卡罗琳用往事赢来人生新机遇

Excuse me,Ma'am.
女士 抱歉打扰了
Ma'am?
女士吗
Well, it happened.
看来真要发生了
I'm gonna hit a kid.
我要痛打小孩
Would you like to support my baseball league
您愿意支持我们
for underprivileged youth?
贫困孩童棒球联♥盟吗
I don't see an underprivileged youth.
我并没有看到一个贫困孩童
I see a young me trying to scam an old me.
我只看到一个年轻版的我 想骗老人版的我
Sir?
先生
I'm sorry, I have diabetes.
抱歉 我有糖尿病
And I'm not stupid.
而且我不是傻♥逼
Move it along.
一边去
It's not a scam!
这不是在骗钱
My friends and I just want to place
我跟小伙伴们只想要下课后
to play baseball after school
能有场地打棒球
so we're not hanging on the streets like rap people.
不想像玩饶舌的人一样 在街上游荡
Kid, I started the candy scam.
孩子 卖糖诈骗术是我发明的
I raised $500 for a homeless bowling league,
我募了500元给流浪汉保龄球联♥盟
AKA pot.
又名 大♥麻
Catch this, Mr. Baseball.
接住 棒球男孩
Not the face!
别扔脸
I think I know which team you play on,
我知道你是哪一队的了
and it ain't baseball.
不是棒球队 是小受队
You still shopping on your phone for things you can't afford?
你还在你的手机上当剁手党乱买吗
Who are you? Everyone in America?
你是谁啊 美国所有民众吗
I just add things to my cart without buying them.
我只是把东西加进购物车 不买
Why not buy one Apple watch when I can not buy two?
一块苹果手表在手 不如两块在购物车
It's called dry shopping.
这叫过干瘾
So it's like dry humping, but you don't get anything?
就类似"干磨蹭" 只是你啥都捞不着吗
I'm sorry, Max,
别说我嘛 麦克斯
but tomorrow's the anniversary of when I lost my money
明天是我失去万贯家财
and my peaches-and-cream complexion.
与桃红加奶白肤色的纪念日
Not my words; "Seventeen" magazine's.
不是我自夸 是少女杂志《17》写的
I need a fantasy life.
我需要一个幻想的生活
I mean, I just thought you were over all that junk.
我只是以为你早放下那些陈年屁事了
You thought I was "over" losing $5 billion
你以为我已"放下"失去50亿
and my whole life?
与原有人生这事了吗
I guess I was just over you talking about it all the time.
可能只是我已习惯你说不停这事了吧
You need to let go of your past.
你得抛开你的过去
Pickup! Turkey burger... ish.
上菜 火鸡汉堡...吧
If you weren't so busy not buying a...
要不是你忙着"不买"
three-bedroom townhouse on the Upper East Side,
一间在上东区的三房别墅
you would've noticed that Mr. Turkey Burger at table ten's
你就会发现十号桌的火鸡汉堡哥
been checking out your buns.
在打量你的翘臀呢
He is not. He is?
才没有呢 他真看了吗
Get in there.
赶紧上吧
Sex is still free...
性♥爱还是免♥费的
For women.
至少女人不要钱
Fine, I'll go over there,
好吧 我现在过去
but this better not be a prank,
但这最好不是在整人
like when you told me Bette Midler was at table three
就像上次你跟我说杰出女演员在第十桌
and really wanted to meet me.
而且超级想见我
It was just some old Jewish lady,
结果只是某个犹太老太婆
and she was mean.
而且她人超坏
That was Bette Midler!
真的是贝蒂·米勒她本人啊
Here's your turkey burger.
这是你的火鸡汉堡
My friend thinks you're flirting with me,
我朋友觉得你在勾搭我
and you're obviously not,
但很显然你并没有
so if you could just tell her you're not,
能不能麻烦你告诉她你没这想法
that'd be great.
我会很感谢你
Okay.
好吧
I will tell her I am not flirting with you...
我会告诉她我没有在勾搭你
on one condition.
但有个条件
You go see a show with me tomorrow.
你明天晚上跟我去看场表演
I feel tricked.
你好坏坏
So... is that a yes?
