姐妹花坚守友谊情比金坚

Caroline, I'm home!
卡洛琳 我到家啦
I mean, I'm hotel!
我是说 到酒店啦
I'm upstairs,
我在楼上
because we have an upstairs!
因为我们现在有楼上啦
Thank you for losing all your money
谢谢你损失万贯家财
so Hollywood would buy your story
现在好莱坞才会要买你的故事
and I could buy all the pot I want.
我也才有机会大买特买大♥麻
Hello, darling. You're just in time
亲爱的 你好 你正好赶上
for my big Hollywood entrance.
看我隆重好莱坞登场
Hold up, Greta Garbage.
稍等 垃圾女神
I just want to tell Earl about the pot sitch out here.
我想先跟厄尔说这里大♥麻的事儿
He'll think it's high-larious.
他一定觉得特嗨好笑
You never want to watch me walk.
你每次都不想看人家走路
What up, Earl? It's your girl, Max,
厄尔 干嘛呢 是你的宝贝麦克斯
calling from Holly-weed, Cali-juana.
从加州大 麻莱坞给你致电
Hey, Max, it's not the same without you here.
麦克斯 你不在 这里都不一样了
A lot less customers crying.
少了好多客人被弄哭
Listen to this!
听我说
They just give you pot cards out here.
这里随便就发给你医用大♥麻许可卡
All I had to say was "Sure, I get sad."
我跟医生说"宝宝有时会不开心"就拿到了
Hey, I'm an 80-year-old man working at a dead-end diner.
我这样在没出路的餐厅工作的80岁老人
I bet I'd get two cards.
我赌我这理由能拿两张卡
Is that Max? Let me talk to her.
是麦克斯吗 让我跟她说
I can't find my white golf glove, and I know you took it!
我的白色高球手套肯定是被你偷拿走了
Han, keep your panties on.
阿憨 别看到黑影就开枪
I have no idea where your glove is.
我不知道你的手套上哪去了
Oh, I'm driving through the hills.
开车这段信号不好
I'm...breaking...up.
这里...信号...不好
Okay, here comes my big Hollywood entrance.
好了 本姑娘的隆重好莱坞登场
Hello, darling--I hope I haven't kept you waiting.
亲爱的你好 希望没让你等太久
Oh, my God! Are you okay?
天啊 你没事吧
I'm head over heels for Hollywood, baby.
我对好莱坞的爱 让我人仰马翻
Just put it wherever you would usually put things
你就把食物放在通常
for, like, a big Hollywood meeting with screenwriters
与好莱坞编剧的隆重会议 写你人生故事时
who are writing your life story.
会放的位置就行
So, the counter?
吧台呗
Go with your instincts.
跟着你的直觉走
If I'd gone with my instincts,
如果我要跟着直觉走
I would've finished nursing college.
那我当时就会念完护士学位
Another reason I love LA?
我爱洛城的另一个原因呢
We just had brunch at a place where you can valet park your dog.
就是我们吃早午餐的餐厅 居然有代客停狗
Oh, my God, Max, are those new sunglasses?
天啊 麦克斯 那是新墨镜吗
Randy got them for me.
兰迪买给我的
I had to. Your other pair of sunglasses
没办法 你的那副墨镜没散架
were being held together by willpower,
全凭它自身的意志力
and four-week-old gum.
与一块四周大的口香糖
Can you have dinner tonight?
今晚有空共进晚餐吗
Ah, would that mean I have to have sex with you again?
吃晚餐是不是就代表又得跟你滚床单
Because the answer is yes.
因为我的答♥案是 好的
Max, you're going out with Randy again?
麦克斯 你又要跟兰迪去约会啊
I've barely seen you since we got here.
我们到了这里之后 你就整天不见蛋
And I've seen David Schwimmer four times.
反而大卫·史威默我都碰见他四次了
男演员 在《老友记》中饰演罗斯
I've never met David Schwimmer,
我还没见过他呢
which is weird 'cause I'm pretty sure I'm his lawyer.
这倒是挺奇怪 因为我蛮确定我是他律师
Why don't you come to dinner with us?
你何不跟我们一起吃饭呢
Would that mean she has to have sex with you again?
这是否代表她又得跟你滚床单 画面上有亮"点"
Because that's a yes!
