麦克斯卡罗琳闺蜜俩重返餐厅
Earl, I told you to mop the entrance.
厄尔 我说了让你拖门口的地
That floor is dirtier than Bob Saget
这地板比喜剧中心台的
at a Comedy Central roast.
艺人吐槽大会还"脏"
You know what it sounds like you need, cranky lady?
你知道你听起来需要什么东西吗 暴躁妹
A Midol and a Dove bar.
经痛药加巧克力棒
You watch it, too, Oleg.
你也招子放亮点 奥列格
Like Earl's hip, you can be replaced.
就像厄尔的髋骨 你也能被换掉
Have you noticed since Max and Caroline have been away,
你有发现自从麦克斯与卡洛琳走了
Han is getting a little big for his bitches?
阿憨这个小婊♥子脾气变很大吗
Did I say bitches?
我叫他小婊♥子了吗
'Cause I meant to.
我故意的
I will not be bossed around by someone 40 years younger than me.
我才不要被一个小我40岁的人颐指气使
He is not my second wife.
他又不是我第二任老婆
I am calling diner security.
我要打给餐厅的保安
What's up, Earl?
啥事上门找我啊 厄尔
I mean, besides your blood pressure.
除了你的血压往"上"之外
When are you coming back?
你们什么时候回来
We're coming back tomorrow night.
我们明晚回来
Caroline's about to sign the movie contract,
卡洛琳马上要签电影的合同了
which means I don't have to come home UPS Ground.
所以我不用省钱 陆运邮寄自己回去了
Are you on the phone with the diner?
你在跟餐厅的人讲电话吗
I feel like I can smell it.
我感觉都能闻到餐厅的味儿了
I don't think any of us are gonna make it past tomorrow.
我觉得我们几个撑不过明天了
Han's been walking around like he owns the place.
阿憨最近牛逼得像这里是他地盘一样
I do own the place!
这里本来就是我的地盘
Boy, Uber drivers do not like to be tickled.
优步司机很不喜欢被人挠痒痒啊
And speaking of things no one would see coming,
说到意想不到的事
I used the F-word with Randy.
我跟兰迪用了F开头的字了
Who wouldn't see that coming?
谁会意想不到这事啊
You use the F-word all the time...
你整天都在用这个字[fuck]
usually around children or clergy.
通常还是在孩子与神职人员面前
No, the F-word as in "Future."
不是脏话 是"未来"[future]
Max, you made plans for the future?
麦克斯 你为未来做计划了吗
You won't even make dinner plans with me.
你连跟我计划一下晚餐都不愿意
You always say, "Who knows if we'll still be friends by then?"
你总是说"我们到时是不是朋友都不一定"
Well, you always ask me, like, five hours ahead of time.
你总是提前了 大概有5小时问我
Max, I'm gonna go ahead and use the C-word.
麦克斯 我要用那个C打头的字了
通常是指脏话cunt
I'm calling you and Randy a couple.
我要称你们俩为"情侣"了
I'm gonna say something,
我要说件事
and I don't want it to go to your head.
但我不想要你兴奋过头
You're right, bitch.
你说得没错 小贱♥人
See, Max, it all worked out,
你看 麦克斯 一切都圆满
right up until what I'm about to say right now.
到此时此刻 然后接下来就有坏消息了
We have to take the shuttle to the airport tomorrow,
我们明天得坐接驳巴士去机场
'cause we're still poor for another 27 business days.
因为我们还得穷27个工作日
Let's go out in style and get a party bus.
我们退场要有范儿 租个派对巴士吧
After all these years, we still have
过了这么多年 你跟我之间
such different concepts of style.
对于"范儿"的定义还是天差地远
Come on!
来嘛
With a stripper pole
车上有钢管
and a Crock-Pot of cocktail weenies.
还有一锅鸡鸡型香肠
I danced on a party bus for a year,
我在派对巴士上面当过一年舞♥女
not for money.
不是为了赚♥钱哦
We are not taking a party bus.