所以... 你答应吗
I hope so,
希望是答应
because I already wrote down my number.
因为我已经把我号码写下来了
Um... yeah, sure.
好啊 可以
I mean, if it's already written down,
如果你都已经写下来了
I guess I have to go.
我不去也不行啊
I can't believe I didn't notice he was flirting.
真不敢相信我没发现他在勾搭我
What's wrong with me?
我是哪里有毛病啊
Let me get my list.
让我拿出你的《毛病大全集》
Hi, everybody!
大家安安
Good news!
好消息宣布
Oleg and I are getting a surrogate to carry our baby.
我跟奥列格决定找一个代理孕母
Yeah, doing it the other way was taking longer
另一种怀孕方式花太久时间了
than my stuttering uncle did to finish his s-s-s-sentence.
比我结巴的叔叔说完一句话还久
Sophie, I hope you're not thinking of me to be your surrogate.
苏菲 希望你不是打算找我当代理孕母
Just keep in mind,
你别忘了
you won't even let me carry your purse.
你连包包都不准我"代"你拿
You think I'd hire a surrogate that's older than me?
你觉得我会请一个比我还老的代理孕母吗
Come on. No.
别闹了 当然不是
Max is helping me interview people this week in my booth.
麦克斯这周会帮我在我的卡座面试孕母
This is so exciting.
好兴奋啊
I wish I got to pick the person I grew inside.
我希望我能选自己在谁肚子里长大
My mom drank so much during her pregnancy,
我妈妈在怀孕时喝太多酒
I was born wearing a shirt that says,
我出生时就穿着酒鬼招牌衣服
"It's 5:00 somewhere."
写着"世上某处已到喝酒点"
Can we all just admit vaping is smoking?
咱们能承认抽电子烟也算抽烟吗
Anyway, I'm on the list for whatever this is.
总之 我在这不知道啥玩意的宾客列表上
Channing, Caroline.
钱宁 卡洛琳
There you are. The show's $20.
看到了 表演收费20块钱
My date put me on the list.
我的对象把我加进了名单
I'm sure he paid for me.
我挺确定他帮我付了票钱
He kind of pursued me pretty hard.
他追我追地挺殷勤
It is, again, a date.
毕竟怎么说 这也是场约会
Well, then you're dating a loser...
那看来你在跟废柴交往
and you owe me 20 bucks.
而且你还欠我20块钱
What am I spending my last $20 on right now?
那我仅剩的20块是花在什么上呢
It's a storytelling show.
是一个说故事秀
People telling their personal stories.
人们诉说他们个人的故事
It's basically a fun way to find out
基本上就是个有趣的方式
which one of your friends had a stepfather
来知道你的哪个朋友有一个继父
that was so mean.
坏到不行
In lieu of cash, would you accept a tampon?
你这里接受以卫生巾代替钱吗
I have light, regular, super.
我有量少型 普通型 量多型
Everything you don't feel on your period.
全都是让你能舒适度过经期的好货
There is nothing funny about my cramps.
我的经痛一点都不好玩好吗
I don't get out of bed three days a month.
我每个月有三天都下不了床
I'll go call a friend.
我去打给我朋友吧
So by now I was in high school.
所以这会我已经上高中了
But just when I thought I'd escaped my bullies,
但当我以为我已经逃离恶霸时
I met the worst one yet: puberty.
我遇到了最坏的一个 青春期
Oh, God.
额滴神啊
Thanks for bringing the $20, Max,
麦克斯 谢谢你带20块来救急
and sorry you had to spend another $20.
也对不起 害你得多花20块
It figures, on the anniversary of my father stealing money,
还挺合理 我在我爹骗光全城纪念日时
I get ripped off by another guy.
被别人给骗了钱
Well, I'm getting that $40 back.
老娘绝对要把40块捞回来
I spent more money tonight than I did in 2013.
我今晚花的钱 比2013一整年还多
It was a high school dance,
当时是我高中的一场舞会
and Rachel Mooney, a popular girl,
瑞秋·穆尼 人见人爱的校花
pulled down my pants.
当众扒我裤子整我
That's right.
没错
I got dance-pantsed.
我被人跳舞扒裤恶整了
Oh, this guy just went from Tom Cruise
这男的从汤姆·克鲁斯
to Tom Snooze.