因为我的答♥案是 好的
Actually, now I think of it,
其实我现在这么一想
I can set you up with an old friend of mine.
我可以介绍你跟我一个老朋友认识
He is big in this town.
他在这里可是知名大人物
Deli-sandwich- named-after-him big.
有三明治以他为名这么出名
If you start dating a big sandwich,
如果你跟大牌三明治好上
I'm gonna be really jealous.
我会很嫉妒呢
See you later?
今晚见
My boobs are down here.
请盯着我的巨♥乳好吗
Wear something cute.
穿可爱点
Okay.
好吧
Last time a guy told you to wear something cute,
上一次有男人让你穿可爱点
You said, "Like what? Yo nuts?"
你回答"啥可爱 你的蛋蛋吗"
You really like this guy.
你真的很喜欢这男的啊
Oh, can you just not ruin this for me
你能别再一直说出
by pointing out what's good about it?
到底好在哪了吗 都没惊喜了
- Ooh, snacks. - No, don't eat those.
-零食 -别吃
That's for the meeting with the writers.
这是为跟编剧开会准备的
Writers are actors who gave up, so they're allowed to eat.
编剧就是弃疗的演员 所以他们可以随便吃
Can we talk about casting with these writers?
我们能聊聊选谁来演吗
Because for once, I want a name to play me,
这次我想要个有知名度的人演我
not just some lady who falls out of her tube top on "Cops."
而不是只是别的节目里的杂鱼临演
Hi, everybody!
大家安安
Sophie, I thought you were gonna be at the healer
苏菲 我还以为这时间你是去找那个名医
who's gonna help you get pregnant
来帮你怀孕
until well after our meeting.
所以要让会议结束很久之后才回来
Well, you're wrong.
你错了
My healer had to cancel.
那位名医取消了我的预约
She's trying to get Kim Kardashian pregnant again.
她得先去帮金·卡戴珊再次怀孕
Or is it Kanye?
是她还是侃爷怀啊
I forget which one's the girl.
我忘了他俩谁才是女人
I'm pretty sure it's Kanye,
我挺确定是侃爷
because he's the one that goes crazy once a month.
因为他每个月都会在网上发疯乱讲话一次
This is so exciting. Our movie meeting is happening!
好兴奋啊 我们的电影会议要开始了
This is exciting.
的确很兴奋
I've never been in a hotel meeting
这是我首次不是因为
that didn't start on Craigslist.
贴"小广告"而跟人在酒店见面
- Hi! - Hi, I'm Leslie.
-你好 -你好 我叫莱斯丽
This is Jason. He's my partner.
他是杰森 他是我搭档[伴侣]
Writing partner.
编剧搭档
To be clear, I only date models.
先解释清楚 我只跟模特约会
Hand models, to be clear.
先解释清楚 是手模
Come on in.
请进
I'm Caroline Channing.
我是卡洛琳·钱宁
You probably recognize me from Google Images.
估计你在谷歌搜图上见过我
The photo of me being dragged out of Barneys crying
我拿着被剪掉的信用卡
with my cut up credit cards is classic.
哭着被高档百货的人拖出来的照片太经♥典
And I'm Max Black. If you Google Image me,
我叫麦克斯·布莱克 如果你谷歌搜我图
you'll see the Canadian dude I stole my identity from.
你就会看到被我盗窃身份的加拿大男子
You're hot. Are you a model?
你好性感 你是模特吗
That is so unprofessional.
这样太不专业了
Right. Like I'm the one who has to stay
说得好像我才是被法院限制
500 feet away from Fred Savage.
不许接近佛莱德·萨维奇的人
男演员/导演 也执导过本剧
He's just so darn cute!
他真的太可爱了
Anyway, hi.
总之 你好
Hi, okay, yeah. Let's switch focus
你好 好的 我们换个话题
and sit and talk movie.
坐下来聊聊电影吧
I already came up with my character's catch phrase.
我已经想到了我角色的口头禅
I think every time I leave the room, I should say
我觉得每次我的角色要离场时 就说
"Jigga jigga damn."
"我个我个去"
We thought it was just gonna be us and Caroline,
我们以为只会是我们跟卡洛琳之间谈
not that you're not fun and fabulous.