我们才不坐派对巴士
This isn't your super sweet 16.
这不是你的什么欢庆16岁派对
I didn't have a sweet 16.
我没有欢度过16岁
I was in plumbing school.
我当时在水管工学校上学
Hey, everybody.
大家安安
I don't know what's going on,
我不知道是怎么了
but people on the elevator were looking at me funny.
但电梯里的人都用奇怪眼神看我
Sophie!
苏菲
What?
怎么
Do I have spinach in my teeth?
我牙齿上卡有菜叶吗
Uh, no spinach, but about 25 needles stuck in your face.
没卡菜 只有大概25根针卡在你脸上
Yeah, they're helping me get pregnant.
它们是来帮助我怀孕的
My healer Audra sent me to Mao,
我的治疗师让我去找阿毛
the acupuncturist to the stars.
受明星喜爱的针灸师
Yep, he's poked more famous people than John Mayer.
没错 他比多情男星"捅"过的明星还多
Sophie, you're not supposed to leave with those needles,
苏菲 你不应该针还没拿掉就离开诊所啊
just like we're not supposed to leave with these vases.
就像我们不应该带走这些小瓶子一样
Tell you what, I'm gonna do what I used to do
这样吧 我要做一件我以前
for my Aunt Becky at the Elks Lodge.
为我在酒馆里的美女阿姨做过的事
I'm gonna get some pricks out of your face.
我要为你弄走脸上的针[面前的白♥痴]
Max, do you think Randy invited me to dinner
麦克斯 你觉得兰迪邀我一起来吃饭
to witness him asking you to be bicoastal?
是来见证他问你是否愿意异地恋吗
'Cause I don't think this mascara's waterproof,
我这个睫毛膏好像不防水
and I'm definitely gonna cry
而我看到那场面绝对会感动哭
happy and a few jealous tears.
喜极而泣 外加几滴嫉妒的眼泪
I'm never been bicoastal.
我从来没有过双岸恋[东西岸]
I was bisexual for a week,
我曾双性恋过一周
but that's mostly because I was hitchhiking.
但那基本上是因为我要搭便车
There they are.
你们到啦
Oh, this is the table where we first met,
这是我们第一次见面的那桌
and you thought I was a cheap hooker.
你以为我是个廉价妓♥女
And you were only half right.
而当时你只猜对了一半
Here they come, more jealous than I expected.
我要落泪了 比想象中更嫉妒一点
Let's celebrate.
来庆祝吧
It's a big night for both of you.
今晚是你们俩的大日子
Caroline, your movie deal closed,
卡洛琳 你的电影成功签约
and Max, I found your sock.
而麦克斯 我找到了你的袜子
It was under my refrigerator.
在我冰箱底发现的
Oh, that makes sense.
这就说得通了
I was trying to fish an M&M out from under there
我当时想要用叉子跟我袜子做的鱼竿
with a fishing hook I made with a fork and my sock.
钓出一颗掉到底下的巧克力豆
I was so excited about getting the M&M
当时钓出来后我太兴奋
that I abandoned the sock.
就忘了那袜子了
Max, you know you don't have to eat candy
麦克斯 你知道你以后再也不需要
that fell on the floor anymore.
吃掉到地上的糖了
I still will, but it's nice to know I don't have to.
我还是会 但知道我有选择的余地感觉很棒
Oh, my God, your whole life is changing.
天啊 你飞上枝头变凤凰了
We're just waiting for someone else.
我们再等个人就行了
Oh, no, did you invite a guy for me?
不是吧 你帮我邀请了男伴吗
I wish I'd known,
应该早点让我知道
'cause I only shaved up to the bottom of my dress.
因为我只刮了裙子以下的腿毛
It's not a date for you.
不是给你找的男伴
It's someone here for me and Max.
是为我跟麦克斯来的
Wow, I don't usually bring up threesomes
我通常都是等在一起一个月
till the one-month mark when things start to go stale.
房事开始无聊了才会提议3P
Oh, definitely wasn't picturing this guy.