变成汤姆·睡死死了
In the end, what I learned
最后 我学到了
is that I'm the painter of my life,
我才是我人生这幅画的画家
and I can paint out what I don't want to see.
我可以把我不想看到的部分涂掉
My brushes are mine.
我的画笔由我♥操控
My strokes are mine.
每一笔刷都由我做主
Guess what's not getting stroked tonight.
猜猜谁裤裆里的"画笔"今晚不会被"操"控
Old Adam's paintbrush.
亚当老兄的"画笔"
That's got to be sarcastic applauding, right?
这鼓掌绝对是带讽刺性吧
'Cause I feel like I heard, like, a question mark
因为我觉得每一声掌声的尾音
at the end of the clap.
都带着问号
Thank you, Adam August.
谢谢 亚当·奥古斯特
That is the end of our show.
现在到了节目的尾声
I'd like to thank all of our performers.
我想谢谢所有的表演者
You live the stories that we live to hear.
活出你的人生 做你独家听众
Hey, Caroline.
卡洛琳
I know, that was pretty real.
我知道 挺震撼挺真
It was real long.
真得很又臭又长
So where are we going for dinner?
所以我们去哪里吃晚饭
Your treat, and she's coming.
你来请客 她一起来
Actually, I'm pretty spent emotionally.
我今晚情绪上已经耗光 累了
Well, we're spent forty-dollars-ally.
我们金钱上也耗了40块呢
It's just one of those nights where...
今晚大概就是属于那种
you leave it all on the stage.
把一切都散尽在台上的夜晚
You happen to leave a couple twenties up there?
你有没有刚好散几张20块在台上呢
Let... let me get something straight.
让我把事情理一下
You gave all of yourself talking about a couple bullies?
你就聊几个恶霸 就情绪上筋疲力尽了吗
That's not a rough life. You know that, right?
你知道这根本算不上是艰苦人生吧
Well, I know I'm entitled to my truths
我只知道我有权拥有人生遭遇
and how my truths make me feel.
以及人生遭遇带给我的感受
Yeah, but it's not like you lost a billion dollars
的确 但你又没有失去了几十亿
and your father went to prison and you had to move in with me.
老爸去坐牢 而且还得当我的室友
And I am a way bigger bully than Rachel Mooney.
而我绝对比瑞秋·穆尼恶霸十万倍
Caroline has a rough story.
卡洛琳才有艰苦遭遇
Again, we can't compare our truths.
每个人的遭遇没有可比性
I'm sorry, but did all that really happen to you?
抱歉 但你真的遭遇过那些事吗
You lost billions?
你失去几十亿吗
Five years ago today, in fact.
正是五年前的今天失去的
And with what I lost tonight, $5 billion, $40.
再加上今晚的损失 我失去了50亿又40元
Well, have you ever considered
你有考虑过
telling your story in a safe space?
在一个安心的场合诉说你的故事吗
You mean one of those locations where you can drop off a baby,
你只指那些你能托养不想养的孩子
no questions asked?
又不会问你任何问题的地方吗
N... no. No.
不 不是
No, I mean here.
我是指这里
Telling your story here.
在这里说你的故事
Hey, you know what?
是这样的
I probably have some fans waiting for me outside,
我估计有几个粉丝在外面等我
so I will leave you be.
就让我还你自由
You're still here?
你还在这里啊
Thanks for the offer, but I'm not really a writer.
谢谢您的邀请 但我不太算是编剧
Or a person who would come here twice.
也不是会来这里第二次的人
Plus, I'm trying to put my story behind me.
况且 我在试着放下这段过去
All right. Well, think about it.
好吧 你再考虑考虑
It pays $50. Here's my card.
会有50块酬劳 这是我的名片
You work at Avis?
你在汽车出租公司工作吗
That's my other job.
那是我另一份工作
And remember, you have a story to tell.
记得 你有个该分享的故事
And sometimes renting a car is actually cheaper
还有 有时候短租一台车
than a long-term lease, so...
比长租还划算呢 所以...
I think you should totally do this.
我觉得你应该来说啊
To finally tell my story and give it closure?