不是嫌弃你不好玩 或是不美
You're like a sober Megan Fox.
你就像清醒版的梅根·福克斯[女星]
I'm confused. I assumed you wanted to meet
我迷糊了 我以为你会想跟
with both of us because, you know,
我们两个人一起见面
Max is a huge part of the story.
毕竟麦克斯在故事中的地位举足轻重
Stop texting. Help me.
别发短信了 帮帮我
This is just a boring, preliminary, get-to-know-you meeting.
这只是一场无聊的初步认识会议
- It would really be better if-- - I wasn't here.
-所以最好就是... -我不在
Yeah, I get it. I know when I'm not wanted.
别人不想要我时 我感觉得到
That's why I high-tailed it out of my mother's womb.
所以我尽早逃出我妈的子♥宫了
Anyway, I have a big Hollywood meeting myself.
反正 我自己也有一场隆重的好莱坞会议
- You do? - Uh, yeah.
-是吗 -对啊
I have an appointment to go stand in line
我有一个预约 我得去排队
for a little thing called "The Price Is Right."
报名一个节目叫《价♥格竞猜》
知名的玩游戏得奖金/生活用品的节目 深受主妇/主夫的喜爱
You ever heard of it?
你们听过吗
Ah, you know you have.
这么出名你们铁定听过
Max, you don't have to go.
麦克斯 你不用走
It's cool, it's cool.
没事 没事的
And with that, let me just say,
说到这里 我想说
jigga jigga damn.
我个我个去
So, here's the thing.
事情是这样的
Your friend's character is not in the movie.
电影里没有你朋友这个角色
We don't have to do that "Jigga jigga damn" thing.
我们可以不用说那句"我个我个去"啊
To be honest, I've never heard her say that.
我说实话 我从没听她说过这个
Nothing personal to your friend.
跟你的朋友无关
- She's hot. - We get it!
-她很正点 -知道你迷她
But Jennifer Lawrence is interested in playing you.
但当红女星詹妮弗·劳伦斯想出演你
And she wants to do a brave, no-makeup role.
她想演出个勇敢素颜的角色
Without a co-star.
还得是唯一女主角
Jennifer Lawrence wants to play me?
詹妮弗·劳伦斯想演我吗
Jigga jigga damn!
我个我个去
So you want to sleep over again tonight?
你今晚想再次留宿我家吗
Think your mom will let you?
你妈妈会答应吗
Maybe. She let me get a job at five.
大概会吧 我五岁她就让我工作了
You guys are sitting on the same side of the table?
你们俩坐在餐桌同一边吗
Max, you've kicked people out of the diner for that!
麦克斯 你曾因此把人踢出过餐厅呢
And it was a boy and his nana.
而且人家是奶奶跟孙子
I've sat next to people before at dinner.
我以前在晚饭时也坐过别人旁边啊
They kind of make you at the shelter.
流浪汉之家的人半强迫大家排排坐
Some wine?
来点干白吗
Wine that's not from a box?
非廉价盒装的干白吗
That's a yes!
当然好啦
Anyway, how was "The Price Is Right"?
对了《价♥格竞猜》怎么样了
Did you get to meet the host, I want to say
你见到那个主持人了吗 我想他是叫...
Alex Sajack?
艾利克斯·沙杰克
Control that temper, Max.
忍住怒火 麦克斯
It's Drew Carey, and he gets housewives wet
是德鲁·凯利 他可是一周有五天
five days a week-- know the facts.
都能让主妇下面湿哒哒的男人 记好了
But I showed up too late, so I got to go back tomorrow.
但我今天太晚到了 只能明天再去排
I was thinking of wearing a shirt that said
我在想 明天穿的T恤上面写着
"One in the Plinko, two in the stinko."
"竞猜猪一样 手气屎一样"
How about I buy you a lifetime supply of Rice-A-Roni?
我直接买一辈子分量的便餐包给你吧
I don't think you realize how much Rice-A-Roni I can eat.
你大概没意识到我吃的量能把你吃破产
Oh, there's Bob.
鲍伯来了
Bob! We're over here.
鲍伯 我们在这边
Oh, hey there, hot shot.
你好啊 帅哥
乔治·汉密尔顿 老牌电影/电视演员 曾出演过《教父3》
Is that my date Bob, or a different Bob?