跟我脑海中幻想的完全不一样
Hello, I'm Elliot Charles.
你好 我叫艾略特·查尔斯
Okay, two first names, slightly more interesting.
名字很长 稍微有趣点了
他的姓氏也是常见名
So doing the orgy math here, there's four of us,
来算个杂交数学 这里有四个人
and out of the four, Max and I can't touch naked.
在这之中 麦克斯和我裸体时不能碰对方
Her rule, not mine.
她定的规矩 不是我
Oh, I'm not here in a sexual capacity.
我来这里跟性事并无关系
I'm Randy's therapist.
我是兰迪的心理医生
And I guess we should get started.
我想我们该开始正事了
I do have a 9:00 in the valley.
我9点在别处还有活儿
A 13-year-old girl is coming out to her vegan parents
有个13岁的姑娘要跟她吃全素的父母
as meat-curious.
出柜坦白"对肉有兴趣"
Um, what's happening?
这是怎么回事
Look, Max... Elliot?
是这样的 麦克斯 艾略特
Look, Max,
是这样的 麦克斯
my patient, Randy,
我的病人 兰迪
is breaking up with you.
要跟你分手
What?
什么
Max, I know this sounds abrupt.
麦克斯 我知道这很突然
Elliot?
艾略特
Max, in my practice, I developed
麦克斯 我在行医生涯中发明了
the ripping-the-Band-Aid-off technique.
快速撕下创口贴大法
You'll read about it in my book someday,
有一天你可以在我的书里读到
if I ever finish it,
前提是我写完
but that's between me and my therapist.
但这就是我跟我心理医生之间的事了
He's not speaking to me right now
他现在不愿意跟我说话
because of a couch spill.
因为我把他沙发弄脏了
And I'd be mad as hell about it
如果不是老子也是心理医生
if I didn't completely understand it!
早就因为他不理我火冒三丈了
And now, again, what's happening?
再问一句 这到底是演哪出
Because it seems like you're breaking up with me
看起来你好像是在通过心理医生
using a therapist.
来跟我分手啊
It does seem that way.
看起来的确是这样
Elliot?
艾略特
He is breaking up with you using a therapist.
他的确是通过心理医生在跟你分手
Look, Randy?
听好了 兰迪
Caroline.
卡洛琳
Look, Elliot, you tell Randy to be a grown-up
听好了 艾略特 你请兰迪像个爷们点
and break up with her over text.
用短信跟麦克斯分手好吗
At least send her a "Bye, Felicia" Bitmoji.
至少发一个"再见 友尽"的表情图吧
- Let's go. - Max, don't go like this.
-我们走 -麦克斯 别这么走掉
Elliot, don't let Max go like this.
艾略特 别让麦克斯这么走掉
Max, you're hurt.
麦克斯 你伤心了
You're feeling abandoned.
你觉得被抛弃了
What would be really helpful to you right now
现在什么最能帮到你呢
is my book, if I can just get one chapter on paper.
是我的书 如果我能写下一章
I think people would benefit a lot from the book.
人们都将受用无穷啊
Well, we're leaving.
我们要走了
This is shocking,
真是难以置信
and it's really hard to shock me
这年头姐已经很难被吓到了
since that time I saw a mouse
尤其是上次看到一只老鼠
dry-humping a potato on my couch.
在我沙发上干操一个土豆之后
You know what?
听好了
You can keep my sock.
你留着我的袜子[打飞机]吧
On second thought, I need it.
但转念一想 还给我把
Max, wait.
麦克斯 等等
I am just gonna go, because the last time I was this mad,
我要直接走了 因为上次我这么生气时
someone lost an eyebrow.
某人失去了一边的眉毛
And it took me a long time
而那次我花了很久的时间
to grow it back.
才重新长回来呢
Thank you.
谢谢
Max, hurry!
麦克斯 快点
We have to leave now to take Sophie to the healer
我们得现在离开 才能带苏菲去她治疗师后
and still be at the airport by noon.