说出我的故事 得到解脱吗
Yeah, a little of that, but mostly the 50 bucks.
算是吧 但主要是看在50块的份上
I'm here for the surrogacy interview.
我来参加代理孕母面试
Max, we got another baby mama.
麦克斯 又来了一个孩子的妈
Look at all these woman trying to get pregnant.
看看这些来"投怀送肚"的女人
It's like NBA All-Star Weekend.
简直就像美国职篮全明星周末啊
Here's my resume, and do you validate?
这是我的简历 停车费报销吗
I've never been validated, so you're not getting validated.
我从来没被报销过 你也别想
But I am impressed you have a car,
我很惊叹你有车
so have a seat.
你先请坐吧
Max, I've been working on my life story for the show.
我在写表演要说的故事
"As a little girl, I dreamt of being a princess.
"我从小就梦想着要当一名公主
It wasn't until I lost everything that I realized...
而一直到我失去了一切 我才意识到...
that's what I'd already been."
我本来一直都是个公主"
What else you got?
还有别的吗
Come on, Max, this is important.
别这样 麦克斯 这很重要
I've never told the story about the day I lost my money,
我从来没有说过我失去家财的那一天
so it's all very raw.
所以比较新鲜生涩
Okay, but just know,
但你要知道
sometimes things can be too raw,
有时候有些事物会太过生
like that chicken club sandwich that
比如那天那个鸡肉招牌三明治
buck-kaw'd at the table.
在桌上还鸡鸣了两声
Looks like my appearance
看来我去上
on the Brooklyn small Business podcast
布鲁克林小生意播客秀的辛苦
really paid off!
终于获得回报
These aren't customers, silly.
傻孩子 这些不是顾客
These are just women that will do literally anything for money.
这些只是一群为了钱 啥都愿意做的女人
Will any of them wait tables?
她们有人愿意招呼顾客吗
Han, can I go work in your office?
阿憨 我能去你办公室写作吗
I just need to write my life story.
我需要把我的人生故事写下来
I promise I won't play with your Legos.
我发誓我绝对不乱碰你的乐高玩具
You mean those little plastic men
你是说那些个保护他
protecting his virginity?
一辈子不会失去贞操的塑料小人吗
Sophie, ready to meet the next potential surrogate?
苏菲 准备好见下一个代理孕母候选人了吗
Oh, well, the lady in stall two is out.
厕所第二隔间的女人出局了
Yeah, I just heard her balls hit the water.
我刚才听到她的蛋蛋碰到水的声音
Where is Oleg?
奥列格呢
Sorry, I was watching a youtube video
抱歉 我刚在看一个网络视频
on how to make spaghetti.
学习怎么做意大利粉
Boy, I was way off.
我以前做的真是大错特错啊
Uh, Sophie?
苏菲
This is Claire.
这位是克蕾儿
You liked that her application was filled out in pink pen.
你很喜欢她用粉红色笔填的申请表
Do you mind if I sit down?
你不介意我坐下吧
My back is killing me.
我的背要疼死了
Yeah, well, your front is killing me.
你的肚子才要气死我呢
I mean, what the hell?
你搞毛啊
I don't know if you're aware of this,
我不知道你知不知道这事
but your "No Vacancy" sign is flashing.
但你的"已占用"灯在亮呢
Yes, but once I give this gift
我知道 但在我把这"礼物"
to a lovely same-sex couple in Tribeca,
送给特里贝克地区的那对同性夫妻后
I would love to carry your gift into the world.
我很乐意帮你怀你们的"礼物"
I've been a surrogate 12 times.
我已经当过12次代理孕母了
What are you?
你是啥啊
A baby PEZ dispenser?
宝宝糖果罐吗
What do you get after 12? A free sub?
生12个之后能干嘛 免♥费换一个潜艇堡吗
Next!
下一个
Pregnant 12 times?
怀孕12次吗
Must be like saloon doors down there.
下面两片肯定跟酒吧推门一样了吧
I don't know.
我不知道了
Are you sure you can't spend more than $200 on this thing?
你确定不愿意付超过200块的酬劳吗
Because I feel like it's reflecting
因为我觉得省钱的后果
in the pool of candidates.
