好吧”
I was like, "Oh. Okay."
然后我拿出手♥机♥ 偷偷 给大屏幕拍了一张照片
And then I take my phone out, and I fucking snap a shot of it.
然后我感到身后涌动的能量
And then I feel this energy behind me.
我朝后一看 那个俄克拉荷马州 来的家伙
I look back, and it's the guy from Oklahoma.
手里正拿着他刚刚买♥♥的照片
He's holding the picture he just bought.
他说：“我不值这个价吗？”
And he was like, "I wasn't worth it?"
所以，不管怎样
So, anyways...
如果那个家伙此刻正在看我的 NETFLIX专场
If that man is watching my Netflix special right now,
先生 我总是想起你
I think of you a lot, sir.
我总是想起你
I think of you a lot.
好的 密尔沃基 咱们开始吧
All right, Milwaukee, let's fucking do this shit.
开始了
Here we go.
操
Fuck.
好吧
Okay.
我要玩我的第一次SnapChat
I'm gonna do my first mic drop.
嗯
Yeah.
你们被桑德勒耍了
You just got Sandoozled.
耶 耶 耶 耶
Yeah, yeah.
很棒
Sweet, sweet, sweet.
谢谢大家
That was a good ending.
那他妈是什么？
Thank you.
那是什么？
Whoa, what the fuck is that? What is that?
操 你♥他♥妈♥把我吓到了
Oh, shit, you scared me with that one.
稍等
Give me a second.
等等 好的 可以开始了
Wait, okay. Okay, here we go.
这首歌♥很有意思
This one's fun.
耶
Yeah.
哦 天呐
Oh my.
这么多烟
That's some smokey shit.
这不是我们放的 他妈的起火了
This is not from us. There is a fucking fire.
咱们离开这地方吧
Let's get the fuck out of here. Quick.
我开玩笑的 请别走
No, I'm just joking. Don't-- don't bail on me.
那东西要进你的嘴吗？
Is that going into your mouth? -
就是...是的，就是...
That's-- Yeah, that's--
她就是这么说的 对
That's what she said. Yes. Very good.
很有趣
That was fun.
很好
Really good.
嗯 那帮UFC摔跤手
I liked that.Yes, those UFC guys,
身上的肌肉真是发达
they are built pretty fucking good.
我真受不了…
I can't stand...
所以我没法看摔跤比赛 我会因为这帮货
That's the only reason I don't watch. I get so angry
是如此轮廓分明而大怒不已
at how fucking chiselled these fucking guys are.
当然了 我也去健身房♥的
I go to the gym, of course,
但我去那里只为了接我老婆
but I just go to pick my wife up.
我总是问：“怎么样？
I'm always like, "Hey, how was that?
感觉如何？”
How'd it go in there?"
她说：“你得来健身”
She's like, "You've got to come in."
我说：“嗯 没错”
I'm like, "Yeah, definitely."
我已经够老
I got old enough now
已经不再把上衣脱下来了
that I don't take my shirt off anymore.
我51岁了
I'm 51, 51 years old.
所以 我不再把上衣脱下来了
So, I don't take my shirt off anymore
当我在酒店的泳池和我孩子游泳时
when I go swimming at, like, a hotel pool with my kids.
我也穿着上衣
I keep my fucking shirt on.
我游着泳 大家都指着我
I'm swimming, and everyone's pointing and stuff,
救生员冲我大喊大叫：
and like this lifeguard was yelling at me.
“你不能那么做”
"You can't do that."
我说：“这他妈怎么回事？” 我被羞辱了
I'm like, "What the fuck is...I'm humiliated, buddy.
我只是不想把上衣脱下来而已
I just don't want to take my fucking shirt off."
他说：“不 你必须得穿件泳衣
He's like, "No, you've got to wear a bathing suit,
你的鸡鸡出来了”
your dick is out."
我说：“好吧”
I'm like, "Oh, okay.
这是… 在豪华的豪生酒店发生的
Oh, this is, uh... one of the fancy Howard Johnson's.
我明白了
I got you.
抱歉
Fuck. Sorry, man."
这个五十多岁的男人 知道我在说什么
The guys over 50 know what I'm talking about.
你越老 蛋蛋就变得
The testicles do get bigger and bigger
越来越大
as you get older.
它们挂得越来越低…
They hang lower and whatever the fuck happens...
你每次去基♥督♥青年会健身房♥
You know, you've seen it at the YMCA your whole life,
都会看到有着巨大蛋蛋的年长男子
the older men with the giant balls,
你总是想
and you're always wondering
他们为什么又自♥由♥又开心 妈的…
why they're so free and happy, fucking...
那帮85岁的老家伙
Those are like the 85-year-old guys.
他们啥也不在乎 甩着鸡鸡… 什么的
They don't give a fuck. They just swing it... and whatever.
他们都懒得系上一条毛巾什么的
They don't even think of throwing a towel on.
他们想着：“就这么着吧
They're just like, "This is it.
我只剩几年活头了