还有足够时间去机场
I brushed your hair when you were passed out.
你昏过去的时候我帮你梳过头了
I can't move any faster.
这是我最快的移动速度了
I think this escalator's broken.
这个手扶梯好像坏了
I tried to stop you from drinking bottle number 32,
我阻止过你喝第32号瓶
which was sriracha.
因为那是辣椒酱
But you tied me to that chair so well.
但是你完美把我绑在了那张椅子上
Well, since drinking that hot sauce,
喝下那瓶辣椒酱后
I've been tied to a different chair.
我也算被"绑"在厕所里的某张"椅子"上了
I have something to make you feel better.
我有东西能让你开心点
I doubt it.
我不信
Unless it's a diaper full of ice.
除非是一个装满冰块的尿布
It's not that. I'll meet you outside.
不是这个 我们外面见
Okay, okay, remember that party bus
好了 好了 还记得那个我不想要
I never wanted and you probably don't want now?
而你现在估计也不想要的派对巴士吗
- Surprise! - Good timing.
-惊喜 -好时机
I'm feeling suicidal, and I've always wanted
我想自杀 而且还总想要被
to be buried in something like this.
埋在类似这样的地方
Aw, come on, Max, cheer up.
来嘛 麦克斯 开心点
You're getting two poles for the price of one.
两根钢管只收一根价钱呢
This is the first time a party bus
这是人生中首次派对巴士
hasn't fixed every problem I have.
不能解决我的所有问题呢
Well, you haven't seen
那是因为你还没
my "Stars and Stripes Forever" routine.
看到我的爱国歌曲《星条旗永不落》舞步
Um, Bert, is this rum
波特 这瓶朗姆酒
supposed to have a cigarette butt in it?
里面有烟屁♥股是正常的吗
If you gonna puke, please aim for the floor.
如果你想要吐 请吐在地板上
I can hose it down.
我还能用水管冲掉
Otherwise, I'm finding corn in the pleather for months.
不然我几个月后都能在假皮沙发里找到玉米
Well, if I throw up today, it's not 'cause I'm having fun.
如果我今天呕吐了 肯定不是嗨到吐
I'm just happy because, finally,
我很开心是因为
there's ladies in the bus not wearing penis helmets.
车上终于有女人不戴着鸡♥巴造型帽子了
Nope, they were all out of penises,
鸡鸡帽都没了
so I had to settle for balls.
只好将就戴蛋蛋帽
Here, girls.
给 姑娘们
Nope, I will day drink on a bus,
我可以接受白天在派对巴士喝酒
but I will not put balls on my head.
但我接受不了放蛋蛋在我头上
And you wonder why you're single.
你还奇怪自己为什么会单身呢
Ugh, there's that crazy expensive sushi place
那家贵得离谱的寿司店
where Randy and I ate.
我和兰迪光顾过
And there's the taco place we had to eat at afterwards
那家墨西哥卷饼店 我们后来也有去
'cause we were still hungry.
因为寿司吃不饱
Max, please, you have to put Randy behind you.
麦克斯 拜托 把兰迪抛之脑后吧
And there's the parking spot where I put Randy behind me.
在那个停车场里 我把兰迪抛之"身后"
Bert, did we sign up for the Hollywood
伯特 我们参加的是好莱坞
relationship death tour?
情感终结游吗
If so, I'd like to hit the Affleck-Garner house.
如果是 我要去参观阿弗莱克和加纳的家
好莱坞模范夫妻档本·阿弗莱克和詹妮弗·加纳 在结婚十周年当日做出离婚决定
And right up there is where he lives.
前面就是他住的地方了
We'd make a right at that super ripped homeless guy,
在那个肌肉超发达的流浪汉那右转
and in two or three blocks, we'd be at Randy's house.
往里走两到三个街区 就是兰迪家了
Oh, no, "We do this," and "We do that."
天啊 "我们做这个" "我们做那个"
She's "We"-ing.