都反映在低品质报名者上了
Which one says, "Just because I'm at my bottom
哪件能表达这句话 "谁说在人生低谷
doesn't mean I can't wear a nice top"?
就不能穿漂亮上衣"
Even your shirts talk too much.
就连你的衣服都话太多
Max can you be serious?
麦克斯 你能正经点吗
No, but you sure can.
不能 但我知道你能
I read your story, and it is supes serious,
我看了你的故事 太正儿八经了
so I took the liberty of putting some jokes in.
于是我擅自做主 插了几个笑话进去
I mean, "Schindler's List" was depressing,
《辛德勒的名单》这部电影虽然很压抑
but at least there were still jokes.
但至少里面也有笑话啊
You changed my life story?
你修改了我的人生故事
You got mustard on my life story?
这上面还沾上黄芥末了
I added a few riffs and had a hot dog.
我加了一点即兴笑话 还吃了一根热狗
I think your story is really, really sad,
我觉得你的故事真的非常非常悲伤
and it's gonna bum people out,
人们会觉得很没劲
and that's gonna bum you out,
你也会觉得很扫兴
and that's gonna bum me out.
我就会觉得很烦躁
Well, as I said to Mrs. Shearson,
我对在音乐剧《卡米洛特》
who directed me in "Cabaret,"
指导我的希尔森先生也这么说
I don't know how I could be much better,
我不知道我该怎么变得更好
but I'm open to your ideas.
但我乐意接受你的意见
All right, let me hear some of your funnies.
好了 让我听听你的笑料吧
All right, first of all,
首先
we're gonna sit Han in the front row,
我们让阿憨坐前排
and you're gonna say,
然后你就说
"I'm gonna keep this short, 'cause this guy did."
"我就长话短说来配合这短小家伙吧"
Hold for what I have to imagine is a five-to
ten-minute laugh.
然后暂停 迎接我预计五到十分钟的笑声
Okay, all through this first section,
好了 第一部分结束后
you're driving right through Snoresville,
你的车径直驶入"呼噜镇"
and then you take a slight right into Who-gives-a-crap-town.
然后右转来到"没人在乎城"
The point is you're driving a 2016 Ford Bore-us.
重点是 你开的是2016版的福特"无聊车
All right, fine.
好啦
I'll put some of your jokes in.
我会穿插一些你的笑话
Oh, but I don't want to attack Anne Hathaway.
可我不想攻击安妮·海瑟薇
Hasn't she been through enough?
她受到的攻击还不够多吗
And after it was all said and done,
事已至此
I looked at my vagina...
我看着我的阴♥道
And my vagina looked at me,
我的阴♥道也看着我
and we shared a knowing glance.
那是彼此会意的眼神
It was as if she was giving me permission to tell her story.
仿佛她在示意 准许我诉说她的故事
Thank you, vagina.
谢谢 阴♥道妹
And thank you for listening.
也感谢各位的聆听
I never thought I could get tired
我从未想过会有我厌倦
of hearing the word "vagina,"
听到"阴♥道"这个词的一天
and yet, here I am.
但今日似乎就是那天
Hey, tips are kind of low, huh?
小费挺少的 对吧
How'd you like to make $200, possibly $250,
你想不想挣200块 很可能是250块
to have my baby?
当我的代理孕母
What?
干嘛
You carry stuff anyway.
在哪儿打工不是打呀
Just as well.
无所谓
I didn't want our baby to have that hair color.
我也不想我们宝宝的发色像她那样
Where's that waitress going?
那个女服务员去哪儿了
I need a double.
我要加倍
A double what?
加倍啥
Double anything.
啥都加倍
How's everyone doing out there?
各位感觉怎么样
Isn't this a wonderful way to spend a Friday night?
来这里度过周五夜是不是很棒呀
I'm up next.
我是下一个上台
On a scale of 9 to 10, how do I look?
按照9到10打分 我看起来多少分
You look beautiful,
你看起来很漂亮
so they're gonna be really surprised
所以当你开口讲笑话时
when you have jokes.
人们一定会相当惊喜
And our next storyteller is here for the first time,
下一位故事讲述者是第一次登台
reading a tale so epic that it should be two tales.