这是你要撮合的鲍伯 还是同名朋友
I need that to be a different Bob.
请告诉我他只是刚好同名
I think that's the very first Bob.
我觉得他是史上第一个鲍伯
It was Adam, Eve, and Bob.
当年就是亚当 夏娃与鲍伯三人
Caroline, this is Bob.
卡洛琳 这位是鲍伯
Bob, meet Caroline Channing.
鲍伯 这位是卡洛琳·钱宁
Nice to meet you.
幸会
Not a lot on top.
上面不太有料啊
I hope he means I'm stupid.
希望"上面"是指我的脑子没料
If me and Randy are May-December,
如果我跟兰迪算是老少配
you two are May-Dead.
那你们就是穿越恋啊
Marlon Brando played the pants off the Godfather.
马龙·白兰度在《教父》中演得赞到不行
You bet your ass he did.
这事毋庸置疑
At the end of the day, he was kissing my ring.
但说到底 他还不是亲我戒指[臣服于我]
Speaking of kissing, I haven't gotten one
说到亲 我上一次接吻
since that time Bob did heroin with the Stones.
还是鲍伯跟老牌滚石乐队一起吸毒的时候呢
I think you mean the time the Stones did heroin with Bob.
你是说他们来跟着我吸毒的那会吧
Getting any ideas?
有"想法"了吗
Yeah, that I want to die before 60.
有啊 我想60岁前就死去
Anybody want to do a little blow?
有人想"来一发"吗
I'm gonna pass.
我就算了
We have to be careful, Bob.
我们得小心啊 鲍伯
Some of us are capable of dying.
我们的生命力没你坚强啊
I'm gonna pass as well.
我也算了
I don't do snorties.
我不吸粉
Even I'm scared of how much talking there'd be.
话痨的我 都怕有些人吸完滔滔不绝的程度
Toot, toot. The train is leaving.
呜 呜 火车要离站啦
Um, Randy?
兰迪
It was really nice of you to set me up,
谢谢你很好心给我撮合对象
but what the hell were you thinking?
但你想啥呢
There's a 100-year age difference!
我跟他起码差了100岁吧
Caroline, this is Hollywood.
卡洛琳 这里是好莱坞
Age doesn't matter.
年龄不是问题
Unless you're a woman.
除非你是女人
Plus, Bob's got a lot of connections.
再说了 鲍伯人脉广
He could really help you with your deal.
你的事他真能提♥供很多帮助呢
I'm not gonna sleep with God's college roommate
我才不要跟上帝当年的大学舍友"睡"
to get ahead in Hollywood.
好换取在好莱坞能出头
I think sleeping's pretty much all you'd have to do.
我觉得跟这老人 睡就好 不需要"睡"
Never got to the blow.
没"吸"到
Ran into my fourth ex-wife,
撞到我第四任前妻
only this time it wasn't with
只是这一次不是
the moose bumper on my Range Rover.
用我路虎前的防撞杆"撞"
You're still driving?
你这年纪还在开车啊
What are you dolls doing in Hollywood?
你们俩美女来好莱坞干嘛
You girls like a sister act or something?
你俩是走姐妹花之类的路线吗
Kind of. They're making a movie about us,
算吧 有人要拍一部关于我们的电影
So, what did the writers say?
对了 那俩编剧怎么说
What did they think about Zach Galifianakis playing me?
他们觉得扎克·加利费安纳基斯演我怎么样
美国男演员 代表作是喜剧电影《宿醉》系列
Well, it's nothing personal,
不是针对你个人
but the writers don't feel like you're...
但那俩编剧不想让你...
It's just, there's so much story.
这电影里的故事太多了
There's a lot of characters already.
而且角色也已经有很多了
You're out of the picture, kid.
你出局了 孩子
Really? I'm out?
真的吗 我出局了吗
Max, I'm sorry. I told them you are crucial.
麦克斯 很抱歉 我跟他们说了你至关重要
But then they said maybe Jennifer Lawrence would play me
但当他们说没准詹妮弗·劳伦斯会来演我时
and I kind of blacked out after that.
我有点两眼发黑 心也跟着变黑了
Hey, I've been cut out of a lot of life stories,
我被踢出过很多人生故事
like my mom's, every time she met a guy.