她沉浸在"我们"的回忆中
As long as nobody wees on the seats,
只要座位没有被尿液"浸"湿
we'll be fine.
我们就万事大吉
Bert, turn off there, up that street.
伯特 在那里拐弯 顺着那条街直走
No, wait, what are you doing?
不 等等 你想干什么
You're getting closure.
想让你得到解脱
I want him to face you without that lame therapist.
我要让他亲自面对你 不用那破心理医生代言
Just you and him face-to-testicle.
就你俩 "面对蛋"交流
Ladies, just how stalker-y are we getting here?
女士们 咱们要做到哪种程度的跟踪狂
Like a drive around the cul-de-sac?
是去别墅外的路逛一圈
Or a full-on Demi Moore
还是像黛米·摩尔做全套
outside of Mila Kunis' yoga class?
还在米娜·古妮丝练瑜伽的地方外面蹲点
前者是艾什顿·库彻的前妻 后者是艾什顿·库彻的现任妻子
Ooh, there it is.
到了
Up there on the left.
前面左边就是了
Yep, there it is.
没错 就是那
And there he is letting the dog out.
他也在那 出来遛狗
Oh, and he's only wearing a towel.
他全身只围了一块浴巾
Ah, yeah.
赞啊
Now I get it, Max.
现在我懂了 麦克斯
Bert, go. This was a bad idea.
伯特 走吧 这是个馊主意
No, this is a great idea.
不 这是个好主意
I am not letting you take this bad feeling back to New York.
我不会让你把难过的情绪带回纽约
Bert, open the door. I'm going out.
伯特 开门 我要出去
Bert, close the door. Let's roll.
伯特 关门 开车走人
I, uh, wanted to put some clothes on,
我本来想穿上衣服
but Caroline wouldn't let me.
但卡洛琳不让
Oh, that's the smartest thing Caroline's done since I've met her.
这是我认识卡洛琳以来 她做得最明智的事
Max.
麦克斯
I'm not here.
我不在
Max, I can see your balls behind that pillow.
麦克斯 你的蛋从枕头后面露出来了
I can see your balls behind that--
我也能看见你的蛋从...
Sophie! Come on.
苏菲 拜托
This is sad.
难过着呢
Oh, well not from where I'm sitting.
从我坐的地方望去 并不难过啊
Max, I'm sorry about the way I handled things.
麦克斯 很抱歉我用这种方式处理事情
I just don't know how to break things off.
我只是不知道该如何断绝关系
It's why I was the lawyer
所以在亚当·桑德勒
on the last three Adam Sandler movies.
之前的三部烂片里 我永远都演律师
美国著名喜剧男演员
Why?
为什么
I just need to know why.
告诉我为什么
Because I'm too young? I'm too old?
因为我太年轻 还是太老
Is there someone else? You're married? You're gay?
难道你有别人 你是别人老公还是老婆吗
With a body like that, gay is definitely on the table.
像这种身材 是基佬一点都不意外
You want the truth?
你想听真话吗
I like you too much.
我太喜欢你了
That's why I didn't break it off sooner.
所以我才拖到现在跟你分手
I didn't want it to end.
我不舍得结束我们的感情
That's why you're breaking up with me?
这就是你跟我分手的原因吗
Because you like me too much?
就因为你太喜欢我了吗
At least have another family in Mexico.
至少也是因为在墨西哥有妻儿了吧
Max, I've done the long-distance thing.
麦克斯 我谈过异地恋
It's just putting off the inevitable.
或长或短 最后都是以分手告终
You have a life there. I have a life here.
你的生活在那里 我的生活在这里
It doesn't work.
这行不通
Please don't hate me.
请不要恨我
Be easier if I could.
如果我能 会轻松很多
Yep, here they come.
我要落泪了
Pardon me?
打扰了
Are we still firing your housekeeper today?
今天还要解雇你的管家吗
Oh, nice hat.
头饰不错
Confirms that theory that women in LA
印证了一个理论 洛城的女人
are the ones with balls.