一个史诗般的故事 仿佛由两个故事组成
And like the two-tailed Melusina,
就像双尾梅露希娜
a serpent of European folklore...
欧洲民间传说的蛇女
She is truly a beauty.
她十分美艳动人
What in good God is that man talking about?
这家伙到底在说什么鬼呀
Please welcome Caroline Channing.
下面有请卡洛琳·钱宁
As he said, my name is Caroline Channing.
正如他所说 我的名字是卡洛琳·钱宁
That used to mean something special,
那曾经有着特殊的意义
and I have learned through the past few years
而在过去的几年里我学到
that it still does.
它依然如此
My father was Martin Channing,
我的父亲是马丁·钱宁
the most hated man in New York City.
纽约最受人憎恨的男人
Except for any Time Warner Cable guy...
排在有线电视修理工之后
You know what? I don't need to look at this.
算了 我不需要看稿
I know what happened.
一切心中皆有数
I'll never forget it.
永远难以忘怀
You don't forget the day that you lose yourself.
你不会忘记你迷失自我的那天
Oh, boy.
天啊
She's off script.
她脱稿了
She's gone rogue.
玩自由发挥
Where's that waitress?
那个女服务员在哪里
Double his double!
我要加倍他的加倍
As my driver drove down 5th Avenue
我的司机带我驶过第五大道
and up to my townhouse,
停在我的豪华别墅前
I saw there was a police car parked out front.
我看见外面停着一辆警车
And at first, I thought, "Am I being arrested?"
一开始我想 "是来抓我的吗"
Lip-synching to Ludacris at a stoplight!
在等红灯时 假唱卢达克里斯的歌
But it was my father being arrested.
但被抓走的 是我的父亲
I saw my father in handcuffs.
我看见我父亲戴着手铐
There, in that instant,
就在那一瞬间
I went from princess to pariah.
我从公主变成了贫民
Well, she threw away a perfectly good
她居然浪费了一个超级棒的
"Pariah Carey" Joke.
"贫民凯莉"笑话
玛丽亚·凯莉曾因为品位差 被称为"时尚的贫民"
Just looking out for my girl here.
我是在给她保驾护航好吗
My perfect world was shattered.
我的完美世界瞬间坍塌
I saw the man who I trusted,
我看见那个我曾信任的男人
who I believed in more than anyone,
全世界我最信任的男人
who read me bedtime stories
那个会给我念睡前故事
and taught me how to tie my shoes with bunny ears...
用童趣的方式教我系鞋带的男人
I saw my father in handcuffs.
我看见我父亲戴着手铐
He stole my trust,
他偷走了我的信任
my belief in people,
我对人的信任
my innocence.
我的单纯天真
If she doesn't say "virginity," I am leaving.
如果她不说"纯洁[童贞]"这个词 我就走人了
He stole who I thought I was
他偷走了那个我想象中的自己
and left me to find who I really am.
让我去寻找 真正的自己
Thank you.
谢谢大家
Nothing?
没反应吗
We got to sneak her out the back door.
我们得偷偷把她弄到后门溜走
You were so sad and triumphant
你刚讲得又悲伤又成功
and... so...
而且还...
Oh, here come the waterworks!
我要飙泪了
Caroline,
卡洛琳
I know you said you never would,
你说过你永远不会这么做
but you touched me.
但你感动[摸]了我
That really tugged at my heartstrings...
你的故事触动了我的心弦
or cables or wires
或电线 管线
or whatever's in here keeping me alive.
反正是里面那个让我活着的东西
Caroline...
卡洛琳
Oh, you know what you and I both need?
你知道我和你都需要什么吗
A hug. Yeah.
爱的抱抱
It's nice, isn't it?
感觉很好吧
Caroline, that was great!
卡洛琳 刚才太棒了
I'm so glad I inspired you with my awesome story.
很高兴我能用我了不起的故事激励你
You're still here?
你怎么还在这儿啊
I'm sorry I didn't do your jokes, Max.
抱歉我没有讲你的笑话 麦克斯
You know what? You didn't need them!
算了 你根本不需要
I think people sometimes like to be sad.
我觉得人们有时候喜欢悲伤
That's why there's Adele.