比如我妈每次遇见一个新男人
I was just her two-year-old cleaning lady.
我就变成她的两岁清洁小女工
Max, this is just the way Hollywood works.
麦克斯 好莱坞就是这样
Bob, you know how Hollywood is.
鲍伯 你就知道好莱坞是如此
You were there when it started.
你见证了它的成长
It's cool, it's cool. Randy, you ready?
没事没事 兰迪 你准备好了吗
Yeah, we're gonna take off before the next story, Bob.
是的 我们要在下一个故事前离开 鲍伯
I can only hear about that three-way
我已经听了很多次
with Gavin MacLeod so many times.
你和加文·麦格诺3P的风流韵事了
1931年出生的男演员
Plus, I have to get up early
再说了 我得早起
to get in line for "The Price Is Right."
排队去参加《价♥格竞猜》
该节目1972年-2007年的主持人 生于1923年
I used to babysit little Bobby Barker.
我以前还照看过小鲍比·巴克呢
Max, don't leave. Stay for another drink.
麦克斯 别走 留下来再喝一杯
Nah, I'm out.
不了 我出局了
Wow, you could cut that tension
我吸可卡因的刀片借你
with my coke blade.
一刀切断这紧绷的气氛
Max is tough. We're a team.
麦克斯很坚强 我们是一个团队
We've been through a lot together,
我们一起经历了很多
including a car wash that time our shower broke.
一起经受家里花洒坏了 去洗车机洗澡的事
You'll be fine, kid.
你会没事的 孩子
You're gonna have plenty of friends
等你电影上映了
when your movie comes out,
你会收获很多朋友
and for six months after that.
交情能维持半年呢
I don't need fake friends. I have Max.
我不需要虚伪的朋友 我有麦克斯
That's what Wesley Snipes said about Jane Fonda.
韦斯利·斯奈普斯当年也是这么说简·方达
They're not friends.
他们不是朋友啊
You bet your ass they're not.
你说得太对了
这蠢货和我一起的
I thought you weren't gonna have time
我以为你不会有时间
to be on "The Price Is Right,"
来上《价♥格竞猜》
with Caroline's big
你得上卡洛琳那部...
and I'm assuming boring movie.
我觉得吧 肯定是无聊的大片
Well, my schedule's wide open.
我超有空
When it comes to the movie, I pulled out.
当涉及到电影时 我退出[拔出]
You know, like I always tell guys I'm going to.
我经常告诉男人我会这么做
Oh, it's Oleg.
是奥列格
I bet you he wants to have phone sex.
我猜他肯定想跟我电话爱爱
Is there anything I can lean on?
有什么东西可以让我靠着吗
Hey, Sophie.
苏菲
I was just making some baby back ribs
我刚才在做嫩肋排
and I thought, I want my baby back
于是我想 我要我的嫩妹屁屁
Then I pleasured myself with an oven mitt.
然后我用烤箱手套撸了一发
So, no sex?
所以不爱爱吗
'Cause I see a bench. It's a perfect height,
我看见这有一张长椅 高度正好
and I can have Max hold the phone for us.
而且我可以让麦克斯帮咱俩拿着手机
Is that Sophie? Is she with Max?
是苏菲吗 她是不是跟麦克斯一起
Give me that.
电话给我
It's Han,
阿憨找你
and you know sounds even shorter long-distance.
距离越远 他听起来越矮
Max, did you play with the ringtone on my phone?
麦克斯 你是不是乱改我的手机铃♥声了
Every time it rings, it makes sex sounds.
每次我手机响 就会发出叫♥床声
Mother.
母亲大人
I have to call you back.
我等会再打给你
Sounds like she's doing just fine on her own.
听起来她自己也过得挺爽嘛
How do I make the sex sounds stop?
我要怎么弄掉这叫♥床声
For you, it's a rare occurrence.
对你而言 这难得一遇啊
Just leave it in your pants and enjoy it.
就把手机放裤兜里 好好享受吧
So, Max--
麦克斯
Sorry, Han. I can't hear you.
抱歉 阿憨 我听不清
I'm driving through the hills.
开车这段信号不好
I'm...breaking...up aah...ahh...
这里...信号...不好
I'm coming, Mother!