都是有"种"的女人
This is it, girls.
就是这里了 姑娘们
This is where my healer does all her magic.
我的治疗师就是在这里施展魔法
Yeah, you know, she must sweat a lot doing it,
没错 她施法的时候一定出很多汗
'cause it smells like it looks in here, right?
因为这房子的味道跟卖相就是那样 对吧
What do you think's in those jars?
你说那些罐子里装的都是什么呀
Every fart that's ever been held in at yoga?
瑜伽课上每一个忍住不放的屁吗
Are you okay, Max?
你还好吗 麦克斯
I guess.
大概吧
I just wish you told me closure
真希望你能提前告诉我 解脱
feels like someone just slammed my nuts
就像有人用肌肉车的后尾箱
in the trunk of a Pontiac.
猛夹老娘的蛋一样疼
Sophie, we have to be at the airport in an hour.
苏菲 我们一个小时内得赶到机场
Yes, but Audra is my last chance at getting
pregnant.
我知道 但奥德拉是我怀孕的最后机会
She'll be ready when she's ready.
她准备好了 自然会出现
I mean, look around.
不信看看四周
She's a professional.
种种迹象表明她很专业
Have you seen an orange cat?
你们有看见一只橙色的猫吗
A little depressed, Sagittarius?
长了一张不高兴的脸 射手座
Wait, Garfield lives here?
等等 加菲猫住在这里吗
Audra, this is Max and Caroline.
奥德拉 她们是麦克斯和卡洛琳
You know, I rarely say this to a lady,
我难得对一个女人这么说
but--oh, put a baby in me.
但 搞大奴家肚子吧
Absolutely.
当然好
You think--you don't--okay.
你们觉得...你们不...好吧
Go ahead.
继续说
I'm sorry, I'm just conferring with my spirit guides.
抱歉 我在跟我的指导灵们交换意见
Well, if you all talk at once, I can't understand you.
如果你们同时说话 那我听不清
Got it.
懂了
They're telling me that someone here
他们告诉我 这里的某人
just had their heart broken.
刚被人伤透了心
It's you.
是你
Oh, my God, Max.
老天 麦克斯
Come closer to me. Come over here.
离我近点 坐过来
Oh, gosh, thanks a lot.
真是多谢你
You're bogarting my witch.
连我的专用巫女都要抢
These spirits don't lie.
这些神灵不会骗人
A little too honest sometimes.
有时还会过于诚实
I mean, I didn't ask them if they like my bangs,
我又没有问过他们对我刘海的看法
but they sure told me.
可他们却说个不停
It was a whole thing.
可多罪受了
You don't need to help me.
你不用帮我
I'll get over the Randy thing.
我会忘掉兰迪的
I've been through worse things,
我遇到过更糟的事情
like this right now.
比如现在这样
No.
不
They're insisting that I help you.
他们执意要我帮你
Grab me a jar.
给我拿个罐子过来
That's where we store the pain...
我们将痛苦存放进去
and lentils, once you're healed.
等了你痊愈之后 我会拿来放扁豆
Great.
这下可好
No guy, but now I have a middle-aged lesbian lover.
没男人 可我现在有一个中年女同爱人
All right, it's out.
好了 出来了
I thought I was gonna have to move to a bigger jar.
我原以为会需要一个更大的罐子
You must've really liked this guy.
你一定很喜欢这个男人
He was okay.
他还不错
Well, he's crushed.
他心碎了
He really liked you too.
他也真的很喜欢你
Never thought a jar could make me feel better
我以为只有装满花生糖的罐子
that wasn't filled with peanut brittle.
会让我感觉好些 没想到空罐子也行
Oh, please, spirits, put a baby in me!
拜托 神灵 搞大奴家肚子吧
All right, here we go.
好吧 我们开始吧
Quiet, everybody.
安静 各位
Let me just close the door.
让我先把门关上
Okay.
好了
Oh, wait.
等等
There's still some other unrest here.
这里还有别的东西在骚动
Oh, no, that's way too big.