所以阿黛尔才这么红
I think I finally got closure.
我觉得我终于解脱了
It's gone, Max.
过去了 麦克斯
Love you.
爱你
Love your story.
爱你的故事
Thanks.
谢谢
I'm Nina Spiegel.
我是妮娜·施皮格尔
I found the whole thing riveting.
我觉得这故事引人入胜
The ups, the downs, the way-downs.
起起落落 跌落谷底
Ugh, your story had it all.
你的故事真是一应俱全
She's not joining your threesome.
她不会跟你玩3P的
Sorry, that's usually what women want when they compliment me.
抱歉 通常有女人夸我都是因为想玩3P
Look, I'd like to talk about taking this to my studio.
我想谈谈把这故事带去我的制片厂[公寓]
You have your own studio apartment?
你还有自己的小公寓吗
Let the wooing continue.
让欢呼继续
No, it's a film studio.
不 那是电影制片厂
Warner Brothers.
华纳兄弟
The Tasmanian Devil Warner Brothers?
拍《大嘴怪》的那个华纳兄弟吗
华纳电影公司经♥典动画中的人物形象之一
I think we can turn your story into a movie.
我觉得我们能将你的故事变成电影
Really?
真的吗
The Caroline Channing story
卡洛琳·钱宁传奇故事
deserves to live on the big screen
理应能在大荧幕上
for one to two weeks.
存活一到两周
Then On Demand for eternity.
然后永远待在电视点播里
Oh, my God.
老天
Max, isn't this exciting?
麦克斯 这太让人激动了
I know!
我知道
They have Speedy Gonzalez too!
墨西哥飛毛腿鼠也是他们公司的
I'm still on hold, Max.
我还在等 麦克斯
I know Nina's important,
我知道妮娜是个大人物
because her assistant has put me on hold six times
因为她的助手让我等了六次
and muted me twice.
静音了我两次
Muting you's an option?
还可以静音你吗
Why wouldn't they put that in your manual?
他们怎么不在你的说明书里写上
Hi!
你好
Oh, are you kidding?
开什么玩笑
I love waiting.
我最爱等[端盘子]了
Sophie, here's your consolation gnocchi,
苏菲 这是你的安慰汤圆
for not finding somebody to get gn-knocked up.
来"安慰"你没找到代♥孕♥妈♥妈
Oh, thanks, Oleg.
谢谢 奥列格
Well, at least I have you.
至少我还有你
You know what, Sophie?
算了 苏菲
I'll be the surrogate,
我来帮你代孕吧
but if my pregnancy boobs knock over a street lamp,
但如果怀孕了 我奶涨到撞倒路灯
that's on your insurance.
那得算在你的保险账上
That's real nice of you, Max,
谢谢你的好意 麦克斯
but if there's anything that I learned from Caroline's story,
但如果说我从卡洛琳的故事学到什么的话
it's that you can't give up, even if you should.
就是不能放弃 即使到了应该放弃的地步
Oh, so you're gonna keep trying?
所以你们要继续努力造人吗
No, we're gonna adopt,
不 我们要领养
and we will cherish this little baby,
我们会珍惜这个小宝宝
even if it's not technically from us.
就算它不是我们亲生的
Yeah, Oleg's right.
对 奥列格说得对
I mean, half my hair's not from me,
我有一半头发也不是我自己的
but I love it just as much as if it were.
但我对它们视如己出 爱护有加
They are flying me to Hollywood!
他们要我飞去好莱坞
They want to bring me out first class
他们想我坐头等舱
for a meet-and-greet.
去参加见面会
But I told them no.
但我拒绝了
Are you crazy?
你疯了吗
You can't pass up a meet-and-greet.
你不能拒绝见面会
You can't pass up any kind of meat.
你不能拒绝任何肉[谐音]
You're anemic.
你贫血好吗
I switched the tickets for two coach seats.
我换成了两张经济舱机票
I want you to come with me!
我想你跟我一起去
Who needs to lie flat
谁稀罕能平躺的座位
when I can be squished between my best friend
我只想跟我的闺蜜和一个胖犹太人
and an obese rabbi in row 36?
挤在飞机的36排
We're going to Hollywood!
我们要去好莱坞啦