我"来"了 母亲大人
Ooh, here comes the contestant picker.
挑选选手的人来了
Act like you're a stay-at-home mom from the Midwest.
快假装你是中西部的全职妈妈
That's the "Price Is Right" sweet spot.
那是这节目的最佳入选条件
Okay, how's this?
好的 你看这样行吗
Oh, God.
老天
Those little bastards are just running me ragged.
那些小混♥蛋让我忙得精疲力尽
- Pick me! - Pick me!
-选我 -选我
We got a lot of 12-year-old boys playing sick at home.
我们有很多12岁的小男孩假装生病了
How long can you ladies jump up and down for?
你们俩能这样上蹦下跳多久
20 minutes.
20分钟
Step out of line.
请出列
What is that costume?
这身是什么衣服
Oh, this is home-bedazzled, doncha know?
花花绿绿全职妈妈装
Step out of line.
请出列
I'm just glad to be out of the house.
真高兴我终于走出家门了
Wait here. You're both in the mix.
在这里等着 你们俩入选了
Practice being excited to meet Drew Carey.
先练习♥一下见到德鲁·凯里兴奋不已的样子
He knows when you're faking it.
他一眼就能识破你们是不是假兴奋
My Bob never knows when I'm faking it.
我的鲍伯从未识破我是不是假"性奋"
Keep it up. I like your pepper.
保持下去 我喜欢你的热辣活力
Max! I've been looking all over for you.
麦克斯 我到处找你
What are you doing here?
你来这里干嘛
This isn't a scene in the movie.
这里可不是电影里的场景
I know, because I'm in it.
我知道 因为这里有我
Max, there would be no movie without you.
麦克斯 没有你就不会有这部电影
There would also be no armed guards at HomeTown Buffet.
没有我 家乡自助餐厅也不会有武装警卫啊
What's your point?
你想说什么
I would've been here sooner,
我本能早点来这里
but I just got back from Vegas with Bob.
但我刚跟鲍伯从赌城回来
He lost $50,000,
他输掉了5万美元
and somehow Faye Dunaway's Oscar.
还有菲·唐纳薇的奥斯卡
美国著名老牌女演员
But Bob and I talked a lot about friendship on the helicopter.
我和鲍伯在直升飞机上聊了很多关于友情的事
You know, right after I jump-started his heart
就在我用肾上腺素注射器
with the epi pen.
让他的心脏重新起跳后
And you and I are not gonna be
我和你决不会变成
Winona Ryder and Gwyneth Paltrow.
薇诺娜·瑞德和格温妮丝·帕特洛
传言当年格温妮丝无意在薇诺娜家发现了《莎翁情史》的剧本 最终赢得奥斯卡 也失掉了好闺蜜
Or Sophie and Gwyneth Paltrow!
或是苏菲和格温妮丝·帕特洛
That bitch.
那个贱♥人
I was going to name my first-born "Apple,"
我本来想给我第一个孩子起名为"小苹果"
and she took it.
没想到被她抢了
Now I have to settle for "Fritter."
现在只能勉强起名为"小油饼"
I am not gonna sell out our friendship for Hollywood.
我不会为了钱而牺牲我们的友情
Max, you're in the movie and you're coming with me
麦克斯 电影必须有你 你现在跟我
to the meeting to tell them that.
去会上告诉他们这点
But I'm in the mix.
但我入选了
They actually want me here.
他们真心要我留在这里
But I want you there.
但我也要你去那里陪我
I'm the stupid you should be with.
你应该和我这个蠢货在一起
All right, screw it.
好吧 不管了
Sophie, I'm gonna go with her.
苏菲 我要跟她走
Why stop making bad decisions now?
做过这么多坏决定 也不差这一个
All right, but I'm gonna have to make another friend in line.
好吧 但我得在队伍里再交一个朋友
Hi, I'm Barb.
你好 我是芭布
Oh, gosh, carpool and fluffernutter...
老天 拼车和花生奶油三明治真是...
because soccer, right?
都怪小孩要踢足球 对吧
Max, this is kind of our first Hollywood party.
麦克斯 这算是我们第一场好莱坞派对
I know. I wonder who I'll go home with.
我知道 我很好奇我会跟谁回家
Probably Andrew Dice Clay again.