不行 那个太大了
It's something else.
是其他东西
Oh, really?
真的吗
Oh, you're telling--
你们是说
Sure, sure.
当然 当然
Okay. Hold on.
好的 稍等
I can't put a baby in you.
我不能让你怀孕
Sorry, Sophie.
真可惜 苏菲
You can't?
你不能吗
You made me put needles in my eyes.
你还让我眼睛扎针
Put me on with them.
让我跟他们对话
Hey, I'm on your side.
我支持你们
Her bangs are ridiculous.
她的刘海的确很难看
Hey, Earl, we're back.
厄尔 我们回来了
Hi, girls.
姑娘们
Let me be the first to say welcome back,
让我第一个说 欢迎回来
and also, my deepest sympathies.
还有 最诚挚的慰问
How are you, Max?
你还好吗 麦克斯
I just flew in from LA,
我刚从洛城飞回来
and boy, are my arms tired
天啊 我的胳膊累死了
from hitting the person next to me.
因为我要一直揍坐在我旁边那个人
They would not stop fidgeting.
那人一直坐立不安 烦死了
I had to pee, and you wouldn't let me out.
我得上厕所 你却不让我出去
Max, Caroline, you're back!
麦克斯 卡洛琳 你们回来啦
I mean... hello, how are you?
我是说 别来无恙
Han, did you miss us?
阿憨 你想我们了吧
Oh, please, I miss you like
拜托 我想你们就像
America misses RadioShack.
美国想念某过气电器连锁店
Surprisingly, it left a hole.
意外的是 它在我们心中留下了个洞
I saw you leave a hole once...
我以前见过你留下一个洞
on Groundhog Day.
在土拨鼠日那天
每年的2月2日是美国传统的土拨鼠日 在这一天冬眠的土拨鼠要醒过来 从洞里出来预测春天
Max, Caroline, where's Sophie?
麦克斯 卡洛琳 苏菲在哪儿
I missed her so much.
我好想她
You know what they say:
知道有句歌词怎么唱吗
absence makes
"你不在
me have to masturbate almost constantly.
当我最需要爱 唯有自♥慰到死"
So what did the healer say?
治疗师怎么说
We'll let her tell you.
我们让她自己告诉你吧
Hey, everybody!
大家安安
I'm back from California.
我从加州回来啦
I hope I didn't, like,
希望我没有
totally pick up an accent, dude.
被他们的口音带歪 伙计
Oh, I was worried Jeremy Renner
我好担心杰瑞米·雷纳
好莱坞著名演员
would make you the last thing he'd ever be in.
会让你成为他此生"进"过的最后一扇"门"
And I was worried you'd say something exactly like that.
而我担心的就是你会说这样的话
Well, I'll be in my booth.
我去我的卡座啦
So what did the healer say?
治疗师到底怎么说
How soon can we get a baby in you?
你多快能怀上孩子
Oh, well, the truth is, Oleg,
事实上 奥列格
the healer said that she wouldn't be able
治疗师说她不能
to help me get pregnant.
帮我怀孕
Oh, Sophie. Why not?
苏菲 为什么不能
Well, the reason
造成我
that I can't get pregnant is...
不能怀孕的原因是
I'm already pregnant!
我已经怀孕啦
Yeah!
真的
I'm gonna be a father?
我要当爸爸了
Yes, I'm three months along.
对 我已经怀孕三个月了
Yeah, no, that's the last time
就是 以后再也不从船上
I'll buy a pregnancy test off a boat.
买走私货验孕棒了
Well, let's bust out the very cheap,
让我们开了这瓶超便宜的
non-alcoholic champagne.
无酒精香槟吧
Non-alcoholic?
无酒精
Yeah, Sophie can't drink when she's pregnant.
对啊 苏菲怀孕了不能喝酒
Oh, all right.
好吧
Well, then, the five martinis that I had on the plane
那好吧 在飞机上那五杯马天尼酒
were my last.
是我最后一次碰酒了