估计又是安德鲁·戴斯·克雷吧
美国著名单口喜剧男演员
Hey listen, this might be
听着 这可能是
the sixth teeny, tiny, tequila talking,
第六杯小小龙舌兰酒的胡话
but thanks for standing up for me
但谢谢你站出来维护我
and not letting those writers cut me out of your life.
没有让那些编剧把我从你的人生中踢出去
Oh, Max, that means a lot.
麦克斯 这番话意义非凡
I love it when you're drunk and nice.
我喜欢你喝醉时友好的样子
Oh, no, it's Han.
不好 是阿憨
Wonder what he wants.
好奇他打来干嘛
You think he finally realized
你觉得他是不是终于发现
I changed the outgoing message on the diner
我把餐厅答录机的录音改成
to "Welcome to Diarrhea-ville?"
"欢迎致电拉稀小镇"
Max, I heard the outgoing message,
麦克斯 我听到答录机的录音了
and I found a series of Home Alone-style traps in my office,
我还发现我办公室有一系列《小鬼当家》风的陷阱
each one more fiendishly clever than the last.
一个比一个更邪恶更妙
And I don't know how you got those goats in his office,
我不知道你怎么把那些山羊弄进他办公室
but we're having a hard time getting them out.
但我们现在很难把它们弄出去
What's next, Max?
下一招是啥 麦克斯
What will finally bring me to my knees?
是什么会让我最终折服[下跪]
I don't know. A guy who kind of looks like a girl?
不知道 一个长得像女孩的男孩吗
Why are you doing all of this to me?
为什么你要对我百般折磨
I just didn't want you to forget me while I was away.
我只是不希望我不在的时候 你忘了我
Oh, Max.
麦克斯
Now you've brought me to tears.
你说得我都要落泪了
Congratulations, Max.
恭喜 麦克斯
You finally got his goat.
你终于惹他生气[给他羊]了
Somebody help me!
快来人救我
Cover those nuts.
保护好蛋蛋
You may need them one day.
说不定某天传宗接代时会需要
I like that you're a bi-coastal bully.
我喜欢你是个东西海岸恶霸
That might be our sequel.
我们第二部可以拍这个
Oh, I forgot to tell you.
我忘了告诉你
I invited a couple of guys over.
我邀请了两位男士过来
Who? I'm kind of seeing someone-ish.
谁 我现在可是名花有主的
It's Randy and Bob.
是兰迪和鲍伯啦
Bob was real?
鲍伯是真实存在的吗
I thought he was a ghost.
我以为他是个老鬼呢
Hey, girls. I brought some bubbly
姑娘们 我带了香槟
to celebrate your victory today,
来庆祝你们今天的胜利
and Bob brought a wide variety of opiates and stimulants.
鲍伯带了多种多样的鸦♥片和兴♥奋♥剂
Oh, I'm glad to see you two stuck it out.
我很高兴看到你俩为友情坚持到底
True friendship is a rare thing.
真正的友谊犹如凤毛麟角
There's only one man I've ever trusted,
这世上我只相信过一个人
and that is Anjelica Huston.
就是安杰丽卡·休斯顿
老牌女星 生于1951年
Holy crap!
哇靠
I think God is here for Bob.
是上帝来接鲍伯了吧
Is that chopper for you?
这直升机是来接你的吗
You bet your ass it is.
你说得太对了
I'm going to Malibu.
我要去马里布
Susan Sarandon is ordering pizza.
苏珊·萨兰登叫了披萨
美国老牌女星
We're doing molly.
我们要嗑摇♥头♥丸
Bob.
鲍伯
Will I ever see you again?
我们还会见面吗
Slow down, pussycat. I'm just getting out of something.
别着急 小猫咪 我才刚出来
That man sure knows how to make an exit.
那男人的确非常了解该如何退场
Not from life, but from everything else.
不是退出生命 而是退出其他事情
I gotta go, doll.
我得走了 宝贝
Bob's gonna drop me off at home.
鲍伯会顺道送我回家
Hopefully, I'll land in my pool this time.
希望这次我能降落在泳池里
I don't know what it is, but
我不知道是什么原因 但是...
I'm crazy about Bob.
鲍伯令我疯狂
Get it, girl.
我懂 妹子